Welcome back to our fantastic odyssey through the musical output of the WWE, The Champion Sound. The usual team of Mizfan, Uncle Joe, YourAyatollah and Mazza are all back today with the sixth column in the first round, which means that we’ve got the third batch of seeded wrestlers to work through. There’s a bit of an interesting collective today because there’s a number of former world champions in the mix, and they are grouped in with a number of others that had shorter or less stellar careers but who were immediately associated with more than one theme music.
I’ve been including a few Easter eggs in the more recent columns; this time before we start, I’m going to throw another stat at you. In cases where the score is 4-1, let’s take a look at who has been the lone hold-out most often.
Prime Time: III
Uncle Joe: III
Interestingly, Uncle Joe and myself are the only two people to be the ‘one’ in a four and one situation, which maybe explains why we pick the winners less often than everyone else, and we’ve each managed it the same number of times. So, do we have a different perspective on things from the mainstream, or are we just naturally contrarian? I guess it’s for you guys to decide. What’s telling, though, is that this reveals just how rarely there is a one-sided decision so far. There have been many, many more 3-2’s or 3-1-1’s than there have 5-0’s or 4-1’s.
Anyway, that’s enough of all that. Let’s kick things off with an Icon and showstopper….
Shawn Michaels
Sherri Martel vocal (1992-1993) v Shawn Michaels vocal (1993-2016)
Smartarse remark by Joe incoming in 3.... 2… 1…
Give me the flat out so awful its wonderful Sherri version, over the lame too self-indulgent self-sung one by Hickenbottom.
Well, it’s a bit tough because they are the same some but for the vocalist and a couple pronouns, isn’t it? I actually like both versions too, so that makes it tough. The latter version is obviously more associated with the guy, but you know what? I actually like the original just a little bit better, plus Sherri Martel is AMAZING and completely underrated in the memory of fans, so gimme version A on this one.
I know that the Shawn version is iconic and all but I always, always had a soft spot for the Sherri rendition. Largely because Sherri gave me some of my earliest hard spots. There's just something about it that comes off better, you know? Sure, it fits the narcissistic vibe of the HBK character that he would sing about himself but it sold him harder to have Sherri singing it. It's easy to forget now that Sherri was perhaps the biggest part of making Shawn in those early days. He was just the pretty talented former Rockers guy. Sherri, meanwhile, had only been seen in WWE alongside main event level talent. The Million Dollar Man, the Macho King. When she took on Shawn as her personal "boy toy", that carried weight with the audience. Sherri didn't associate with losers. If she was hitched to your bandwagon, you were going somewhere. I could write a whole column about my thoughts on the subject but I'll save it. Suffice to say that I love me some Sensational Sherri and think that her version of Sexy Boy is a thing of awesomeness.
Sherri’s wins here. Shawn should never have even done his own version. I mean I kinda get why it made sense character wise at the time. It’s insane it stuck throughout his career. It’s actually a terrible theme tune for someone who many call the GOAT. He’d pretty much outgrown it by 1993.
I’m totally with you. He just about got away with using it into 1997, but when he came back with it in 2002 that theme aged badly. The ageing Shawn Michaels acting like he had been as a 1995 babyface was kind of embarrassing, to be honest. Add to it the fact that he was as guilty as all the younger talent of the technical weaknesses of contemporary wrestling, and it often wasn’t a great look. There’s also something infinitely less tragic about someone else singing a song about how great you are, rather than singing it yourself. I don’t think I can argue with the growing consensus here.
Sherri Martel version wins 5-0.
Big Boss Man
Servin’ Hard Time (1990-1993) vs Cell Block (1998-2002)
I’ve recently discovered that Ray Traylor is awesome through the magic of The Legacy Series. I’m actually still not very familiar with his WWF work though, so this should be an interesting listen for me.
C'mon, this one barely warrants any discussion, right?
Generic Attitude instrumental takes on classic 80s nostalgia theme. Only one winner here. Hard Time by a country mile, even if Attitude Bossman was better.
It's gotta be Hard Time. I still reference this song to this day due to the fact that I know a few people from the Atlanta area, which is just outside of Cobb County. I always remind them to read the signs and respect the law and order. The "riot gear era" tune is pretty solid, if generic, but Hard Time is an iconic theme of its era. A variation of the song also had the honor of closing the WrestleMania: The Album record, which in my mind sets it apart as something incredible. It's no Never Been a Right Time to Say Goodbye or Speaking From the Heart, mind you, but it's a solid 3rd or 4th best on the album.
