July 13, 2013 - 2:36 p.m.
After several feeble attempts to adjust his bow tie, Brad Maddox took two deep breaths and delivered a sharp knock to the office door of Mr. McMahon. After being appointed RAW General Manager, Brad knew that he needed to enhance every aspect of professionalism he could, including his appearance. As his grandfather had told him, “nothing suits a classy and sophisticated Maddox more than a bow tie”.
“Come in!”
Unable to shake off the feeling that plagued him in 2007 when he had asked Mr. Lowes for his daughter’s hand in marriage - the incident had concluded when Brad was physically chased from the Lowes’ property - Brad slowly turned the doorknob and entered.
“Brad! Have a seat!” Vince motioned to an uncomfortable looking wooden chair, which spectacularly contrasted the throne which seated the Chairman. “What brings my new RAW General Manager here today?”
“Well...” Brad began. "Mr. McMahon, you know I’m...well, I’m absolutely flattered that you named me the General - "
“Look me in the eyes when you’re talking to me, damn it!”
Brad started. “Y-yes sir. Sorry.” Taking another deep breath, he continued. “I’m flattered that you named me General Manager of RAW. I...I will admit, though, sir, that I don’t feel - well, I’m not really prepared for my first night on the job. The hiring took me...well, it shocked me, Mr. McMahon.”
Vince looked steely. “I see.”
Brad sensed a misinterpretation forming in the Chairman’s mind, and in his eagerness to clarify himself, he fell over his words. “No! I mean - this isn’t - this is...Mr. McMahon, sir, I’m shocked that you made me GM. Or I was shocked! I’m not now. I’m ready. Well, I’m not ready...”
“Spit it out, damn it!” Vince interrupted.
“I want to be RAW General Manager, sir. I’m just wondering, is there any sort of...internship program? Or like some sort of job shadowing that I could take before I, you know, jump right into the role? I mean, I’ll take the job! I just...don’t know if I’m prepared. I don’t know what qualifications I have for it.”
Vince stared through Brad, hawk-like, for a moment. Suddenly, he burst into maniacal laughter.
“Qualifications? You really crack me up, kid!” He continued to cackle. Nonplussed, Brad remained silent.
“Qualifications...listen, Maddox, you think I hired you for this job because you’re the most qualified?” McMahon mocked.
"...Well - "
“You didn’t exactly send me a resume with your - your lists and lists of managing experience, did you, kid?! No, I know you don’t have any damn qualifications.
“I hire schmucks like you on a whim, Maddox. My psychiatrist has urged me to do things that amuse me in my old age. Some old men feed ducks at a pond, for Christ’s sake. I hire and fire randomly, because it makes me laugh! You think I hire people as GM because they’re qualified? Hell no! Sometimes I do it for pure shock value, Brad. For Christ’s sake, I once had Mike Adamle running things on Monday Night RAW!”
Brad felt relieved and insulted at the same time. As he tried to wrack his brain for things to say, Vince did the favor in breaking the brief silence.
“Here’s the thing, Brad,” he said. “Do whatever the hell you want. You’ve got a lot of freedom. Sure, there’s guidelines...for example, in a few months, we’ve got a Hell in a Cell PPV. So book a Hell in a Cell match. Doesn’t matter if it’s between two guys who want to rip each other apart or if it’s between two guys who have just recently started a friendly competition for the World Heavyweight Championship. But you ought to make a Cell match.
“But other than that?” McMahon continued. “Do whatever the hell you want! I don’t really give a damn. You may be knocking it out of the park, and I’ll fire your ass anyways! Or, you might be doing OK, and you’ll keep going as GM. You gotta roll with the punches in this industry, kid!”
Brad slowly started to nod, though he was still mightily perplexed on the inside. Gathering his wits, he started, "So...what if I were to...um, I mean - could I get your advice - "
“Damn it, Maddox!” Vince exploded. “You think I have time to sit and hold my GM’s hand all day? I just gave you complete freedom! Now get the hell out of my office and do something, before I make you a referee again! How would you like to call every one of Ryback’s matches until he retires?”
Brad jolted out of his seat. “OK! Um...thank you, Mr. McMahon. I will...well, I’ll do my best.”
He quickly exited the office of his temperamental boss and hadn’t walked for more than three paces when he was approached by Triple H.
