Monday Night Awards!
24th October 2016
So, that Hell in a Cell’s just round the corner… a bit scared by those rumours of ‘someone’ apparently wanting to jump of the Cell. One suicidal cell leap a year is enough in my book, once a generation if I’m being brutally honest. Actually, thinking on it more I would have probably been perfectly fine if Mick Foley was the only person to ever enrol in the crash course of Cellonomics.
However, I have seen the odd person online pointing out a Catch-22 of sorts regarding the RAW Women’s Championship match this coming Sunday. They obviously can’t let them jump off the cell, because you know, death is bad. But on the other hand, refusing to let the women do so when one of your male talents was allowed to the exact same thing earlier that same year? Does that defeat the whole purpose of the Women’s Revolution? Proving they can do anything and everything just as well as the men?
In this one humble man’s opinion, that is nothing but a surface argument. Like the Bradley Wiggins fiasco over here in the UK, people getting angry over a headline without actually reading the darn thing. If you don’t know, Bradley Wiggins is a cyclist who’s been getting a ton of hate recently for taking enhancement drugs before events. HOWEVER, and that’s a big however, he’d gone through all the relevant governing bodies and proved he really did need those drugs. Unfortunately some people simply read the headline and immediately made up their minds on the whole situation, no different here.
The very ‘simple’ argument of, “Oh, not being allowed to do something a man WAS allowed to do?!” without looking into it any further! Just annoys me when people immediately form opinions, especially when you consider the ramifications of what is actually being said here. When it all boils down, we’re looking at whether or not a fellow human being should jump off of a really high thing. The ‘wouldn’t it be worth it though?’ argument doesn’t even come into consideration for me, no, no it wouldn’t. Literally the description of the phrase ‘a huge risk, for little reward’.
I’d much rather Vince gets hate for not letting the women do the spot, than get hate for giving them permission and the whole thing goes sideways.
What do you think, should the women be allowed to perform an extremely dangerous spot at Hell in a Cell? Does the word ‘women’ even matter? Should ANYONE ever be allowed to jump off the cell?
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Onto the awards!
Sign of the Night
Honourable mention to ‘Well Hello There’, the little fella’ popped up just as Sasha Banks walked past in her tight, white clothes. Does the lass actually own a pair of slightly baggy trousers? You remember Lita? She made baggy trousers work… she did show off her thong too though… so maybe not the best example.
Also mentions for the numerous AxelMania signs, yeah that’s right, ‘numerous’. Made a bit more sense after Axel’s hometown promo, but still, there were way more signs than I have ever seen for that man. Good for him, I guess.
Oh yeah, ‘Ryback Can Grow Hair’ caught me off guard too, this isn’t really news to anyone who saw him on Tough Enough though. He was the same season as The Miz wasn’t he? Yeah… good to know he’s bald by choice though, unlike Baron Corbin. Just walk towards the light Baron, accept your fate! Before you recede into a point of no return, it’s not too late to accept the bald my friend.
One final honourable, I don’t think I want to know what this lady is expecting to happen with her sign, ‘Reign On Me’. What, like a shower?
‘WWE Is More Real Than The Election’
Yeah that’s right, I went with the topical sign this week! Pretty certain WWE is a real thing though, I mean… unless none of you guys are real either… has this whole ‘WWE Universe’ been all one elaborate, Sutter Island-esque coping mechanism created by my mind?
From what I’ve seen of the US election, I don’t get what’s happening. Like Kizarny’s SmackDown debut, it’s just seems like carnival nonsense. It’s like the 2014 Royal Rumble all over again, people cheering one guy because they’re not the other person, not because they like them. Yeah that’s right, I’m loosely relating Roman Reigns’ push to Donald Trump’s presidential campaign!
The cons for him being the face of the country/WWE far outweigh the pros! Sure he can generate a response from time to time, but a lot of his statements are just met with boos. When it comes down to whether or not he’s good for the job, people aren’t too sure. There’s also his biggest rival, the spouse of a certain well known authority figure… is that person even that well liked?
