WCW Nitro - 20th July, 1998
-Recap of Hall turning on Nash again, last week. Basically he sided with Hogan when Nash split away and formed the nWo Wolfpac. I guess it made sense to leave two of those original three in the Black and White.
Better to do a Nash/Hall feud sooner than later. Whatever, fuck.
-Yeahhhhhhh Nitro girls fuck yeah. Fuck I would love to give Kimberley or Whisper an absolute thrashing. All of them to be honest fucking hell. I used to jerk it a whole heap over the Nitro girls back in the day as a horny teenager. I probably had a few pairs of tube socks dedicated to looking at Kimberley's ass.
-WE START THE SHOW WITH MY MAIN MANNN. SCOTT HALL. It's so good to have him back on TV, for those playing at home he must have been in rehab the last few months, because he's been gone since the PPV Tag Title match a few months back when he turned on Nash to allow Giant and Sting to win the tag team titles. He's got the mic and i assume hes going to rip on Nash which will hurt my heart a bit being a big Outsiders mark.
-Hall cutting a great promo here, the fans clearly want to love him but he's been able to turn them strongly against him here.
Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u--eEjIeufA
-Tony starts talking, Zbyszko takes his bows as usual, and I hate tryingto figure out how to spell Larrys surname everytime I type it.
-OHHH DUDE BRET VS DDP IS ON TONIGHT TO CROWN A NEW UNITED STATES CHAMPION. FUCK YES. Since Goldberg won the belt, they obviously vacated it. DDP and the Hitman are elected to battle for the title. Hitman wrestling on Nitro 2 weeks in a row, very rare at this point. For those playing at home, he squashed Fit Finley the previous week, which was awesome to see. I'm on my 6th 500ml can of beer at this moment.
-Here comes Stevie Ray, the self proclaimed new WCW Television Champion, taking over his injured brother Booker T. Stevie isn't bringing the belt with him this week.
Match 1 - Stevie Ray Vs Johnny Boone?
-His opponent is smaller than me, and I'm like X-Pac without a beer gut and a broken asshole.
-Boone is apparently a contender for the TV Title according to Stevie Ray, much like how on Thunder, Stevie named Damien 666 a contender. Well, Ray is fucking him up harlem style right now.
-Ugh, Chavo is out now doing his 'whacko' gimmick with Pepe, thankfully it doesn't ruin the match as Stevie nails the Slapjack to beat the little jobber bitch boy. Chavo has the TV Title with him? How did he get it? What was the point of that.
Winner - Stevie Ray via Slapjack in about 3 minutes. Domination.
-Recap of last weeks hideous attack by Hogan on Buff Bagwell as he was in a wheelchair. If you need a reminder, here you go dickhead.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkDfEX1dBB0
-Mene Gene is in the ring and yay! Here comes the Dog Faced Gremlin, Rick Steiner. Honestly from memory, Rick's late 1998 was tremendous.
-Ricky talks about his brother Scott and reminises about their past together and ultimately how Scott turned on him. Their feud was confusingly avoided for months, and Rick was taken out with an injury thanks to the former Crush, Brian Adams. Oddly enough, Big Poppa Pump hasn't wrestled since Rick was "taken out". So, my guess is Scott was injured and they postponed the feud.
-Rick throws out a challenge and it's obvious the fans are keen on it like Jayden James is keen on getting dicked. You just want to see Rick kick his ass, Ricks challenge is set for Road Wild.
-HERE COMES BUFF! WCW Trainer Danny Young pushes cute little Marcus out in his little chair on wheels. Buff once again fuels the flame of his possible babyface turn.
-BIG POPPA PUMP COMES OUT AND NAILS RICK WITH A CHAIR! BOOM. RIGHT IN THE FUCKING SPINE CUNT. WAIT A MITJISDHGKD HOLY FUCKING SHIT I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING. BUFF GRABS THE CHAIR AND NAILS RICK! BUFF HAS AN NWO SHIRT ON. BUFF IS HEALED, HOLY FUCK THAT WAS INSANE. God I love a swerve, I did not see that coming. I know lots of people give Buff a hard time but honestly I feel like in 1997/98 he was really a great up and coming talent, he rarely had a bad match and he could actually cut a decent promo.
