Do you wanna start a war? (Do it right now!)
Start a fire, Start a roar (Do it right now!)
Do you wanna take a stand? (Do it right now!)
Take control, Take command (Do it right now!)
Do you wanna start a war? (Do it right now!)
Start a fire, Start a roar (Do it right now!)
You can't take it anymore (Do it right now!)
Then it's time to start a war (Do it right now!)
"Do You Wanna Start A War" by Fozzy starts playing as action scenes of LPW's finest are interspersed with some of the most memorable moments of Altered Reality. The ending montage flashes brief victory moments of those who have claimed the Martinez Cup – SoL, Pen, Drew Michaels, cYnical and Tromboner Man – before settling on a visage highlighting Sixx King and Al desperately clutching their championships while the most prestigious prize in LPW shines between them.
Cause now is the time,
For you to fall in line …
For you to read the sign, For you to be divine ...
Cause now is the day,
For you to get your way …
For you to make your play, For you to jump and say HEY!
The camera pans fast across a mass of screaming fans being held at bay behind a velvet rope sanctioning them from the red carpet. Flash bulbs blast and people call for the attention of the LPW talent who walk the runway down to Altered Reality Pre-Show Bacchanal and Hall of Fame Ceremony.
Rose: Ladies and Gentlemen we are mere hours away from Altered Reality. We are here on the red carpet at the Dallas Event Center at Texas Station! The roster members of both Insanity and pYromania are filing in, their cars and limos acting as carriages whisking them into what should be an amazing evening to honor past cycle of LPW action. But this isn’t all about LPWs recent history, it’s also about it’s long, lavish history of success. And with no is one of, if not thee, most successful champions in LPW History. The New Breed himself. SoL!
The camera pans over to reveal SoL standing and smiling, a custom tailored Armani suit draping his body, dark shaded glasses covering his eyes. LPWs biggest star, and resident Hollywood Idol stands as charismatic as he ever was.
SoL: Happy to be here, Ms. Rose! The best way to get SoL to your show is to roll out the red carpet. LPW promised a star-studded event, and compared to these dim lights, I’m a supernova.
Rose: Can’t exactly deny that. We’re expecting a cavalcade of LPW stars to join us here on set, all of whom will have heavy minds as they stand on the precipice of what, for many, should be the biggest fights of their career.
SoL: I know a little about big matches, and it doesn’t get any bigger that Altered Reality. Every man we’ll talk to tonight is scared about the threshold he stands before. I expect a lot of brevity, a lot of stone faces.
Rose: Here’s one! Mr. Crerar! Step on up. You’re representing Team Insanity at Altered Reality. Can you talk a little bit about your mindset tonig-
Ozzy: WE’RE GONNA GET SO DRUNKKKK!!! WOOOWOOOO
SoL: Get him off, come on!
Security rushes Ozzy off the platform as he continues to wooo towards the camera.[/i[
Rose: So much for stone faces and brevity.
SoL: Buffoons are prone to nerves. It’s what made Stone so dangerous!
Rose: Oh. Decade old burn! We have nowhere to go but up from there, however. We’re going to attempt to get some meaningful interviews here any moment. And it seems we have Steven Thornridge on the carpet with his title belt. Come on up and join us, Steven.
Thornridge: Ah, nice to see you out here on this lovely evening as always.
Rose: Such the charmer.
Thornridge: The Aussie Crusader always tries his best.
Rose: You've got a difficult match up against the team of Justus and Damien Blaze...
Thornridge: Indeed The Aussie Crusader does, but he isn't fighting alone. It's Jardup Ba and The Aussie Crusader and the titles are on the line at Altered Reality 7. But, the last thing The Aussie Crusader wants to do tonight is think about a returning legend and the man who The Aussie Crusader unceremoniously DDT's off of Mount Vesuvius. The Aussie Crusader has gone through the training, he has watched hours of video, and trained more on top of that. Tonight, tonight is a celebration of the 7th Altered Reality event in LPW's illustrious history. The Aussie Crusader is dressed to the nines and he's looking fine and tonight, your tag team champion is going to enjoy himself.
