Warning, more semen references than usual ahead
What’s up guys, Kingzak is back in action with another prediction column. My god it feels so soon after the last one, it is a bit worrying, I really hope WWE pulls the brakes on the PPV train because I don’t want to make a table with 20+ PPVs on it for next year’s PPV-Star. Maybe WWE will learn they made a mistake when Raw is under 2 million views while Smackdown is holding steady at 3 and reverse the brand split into one big brand now prominently on Smackdown instead of Raw.
Anyway onto the show and two things I must say off the bat. Firstly, “Clash of Champion” sounds like some shitty freemium game that I would spend my time berating. Secondly, no champions are actually clashing, they are all off doing their own thing, we didn’t even get champion vs champion en route to the show, bullshit if you ask me. But those two mildly sarcastic gripes aside, it is looking like a good show, but much like Backlash it is looking fairly transitional and won’t really settle any of the feuds going on. Hopefully, also like Backlash, it defies expectation and thoroughly entertains; it certainly has the card to do it. Some of the matches on the show could be pretty good if not fucking amazing, depends on the way it goes.
So as per usual, I have the same group with me, ready to share their thoughts on the show, me, my dad, my brother and my dog. So yeah, a normal show for us, and I am out of things to write about in the intro, so without further ado, let’s begin the prediction train.
Alicia Fox vs. Nia Jax
So … I am torn on caring here. I shouldn’t but all things considered it is the best way this could have gone. Feeding Jax the lowest on the totem pole is better than her still fighting jobber like some people … Anyway; I mildly look forward to this one, it is good to see them building Jax up instead of just thrusting her into the title scene. But as should be expected Jax will destroy Fox here and move onto the next victim on the pole, either Summer Rae or Paige.
Zak: Ok first match is Alicia Fox vs Nia Jax … wow I just realized how close Nia Jax sounds to Near Jacks
Dad: Neo, isn’t he the one from the matrix
Zak: Nia Jax
Brother: Nia Jax
Dad: Agent Smith will takeover Alicia Foxs body and kill Neo
Dog: Nia Jax
Cesaro vs. Sheamus
Ok I am fully back to not caring. I wish I did, but I just don’t. These two have fought somewhere around 10 times since the brand split and I just don’t care anymore. Sheamus went almost got a perfect and then choked it away, leaving us at 3-3. If there was any sense of importance to this feud going in this would have been a nice little underdog story. But there was no reason why this happened other than creative saying “fuck it, this’ll give them something to do for a couple months so they stop nagging us”. So ultimately, fucks stopped happening around the untelevised match, and now we are here.
Honestly these two are bound to have a good match, just look at the names, these two are bound to have a decent match. and it is bound to take up around 10-15 minutes, but that is obvious. As far as who wins, I think we either see Cesaro win and go on to do nothing, or I saw a theory posted that they somehow get a draw and end up with a tag title match, I like that idea, so I hope for that. But to have a singles winner, I would say Cesaro.
Dad: (After I mention that Sheamus has a mohawk) I always considered a Mohawk to a be like a brazillian wax on the head
Zak: Cesaro … or draw
Brother: Sheamus
Dad: I would never vote for a ginger, the other person
Dog: Cesaro
T.J. Perkins vs. Brian Kendrick
Confession time. I haven’t watched a second of the cruiserweight classic, unless someone has posted a GIF from it somewhere in which case I have seen that. I have been busy for most of it and I just didn’t feel the hype for it. So this past Monday was my first exposure to these guys, and I am glad to see Brian Kendrick back on our screens. Or maybe I am just happy to hear his theme song again.
Honestly I am quite looking forward to seeing this match, based on everything I have seen about the cruiserweights, this should be a great match, I am going to imagine it earns at least 3.5 Stars … at least one person in the audience is annoyed at my underestimation, I’ll bet you anything. As for time, 15 minutes would be good. As for who wins, well while I may know nothing about these superstars, I do know about titles, and since TJ only won it a week and a half ago, he is not losing the title yet.