“Hey, kid. Just hold up a second,” Triple H said. “I couldn’t help but overhear your little meeting with Vince, and I gotta tell ya - what were you expecting from him?”
"You know, just a little clarification - "
“Let me tell you something,” Triple H continued. “Vince is right. You’ve got all the freedom in the world!”
Brad’s eyebrows shot up. “I do?”
“Hell yeah!” Hunter gave his comrade a hearty slap on the arm. “Here’s the thing - I knew you’d come looking for answers. I can read you like a book. You’re nervous. You’re unsure.”
“I mean, I wouldn’t exactly say - “ Brad sputtered.
“Relax, kid. I’ve got something that might prepare you a bit.”
As Brad sighed audibly out of relief, Triple H revealed a blank DVD.
“As soon as Vince appointed you, and you had that deer in the headlights look, I knew you needed help. So all week, I got one of my guys in media relations working nonstop - his name’s Doug, by the way - he’s been working on this DVD about how easy it is to be a GM. He contacted a bunch of former GMs for their input, he’s done a bunch of research and analysis and all - way over my head, but trust me, this guy’s good. Anyways...”
Triple H handed the book over.
“Give this thing a peek. It has a bunch of advice about how to succeed, and...how not to succeed as a GM. I haven’t had the time to take a look at it myself, but, like I said, my guy got interviews from a bunch of past RAW and SmackDown GMs, so it’s gotta be good stuff.”
Brad had been looking for a how-to, a magical guide all week, and here it was. He couldn’t believe his luck.
“Triple H - er, Mr. Triple H, I just...I...thank you,” he managed.
“Thank my guy.”
“Doug?”
“Yeah. Doug...think his last name’s Scullery or something like that. You’ll see him around.”
*
July 13, 2013 - 6:04 p.m.
After a hectic afternoon, Brad finally found some time to sit down and play what he had hoped was truly a life saver. The opening screen told him that he had about 4 hours of material to go through.
Welcome! Your journey as a General Manager is just about to begin. By watching this interactive DVD, we hope you’ll feel as ready as can possibly be for your experience.
I am your host, Doug, and although you’ll find many former GMs giving interactive interview bits along the way, I had the distinct pleasure of tying this project neatly together. The first chapter of the DVD describes what actions you must take as a GM - those that are unavoidable. The next chapter describes the actions you may choose to follow completely, not at all, or to a varying degree. You’ll find accompanying most of these “rules” are corresponding amounts of leniency (on a 5 star rating system), as well as input from former GMs regarding their respective takes on the rule.
Brad was intrigued by the freedom promised by Vince and Triple H, so he skipped through to the second chapter. He was surprised to see that the DVD had only forwarded about three and a half minutes. It appeared as though each segment was read out loud by Doug, and was followed by clips of former GMs weighing in.
Guideline 1: Titles are to be defended at least every 30 days. If a title cannot be defended at least once in a 30 day span, for whatever reason, it is your job as GM to strip that champion of his or her championship.
Leniency: *****
Doug: Let's go to our GMs!
Eric Bischoff: In 2004, Edge had torn his groin, and was unable to defend his Intercontinental Championship. So I stripped the greasy Canadian of his gold! If you can’t fight for it, ya don’t deserve to have it!
Teddy Long: Aw, Eric Bischoff can just be too uptight sometimes, ya feel me, dawg? I mean, back when I was running things on SmackDown, Cody Rhodes was the Intercontinental Champion for a long time! Sure, he could have defended his title here and there - but I am all about what the WWE Universe wants, playa! Besides, defending his title would have meant a wasted opportunity for a tag team match!
John Laurinaitis: I have always found Theodore Long to be unprofessional and incompetent in any sort of leadership role. When I was the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and the Interim General Manager of Monday Night Raw, I never let anyone go 30 days without defending their championship!
Teddy Long: Your Intercontinental Champion did.
John Laurinaitis: We had an Intercontinental Champion?
Intrigued, Brad skipped through to a random scene. He wasn’t generally one for sitting patiently through an entire movie without fidgeting around when he could.
Guideline 14: GMs are NOT to show any sort of bias to any superstars on their program, but are to treat each superstar fairly.