Rose: Speaking of which, where is your partner tonight?
Thornridge: Honestly, The Aussie Crusader doesn't know but he knows he's tried to contact Jardup to try and have a good time. And like... you know, see each other apart from in the matches. Strategics and such. But maybe these social gatherings aren't his thing, The Aussie Crusader can understand that. But The Aussie Crusader is sure that Jardup Ba will be at Altered Reality to give The Ngarrulans the best shot at winning. Have a good night Ms. Rose.
SoL: What in Satan’s Blue hell is a Nig-a-ru-la-what?
Rose: We’re not exactly sure either, Mr. Idol.
SoL: There are more no-names here than a maternity ward. Like this soy latte right he-
Reece Raymond: Y’ALL READY FOR THIS?
Rose: Reece! Welcome, welcome!
SoL: Good God, son. Act like you’ve been there.
Reece raises his arms with his cell phone, takes a selfie with Rose and a distraught SoL.
Rose: Reece, you haven’t been in LPW long, but you already find yourself in a hotly contected feud with Bane Uzzah. Are you nervous at all about your match against him and Team Insanity?
Reece: Nervous? Not at all! I’m too excited to be nervous! MOURN! WAIT UP! TAKE A SELFIE WITH ME!
SoL: Is this child’s parents around?
Rose: And look here, if it isn’t the Hardcore Champion Bobino. If I could ask you a question… mathematically, you have a one in six chance of keeping your title. Do you consider yourself an underdog heading into your match at AR?
Bobino: I think this entire match is about underdogs. We give Altered Reality it's first ever Hardcore Title match. At Altered Reality the most unlikely champion in LPW takes on a group of people that weren't supposed to even be on this card. We're all underdogs and I'm giving them all the chance that nobody else will. I want them to step up and take my title. I want them to win. Yeah, Im and underdog, but just like I told CraZe, no matter the outcome... I still win. We make history at Altered Reality, and I'm the center of it.
Rose: And if you do, indeed, win... what's next for Bobino. Where do you and the Hardcore Championship go from here?
Bobino: I keep doing what I been doing. Changing the game. I keep raising the bar around here. I keep raising expectations. The Hardcore Education doesn't end because I reached the top of the heap. This is where the real education and rehabilitation of this company comes from. These people deserve better violence, these people deserve... me.
SoL: Give me a break. What do you mean “these people”? Texans? I wouldn’t even subject Texans to watching you wrestle… ok maybe I would.
Bobino: It's funny, I always get this from you old guys. I don't expect you guys to understand what I do. Can't teach an old SOL new tricks, eh?
SoL: Get to stepping, clown.
The camera turns to see Mourn Despana walking past the stage, attempting to skip the interview. Reece stops him, snaps a pic, and Rose gestures for Mourn to join her and SoL.
Rose: I am here with last year’s Rookie of the Year, Mourn Despana.
Mourn: Solomon, an honor to meet you.
SoL: I’m sure it is.
Mourn: Evening Rose, you are stunning as always.
Rose: Speaking of stunning women, your fiancé Allana is not here tonight.
Mourn: She is retired and would like to stay away from the possible interactions I may come across.
Rose: Huge match tomorrow at Altered Reality. This will be your first one. Any nerves hitting home? Anything about your opponents?
Mourn: They are indeed. Any time you put your body on the line, your nerves better be there. As for my opponents? Let’s just say, I will not be held responsible for actions should the opportunity arise.
SoL: Luckily, you can’t catch a case in the wrestling ring.
Mourn: Indeed. I must be going. Rose, until next time.
Rose: If you could just alert your teammate Sean Jensen… Sean!
The camera turns to Jensen, who quickly makes his way down the red carpet past the throngs of screaming fans.