Dad: What does the TJ stand for … Total Jerk … Tide of Jizz, Tsunami of Jizz
Zak: TJ Perkins
Brother: Brian Kendrick
Dad: Brian Kendrick
Dog: Perkins
Sami Zayn vs. Chris Jericho
Ok and we are onto the part of the card that I know about and care about. Zayn vs Jericho, this is a dream match we never thought of, two of the best wrestlers of different generations, two of Canadas best superstars facing off for what I believe is the first time … ok they faced off three times on Raw and Smackdown this year, currently the fued is tied at 1-1-1 … but this is their first PPV clash so it is fine. I think the build has been a bit underwhelming, but sometimes just sticking two of your best in a feud is enough.
As far as the stats goes, I feel like this one is going to go pretty well, I would imagine this is sort of the bathroom break match, but it gets a lot of time so you can go to the bathroom mid match and be back before the finish. I would say 18 minutes if they go for a proper ending. As for stars, I am going to say that 3.5 Stars is the minimum for these guys, if they get less I think that would count as a disappointment. My money would be on 3.75 Stars or higher.
As to who wins, well I think this feud is far from done, and traditionally the best way for a feud to continue is for the heel to win. However Jericho doesn’t have the best record with winning on PPV this year, only winning a Roadblock, WrestleMania and SummerSlam. Historically speaking, the first match of a Jericho feud always goes the opposite way I think it should, and since I am thinking a heel win, that means Sami is winning. Or does me thinking this theory still reverse it.
Zak: Sami
Brother: Sami Zayn
Dad: Jericho
Dog: Jericho
Rusev vs. Roman Reigns
So is this one going to happen this time? That is the big question. This has been an odd build, it feels like it has only been half of a build, Rusev has been going for revenge but Roman just doesn’t give a shit and just keeps going after the main title despite everyone begging him not to. Rusev has done his part for this one, Roman just hasn’t done his part of being a face challenger … no jokes you guys, that’s my job.
So what are the stats looking like for this one, surprisingly I am optimistic. Normally with Reigns some of you expect the worst, I acknowledge him for what he is, the second best wrestler on roster (PPV-Star 2015 confirms this, though I don’t think he is anywhere near that high this year) Both men can go for people of their size, and while I wouldn’t expect a long match, I would say 10 minutes, it should hit 2.75 stars with ease and be heading towards 3 stars.
As far as who wins, based on the lack of a feud going on between the two, I would say Rusev gets a win and the feud continues on into Hell in a Cell, with Roman enraged over a dirty loss and looking for revenge. Then Roman winning at HIAC would make perfect sense, here it does nothing for him other than seem like he is taking the title as consolation for not getting the world title. So yeah I am going for a Rusev win here. Watch this be the only one I get wrong
Zak: Rusev
Brother: Rusev
Dad: Rusev, meanwhile Reigns gets fucked by the Christmas Critters
Dog: Rusev
The New Day vs. Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson
I am really confused by the reaction to this feud, I have been enjoying this feud and yet the majority of everyone else has hated it, I don’t get it. This feud hasn’t set the world alight but no feud really does in the modern day (I blame modern skepticism). This has been a good feud for the tag titles, you have some moderately credible challengers against a tag team juggernaut, it is what it is I guess.
So, this is going to be Kofi and Big E with Xavier at ringside. Well that is my thoughts anyway, I reckon both teams could pull off a good match here, this is their last chance for that in my opinion, if Luke and Karl perform poorly here then I imagine people will stop caring about them, especially given how much hype they had coming over from Japan. I am going to say 13 minutes and at the very least, 2.75 Stars from this one.
So onto who wins. Honestly I have no idea which team wins, I feel like this feud will continue on into the next PPV but who has the titles is completely up in the air. I feel as though a Club win is the more likely of the two outcomes, but that is just because I feel like it is about time for The New Day to lose their titles. At this point the only tag title reign longer than theirs is Demolitions near 500 day run, and no title reign should go that long in the modern era. So I am going to say The Club win, just because I think if not now, there will never be a better time
Fun Fact: During the sentence where I discuss Demolition, I unintentionally typed "500 day runs" and almost posted with that in their ... somethings are too funny to take out entirely.