-Fuck, I can't find it on Youtube. Sorry.
-Commercial break, and back to Mene Gene. Another interview. Thought they would have gone to a match after that but it's okay because it's 1998 Chris Jericho, who is such a ham.
-"Thank you Gene Mene"
-Jericho once again rants on Malenko. To be honest Jericho has been WCW's best heel cruiserweight champ. After this feud he definitely should have been pushed into another division.
-Tony and the boys are talking and the bad guy is back out and interrupts. Toothpick for Larry. Hall talks about Nash again. They should get to the next match. Hall agitates Larry in the background, as they head to a commercial.
-Before the advert, there's a crashed car in the parking lot. What? It's all smashed against a wall and smoking but theres no damage to the wall. Ugh just keep it simple.
Match 2 - Sick Boy w/Lodi Vs Steve 'Mongo' McMichael
-Oh god please make this short. Poor Sick Boy.
-To be honest I dig Mongo's attitude and such, but man... if you think Konnan is clumsy, Mongo is like a more uncoordinated version of Van Hammer.
-Not a bad start actually. If Mongo realllllllllllyyyyy tries, he is capable of an okay match. Sick Boy is bumping the 3 point stance too earl-Oh fuck. Mongo Spike. Mongo wins whilst I'm in the middle of typing, how inconsiderate.
Winner - Steve 'Mongo' McMichael via Mongo Spike. All that waiting for a match and it lasted 20 seconds.
-Recap of Double A's amazing promo on the previous Thursday Thunder. With Arn behind the scenes in WWE, I still wonder why nobody can cut a fucking promo.
-Nitro party segment, I miss when wrestling was that cool. Like when you get your friends around to watch "The game", sink some beers, eat some pizza, but watch the wrestling. Nobody wants to do that for PG Raw.
-Oh fuck NO. NO. FUCK THIS. UGHHH. Bischoff is doing this fucking Late night show segment that the did a few weeks ago, the week before Goldberg won the WCW Title. And it was SO badly received then, the crowd drowned Eric's mic out with boo's. That was a fucked up Nitro. Honestly, you could sense the backstage turmoil with how bad the show went - nothing made sense, there were random matches all over the card, it was truly a pain to watch.
-Crowd is not happy. Neither am I. After the last few reviews I've gone on and on about how great it was to see more wrestling than promo's, Nitro has been 40:21 long so far, and only 2 matches.
-Bischoff is attempting a monologue and the crowd is booing him out of the building. Fuck I wish I could skip this segment. I need to sit through it though. It's like knowing that a sandwich in front of me is full of dog shit, but I have to bite into it anyway so I know how bad it is.
-Fuck, Miss Elizabeth was a sexy woman. Would lick every inch.
-This has gone on for 4 and a half minutes. Fuckkk I bet so many people were flicking over to RAW during this. What a bad idea. After having that momentum from Goldbergs title win, and they go and fuck it up like this. 5 minute monologue now. This is just obnoxious and annoying.
-FINALLY. ADVERT BREAK. FUCK OFF.
-Oh my god Tony welcomes us to hour 2 and we've only had 2 matches. They really need to fix this show and give us some more wrestling.
-Ugh another promo, Nash is cutting a pre tape about Hall, they flash to Hall in the production truck taking the tape out. Nash has now walked up and Hall throws the tape at Nash. Now they're fighting backstage.
-I'm in such a shit mood because of earlier, and now this is happening and I don't care. nWo black and white are now beating the fuck out of Nash, here comes the Wolfpac, whoop-de-fucking-doo. Wow I really don't give a fuck about this segment. Boring.
-FOR FUCKS SAKE. NOW BRET IS AT THE COMMENTATORS DESK? What is going ON? Bret wants to fight DDP now for the US Title.
-Going backstage again, DDP is laid out and Konnan is screaming for help. This Nitro has gone to the shits. Yay we won't get an advertised match. Bret enters the ring. Here comes JJ Dillon. Sort this fuckhole of a show out already James.
-...........Advert break again. Are you fucking kidding me. I'm not going to type anything else till the next match begins.