Jensen: Get that camera out of my face, unless you wish to devote yourself unto me.
The camera shakes a no, and whips back to a weirded out Rose and SoL.
SoL: There’s always a cat like him, Florecer. A dude who thinks he’s a God. But there’s only been one true larger than life idol in LPW, and his name is Solomon.
Rose: Nobody can turn a phrase like The New Breed!
SoL: Look at these stone-cold-killers.
Rose: Public Enemy Risk Control are set to join us in a second. The havoc they’ve caused rivals only, perhaps, the Illuminati in the entire history of LPW.
SoL: Pump the breaks on the hyperbole, sweet thing.
Rose: Steve Storme, Calvin X. Carter, Chris Austin… how are all of you feeling tonight?
The slightly aggravated trio eye Rose and SoL as flashes of contemplation dance around in their pupils. While Carter debates whether or not to answer as the de facto voice of the P.E.R.C.s, Storme wonders what Rose would look like in a more "compromising" position. Meanwhile, Austin looks on, increasingly agitated by the glitz and glam of the evening.
CXC: Like cracking skulls. But that'll come later. For now, we enjoy all of this, the finer things. Things that kings like myself and my brothers in arms should be entitled to. Nice to see you again, SoL.
SoL nods, noticing that Austin is in complete sourpuss mode.
SoL: What crawled up the ass of this cat giving Ronda Rousey a run for her money in the category of "best bitch face?"
With that, Austin smacks the microphone out of the LPW Hall of Famer's hand as a staredown ensues.
SoL: Just because I don't wrestle anymore doesn't mean I can't whoop your ass.
Austin: I suggest you back the hell up. Embarrassing overrated World Champions is a pastime of mine.
SoL shoves Austin, and at this point, Carter nudges Austin away from the scene as Storme, lost in his carnal musings about the increasingly uncomfortable Rose, pays little mind before snapping out of his trance.
Storme: For future reference, don't ask stupid questions to the rest of your guests. Until next time ... Rose.
Rose shudders in disgust as the P.E.R.C.s take their leave, Austin's eyes never leaving SoL's.
Rose: Uh… let’s just… it’s OK, SoL… forget them. Maybe we can get! Ah, yes! Drew Michaels. Oscar Golden. Step on up. Hello, hello. Golden, an all white suit? Very nice.
Golden: I figured I’d pick something to match my bandages.
Rose: Yes, your wound. How is the healing process? Will it affect your ability to perform at Altered Reality at all?
Michaels: He better fuc*ing hope not.
Rose: DREW!
Golden: Drew is right. I certainly do hope not. I’m confident that, while not 100%, I’ll be fighting fit enough to bring the arse kicking Public Enemy Risk Control deserves.
SoL: You’re fighting those PERC pussies? You’re gonna wipe the floor with them.
Rose: Solomon! You’re supposed to be unbiased!
SoL: That’s not bias. That’s fact.
Golden: I agree with the man, Rose! I just hope you all enjoy this as much as I'm going to.
Rose: And you, Drew? Anything to say on your match?
Michaels: The big tag match? Just make sure you keep your eyes open, maybe I can surprise you one more time.
Rose: And here comes the World Heavyweight Champion, and your former Sixx Karat Gold Partner, Sixx King.
Golden: Get out of here with that former mess. We're just taking a hiatus. Champ, how are you?
Sixx: Good. You?
Golden: It's a party. I'm in my element.
Sixx: Indeed you are. There's a bar, right?
Golden: Of course.
Sixx: Good. I'm going to find it.
Sixx begins walking away as Rose calls out.
Rose: Mr. King, can I ask a quick question?
Golden: It's too late, lass. He's not talking to anyone before he finds his buddy Jack.
SoL: That’s the best this company has to offer? A man more interested in whiskey than wise-cracking with The New Breed? Sad day for LPW.
