One of the fun things about going to India for a longer trip is that there is bound to be some type of event going on - whether it be a festival, engagement, wedding, housewarming ceremony, or family get-together. Trust me, when you inherit a big fat Indian family - something will always be going on!
This time we were invited to see a traditional Telugu wedding of one of husband-ji's friend's brothers - someone he went to school with. I was totally excited to see this event because I had never seen a Telugu marriage before. The actual marriage took place at the inconvenient auspicious time of 12am in the night/morning. Since it was so late, the reception was before the wedding at 8pm.
I wore a gorgeous new magenta silk saree and matching bangles, and husband-ji wore a dapper Nehru style 3 piece outfit. I put Maya in a delicate Italian sundress which was evidently not bejeweled enough for Indian standards!
We were already exhausted by the time we arrived, having been stuck in Hyderabadi rush hour traffic for over an hour and a half. We arrived when the bharath dance was happening. The groom was at the entrance of the function hall on a silver horse and carriage (kind of like Cinderella) while all of the youngsters in the family were dancing like mad in front, as if it was Studio 54. The drummers were incredible performers but they were drunken teenage boys who looked like the Indian equivalent of the Backstreet Boys, circa 1998. The bharath is supposed to be a procession, but the youngsters just wanted to keep dancing so the Cinderella carriage only moved about 2 inches per minute. Everyone was sweating their asses off. Then there were fireworks lit in front of the whole procession - quite dangerous actually. It made it look like a discotheque on the street in the middle of Baghdad!
We watched it for a few minutes and then got bored and decided to go to the function hall. The walk to the inside area was on a beautiful pathway with gorgeous gold beams, white canopies and flowers. I felt like I was at some Bollywood event on the red carpet.
Inside, there were about 500 white plastic lawn chairs with all the senile people elders sitting and chatting away. We entered and all eyes were on us - the Firangi in the saree with a thaali and back tattoos? Looks of utter confusion came our way. The stage was utterly gorgeous - gold and flowers everywhere. Full blowout beam lights on the stage like a crime scene.
We decided to sit down on the chairs as the plastic was getting stuck to my open back. Slowly people started trickling in. You couldn't really tell exactly who was the bride since every woman was wearing their own full bridal jewelry - at an Indian wedding, there is NO such thing as overdressed! I felt silly for not wearing my entire set.
We were sitting behind one of the aunty's with a permanent grump face, who was sitting with her young unmarried son. Every time someone would walk past us - because clearly it was like a runway ramp - they would whisper and discuss. It was quite a funny thing to watch, since she didn't know that I was watching her!
People started to pour in, and then everyone just started to eat the buffet food. Maya wanted some ice cream, so I fed it to her as a pick-me up. By this point is was nearly 10pm and I'd do anything just to avoid a meltdown from her. Husband-ji pointed out all the weirdos who had just trailed in off the road to get free buffet food.
During that time, the groom had finally arrived to the stage after his 2 inch per hour journey down the red carpet. The bride came out and they both sat on the stage - they looked gorgeous against the intricate stage backdrop.
Then, the line started, which was worse than the line for customs at Heathrow airport. Everyone who was done eating wanted to get a picture with the bride and groom. Total cluster f*ck - as by then there were over 400 guests. I was telling husband-ji one of us should stay in line while the other can run around with Maya. Maya was doing the rounds and working the crowd like she was a mini Priyanka Chopra! Husband-ji said that we have to wait for his friend to "present" us to his brother. Oh formalities!!! I almost lost my shit because by this time I was exhausted. We managed to flag down his friend about 45 minutes later so that we could be "presented" to the groom for our picture. I was so ready to get out of there and say deuces!
After that, we were pleaded to stay longer but luckily now that I'm a parent I can always use my daughter's so called "tiredness" as an excuse. The bride's SIL said the wedding would go on for another 6 hours, with a peeved look. I was relieved to get out of there, and so glad that I didn't have a traditional Telugu wedding myself! I had fun seeing this one, but it was utterly exhausting just to attend it!