About SummerSlam 2016
1. It was certainly not the biggest party of the summer.
Hell, it wasn't the biggest wrestling party of August, or even of its own damn weekend. SummerSlam has been my favorite WWE Pay Per View for years. I look forward to it the way others look forward to the Royal Rumble or to Wrestlemania. I admit that a lot of that is probably due to the way Bret Hart (probably still my favorite ever) always was allowed to shine brightest at SummerSlam. Match of the night against the Brainbusters in '89, awesome 2/3 falls match against Demolition at '90, back to back classic Intercontinental Title matches at '91 and '92, the overrated, yet still good, cage match against Owen in '94, Hart and Soul in '97. All great stuff. Later, it was CM Punk's world. He won the World Title from Jeff Hardy in 2009, beat Cena in 2011 (we'll gloss over the fact WWE fucked up the Summer of Punk that should have made him a megastar minutes later,) beat Cena and Show at '12, and then in his final appearance there beat Brock Lesnar. Yes, I know, he was pinned, but really the story of the match was all about Punk being better. I honestly don't really remember much about SummerSlam 2014 other than the Rollins/Ambrose Lumberjack match, but I loved last year's show. This year's though? It pretty much blew goats.
Do you know what didn't the last couple of weekends? All three of the G1 Climax Block Finals and overall Finals shows last weekend, ROH's Death Before Dishonor show, and nXt Takeover, Back to Brooklyn. Now, don't get me wrong, Back to Brooklyn wasn't great, in my opinion, but it was better than SummerSlam. Hell, I haven't even had a chance to watch the Super J Cup Finals that aired the same day yet, so there's every possibility SummerSlam was the 4th best show of the weekend and the 7th best since August 12. That's fucking ridiculous, folks. SummerSlam is supposed to be awesome, supposed to be the Wrestlemania of summertime, yet this is what they give us? The card was poorly structured, the booking made no damn sense, and they gave almost nobody a reason to leave the event feeling good about it. Hell, when the credits rolled on the show, my reaction was, "That's it? Really?" I had to rub my eyes to make sure they were actually ending the show that way. And though I did enjoy last year's show a lot, that was the second year in a row for feeling that way and both were regarding a Brock Lesnar match. And how do they discipline Brock for bringing negative attention to WWE with his performance enhancing drug scandal? A knockout victory over Randy Orton. In the main event, which shouldn't have been the main event.
2. John Cena vs. AJ Styles should have closed the show.
I have felt this way from the beginning, see no reason to change that opinion now, and don't even believe this is a controversial opinion. AJ Styles was the biggest star of TNA for a dozen years. John Cena has been the biggest star in WWE for a dozen years. While I realize the average WWE mainstream fan didn't know who AJ Styles was when he debuted at the Royal Rumble, they sure as shit do now. He had one of the best matches at Fast Lane, the best match at Wrestlemania, Payback, and Extreme Rules, and would have had the match of the night (and a serious match of the year contender) against Cena at Money in the Bank if it hadn't been for the way that match ended. The story told in that match, given Cena's long lay-off, was brilliant. I adore that match--just hated the ending. The success of that match, the story these two were telling, the fact that it was almost guaranteed to be the best match of the night (only Balor/Rollins really had a chance to be better if we're being honest,) and that there wasn't really anything else that screamed it deserved the spot all pointed to Cena/Styles II being the main event. Instead we got it about an hour into the show. Balls to that.
Now, I'm not going to completely blow them for their effort. I'm not convinced it was the best match of the weekend (Jay Briscoe and Adam "Hangman" Page had a lights out, kick-ass Anything Goes match at Death Before Dishonor and I'd have to watch the two back to back in order to determine which I really thought was better. OH THE HORROR!) and I know it wasn't the best match of the month (both the greatest draw I have ever seen in Katzuchika Okada vs. Hiroshi Tanahashi and to me the clear Match of the Year to this point--Kenny Omega vs. Tetsuya Naito--from G1 Climax Finals weekend were better,) but it was still clearly fantastic and right up there with Rollins vs. Reigns from Money in the Bank and Ambrose vs. Triple H from Roadblock for WWE Match of the Year. While I, personally, thought there was no way Cena vs. Styles could be beat for match of the night, since WWE put them on like 3rd or something, they did the very definition of stealing the show. I'll close the conversation about this match by saying I'm getting tired of people complaining AJ Styles to Shawn Michaels. Michaels was a better talker than AJ Styles, but Styles is clearly the better in-ring performer. Styles approaching HBK levels in the ring? Michaels should be so lucky.