I voted for Demolition. I voted for the Honky Tonk Man. And I’m voting for the Servin’ Hard Time. For all that they don’t have the ‘cool’ factor of some of the later sounds, these late eighties things work as entrance music on a whole different level.
Dude does NOT get enough time for having one of the prettiest punches ever seen in rasslin’. And the first theme is hilariously describing jail rape within the confines of prison by the guards to the inmates. Think im Lying?
“He carries a big stick
And ball and chain too
Lookin for trouble?
Hell be CUMMING after you”
Then it goes on by saying he’ll make you serve HARD time? Yeah, it’s totally about anal rape. Well, wow now that I think about it, it’s not that funny; it’s fucking sad really. I’ll vote for Cell Block, because while it’s generic, it’s someone catchy with its riffs and it doesnt talk about unwanted bone smuggling behind bars. Shame on you Ray, shame on YOU.
The first theme is pretty much what I expected, some cartoony but ultimate very entertaining vocal shtick that screams Jimmy Hart (called that without even looking it up!). The second is more Attitude Era-y but in this case that’s a major downgrade, nothing really special about it all. The fun theme wins out by a mile.
Servin’ Hard Time 4-1 Cell Block
Mankind
Ode to Freud (1996-1998) vs Schizophrenic (1998-1999) vs Wreck [Claps] (1999-2000, 2003-2016) vs Wreck [Drums] (2000-2001)
I'm interested in seeing how this one breaks down.
Well, this comes down to Ode to Freud and Foleys first rendition of the car wreck (second one lacks the feel good claps and forces too many drums). The car wreck is just so much fun, and really upbeat and catchy and an overall good as theme that fits Foleys sense of humor well. But Im a sucker for tragedy and Foleys initial Mankind theme was sad, yet hopeful but full of tears and abandonment. I’ll vote for that.
Ode to Freud was really cool and unique when Mick first burst onto the scene in the WWE. It’s a very good theme but it has to be Wreck. As good as Mankind was in those first few months, it’s seeing the man behind the mask that made Foley such a huge part of WWE history and Wreck is what I hear when I picture him. I am going for V1 here.
I will always associate Foley most closely with Wreck, but the idea behind the Ode to Freud theme is awesome and I love the added touch of switching up the outro music. It’s just such an uneasy and unsettling piece of music. The latter version doesn’t hold a candle, gotta be the original for me.
In many cases, the more iconic of one's themes, if they have multiple, is generally iconic for a reason. The largest of those reasons would be that the best one generally sticks. I don't necessarily feel that's the case with Mankind, though. Wreck, in any iteration, is obviously the most well-known and recognized. Ode to Freud, though, is a flat out better piece of music. It also fit that early Mankind character beautifully, especially the twist of giving him separate pieces for his entrance and exit. The entrance was atmospheric, moody, seemingly drawing upon the darkness of his mindscape to inspire him towards the brutality he was about to unleash. The exit, though, was soft, peaceful, soothing, as though designed to tame the beast and bring him back to some sort of centered state. Add to the mix that both were supposedly composed by him before his deranged mother took a hammer to his hands and ended his prodigy level pianist's career and, well, that's some pretty interesting shit for some fuckin' entrance music. What was and largely is an afterthought for most guys was an integral part of Mankind's overall character. So yeah, while I like Wreck just fine, especially that clapping infused original version, I've got to give it to Ode to Freud for not only being a pretty nice piece of music but also for being so damn unique.
I’ve always been a big Mick Foley fan. And I think Mankind brought his best work out of him. They are both really cracking themes as well, so it’s a win either way. But here’s the thing: very few themes have made me feel the way that Ode to Freud did. There’s something beautiful about it all, and yet it’s deeply disturbing at the same time. As great as the Mankind riff is, and as iconic as the claps became, there’s just another level that the Ode to Freud is operating on.
Ode to Freud 4-1 Wreck (v1)
Steve Blackman
Groundshaker (1997-1999) vs Drums in the Night, Part 3 (1999-2002)
Can’t say I have a strong opinion on this one. At least the second theme is somewhat distinctive, the first one left me cold. I look forward to finding out the first theme is some kind of cult favorite. Second theme for me.
