Lately I’ve been hearing a lot of smack talk about women’s magazines.
There’s a viral video I saw on Facebook that absolutely eviscerates the entire industry and its use of Photoshop, claiming the goal of these magazines is to keep women feeling ugly so they’ll buy more magazines and advertiser products. In her book, The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo, Amy Schumer calls for a boycott of the industry that does nothing for women’s self-esteem and pits them against one-another. (Side note: the book is awesome. You should read it).
I stopped reading women’s magazines on the regular several years ago because it was difficult to find content that was relevant and appealing to me: a married woman with kids in her forties. If you’re not interested in six ways to blow his mind in bed (who has the time, honestly), or how to lip plump like a Kardashian, the Glamours and Marie Claires of the world don’t have a lot to offer.
Yes, I realize I am no longer the ideal target audiences for these magazines (when did THAT happen, by the way?) but shouldn’t a “woman’s magazine” have more broader appeal? Like, say, to all women?
There are a few I still page through for recipes, current events, exercise tips and the like, but the days of turning to magazines for beauty and style advice are long gone. Very few publications targeted to women actually appeal to me anymore. If I was guest-editing a woman’s magazine – and I’m sure the offers will be pouring in after this blog – I would want something less glossy, more real.
On the cover? It’s a toss up between a basket of kittens and pulled pork poutine. Or possibly kittens eating pulled pork poutine. Half the magazine would simply be large photos of celebrities without makeup. Okay, make it two-thirds, it’s been a tough week.
As for the rest, my ideal table of contents would look something like this:
Beauty & Style:
Fall Clothes
Swipe right on this season’s hottest trend: anything without peanut butter smeared on the ass.
Mascara Meltdown
Our beauty testers reveal that all marketing promises are full of sh*t. What you can do to protect yourself.
Dry is Dope!
Forget lush, red and plumped. Dry, cracked lips are making a comeback.
Health:
Juice Cleanse Catastrophe
Why paying $200 to starve, poop and suffer your way to a three-pound weight-loss may not be right for you.
Unwanted Facial Hair
When to grab the Tweezers and when to give up.
Sleep Through the Night
Pre-menopausal? Addicted to caffeine? Dog stealing your blankets? Six ways to fall back to sleep at 4:00 a.m. that don’t involve sex or hot milk.
The Workplace:
Sick-kid Conundrum
Five new and creative ways to explain your absence.
Blank Space
We asked 100 men to tell us how having kids impacted their careers.
Work Wife
Most husbands have them so why aren’t these women doing the cooking and the laundry too? Our in-depth look at this disturbing trend.
Relationships:
Netflix and Chill
Does watching a sex scene together count as actually doing it? Our experts weigh in.
Celebrity Bombshell
Five picture-perfect couples reveal that they actually can’t stand each other.
What do you Mean “Call Me?”
We all have that friend who insists on filling up the voicemail you never check. Here’s how to start getting her to text you like a normal person.
Parenting:
Bathroom Words
Why “bum, vagina, fart,” and “testicle” are so much fun to say.
Kids are Dumb and We’ve Got Proof
Groundbreaking Canadian Medical Association study proves kids are less intelligent than squirrels. What you can do to keep yours alive. Probably.
How to Stay Awake at Your Next School Council Meeting
Tips for looking alert and engaged for every meeting scenario!
Personal Finance:
Wine, a Good Hair-cut and Dinner with your Girlfriends
Three essential purchases a maxed out credit card should never prevent you from making.
Follow the Bouncing Cheque
Car insurance? Day care? Kids’ hockey? We reveal who’s most likely to actually ding you for the NSF charge.
Dare to Dream
Matching bedside lamps, mirrors without fingerprints and a lid for every pot. How to make your home décor dreams a reality.
Home:
Dollar Store Décor:
No time to spray paint pumpkins and handcraft origami spiders this Halloween? Dollarama has you covered! Do the whole house for under $30.
Epic Fail? There’s an App for that!
A new social media platform for frustrated cooks and crafters is taking the internet by storm. We look at Shitrest (and you should too!)
Poop Patrol
Why your pet prefers to have explosive diarrhea on the carpet instead of the hardwood, and how to remove those stains. (Hint: it involves lighter fluid and a match).
Now that, my friends, is advice I can use.
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