3. However, we were unlucky to have witnessed that travesty of a tag title match.
The New Day act is old and tired and needs to end. I say that as a fan who cares about professional wrestling and doesn't give a shit if they are making the company tons of money in the merchandise area. They are stale, they are boring, and they are played out. Furthermore, the bullshit with John Stewart didn't make any damn sense and didn't belong at SummerSlam. Last year's Stewart appearance was fun, not the least of all because he hypocritically helped Seth Rollins defeat John Cena to become a double champion and then was a good enough sport to get F-Ued (I refuse to call that move the Attitude Adjustment both because I'm not down with the PG PC shit and because it's a dis-service to the "Total Package" Lex Luger, who had the real Attitude Adjustment back in 1991-1992 WCW.) the next night on RAW. Tonight he was completely out of place. We get so much fucking celebrity bullshit at Wrestlemania. Do we really need to have it at SummerSlam, also? Really? And did it have to be used to make The Club look like complete fucking imbeciles instead of the badasses they are supposed to be? Nothing about this match made any goddamn sense.
And that's a damn shame, because the match itself was actually pretty damn good. It was all of the ancillary things surrounding it that sucked. I know NJPW is not exactly mainstream (at least not yet) here in the U.S., but Karl Anderson and DOC Gallows would never have allowed Stewart to slide himself out of the ring. They would have pulverized that motherfucker the moment they saw him get in there. But because it's WWE and celebrities (even ones who have allowed themselves to get punked) can't be made to look bad, the wrestlers have to look bad. Stewart shouldn't have been involved in this shit at all and Anderson and Gallows should have won the tag straps, but if he had to be involved, he should have eaten a Magic Killer and then taken the damn crotch to the pole shit that Big E had to eat. But, instead, Big E, who couldn't wrestle and help his boys out against the bigger, stronger, tougher act of The Club somehow managed to show up to help out the celebrity douchebag instead and, in so doing, get his team disqualifed. This was the perfect opportunity to switch the straps, finally make The Club look dominant, and end the title reign on the perfectly imperfect number of 364. WWE fucked it up.
4. Just like Charlotte fucked up Sasha Banks.
The difference is that I don't think what WWE did was intentional. I think they'll keep riding The New Day train as long as there is money in it and that they can't help it when there is a celebrity that wants to be involved in their product. Charlotte, though? Charlotte it certainly seems to me hurt Sasha Banks on purpose. Yeah, yeah, they're "friends," but Charlotte is also the daughter of Ric Flair, who as good as he was at one time in the ring was better as a backstage politician. Apparently Banks was already hurt before the match, but how much worse is she off now that her buddy Ashley blew the backbreaker spot and dropped her on the mat hard instead of on the turnbuckle, as supposedly planned? Am I being cynical and throwing shade because I'm so down on her old man these days? I honestly don't know, but when I saw that happen in the ring, my thought wasn't, "Oh, she really screwed that up." It was, "Damn, she is really trying to hurt Sasha out there" and I'm not the only one who thought that. I mentioned it to my buddy Jeff (who also thinks Styles is way better than Michaels, btw) and he said he thought the exact same thing when he saw that spot. The really sad thing about it is that Charlotte is as stale as The New Day and since WWE fucked up the brand split, there's really no other option to be champ right now, even if WWE feels the way I do.