Or is it all just a vicious cycle of Trump getting cheers because he’s not yet another returning name like Clinton, Bush or Batista? However he’s not liked, so when he really does win and becomes the face, the fans start to cheer for Triple H instead. Even though they don’t actually like H-H-Hilary! Hell, there’s a number of vocal ‘smarks’ who’d much prefer a third-party indie guy to come and save us all with ‘real’ politics. Even more preferable if they’ve practiced their politics abroad in Japan for a year or two, bringing back a stiffer, harder hitting style.
I literally have no idea whether or not that last paragraph makes any sense… just like Kizarny, he was really weird though wasn’t he?
Talkie Bit of the Night
The curious case of the missing list aka Chris Jericho is busy so Mick Foley grabs a surprise victory while he’s distracted!
Mick Foley by Matt Maher, Age 24.
One word has described Foley since his return, ‘passion’. I think tonight’s speech might have been his most passionate to date, he really is the living representation of what happens to your body if you do the spots that he did. As I was saying at the start of this column, I would have been perfectly fine if Foley had been the only person to ever jump off the cell. With a, “That was awesome, but never again,” kind of response.
Bringing up the grinding bones in his joints because of what happened in those Hell in a Cell matches was one hell of a hard hitting point, the water in his eyes proved how real it all is. The decision to do that one match with The Undertaker cost him years on not just his career, so it doesn’t surprise me that he’d be against the ladies doing something just as crazy on Sunday.
The greatest achievement though, was how well he put over the cell in this segment. He really got across how dangerous and life changing it can be, exactly how the cell’s meant to be viewed. Which is what annoys me about this particular gimmick PPV, with such a dangerous match you really should have it paired with a fitting rivalry. Where this match is used a last resort of sorts, for both the participants to pretty much go to war against each other.
Instead we get, “Well it’s October again, I guess we should bonk a couple of Hell in a Cell matches onto our next PPV card.” NO! That way of thinking has completely taken away the special feeling those cell matches used to create, can you honestly say they feel special now? Like last year I thought were at least slowly treading towards the right track, when we got Reigns vs Wyatt and Lesnar vs Undertaker. However this year has reverted right back to the issue, two of the feuds going into Sunday do not fell ‘cell worthy’.
Most years there has been one match that should be in cell, whilst the others would be nowhere near it if that wasn’t the name of the PPV. For example, in 2014 when Rollins vs Ambrose main evented, can you tell me the other cell match on that show? Yes that’s right! John Cena vs Randy Orton in a #1 Contender’s match! That’s what I meant by I thought WWE had learnt from the mistakes between the 2014 and 2015 show, how rather naïve of me.
Rusev vs Reigns is not cell worthy, neither is Owens vs Rollins. Both matches have next to no heat, no matter how skilled those men are in the ring, the feuds do not reflect a need for such a match! WWE have accidentally booked Rusev as a face whilst telling us he’s a heel and Rollins’ character change/rivalry with Steph has completely overshadowed any heat between him and Owens. Don’t get me wrong, I love Owens as champion, but the story being told tells me he’s not important.
Rollins’ real beef is with Triple H, that match may very well warrant being inside the cell, but against Kevin Owens? Nah, that match would be nowhere near a cell if the PPV had a different name and you know it. Sasha vs Charlotte on the other hand, is that one match that really does deserve to be in the cell. Not because of the revolution, or because the title needs prestige, but because the rivalry warrants it. There is enough history between the two, enough built up anger and frustration that it all makes sense.
In my honest opinion, I think Sasha Banks vs Charlotte SHOULD MAIN EVENT Hell in a Cell on Sunday. I think the capitals did the trick in correctly emphasising how strongly I feel about this and it has nothing to do with the revolution. The Women’s Championship should main event because it is the only match worthy of being in the cell, end of. It is the match with the most heat, the most interest and should therefore go on last as the real main event. Get out of here with that ‘triple main event’ nonsense, it doesn’t make the penultimate match feel any more special.
How many bets the women open the show after all that? God I hope not, just troll everyone with a Reigns vs Rusev main event!