Match 3 - Yugi Nagata w/Sonny Onoo Vs Saturn
-Thank you Yugi. I have never been so happy to see Sonny Onoo rubbing his hands togeth-OHH YES HERE COMES BIG PERRY SATURN. Gotta love that theme song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvuCQH1WvmM
-This is going to save the show. Come on lads. Okay, fuck yes, this is what I needed. Just going to sit here and drink my beer and enjoy this.
-I'm going to say this right now. Malenko and Ultimo Dragon were to 1997 is what Saturn has been to 1998. So god damn consistent. Taz was not the suplex machine in comparison to 1998 Saturn.
-OH FUCK. Raven with the Even Flow. Yugi with the Nagata Lock! Oh man Yugi wins a match! Awesome!
-Here comes the flock....annnnd HERE COMES KANYON. KANYON IS CLEANING HOUSE. HAHAH WHAT? A PILEDRIVER OFF THE SECOND ROPE ON KIDMAN. Well this makes up for the shitty first hour. SATURN WITH THE DVD ON KANYON. Ahh, so many swerves. Thank you Saturn, Kanyon, Flock, Yugi - you saved this second hour.
-See this whack shit here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6Sx8bCIyt0
Winner - Yugi Nagata via Raven's Even Flow DDT/Nagata Lock.
-Good god this will be a long review. Hope you all can stay invested, we're nearly halfway through.
-Nitro girls are back on. Oh fuckkkkk. Kimberley grinding like a sexy bitch. Fuck.
-Woops, I just sneezed and woke up my girlfriend. It's about 12am on a Thursday night here in Perth, Australia.
-That familiar howl echos through the arena, and here comes Nash and Sting, the WCW Tag Team Champions.
-Nash grabs the stick, much like I wish Kimberley would grab mine.....with her vagina. Sorry, i can't help myself.
-Here comes Hall and Giant to challenge the champs. Totally unadvertised. Good god. Hall and Nash's first proper in ring interaction since joining WCW in 1996 happens unadvertised. Unadvertised.
Match 4 - WCW World Tag Team Championship - Kevin Nash and Sting (c) Vs Scott Hall and The Giant
-Here's the match:
-Nash and Hall are gonna HOOK IT UP. Bet Hall tags in Giant before they do. YEP, I KNEW IT.
-How times change, now Giant and Hall are best buddies. Okay, Giant and Nash always interacted so well together back here. They were MUCH quicker back then. People give Nash a hard time for being "Big Lazy", but compare him to Sid, compare him to Reese, other big men... He was agile as fuck. By the way, I know I swear a lot but remember, I'm Australian.
-What the fuck kind of pants is Sting wearing?
-In WCW, it's always better that they try to tell their stories in the ring. That was their strength. The WCW Audience does not give a fuck about backstage promo's or talk show segments. They go down about as well as the thought of a wild boar sucking your dick.
-Nash and Giant brawl #2, the crowd are with every moment of this match. I miss the electricity of these 90's wrestling crowds.
-WHAT. THANKS TO BRET HART, WE HAVE NEW WCW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS. Wow Sting gets pinned by Hall. That was a fucking great match. Poor Public Enemy, The Faces of Laughter, The Dancing Fools, Bulldog and Neidhart, the whole tag division. They've been fighting eachother for months, and a team who hasn't even teamed together before get a title shot and win the belts.
Winners, new WCW World Tag Team Champions, Scott Hall and The Giant.
-Match 5 - The Dancin' Fools Vs nWo Japan: Masahiro Chono and The Great Muta
-That's more like it. Match 5 now. Dancin' Fools are wrestling every show now and it's good, they're really getting a chance to shine despite their squash last week against Luger and Nash, and they're really starting to mesh well.
-Ohhhh WHAT A TREAT. Another little Japanese Treat. Chono and Muta from nWo Japan. No Tokyo Magnum this week? Damn. Wish Chono and Muta were on WCW cards more in 1998 to be honest.
-This must be a great honor for Disco and Alex, these guys are legen-MAFIA KICK BY CHONO. SWEET AS SUSHI.