You know what? It’s a bit of a surprise but I actually think both of these are pretty good. Neither is amazing, but none of them are weak. The second one with the drum intro really fit Blackman and his rapid, martial arts gimmick he was working for most of his run. The first one is an odd beast, because you can’t rebut the charge that it is generic – it could have been used for anyone, and it was even the PPV music for Badd Blood or Ground Zero just before Blackman made his debut. But even so…. it may be generic, but I like it. The subtle little half steps up and down are kind of perfect in their own way. And while it could have been used for anyone, it’s nearly twenty years later and you would still only have to play a handful of notes before I’d know what it was. And my final reason – it’s also another one of those themes that passes the simple, but effective, did we want to play it when we were jamming’ test. And yes, I just used the word ‘jamming’ unironically. But it was the millennium, y’know? Simpler times.
Quite possibly the most boring man of the Attitude Era, Blackman actually had pretty catchy music. The second one, at least. The first is what you hear when you type "generic" into Google and then opt to hear it sounded out phonetically. All I can think of when I hear Drums in the Night (and here's to the hearty "What the fuck?" upon learning that's what it was named) is that serial killer looking stonefaced dude twirling around big glowing sticks. I actually remember very little about Blackman apart from that, with the exception of the Head Cheese stuff that saved his career from being completely devoid of anything even remotely noteworthy. Glow Sticks in the Night takes it.
The first theme was actually my create a wrestlers theme back in WWF Attitude the game, which is like, catchy with its hard riffs and light drums in the background and a screeching wail cutting thru. BUT the 2nd theme was AWESOME, great intro and just primal, no nonsense … it was great and an underrated theme. I love that shit, casteth thine vote for thee, Primeth.
Give me Drums in the Night here please. It’s sounds like it should be the closing credits to Madagascar 5 but still better than the first one.
Groundshaker 1-4 Drums in the Night
The Miz
Reality (2006-2009) vs I Came to Play (2010-2016)
Come on now, you can put some of these straight through, Prime. Nobody is gonna pick that odd first theme over I Came To Play, surely?
I’m certainly not – but remember the rule is I don’t get to make those calls. I don’t take anything for granted. But yeah, I Came to Play for me; the other one is weak by comparison.
Good lord. I checked out Miz's original theme, Reality, on YouTube to refresh my memory a bit and the picture featured is perhaps the most obnoxious picture of a human being that I have ever seen. Even if I had never met or even heard of that guy before, upon seeing that mug I would immediately want to cave his fucking face in with a concrete block. With a nail in it. Fuck.
There’s nothing wrong with the first theme, it worked at the time, but Came to Play is one of the best modern themes around. I rock out to this whenever I hear it, and not just because I have good associations with it. I love the low key bit that kicks in about a minute in, this song just rocks.
I Wish both theme can move on, because both are dope and both fit what he was currently going thru at the time gimmick wise, and NO WAY could he have won a world title with his Reality theme, but Came to Play wouldnt have helped get the idea across of Miz being a supreme pest. But to be honest, Reality’s guitar play is WAY better, and reminds me of Van Halen just jamming at one of his concert, so I’ll go with Reality.
I guess the song was alright, but even if I Came to Play was just Maryse farting on a snare drum (which I'm sure Joe would set as his ringtone so as to cream jeans whenever someone calls him), I would have voted for it due to the fact that it didn't have that goddamn picture attached to it. Fortunately, it genuinely is a better song than Reality by quite a margin and I've actually caught myself becoming more fond of it as time has gone on and Miz has proven over the last year or so to be an increasingly valuable commodity. It'll never be one of my favorites, but it has gained a modicum of noteworthy status among today's stuff. Fuck original Miz.
Reality 1-4 I Came to Play
Big Show
Massacre (1999) vs Big (1999-2000, 2000-2006) vs Big [Remix] (2000) vs Crank it Up (2006, 2008-2016)
Props to that original Paul Wight music. I'd forgotten that completely. Sounds kinda like a reworked version of the St. Valentine's Day Massacre song with different lyrics, which I suppose is fitting since that's where he first showed up.
What in the actual fuck is that third theme?? I swear to god I have never heard it in my life. When in god’s name did he use it, and why?
For about one month, in a short-lived babyface turn in 2000. They sent him to get in shape, turned him on his return, and went back to the heel theme.