Zak: The Club
Brother: The New Day
Dad: New Day
Dog: The New Day
Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks vs. Bayley
So this is easily the second most important match of the night. Who would have thunk it, think back a year ago, would anyone have predicted the Womens title match the second most important on the card. Actually some of you may have, the whole divas revolution was starting to get underway by that point since the shitty gang warfare stuff had finished. So we have the only three important women on Raw facing off here, should be a great match.
But how great of a match will it be, I hear you asking. Well a few years back these three were all involved in a fatal four way back in NXT (along with Becky Lynch) and that match ended up with four stars. Since then these three have developed a little more and built an intricate web of feuds between them, so what they lose in Lynch is replaced with character and development, at least it should be. I am going to say this one goes for 15 minutes at the least and earns 4 stars too.
As for who wins, firstly, as much as I may want to see it happen, it is too soon for Bayley to win the womens title, and while that is a bit disappointing ultimately it is for the best. Winning the title too soon is a sure sign of career failure (Just look at Sheamus, Paige and others) and the longer the fans wait for something, the more likely they are to get behind someone. So it is a choice between Banks and Charlotte, and that is a tough one. Those two could be in the middle of some title hot potato right now, and while it doesn’t help build prestige to a title, it does help intensify a feud, and these two have a lot of feud still ahead of them in my opinion. Godammit, I have no idea which of the two is going to win. Fuck it I am going to flip a coin, Heads is Charlotte, Tails is Banks.
Dad began thinking of porn names with the women’s names in to see who sounded most pornstarish. We ended up with Sasha Banks and countless cocks. And Charlotte in cum dumpster 3.
Dad: and as we all know a cum dumpster is a quadriplegic prostitute.
Zak: Tails = Sasha Banks
Brother: Bayley
Dad: Sasha Banks
Dog: Charlotte
Kevin Owens vs. Seth Rollins
And thus we reach the main event, the rare heel vs heel clash, well it might be heel vs heel, I don’t think Rollins has gone fully face yet but he isn’t heel anymore, so maybe it is heel vs tweener. Fuck knows, but one thing I do know is that I have enjoyed the build to this one, and that is absolutely not the end of the feud for these two. I can’t wait to see what these two do with the HIAC around them. That is going to be great.
So how do I expect this one to go as far as the stats goes. Well it is the main event so there is no way this goes under 20 minutes, and I don’t think there will be a dull second in that time, unless Stephanie McMahon appears at some point, in which case I lied. I don’t know that this ends in a pin or submission, so that may cost this one a few points. I would say, these two should be able to reach 4 Stars, and that is my prediction for it since unclean finishes usually cost a quarter star.
So onto who wins, and I think the answer is obvious to everyone, sure we know the feud isn’t finishing here, but we also know that Owens has only held the title a couple weeks, there is no way he is losing it this soon, so expect an unclean finish here that solidifies Rollins as a face and for him to follow Owens into the Cell next month
Zak: Kevin Owens Retains
Brother: Kevin Owens
Dad: Seth Rollins because Kevin Owens hasn’t made an effort, no wrestler should have the name Kevin
Dog: Kevin Owens
Dog Predictions
Looked in the fridge, there was some ham that went off on the 22nd, so I had an easy source of meat for him. Forgot to get a picture, oops
• Went for Gallows and Anderson, somehow ended up picking New Day
• Jax went down with the ham
• He picked Perkins’ ham and then the paper that said Perkins, double win
• Nudged Sheamus aside to get to Cesaro
• Rusev went down with the ham, two day old ham is really sticky apparently
• In the end I only got three winners back from the dog, Owens, New Day and Jericho. Does this mean my dog is racist against Canadians?
So it is eight matches here, that means this is probably going to be a full three hours, maybe more and of it about half of it is interesting to me … sounds like a normal episode of Raw to me. Jokes aside, I am looking forward to the show, I get to see how good the cruiserweights are, and a few other matches look promising. Hopefully this night defies expectations as Backlash did; if not I may just move to doing Smackdown and both brand PPV predictions. Would be easier, but I feel Clash may live up to the hype.
So that is all from us, as usual I am pretty sure everyone wrestler has at least one of us picking them to win. Anyway I am looking forward to seeing how this one pans out. For now though it is time for me to bid you all a fond farewell. As always I hope that you have enjoyed today's entry and I will see you back here in a couple days with the Clash of Champions Recap.