And yes, I do think they fucked it up. Jim Ross who I listen to fairly regularly says we need to give it to at least Wrestlemania to see what each brand's main event is before we can make an accurate judgment on it, and I understand and support that reasoning...up to a certain point. The fact is WWE should never have separated out the women's and tag team divisions. The women should have all gone to RAW and the tag teams should have all gone to Smackdown. There simply aren't enough of either category to support separate divisions on each show and the ones they do have will not each get a decent amount of time because they are split amongst the shows. Now Daniel Bryan is trying to decide whether creating championships for those divisions on Smackdown is the correct thing. Well, folks, I don't see how there's options here. If you don't create new belts, those people never should have been drafted because they literally have nothing to strive for. Yeah, there can be personal rivalries and storylines involved, but at the end of the day, what are they truly trying to accomplish? In kayfabe you prove you're the best by winning championships. If there are no championships, what's all the fighting about? And I guess he has now decided, doh.
5. The "New Era" can't have truly started until Miz drops the Intercontinental Title.
Yes, I know it seems like a small thing and really the same thing could have been said in thought 4 regarding The New Day. I also know that the I-C Title doesn't have the prestige it once did. Still, Dean Ambrose and Kevin Owens did a great job of making it relevant again earlier this year and I don't think the Miz has done as bad job as champion. His character work has been excellent for over a year now, actually, but the fact remains that no matter how good a job he is doing, he isn't the right guy to be doing it. He was a 4-time Intercontinental Champion before winning it from Zach Ryder the day after Wrestlemania. Ryder winning the title was awful and The Miz beating him for it was probably a step in the right direction, but I really feel like he should have dropped the title to Cesaro at Extreme Rules. Everything else about that match was great, but you can't have a 5-star match where the wrong guy wins. If the right guy had won (and it could have been any of the other three in all actuality) it might be at my top of the list for MOTY. As it stands, it was a good match, but not great. All of these little things play into it. And, to me, this division is another area WWE fucked up with the Brand Split.
All of the guys that should have been champing at the bit for the I-C Title; in fact all three of the other guys in that Fatal Fourway match; are all on the other show. So fucking dumb. I mean powerful stupid. So who do we have as the top contenders for Intercontinental Gold instead? Baron Corbin, Kalisto, and Apollo Crews. Presumably Dolph Ziggler will join that group now that he has been beaten handily by "The Kingpin" Dean Ambrose. And why should Crews even be on the list now after losing cleanly to Miz after one finisher, which seemingly nobody else on the roster does? Not only has almost the entire roster kicked out of Daffy Duck's favorite finisher, but several matches on the card saw at least one wrestler survive multiple opponent finishers. While I appreciate a finisher actually putting someone down for the count, they choose Crews to be the guy to lose to one and The Miz to be the guy dishing it out? Very odd. My buddy, Cold, said this on Twitter, "He can just keep claiming the old era won't be dead as long as he is Champion. It works fine if you know how to work it." I actually agree with that sentiment, but do you know who would be perfect to pull that off? A heel John Cena. I know, wishful thinking, right?
6. Cesaro vs Sheamus should have been on the main card.
Let's face it, part of what made SummerSlam such a drag--similar in my opinion to Wrestlemania 32--was the way the card was structured. It was just flat-out odd and disjointed, plus the number of heel victories was strange. Add all that to an unnecessarily long pre-show and it just felt weird; and this is even coming from a guy who watched the pre-show Sunday night and the event itself Monday afternoon. It isn't the card itself that was too long; it was that there was a pre-show in front of it. I can imagine it was a little better than others than it was for me, due to many people not watching Death Before Dishonor this weekend also, but that's still an extra two hours to hype your pay per view you have already been hyping for a month, and really, SummerSlam shouldn't need any hype. It's fucking SummerSlam!!! That said, the stuff they had on the pre-show was nothing really to write home about. They are obviously setting up a program between the Usos and my favorite team, American Alpha, in a bloated 12 man tag and maybe they are setting up a new tag team in Sami Zayn and The Man That Gravity Forgot, which I think could be a lot of fun. But really, that shit could have been accomplished just as well in an 8 man tag and on RAW, respectively.