Leniency: ***
Vickie Guerrero: I agree with this whole har-ed-ly. When I was managing SmackDown and RAW, I was fair to all of my superstars, including John Cena and Randy Or-in.
William Regal: What in the bloody hell are you talking about? Have you conveniently forgotten your scandalous romantic relationship with Edge? With Big Show? With Dolph Ziggler?
Vickie Guerrero: Excuse me, but when Edge received a World Heavyweight Championship match, it was because he deserved it. When Dolph Ziggler received the World Heavyweight Championship, it was because -
Booker T: Aw, hale NO!
Vickie Guerrero: Excuse me!
Brad pursued more...
Guideline 40: GMs need to be innovative. GMs need to create exciting concepts and matches that will please the fans.
Leniency: *
Eric Bischoff: Tell me, so-called “colleagues”! Who was better at this than Eric Bischoff? The man who brought you RAW Roulette! The man who brought you H! L! A! And the genius mind behind the Elimination Chamber!
Teddy Long: Ya know, playas, for once, I agree with Eric Bischoff. He was innovative. He created the Elimination Chamber. I am also innovative. I invented the tag team match!
Eric Bischoff: You didn’t create the tag team match!
Mike Adamle: If, if I might interject, Aaron Bitchoff. Now let's not go forgetting about the Adamle specials! ...If you’ll remember, the Championship Scramble lived an impressive legacy.
Booker T: What in the hale?!
William Regal: Absolutely delusional.
Teddy Long: Now hold on just a minute, playa! Now it seems that the four of y’all wanna get it on real bad...
Eric Bischoff: Oh, shut up, Teddy!
---
Guideline 53: Consumption of alcohol on the job is prohibited for all superstars. It is your duty as the GM to enforce this rule.
Leniency: ****
John Laurinaitis: I believed very strongly in this rule. When I suspected CM Punk of being under the influence, I was prepared to strip him of his WWE Championship on the spot. He could have jeopardized not only his own safety, but the safety of everyone around him.
Stone Cold: Hell, son, I’ll be damned if ol’ Stone Cold made it through a single episode as the Sheriff of RAW without slugging back a six pack or two!
William Regal: Reprehensible attitude, I assure you. There is a time for acting like a brute, and there is a time for acting like a professional.
Stone Cold: What?
---
Guideline 88: GMs are to be respected by their superstars. They possess the power to reprimand their superstars, to the ultimate measure of termination, should consistent or extreme (e.g. assault) disrespect occur.
...Of course, GMs rarely incur this. For...whatever reason.
Leniency: ****
Mick Foley: That’s right! Paul, do you remember when John Cena and Chris Benoit force fed you soap...in Uncasville, Connecticut?! Why didn’t you do anything about that?
Paul Heyman: I’m sorry, I don’t know who you’re talking about.
Booker T: Dat’s right! Those two homies had yo punk ass slip-sliding around, chewing on da soap!
Paul Heyman: I said. I do not. Recall -
Eric Bischoff: You didn’t do anything about it, Paul!
Paul Heyman: Damn it, I DID! I DID! I made them fight the A-Train! I made them fight the Big Show! I made them fight BRRRRRROCK LESNARRRRRR!
William Regal: For punishment, you made men who wrestle for a living...wrestle?
Jonathan Coachman: Gentlemen, gentlemen! I think it’s fair to say that everyone here has been pushed around once or twice during their tenure as GM. Well, everyone, that is - except the Coach!
Without warning, the video feed cut out, though as he frantically turned up the volume, Brad thought he could hear muffled sounds of physicality, followed by what was unmistakably the DX theme song.
July 14, 2013 - 9:28 p.m.
Brad walked by the coffee machine, unsurprisingly occupied by David Otunga, and toward Triple H’s office. A late night had seen Brad watch most of the video, and he had wanted to thank the Game for the preparation. He knocked on Triple H’s door.
“Come in!”
"Triple H - Mr. Triple H, I just wanted to say thank you - "
“Don’t sweat it,” Triple H cut Brad off. “Best of luck on the job.”
“Thank you, sir.”
Just before Brad was out the door, Triple H spoke again. “Oh, and I hear Paul Heyman is looking for the General Manager.”
“OK. Thank you, sir,” Brad responded.
“Can’t believe what he did to Punk tonight! Rumors going around that he recently got upset about accusations of being a pushover to wrestlers...”