It seems like a truly awful fit for him. Obviously gotta decide between the two versions of the classic theme, which are honestly so similar I’m not sure they merited a different category. I’ll go with the older one because I associate it with some of Big Show’s better days, it’s a little less busy and I think that’s better in this case.
I honestly am not sure which one he's using now. Is he back to using the original Big Show song or is he still using Crank It Up? I honestly can't remember the last time I heard Big Show's music. That makes me kinda sad. Unlike the seeming majority, I actually still like Show and enjoy seeing him around. Regardless what he's rockin' now, Crank It Up is the superior version of the song. It's heavier and slower, just like modern Big Show over young Big Show, and the band, Brand New Sin, is just better. I saw them live a few years ago opening for Sevendust. Cool band.
Ok so the first theme is rejected porno music, so yeah it’s awful. WHOA WAIT, I forgot Big Shows Aggression theme had tons of N words littered around, Fuck the rest, it’s my fucking choice, fuck yeah.
I’ve always liked wrestling themes with a little bit of blues about them (see my Diesel vote), and so I’m going to go for the classic ‘Big’, but to be honest all of these leave me a little cold.
Big Show’s theme is really stupid. Almost Sexy Boy levels of stupid. I’ve got to say though, when he got his remix when he was on ECW, it sounded cool for a minute. That one gets the vote.
Big 2 Big (Remix) 1 Crank it Up 2
Uncle Joe casts the deciding vote for Crank it Up
Steven/William Regal
Real Man’s Man (1998, 2011) vs Promenade (2000-2009) vs Regality (2009-2016)
I sense He’s a Man could well sneak through here. I wouldn’t have a huge problem if it did. It’s very funny and part of wrestling folklore. However, it barely saw the light of day and it’s up against two really good themes. It’s a close one for me here but I give the nod to Regality. It just really captured the essence of evil bastard Regal perfectly.
Regality and Promenade are both wonderful songs. I genuinely enjoy both of them and find them fantastic representations of Regal, especially the Regality tune that he uses to this day. If those were the only two songs on his WWE list, I would have a really hard time with this. They aren't the only two songs on his WWE list, though. Unfortunately for them and Mr. Regal, the other contender is the WWE theme song equivalent of, like, The Rocky Horror Picture Show or Evil Dead 2 or something. It's a full on cult classic, perhaps the most fondly remembered and beloved of its era. If you were around back then and actually saw that shit happen in real life, Real Man's Man puts a smile on your face. Period. I made the horrible mistake of listening to it, so I will now spend the rest of the evening going around singing, "He's a man... such a man...".
Would ‘Real Man’s Man’ come to grate on people if it had been around longer, or would it have made it even more of a classic? To be honest it’s hard to say. Either way, it’s the most notable of all Regal’s themes. They have all fit the bill pretty well, but the instrumentals just aren’t as distinctive.
I LOVE regal, so much that I get depressed when I think about his self-sabotage of his guaranteed World Title reign. So Promenade is too dainty, so scratch that sucka ass shit out of here. Regality is DOPE as FUCK, it’s so villainous and pompous and just a great pro wrestling theme. But cmon, a Mans Man? I dunno what to do, because Mans Man is cheese done perfect, but its also a reminder of when he was in absolute shit situation in his personal life. Prime, can we please give both of these a bye? GODFUCKINGDAMNIT! Ugh, give me Regality; I’m with Maz.
I don’t think there is a wrong answer for this one. Promenade is silly but was perfect for the snobbish side of the character, and Regality is completely boss and worked for the villainous side of the character. But come on… HE’S A MAAAAAAAAN. Stupid gimmick, but an all-time great amazing song.
One last thought here – Regal’s basically a babyface as the NXT GM – does he really need the most dastardly music ever?!
Real Man’s Man 3-2 Regality
John Cena
Slam Smack (2002) vs Insert Bass Here (2002-2003) vs Basic Thuganomics (2003-2005) vs. My Time Is Now (2005-2016)
Fuck. This is hard. Now comes the part of the competition where I admit that I'm a lowkey fan of John Cena's musical endeavors. I actually bought the You Can't See Me album... and enjoyed it. Shout out to Flow Easy, Don't Fuck With Us, the cheesy but cool Right Now... damn. I could go on. That album is legit pretty damn good.