Match of the Night
Did anyone else feel let down by the triple threat? I just went all sleepy during it, had a much better time with Cesaro & Sheamus vs New Day though! No matter how much I dislike booking the champion to lose to the contenders the show before the PPV!
Cesaro & Sheamus by Matt Maher, Age 24
Fun, that is how I’d describe this match. Not a technical masterpiece, nor the most entertaining match I’ve ever seen, just ‘fun’. There’s nothing wrong with that either, sometimes if a show drags the fun parts stand out a bit more and that’s exactly what happened tonight. Fits the New Day vibe too, so that’s lovely! No clash of styles bringing it down like what happened with the Gallows & Anderson feud.
Cesaro & Sheamus are such an entertaining odd couple, each week having one of them just shouting, “What are you doing?!” at their partner during the entrance works so well in kicking the segment into life. It’s not quite as effective as Big E’s pre-entrance routine, but it creates a similar sense of fun. You know the next 15 minutes or so are going to be entertaining, even if it isn’t an instant wrestling classic.
But not all wrestling has to be super serious, just going out having fun is one of the things that made New Day stand out last year. In WWE’s universe, New Day were a breath of fresh air last year. Sure, the comparisons to Edge & Christian weren’t wrong, but where WWE was at that time it all felt fresh. However that was over a year ago, nowadays New Day have been on top for a very, very long time. During that whole time, have they ever had a team to feud with that was on their level?
Tonight’s match tried to make Cesaro & Sheamus feel more of a threat to New Day’s title reign, because a slight threat is better than no threat at all. Unfortunately the way they went about it is the exact same way WWE have booked so many midcard title matches of the past few years, at this stage it just feels lazy. I’ve never gotten why you’d give the match away for free on the show BEFORE the PPV, especially if the goal is to build up the contenders for the title match.
If the contenders need that kind of push, then they really shouldn’t be number one contenders in the first place. This feud felt different before this week, the whole angle of Cesaro & Sheamus not getting along was really working, but now it feels like every other New Day feud. It’s a shame, because I personally believe Cesaro & Sheamus should never really be on the same page and in that the storyline had great potential.
Is the twist, however, that Cesaro & Sheamus start working together just in time for their championship match? So the duo not getting along was just part one of the story, instead of being their entire gimmick? Arguing against that theory, if that isn’t the intention at all, then what was the point in this match tonight? Why have them show us that they are starting to gel, if the entire point is that they are an odd couple?
The other theory is they didn’t really think about it and just thought the match would be fun, which it was, so I can’t fault them there. But this is my entire issue with RAW right now, it is really hard to get invested when things seem to change week to week. We’ll find out on Sunday what Cesaro & Sheamus will be going forward, but it’s just the same old win-lose booking that gets no one over. Here was me thinking the Cesaro vs Sheamus feud could be the exception to that rule… no wait, that accolade goes to Sasha & Charlotte doesn’t it?
The end sequence was nice though, Cesaro’s uppercut on Kofi was perfectly timed! Looked legit and led well into the Brogue Kick from Sheamus, so good work fella’s!
Commentators Talking Crap Award
Without further ado, let’s get this over with…
1) Cole: Rich Swann! Pretty move! Taking out Brian Kendrick! (Pretty move? Did he just call that as ‘pretty move’…)
2) Every time Cole had to plug the triple main event, did anyone else just groan every time he said that?
I feel like I missed some stuff? If there are any lines that I’ve completely missed, you’ll let me know right?
That’s it for this week’s awards! RAW had two segments that just bored me tonight, Golden Truth vs Shining Stars and Bo Dallas vs Curtis Axel. However, at least the latter was building upon a storyline. The crowd tonight groaned when they realised they were about to sit through Golden Truth vs Shining Stars, that’s your sign to stop right there folks.
Anyway Hell in a Cell should have a couple of fun matches, just don’t get your panties in a twist if the women don’t end up main eventing. WWE are prone to cold feet, they’ll do it one day though. So if not this Sunday, those women will main event eventually.
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