-Oh fucking hell, the match is over already. Here comes Norton to kill Das Wunderkind and Disco. Wow, Scott is looking great since his return. Looked forward to seeing Muta and Chono so much and it ended in under a minute.
Winners - nWo Japan via leg lock submission.
-The redheaded Nitro Girl, Fire I think? Fuck, what an ass. They all have such hot asses. I'm an ass man, are you?
-Here he is! Tokyo Magnum makes an entrance. Guess he made a good call not coming out with The Fools. Saw that coming a mile away, smart.
-Ohhh yes. Ultimo Dragon is here. This is good, please make up for the last match.
Match 6 - Tokyo Magum Vs Ultimo Dragon
-Teacher Vs Student for Dragon twice in 2 days. Off to a fantastic start. Damn, it's not on YouTube. Sorry guys, use your imagination.
-Damn, it was a squash. Good for a squash I suppose but fuck, give these guys some time to steal the show will you?
Winner - Ultimo Dragon via Dragon Sleeper.
-Haha fucking hell, Brain is making stereotypical Japanese noises in the background as we watch Magnum tap out in the replay.
-I sense squash match number 5 of the night....
-Out comes Jim Powers. Hahah fucking hell are you serious?
-His opponent. Big Scott Norton. Poor Jim.
Match 7 - Jim Powers Vs "Flash" Scott Norton w/Vincent
-I see Vincent has recovered from Sting kicking the shit out of him earlier in that parking lot/backstage brawl between the pac and black. But at least somebody interacted with him. (http://lonelyvirgil.net/, it's a good laugh but you feel sorry for him)
-Jim has such great fire when he attempts offense. You know what would help that? Being booked to win a match.
-Norton is built like a brick shithouse. Don't know why but I've always been a big fan of him - he's just a big strong dude and he bumps like fuck for everybody.
-Norton ends it in 3 minutes with a powerbomb. Hooray.
Winner - Scott Norton via it being an obvious outcome from the get-go.
-Hype video for Hogan beating up other old people, and a guy in a wheelchair.
-And we are now graced with Hogan, Bisch, Hall, Giant, Chono, Disciple, Muta, Vincent... where is Brian Adams, Hennig, Rude, Norton, Scott Steiner, Bret Hart, Buff? Did they ever explain where Dusty Rhodes went? Nope, he just disappeared. Why don't we ever get to see the whole nWo together? There's always somebody missing. Adams hasn't been seen in a few weeks, no explanation. It's stuff like that which bugs me.
-Bischoff talks bullshit and Muta/Chono muck around with Giant in the background, which is adorable. Muta looks like he's having fun.
-Hogan is cutting another typical promo blah blah, same old shit. I do enjoy them, but it gets a little old sometimes.
*beer update* I've been drinking 'Tennents' Export Lager. It's from Scotland. I ate some home made burgers earlier, so I'm not as drunk as I *could* be.
-30 minutes left in the show which has basically been one great tag match, 1 good match and segment with the flock and Saturn/Kanyon, and 5 squash matches. Some horrible segments, but that great segment with Buff swerving everybody. Got a lot to prove to me if they're going to beat last weeks Thunder.
-I hate when Hogan says the nWo is just too sweet. It was Nash and Hall's line. Hogan says it and it just comes across so uncool. For somebody who's so great at promo's he should use his own material.
-Fuck yes, Eddie Guerrero. Save this Nitro Eddie.
-Here comes Konnan, with Antoine Carr from the Utah Jazz. Konnan drops the microphone on the way down the ramp and has to turn around and pick it up. Really not doing himself any favors when I've been calling him lazy.
Match 8 - Eddie Guerrero Vs Konnan w/Antoine Carr
Here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBdN7mduY1s
-Hahahaha Brain said 'I never thought I'd see Isaac Hayes..'
-Finally with 25 minutes to go, they mention Hennig is facing Luger later. Might have been helpful to advertise ahead of time, just saying. I'm guessing Bischoff only made the decision to book it a few minutes before. Knowing Hart is also supposed to be facing DDP and Eddie is against Konnan right now... I doubt we're gonna get that advertised main event, fuck you.
-Eddie takes it to Konnan early, hopefully he can bring the best out of him. Konnan's pants are so fucking baggy, it probably doesn't help him stay co-ordinated.