I swear to god, that second theme is one of the generic music choices in the early WWE video games. I never picked it, because it sucks. You know, even after all these years I never warmed to shabadoo. I never even liked the rapper gimmick that much, but I gotta admit that theme was not bad. Basic Thuganomics for me.
I’ll be honest here, I’m going to tell you right now that Insert Bass Here gets my vote because it allowed him to freestyle on the way to the ring, and is actually a good beat to rap over, even if it sounds like generic shit white people think is rap. Time is now was always boring (wish he went with Ante Up) and Basic Thuganomics is a good little throwback.
Not being a major fan of either of the only two realistic contenders makes this a bit of a challenge. But I’m going to try and get to a solution in a reasonably sensible way, if I can’t get there based on anything emotional. So, John Cena was basically a comedy character who did a little bit of wrestling when he did Basic Thuganomics. And the joke was pretty thin. My Time is Now is the theme music for the guy who became the iconic leader of the WWE for a generation. And when I put it like that, the choice becomes a lot easier for me.
The Time Is Now almost takes this. Almost. It's iconic due to the fact that it will almost definitely go down as the song that the overwhelming majority of fans associate with him. I mean, he's been rocking it for over a decade at this point and there's absolutely no indication that it'll be going anywhere anytime soon. That having been said, I like Basic Thuganomics better, in part because it's a bit harder. A little more heely. Trademarc, especially, spits much more harsh shit in it than he does in The Time is Now. I mean, he says, "Yo cats couldn't come this hot if they jerked off in the summer heat," at one point. All while Cena anchors it with one of my favorite lines in, "I'm untouchable but I'm forcin' you to feel me." That's just good shit, man. The Time is Now is more epic, more grand, more famous. It's also softer, though. I prefer my Cena raps with a little bit of stank on 'em. Word life.
With all due respect to generic wrestling theme and generic hip hop beat, this is a two horse race here. My Time Is Now is a tough one. On one hand, those opening bars have become so iconic with creating a split reaction. On the other hand he outgrew the song at least a decade ago. I mean “your time is up, my time is now”. Who the hell is he speaking to? It’s more a theme for everyone who goes against him. Plus he hasn’t been a rapper in like forever. Going up against that is Basic Thuganomics. A hot theme from when he was a rapper and seriously edgy and had the whole internet behind him. No brainer for me. Basic Thuganomics was by far the better theme. Word life.
Insert Bass Here 1 Basic Thuganomics 3 My Time is Now 1
Jeff Jarrett
Tennessee Swing (1992-1996, 1997-1998) vs NWA theme (1997) vs Tennessee Jam (1998-1999)
I honestly don’t know what to do with this one. Generic country instrumental, generic rock instrumental, and…? Whatever the middle one is.
Double J's original WWF theme was perfect for him, but man, that Debra, "Don't Piss Me Off" era one is good stuff. I had forgotten how good that song was, largely because I haven't heard it in forever. Not really much else to say beyond that, as I was never a Jarrett guy. He was the Miz of his generation, as far as I'm concerned. He shined here and there but was mostly just an annoying dude propped up by superior talent and a hot chick.
I’ve always been a big Jarrett fan. That third NWA theme actually has a touch of 80s movie montage about it. That’s already proved to be a big hit for me so far in this thing but don’t think it can match up to the two country inspired themes. But which one gets the nod? Well my general rule of thumb is Everything in Attitude > Everything in New Gen. This works here too. Last theme for the win.
Eh, I’ll go with the NWA theme just because it’s less generic than the others.
Both of the country versions are fine, and will do the job well enough, while neither is strong enough to take it outright and comfortably. I’m favourably disposed to the Tennessee Swing theme, but how much of that comes because I associate it with both the Jarrett IC runs through the mid-nineties, and the fun of Robert Fuller as Tennessee Lee, is hard to pin down. But I’m going to stick with it anyway.
The first theme sounds like a level from Super Mario Bros 3, and its endeared itself to me already. The 2nd theme is not enough country hickness for my tastes. Well watching the 3rd theme, Jeff had an AWESOME fucking coat vest, my goodness. Anyway I’m going with the shit from when he was some country singer faggot dude.
Tennessee Swing 2 NWA theme 1 Tennessee Jam 2
Mizfan casts the deciding vote for Tennessee Swing
Crush
Crush (1992-1993) vs Kona Crush (1993-1995) vs Jailbird (1996)
Who the hell wasted their time giving Crush so many themes? They are all absolute garbage. I don’t want to vote for any of them, but I am sure Prime will make me. I knew I used the trainer gimmick too early. Errr, first one.