Al: Best this company has to offer? I wouldn’t say so…
Rose: The International Heavyweight Champion! Al! Welcome up. And wow. Who are you wearing?
Al: Balmain. My good friend Olivier Rousteing hooked it up.
SoL:/ My, my, my. How far we’ve come, young thug.
Al: Mr. Idol. It’s truly an honor to stand here with you.
SoL: I’m sure it is. You gonna fetch up yogurt or what?
Al: Certainly they must have someone able to fulfill that task at the old folks home you frequent, no?
Rose: Boys, boys. I understand you have an old rivalry but let’s aim for civilit-
Shrieks ring out from the red carpet. The camera cuts away to see Bane Uzzah standing in the center, his hand over his heart.
Bane: Oh say can you see by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming,
Bane gestures dramatically at the crowd, people run around and away from him.
Bane: Whose broad stripes and bright stars thro the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there;
O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave,
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
Bane smiles as the crowd sang along. He gives a salute and continues:
O No, that star-spangled banner no longer waved,
O'ver the land of the dead and the home of the cowards today…
Bane laughs maniacally as the crowd rains insults and boos on him. He gives another mocking salute before scurrying into the curtains.
Al: Never a dull moment in LPW.
SoL: This ain’t American Idol, son.
Rose: No, it’s Solomon Idol!
SoL: Damn straight, baby doll.
Al: As we were saying, before that patriotic interruption…
Rose: Indeed! I was just about to ask… What has your preparation been like for this matc-
Al: God, Rose. You are absolutely gorgeous tonight.
Rose: Oh, why. Well, uh. Thank you.
Al: Fulsere quondam candidi tibi soles and fulsere vere candidi tibi.
Rose: I... ?
Al brushes Rose’s hair from her face.
Al: It means, ‘Certainly the Gods do shone bright on us this day.’
SoL: This motha’ fucka’ speakin’ in tongues.
Al: Solomon. My sweet Rose. Adieu.
SoL: Peace, man. Last time I talked to this dude, he couldn’t formulate a thought. Now he speaking latin. Unbelievable. Anyway. Who’s next, Rose? Rose?
Rose: I… huh? Oh. Uh.
SoL: Don’t tell me you feel for that line! My God, Rose!
Rose: Ladies and uh… Gentlemen. That’s all for Solomon Idol and myself. From Dallas, Texas… this has been Rose Florecer. Signing off. We now take you inside where Smitten has taken the stage.
--------------------
Smitten stands behind a podium, the LPW logo projected behind him. He smiles, points, pulling his best politician impression.The LPW roster is seated in front of the state, at various dinner tables with their wives, partners, children, friends, acquaintances. It's a celebration to honor the work they've done, and they are all smiles.
Smitten: Lords of Pain Wrestling! WELCOME WELCOME! ALTERED REALITY! It’s almost time. Friends, family, pYromania, Insanity, LPW legends, LPW Hall of Famers, LPW Executives, and my dear,dear brothers of Public Enemy Risk Control -- Christopher Austin, Steven Storme, Calvin, my man Calvin - welcome one and all to the my first annual Altered Reality Eve Bacchanal. The Final Supper for some of you, I would expect.
A smattering of boos and shouts sprout from the gallery.
Smitten: Alright, alright. Mere jokes, my friends. Tonight, we are family. You are all my family. Tonight, we drink like family. And we break bread. Before my men, Austin, Storme, and Calvin break your backs, your neck, and your spirits.
[b]The boos intensify, crescendo, and a steady murmur of dissatisfaction rumbles throughout the audience.
Smitten: Please, please. Show respect for this companies acting COO. Without me, none of this would be happening. The food on your plates is my food. The seat you sit in? I paid for it. Just like how I pay for salaries, and in turn, your car payment, mortgage, and that fancy necklace you bought your women. I guess you could say that your women are m-... ahh. Nevermind. Let’s play nice tonight!