-Great start to the match. These two are working great together. Wish Konnan wasn't so lazy with his irish whips thoug-great, here comes Chavo dressed as Konnan talking shit on the mic. Just when we were getting a good match.
-Where is security? Get that fucking idiot out of here. Great, Billy Silverman calls it a no contest. Thanks a lot Chavo, and fuck you Pepe`.
Winner - No contest
-Chavo's "crazy" gimmick was great before, even when he was interrupting Eddie's matches and costing him matches, but every single show he does it now and it's getting old.
Match 9 - Curt Hennig w/Rick Rude Vs Lex Luger
here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNf355yLfno
-Well, the commentators are now saying Hart Vs DDP might be postponed. 17 minutes remaining in the show, not surprised. Anyways, here we get a rematch from Wrestlemania 9 almost 5 and a half years later.
-Originally, Rude and Hennig sided with the Wolfpac over Hogan. They swerved everyone and attacked Konnan at the Great American Bash after he lost to Goldberg, and now finally over a month and a half later, Hennig fights Luger. You know, I would love to see Hennig Vs Sting, given 20 minutes in a main event. Already seen Luger and Hennig battle several times over the past year.
-Little back story on me, my ring name Aston Crude was inspired by being a huge Rick Rude fan, and my favorite band being Motley Crue.
-Say what you want about Luger if you don't respect his in ring ability, he was chiseled out of stone and he, along with his Torture Rack were over like rover.
-Oh wow, Hennig beat Luger! Thanks to Rick Rude. Hennig pins Konnan and Luger twice in one week, (probably because he was made to look like Goldbergs bitch) Nash and Sting lose the belts to Hall and Giant - I sense this behind the scenes de-push of the Wolfpac coming into full effect. It's strange, Luger is in the middle of getting screwed and none of the Wolfpac came out to do anything. Seems a bit fucking stupid to be honest, as if they would send Luger out there alone and not keep a close eye on the match.
Winner - Curt Hennig via Hennig Plex
-8 minutes remaining. Main event is still apparently going ahead.
Match 10 - Main Event - WCW United States Championship - Bret Hart Vs Diamond Dallas Page
-I must have misheard earlier. Apparently according to Michael Buffer, the winner of this match is supposed to face Goldberg for the title down the line, which if memory serves correctly, does not happen - DDP faces Goldberg in October for the first time at Halloween Havoc and Hart doesn't face Goldberg till 1999.
-I feel bad for the fans, they obviously are keen to see this match, but nearing 7.5 minutes in the show, they aren't going to get that main event, I just don't see how. Another note - where the fuck is Goldberg? Their heavyweight champion doesn't even appear on the show? Fuck it.
-Buffer gets paid what, $10,000 a show or something to announce the main event? And the main event doesn't seem to be going ahead. Ah, here comes DDP hobbling out. No music.
-Okay, I guess we're getting this main event, but it's not going to be a classic considering DDP's injury and the time remaining in the show. If it were me back in the day though I'd have flicked over to RAW by now.
-If it's any consolation, DDP's selling is terrific here. Flair tore him a new corn hole in his book, but I think DDP was one of the best in the business in 1998.
-DDP gives up, Hart is the new WCW United States Champion. Let me guess - Hogan pulled the plug on the possible Hitman Vs Goldberg match at Road Wild because he wanted the Jay Leno match to be the only real main event. As if anybody wanted to see a fucking battle royal for the title. Terrible idea. If it were me I would have done Goldberg Vs Giant for the title at Road Wild in just a singles match. People wanted to see that.
Winner - New United States Heavyweight Champion - Bret Hart
-The show ends with DDP being loaded into an ambulance, and the nWo Black and White celebrate in the ring.
-Well, there's my first drunken Nitro review and It's a long one. Hope you enjoyed the read. After a solid Nitro/Thunder and even Saturday Night the previous week, July 20th 1998 will go down as a disappointing Nitro in my opinion. The Black and White flex their muscles once more, nobody else in the show really gets highlighted. RAW is WAR scored a 5.0 rating on this night to Nitro's 4.7.
Overall Rating - 5.5 out of 10.