Both the first and last themes are actually pretty solid bits of rock, but that middle one sounds like a level out of Donkey Kong… and for some reason that hits me just right. Not quite sure why, but I really dig it. Middle theme for me!
Man, if you'd have put a gun to my head and asked me to hum one of Crush's theme songs before this, I'm pretty sure I'd be dead as fuck. I think it's partly because he was so often a part of larger groups and would largely come out to their music. I remember him coming out to Yokozuna's music there for a stretch when he turned heel or when he was part of general Cornette/Fuji activities. He of course came out to the Nation's music for a long stretch and then followed that by usually coming out to the DOA's theme, which I guess maybe doubled as his own. I don't even know, as you never saw the guy alone for that entire era. I may have been saved from the sick gun to my head game of Hum That Tune, though, by his original babyface theme. I always forget it was his because it was also, with some variation, the music of Sid Justice and I want to say another guy or two. When I used to hear it I would always second guess myself on whose music it was. It's pretty tough, though, so I'll go for that original song. Sid's version was a little better, though, for the record.
The last two are pretty forgettable, but I’d sometimes let the first theme play by leaving the player selection on Crush while playing Royal Rumble on the SNES. I loved that game. I prefer Crush as a heel generally, but in terms of theme music, his babyface one is by far the most memorable.
The only thing crushed here are my hopes for maybe remembering this guy had awesome theme or two; they all fucking suck. I vote to have this vote sent back in time earlier in the column and vote for Mans Man and advance to the next round. You’re breaking my balls here, Pete. Vote goes for the first theme, cause that’s what this coin flip decided. Wait, didnt I say this line last time? Bah.
Crush 4 Kona Crush 1
Edge
On the Edge (1998-2001, 2004) vs Never Gonna Stop Me (2001-2004) vs Metalingus (2004-2016)
This could be a 5-0, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there were dissenting voices because the first theme is iconic, not least because it became the E&C theme, but both the Rob Zombie and the Alter Bridge both became ‘the coolest theme going’ when they were first given to Edge. I’m going or Metalingus myself, which is partly why I think there could be a clean sweep, but I think a 5-0 result would belie just how close a decision this one will be for some of the judges.
This one looks easy on the surface, but I actually really dig all three of these themes in different ways.
I hate Never Gonna Stop Me. I really like his first theme. It can’t hold a candle to Metalingus though. Anyone going for anything else here is just wrong, probably a bit of a contrarian and likely has special needs. Metalingus could take this whole thing. As a side note, what the fuck is a metalingus? Whatever it is I am pretty sure Unc has paid ladies of the night to perform it on him.
The first one is really unusual and I enjoy the random vocals throughout. The second is just a pretty solid tune. But hell, nothing tops Metalingus at the end of the day, in fact I’d say it’s a strong favorite to go very deep into this thing. Still, don’t want to overlook those first two, some good stuff there.
Metalingus may very well be my favorite entrance theme of all time. It's gotta be either it or Line in the Sand and it largely depends on which day you catch me as to which I'll say is number one. I believe that I can firmly state, at this point in the proceedings, that I will vote for Metalingus to win over pretty much any other song that it may come up against with the possible exception of Lemmy's HHH Trilogy magnum opus, Line. Why? Because it's fucking awesome. The guitars are heavy as fuck and suit a wrestling entrance, especially Edge's chaotic one, perfectly. The vocals are fucking fantastic, a step or 12 above those usually heard in any pro wrestling tune. If you've never cranked this song up loud as hell and sang along to the chorus, you've missed out on a really bitchin' and genuinely "feel good" moment. I do, however, want to pass kudos along to Never Gonna Stop. While not one of Rob Zombie's best songs, it was definitely the one most suited to being an entrance theme and I would argue it fit Edge well during that period. If it were Superbeast or Demonoid Phenomenon, we may well be having a different conversation. It wasn't though, so I still give the duke solidly to Metalingus. I may have tipped my hand here a bit, but if this one and Line in the Sand don't make it through, those are the only two that would genuinely kind of hurt my heart a little bit.