The camera cuts to the PERC table where Calvin shakes his head. Storme looks towards Jenna and mouths “No way, babe.” Austin says something to the table, and they all nod in agreement.
Smitten: After all, I come bearing news. Great news, I believe. Two announcements that celebrate the magnitude of Lords of Pain Wrestling’s greatness. Our superiority over the competition. Our undisputed place as the greatest wrestling company in the world. You are only as good or bad as how you are viewed by those around you. In a business as unique as ours, whether you are hated or loved matters little - it’s that people actually care. And I know you all have opinions, and you all care one way or another. Some of you love me, for example. And a small, minority percentage of you all --- absolutely despise me. Which I will never understand, but alas - you can’t win the hearts and minds of everyone.
And with that in mind, I would like to announce the candidates for this year's Most Popular and Most Hated awards. The nominees for Most Popular are:
Most Popular
Damien Blaze, Golden, Steven Thornridge, Bronx
Smitten: Good luck to the candidates. The nominees for Most Hated, an award more dear to my heart, are…
Most Hated
CxC, Al, Sixx
Smitten: I think I know who I will be voting for. My protege, my favorite soldier, Calvin X. Carter. I trust that you all will do the right thing, and vote the way I expect you all to. It’d be an honor for me to see us win. A payoff for the hard work I’ve put into training him and getting him to where we are now. It’s been a lot of work, and I was frustrated through a lot of it, but seeing the useless sack of waste Calvin used to be, the filthy criminal he used to be, compared to the purified version you see before you today as PURE CHAMPION.. I… well.. [i]Hey what the hell are you do-
The handheld camera that has been transfixed on Smitten whips around to see Austin, Storme, and Calvin rising from their table. The button their suit coats and push in their chairs, standing up to leave. They’ve had enough of Smitten lauding himself, his actions - taking credit for the dirty work they’ve done.
Smitten: I’m not done talking, damnit! HEY! GUYS! Sit back down! Austin! What are you do-Cal! Calvin! How are you gonna’ embarrass me like thi-CALVIN! God damnit--GUARDS. LOCK THE DOORS. DON’T LET THESE UNGRATEFUL GNATS LEAVE.
From every door in the dining hall, from behind the curtains of stage, seemingly from every open inch and cranny of the room, PERC guards armed to the teeth roll out and into action. They form a line in front of the exit door, one pulls a padlock and chain from out of his vest and chain the doors shut. Wrestlers stand and scream in protest, women yelp for help. Smitten smiles from the stage.
Smitten: Now that we’ve squashed that minor quibble -- ha! I guess that’s my specialty - squashing these ant-size revolts. Isn’t that right, Xander? Oh. He’s not here is he? Isn’t that right Hammond? Oh! Not here either, huh? Golden, Despana, Michaels, Jensen - you’ll be joining them in the Intensive Care soon enough. I hope you all like Tapioca.
Mourn doubles over in laughter.
Mourn: This guy. You better have a huge checkbook to cover your claims. Because as far as I've seen, you are nothing but a coward.
Smitten: I assure you. My pockets are endless. Let this celebration itself, the food you eat right now, be exhibit 1A of that. But let’s wrap up this little speech. I fear I may be rambling. For that I apologize, but I’ve been rudely interrupted by some insubordination. For which there will be consequences. But let me get into my Public Relations mind - this next part could get mainstream media attention. My final announcement is something we can all celebrate - the legacy of some of LPW’s greatest talents. It is now my honor to announce this years inductees into the LPW Hall of Fame.
A smattering of applause ring throughout the banquet, as much as can be had while surrounded by armed guards with a license to injure.
Smitten: First off… are two men who can be considered the greatest LPW Tag Team of all time. They debuted at pYromania 1.1 and from their first match on, charged a path that is the envy of every other tag team to walk through the halls of LPW. They were two time PWA World Tag Team Champions - their first reign lasting exactly three LPW cycles. A far cry from where we sit today where the title get traded from show to show. They are truly the watermark for what makes a great Tag Team. They are Sheepster and Styxx… the Bad Mamma Jammas!