There were really two highlights of the pre-show. The first was the excellent segment between Jeri-KO and the second was the first in the Best of Seven series between Sheamus and Cesaro. Man, that was a lot of written out numbers for one sentence, but I digress. The fact is that even with the weird way they structured the pay per view, Cesaro vs. Sheamus would have been a much better fit between the Universal Title Match (which would have been my second choice to close the show behind Styles/Cena) and the battle of youngest World Champions in company history. That is a much more usual blueprint for a "cool down" match or a pallette cleanser than a United States Championship match and if we weren't going to get the match that I was looking forward to the second most (yes, I know many of you misguided souls still watch RAW regularly so already saw it,) they should have put that non-match on the pre-show. A war like that would have gotten the crowd more hyped leading into the opening contest and Enzo and Big Kass' excellent pre-match promo than Sheamus stealing a victory the same way he did on the June 9, 2014 RAW (I know that, because I was there.) Plus, Sheamus vs. Cesaro would have set the stage better for the abortion that was Lesnar vs. Orton.
7. Nobody should ever kick out of The Pedigree. Ever.
This is really a two-pronged point. The first is fairly obvious. Nobody should kick out of the goddamn pedigree. If the fucking Rock couldn't do it, nobody should, and I don't care that it's now being done by Seth Rollins. He is the master of that move and it should end the match. Period. And that goes for any other finishing move. A finishing move isn't a finishing move if it doesn't finish the match nearly as often as it does. That's what signature moves or back-up finishing moves are for. Guys kicking out of their opponents best shots should NEVER happen. Now that said, after all those evers and nevers, I am being slightly--but only slightly--hyperbolic. If on a big match stage like Wrestlemania or SummerSlam or the Rumble in a huge feud-culminating match one or both parties were to kick out of their finishers, fine. It could work really well if timed correctly, but not when every damn big match has it happening. Charlotte kicked out of Natural Selection. Cena and Styles each kicked out of multiple finishers (which actually worked beautifully and would have been the one exception I would have allowed,) Balor kicked out of the Pedigree, Lesnar kicked out of the RKO, Orton kicked out of the F-5. That's FOUR big matches it happened in. Ridiculous.
Building drama in this artificial manner is outdated and needs to stop. It made sense for Rock and Austin. It makes sense for Cena and Styles. It did not make sense for the other three matches in which it happened, though I suppose an argument could be made for the women's match; especially if the Icon vs Icon match had correctly closed the show. The proper way to get the finishers over is by them always winning the match, and thus guys doing everything they can to avoid them. To see such a scenario play out, I would again point to Tanahashi vs. Okada and Omega vs Naito. There are numerous examples in that promotion, but those are two recent excellent ones and are worth your ten dollars alone. I highly suggest you pony that up at the beginning of September (since they bill on the first of every month anyway) and watch them. You will thank me that you did so. Now, all that said, I did say this was a two-pronged argument. The second part of it is simply that Rollins should have pinned Balor after the Pedigree and won the Universal Title. Putting the strap on a guy who was in his third match on the roster and doesn't even have a real character yet when your other option is the best heel (and one of the best wrestlers) in the business was just plain dumb. Balor could have...wait for it...developed his character while chasing Rollins for that championship.
I don't like to see people get injured (except Cena, I'll be honest. I genuinely don't hate the guy, but I needed the serious break that his filming and injuries gave us. Really hoping for an Iron Man between he and Styles at Backlash,) but this may end up working out for the best. It was the wrong time to put the title on Balor and now, similar to Rollins, people are going to be clamoring for him to be in the mix when he gets back. I desperately hope Kevin Owens gets the title next week on RAW. My three choices, in order, would have been Owens, Rollins, Rusev. Rusev is obviously out; Reigns is not going to win it and I'm sure his program with the Bulgarian Brute will continue, so that leaves me with a 66.67% chance of having a guy I want the title on leaving with the title. Kass just isn't ready to be a singles star yet and WWE shouldn't be rushing him to that spot. As much as I like Kass and as good as he is, Enzo is, to me, clearly the star of that duo and the one that fires everyone up. So, to sum up, the pedigree should have won the match that should have been the semi-main and hopefully WWE course corrects to Owens or Rollins as the Universal Champ next Monday. That will give us something to party about.
Long days, pleasant nights