Another toughie, seeing as how Edge’s first theme reminded me of the opening scene of the movie Blade, and seeing as how he was in a weird queer vampire sort of gimmick, it fit well. Well, this must be around the time I stopped watching rasslin’ cause I dont remember Never Gonna Stop Me; and I think I will, stop playing this bullshit. Wow that song fucking sucks. But in all honesty, I cannot NOT vote for Metalingus. Anyone who doesn’t must enjoy getting anally fondled by older men.
Metalingus wins 5-0.
The Main Event
Randy Orton
Blasting (2002-2003) vs Burn in My Light (2004-2008) vs Voices (2008-2016)
Easy one here. Blasting. Just kidding. It might be the most generic thing ever.
I guess I knew on some level that Randy had a theme before Evolution, but I’ll be damned if I ever heard it before, and now that I’ve heard it I’ll be damned if I will remember it tomorrow. It’s aggressively generic. The Evolution theme is not on the block yet, it seems, or else that would be an easy win. Burn in My Light is certainly a big improvement, but I find it hard not to associate it with his awful face turn which killed all his momentum stone dead and set him back years and years. I can’t hear it without thinking of Orton unloading an immense amount of saliva into HHH’s face. Plus, if the hook of your song is the work “HEY”, you may be too simplistic. I actually really dig Voices, so that’s the easy pick here, it’d be smoked by Motorhead if we had the choice but for now all those doctors better watch out.
I know that there are a lot of people still out there who have a lot of love for Burn in My Light, (look no further than our very own... well... Burn1nMyLight), but I don't see how anyone could pick that over Voices. Does it have a somewhat "generic 2000s rock" vibe? Sure. That being said, Burn is damn near the epitome of that. It couldn't be more generic 2000s rock if Amy Lee popped in to sing a chorus. Voices also just fits his character's evolution quite well, as he turned from the young, cocky Legend Killer to the disturbed, cagey, veteran Apex Predator. He seems a little bit off and Voices displays that well. I also just like it and have included it on more than a few playlists.
Much like with his sometime nemesis, Randy Orton’s theme offers some problems for me because I don’t really rate either of them that much. Pretty much anything negative you might say about either of them, I probably already think. Out of the four ‘main events’ in the seed columns, this is easily the weakest in my opinion. Voices has the better beginning, which is pretty important for an entrance – but once the ‘I hear Voices’ bit has passed it’s the most tedious piece of music I’ve ever heard. Genuinely, I could fall asleep while he’s walking to the ring. The only little bit of it I like is the weird shift down that happens in some of the choruses. Burn in my Light doesn’t really sound like an entrance. It just sounds like a rock song, and not an especially interesting one – albeit a much more attention-grabbing listen than Voices. Not sounding like an entrance is a big handicap, and if I could find anything else good to say about Voices then I think it’d have to take it based just on the first few seconds…. But I can’t. Mercy Drive by a nose.
Whoa, so the first theme was as generic as his Overdrive finisher (the one that they gave to everyone once they got called up back in the mid 2000s); like, wow it’s fucking terrible. Well, this is toughie, because upon relistening, the Burn in My Light theme is kind of generic, but the lyrics and overall mood of it encapsulated what Orton was at the time; young, reckless, shitting in Jewish bitches bags backstage for not licking his asshole. Hm, and with ANOTHER relisten, Im frankly not liking Ortons current theme; it seems hokey in an un-fun way, and seems like the theme for someone who would vote for Trump. Wait a sec… Can we just have Orton eliminated for being a Trump supporter? Please? Ok, fine, fuck, I’ll vote for Burn in My Light bullshit.
Look, here’s the deal. I absolutely love Burn in My Light. Think it’s a real fun song. I’d rather listen to it than Voices. That doesn’t make it the better theme tune though. Whereas Burn fit him as a cocky upstart for a minute, it could have worked just as well for anyone. Voices feels bespoke to Randall. Still does.
Burn in My Light 2-3 Voices
So that’s it – contemporary Randy Orton and early John Cena have made it through, as well as the debuting theme for Mankind, the classic Boss Man eighties number, and a few other bits and pieces as well. They’ll all go into the draw for the next round with everything else that has been selected so far.
We’ll be back in just a few days with the last of the groups, and then soon after we’ll have the final seeds. Then the stress levels of the judges will rise massively as they’ll have to start choosing between the winners. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Though there were plenty of one-sided decisions this time, I don’t think it’ll ever be this clear-cut again, so join us soon for the Champion Sound VII.