So many PPVs, someone send me vodka
What’s up guys, Kingzak is back in action with another predictions column. Yes I am going to be doing one for every PPV, someone wish me luck, anyway we arrive at the first PPV of the brand split, so we can finally see if half the roster can put on an entertaining PPV, because if WrestleMania was any indication, a half roster can’t put on a good show. But then again I remain positive, some bits of the show look like the sort that should remain to TV and in the non-brand split era wouldn’t even get a sniff of PPV chances, but I guess this is progress. Or regress, I guess it is a matter of opinion, we’ll have to wait and see.
So who do I have with me, well the dog is with me, and he may be the only one excited about having more PPVs because that just means more ham for him (I should try and find a different meat for the two brands and one for cross brands, fuck that sounds a lot of work let’s just stick to ham), my dad and brother will also be joining me, the joke there is they don’t know the PPV schedule has changed, I am saving it a surprise for Clash of Champions or No Mercy, whenever they start questioning it. Anyway without further ado, let’s begin the discussion.
Alexa Bliss vs. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella vs. Naomi vs. Natalya vs. Nikki Bella
So this is a six pack challenge, I personally think Carmella wins here, she looks like she could drink a six pack fastest out of these ladies … Wow that is the most dad joke I have ever done on here, though in fairness I do think Carmella is best at drinking alcohol of these women, or at least her character would be.
Anyway I am incredibly disappointed in the build up here; it has been nothing but a six woman tag match every week. If WWE wanted me to not give a shit about this match they couldn’t have done a better job, actually that’s a lie, they could by making this round one in a tournament for the title, which would receive so little an amount of fucks that I would just breeze past it. Honestly the lack of fucks is a bit of a shame to me; I want to care about the women’s division. But you can’t do that with a feud that is six sides, three sides maybe, but a six sided feud typically feature minimal fucks given.
I don’t have high hopes here, when you pass four individuals in a match things start to become clusterfucky and decrease the quality to expect, unless you throw in a special stipulation (Ladder, Chamber, HIAC, all that stuff). So honestly don’t expect anything more than average over a ten minute match that could be a disappointing return to the old “Women’s match piss break”, just be back in time for the finish, that should be a nice feel good moment.
So onto who actually wins. Well let’s start by saying that Naomi and Carmella are absolutely not winning, neither of them has the build up to win the title. Natalya could win, but then again she was in the first ever divas title match which in essences means she is a symbol of everything wrong with women’s wrestling the last eight years. Bliss I wouldn’t mind seeing win it, she has some good work from NXT and never really got her dues there, only ever getting two title matches on the actual shows. Nikki has been thrown around as a potential winner but I don’t think she is there for that, I think she is here as a veteran for the other women to learn and feud with/from, which only leaves us with one option and in my opinion it is the right one.
Dad: It’s a shame this is a free for all, Nutella and Carmel could be a good team
Zak: Becky Lynch
Brother: Naomi
Dad: Baby Spice (Alexa Bliss)
Dog: Carmella
The Usos vs. The Hype Bros
Just realized that I don’t really need to say much for this one since all the interesting stuff will come in the next match. So a quick summary, I like the idea of the Usos as heels, gives them something fresh to do, really they should have gone for some sort of double turn while feuding with the Dudleys earlier this year, but doesn’t matter. Again I think this one will only last about ten minutes for 2.5 Stars. As for who wins, well The Usos are obviously going to win, who’s going to face the two man gore band (Trademark Royal Court Industries 2016-forever) the fresh new heels or the team they already beat. The Usos win this easily, as they should
Zak: The Usos
Brother: The Usos
Dad: The Uzis
Dog:The Hype Bros
Winners of previous match vs. Heath Slater and Rhyno
So for my side, this is The Usos vs Heath and Rhyno, honestly this is somewhat what I expected from the tournament. I swear I read someone say something about The Usos turning heel many weeks ago, and Heath is just incredibly over at the moment. I have enjoyed pretty much everything Heath has done since the draft and adding Rhyno to him makes him at least semi credible as a threat.
I will be honest I am not confident in this match being good, I imagine it will go a good length, but history is not on Heaths side as far as match quality goes, the best tag match he has ever had is only two stars, and he has yet to have a one on one PPV match, so a lack of confidence is to be expected, I am going to be optimistic and say that this one could reach 2.5 Stars, maybe even higher if the fans are into it.
As far as the winner goes, I honestly see this going either way, if the Usos win then they are chased by American Alpha for a while, if Slater and Rhyno win then AA vs Usos still happens but a different team goes for the tag titles. Personally I like the idea of a face winning the title for the first time, I think that theory may actually apply to every title ever but that is a topic for another day. For the sake of an answer I am going to say Slater and Rhyno via AA attacking Usos and costing them the match
Zak: The Two Man Gore Band
Brother: Heath Slater and Rhyno
Dad: Some poachers are gonna get the Rhino, so he will lose, so I pick The Ouzos
Dog: The Hype
Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt
Backlash really seems like a show of two halves, we have six matches, three promise to be good while three look pretty meh, we are officially into the good half of the show. Orton vs Wyatt is a feud I have been waiting for since Bray finished his feud with Cena, honestly of all Orton’s potential feuds, this ranked higher than him vs Lesnar which I still give no fucks about. This one I am really hoping is a mutli-show feud, there’s a lot in this feud that could easily see this carry on all the way to Survivor Series. I really hope this isn’t one and done.
As for quality and time, well this is the second biggest match of the night, so I expect this one to be given a nice chunk of time, at the very least 15 minutes; I would say this one goes a good 18 minutes before we see an end. As far as stars goes, both these men can be a bit hit or miss on occasion, but I think these two will probably work well together, I am going to say 3.5 Stars at the very least for this one, I would say they could go higher but I imagine a mildly shennanigany ending to this one so this feud continues.