+
Smitten: But they weren’t alone in their stable. There was one more key member to the Bad Mamma Jammas. A man who accomplished in LPW things most of you will only dream of. He was a Hardcore Champion, a Western States Heritage Champion, a two time World Heavyweight Champion, and the 2010 Martinez Cup Winner. He is one of the greatest LPW performers of all time. He is the late, great, cYnical!
A somber celebration rings through the crowd, who clap in respect to cYn, but recalls his tragic end.
Smitten: And although one would believe that that was a solid enough Hall of Fame class - we’re not done yet! This next man only recently left the company, but we decided it best to honor him as soon as we could. He is a LPW Triple Crown Champion. A former World Tag Team Champion, a Two Time Undisputed Tag Team Champion, a Western States Heritage Champion, former International Heavyweight Champion. He was the 2012 Martinez Cup Champion, and one half of the other greatest tag team of all time with his partner RaTo… three times voted Most Popular, and the 2012 Wrester of the Year… he is the headliner of this Hall of Fame class… HE… IS… TROMBONER MAN!
Smitten: And that’s it! Congratulations to the entrants! Congratulations to LPW! Congratulations to me! PERCS - unlock the doors. Allow these peasants to leav-what the!
The lights flick off, Smitten’s microphone gives feedback of a high pitched piercing sound. Wrestlers stand at attention, their fists out ready to fight. The faceless PERC guards surround Smitten, who has went into a crouch covering his ears with his palms. A DJ’s scratches pound through the pa system, the voice of a rapper breaks through, contorted and chopped.
Music: you still don't alarm me. bet that bet that. bet alarm me. harm me, but you. harm me but harm you. alarm me. harm you. you still bet that you can harm me, but you dont alarm me.
Smitten: TU-TU- TURN IT OFF, DAMNIT!
Music: If I got a billion and the bitch recording me I’m like who cares. What I wouldn’t be is on TV stutterin' ta-ta-talkin' scared.
Laughter rings out through the room. People begin to realize what it is, who it is. The music stops, we hear what sounds like the audio of a tape recorder popping on.
Voice: We believe in second chances. Mistakes are human. To forgive -- divine. We are merciful anarchists. What we are, more than anything, are truth tellers. We know soldiers fight with twisted, contorted minds. We know that they know not what they do. We know about you, Calvin X. Carter. We know. we know.
*chk, chssssshhhhh
Smitten a recording of his voice being played through the PA system: It’s really that simple, Mr. Carter. I’ve told you who I am. I’ve told you what I want from you. You know the life that lies ahead of you in these white walls. All the evidence is against you. Murder One. A life sentence. Existence, for you, will be over if you don’t accept. What I’m offering you is a second life, a second chance. Come be a soldier for me, in my PERC army, and I’ll make a decent man of you yet. What do you say?
The camera cuts to Smitten, who shakes his head ferociously mouthing no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He stands, seeing a light shining of him and turns around. His hands shake furiously. The camera cuts away to confused faces, mouths open, jaws on the floor.
*chk, chssssshhhhh Projected on the wall behind Smitten is a mug-shot of Calvin X. Carter. It transitions to a courtroom drawing of Calvin in a bright orange jumpsuit. It cuts to a newspaper clipping - the headline reading “KILLER OF BALTIMORE WOMEN CAUGHT”. The final picture, the image of the PERCs, Calvin and Smitten laughing towards each other, a happy moment.
Every eye in the room turns towards Calvin X. Carter, who slinks behind Storme and Austin, who move in front of him. The tension in the room is palpable. Everyone from Al to Reece to Mourn to Sixx to CraZe to Miller Allen stare daggers through the PERCs. Smitten barks from the stage to Calvin “IT’S GONNA BE OK”. Never has LPW been more unified against Smitten and the PERCs.
Voice: Gone.