So onto the finish for this one, I am honestly struggling to imagine a world in which Orton wins this one, even though I know the feud should continue I don’t see Orton coming away victorious, the heel losing the first match in a series always sends a bad message out, it is better to have the face take the lose so they have something to fight for. On top of that, a win here helps rebuild Wyatt in the eyes of the many fans that think he lacks credibility; I am not one of those, sometimes with the right gimmick that is all you need to be credible.
Zak: Bray Wyatt
Brother: Randy Ortons getting another shit beating
Dad: Someone with a name like Randy is never gonna win fuck all, so it’ll be the other bloke
Dog: Bray
The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler
Anyone else looking at this one and thinking that it is going to be the opener. The opener is always a good spot for the midcard title in my opinion, it is one of two times in a show you can guarantee fans are watching, so it is good for exposure of the upcoming talent, or in this case, two veterans fighting for the rights to the gold. I am a bit disappointed that this is what we get after a top notch promo, not that this is particularly bad, but these two had a feud for this same title almost exactly two years ago and didn’t exactly make anything great come of it ... actually wait Mizdow started during that feud, so I guess something good did come of it … but lightning won’t strike twice right?
So we actually have some stats to go off of for this one, neither man is a better wrestler now than in 2014, some little tweaks to character have occurred but nothing major so we can expect much the same now, well I can say that the official PPV-Star statistics (the only star ratings that matter really … aside from all the ones I use to gauge an average) have their previous matches ranked at 2.75 and 2.5 Stars. That seems lower than I would expect, honestly I think these two may surpass that this time, they’ll have more time to work with what with the IC title being more priorital now than back then. As for time, I am going to say 14 minutes for this one. And if they can’t beat 2.75 Stars in that time, these two should really head off and learn how to wrestle.
As for who wins, at this point I honestly can’t think who would end The Miz’s run with the IC title, a small part of me wants to see him get close to or even break Honky Tonks record. WWE has no one on SmackDown who should beat him; the SmackDown midcard is Miz, Dolph, Del Rio (well he was), Baron Corbin, Kane, Apollo Crews and Kalisto. Of those listed, are any of them worth a title push at this point? Sadly no, so we have to keep waiting for our future champion.
Fantasy Booking time: Slater fails to win the tag title match and somehow manages to get a shot at the IC title, then you have a feud between an arrogant movie star and a man just trying to feed his kids, a modern version of poor vs wealthy, that despite the likely crap match at the end, I would watch intently throughout.
Zak: Ok the next match is The Miz vs Dolph Ziggler, Dad should I just put down Dolphin Juggler for you?
Dad: yeah
Brother: Whoever competitor number two is
Zak: so you are just going with an RNG now
Brother: Sure for matches I don’t have an actual prediction on
Zak: The Miz
Brother: Dolph Ziggler
Dad: The Dolphin Juggler
Dog: Dolph Ziggler
Dean Ambrose vs. AJ Styles
So we are onto the main event and something I think we have all been waiting for since these two were drafted to the same show. Two of the best superstars in the WWE (possibly even world) competing for the biggest prize since this is technically the real world title (It’s the one that existed before the brand split), that is what we have here, and I am looking forward to this one.
As far as stars and time goes, this being the main event means it should easily pass the twenty minute mark, and maybe even be close to the twenty-five minute mark. As for stars, if these two don’t reach four stars I will be sorely disappointed. These are two men who should be looking more towards 4.5 Stars for their goal, not sure they will reach that, but I remain hopeful.
So onto the actual match, and honestly there is no way this feud doesn’t continue for the next few months, with John Cena currently taking the autumn months off (at least that is my understanding) this feud could act as a good drawing anchor for the brand till he gets back. If this feud is going to continue for a while I highly doubt that this will be the title change, we have a little while to go until then. so that means Dean wins, or a non-finish
How this feud is going to go
Backlash: Dean retains semi cleanly
No Mercy: Different unclean win from Dean
Survivor Series: AJ wins the title
December PPV: Rematch, AJ wins clean
Rumble: Both do something different
Zak: Dean Ambrose
Brother: Dean Ambrose, because he has faith in all the shield except Roman Reigns
Dad: AJ Styles, because he is not related to Harry Styles and he’s a bellend
Dog:Dean Am Brose
Dog Predictions
I forgot to get a picture of the set up. oops
• Had to set the divas match up on the kitchen floor so he wouldn’t interrupt me, he just ended up grabbing the nearest name and going clockwise from there.
• The Hype Bros should be shortened to The Hype. That could actually be good
• Bray and Orton were very close, I only just about seen which one he picked
Zak: Any Final Messages
Dad: I have nothing to add
So those are the predictions for the show, honestly this PPV is feeling really transitional, none of the important feuds are going to end here, Wyatt/Orton and Styles/Ambrose are both definitely continuing with the other matches having other directions obvious for the next show. If it weren’t for the fact that this looked a good show with a few new titles debuting I would honestly say just watch the best bits the next day. But then again this is Smackdown, if the weekly shows are anything to go by this will remain a moderately entertaining show throughout. So I guess the advice for this one is, “if you have nothing else to do, watch it, if you have something more important don’t sweat it”
So that is all from me and my family for another PPV, honestly can’t say much else, I mean we are going to be back in about two weeks with Clash of Champions (Can I complain about the name, no champions are clashing, that is false advertisement) so you don’t have to wait long until you get more of me and my family, so fucking exciting, if WWE plan on having this many PPVs next year I am going to need to get a vodka company to sponsor the columns so I can get through it.
Well it is time for me to bid you all a fond farewell, though only for a short time. As always I hope that you have all enjoyed today’s column and I hope to see you all again in a couple of weeks for Clash of Champions, until next time.