WAR-LOG :: WEEK BEGINNING 19 JULY 1993..
Welcome to the sixteenth edition of The War-Log, where Wrestlinsight takes you through the battle between the top wrestling promotions of the 1990s. This war for TV ratings and PPV buyrates would come to be known as The Monday Night War, but in 1993 this was very much a Cold War, as the WWF and WCW began to reposition themselves at the top of the wrestling mountain as the territories began to fall around them.
But there was a third power in this soon-to-be war, a territory that was finding its own footing under a visionary leader named Paul E. Dangerously. The man that would become Paul Heyman was preparing to lead an extreme revolution, and so The War-Log seeks to document the history of the ECW as we look at these early embers of a war that would ignite professional wrestling like no other.
We all know that it was Vince McMahon’s WWF that would ultimately win the war, but The War-Log seeks to determine who won the battles. At this stage WCW Nitro was still a twinkle in the eye of Eric Bischoff, so until that time The War-Log will look, week-by-week, at the programming of the WWF and the ECW, up against one another to review and contrast WWF’s Monday Night Raw, ECW’s Hardcore TV, and ultimately WCW’s Monday Nitro.
Let the battle commence!
WWF Monday Night Raw – 19 JULY 93
ROLL-CALL:-
WWF World Heavyweight Champion
YOKOZUNA
WWF Intercontinental Champion
"HEARTBREAK KID" SHAWN MICHAELS
WWF World Tag Team Champions
THE STEINER BROTHERS- SCOTT & RICK STEINER
We kick off WWF Monday Night Raw in an unusual fashion- it’s the “Lex Luger Call To Arms” and our first-ever look at the LEX EXPRESS – what? I’m putting it in capitals because it’s the goddamn Lex Express, who are you to argue? Do you have your own bus?
We go live to the Manhattan Center with our usual entourage, Vince McMahon, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan and Randy “Macho Man” Savage. They’re with a “raucous crowd” according to McMahon, and in Vince’s defence, they really are. That is a wild audience like WWE only sees at NXT tapings these days…
Our first match is the big one, it’s the Intercontinental Championship rematch, “HEARTBREAK KID” SHAWN MICHAELS (c) w/ Diesel VS. MARTY JANNETTY. McMahon describes Diesel as the “cool dude in a loose mood, no doubt” and honestly Vince… I didn’t wanna know.
Jannetty is wearing his Technicolor dream tights, and he’s taking the fight straight to the heel champion. Michaels wants no part of Jannetty at this early stage, doing his best to avoid the plucky challenger. Jannetty stole the title from Michaels nine weeks back (http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread...CW-17-May-1993) and the commentators are quick to suggest that Raw means bad luck for Michaels against Marty. (Jannetty lost the title back to Michaels at an untelevised house show.)
Michaels gets barely any offense before Jannetty gets the top rope crossbody and rolls up Michaels for the three count! Michaels’ foot is on the ropes, but ever-dodgy referee Earl Hebner fails to notice and he calls for the bell. The crowd explode to see Jannetty take the title from Michaels for a second time, and we go to commercial suspiciously quickly. I’d keep an eye on that Hebner…
Sure enough, when we come back from commercial, this Intercontinental Title match has resumed- Vince explains that Bobby Heenan showed Hebner an instant replay of Michaels’ foot on the rope, and Hebner reversed his decision. Instant replays in professional wrestling, folks… never makes any damn sense.
This swerve has got the audience hot as Michaels takes the momentum with an eye rake (why do we never see eye rakes anymore?) and a big axhandle from the top rope. (Or those?) Michaels gets Jannetty into a front chin lock and repeatedly puts his own feet on the ropes for leverage whenever the referee isn’t looking. That’s another beautiful piece of heel psychology that is lost in these days. I should keep a diary of all these forgotten wrestling spots- the in-ring product on 2015 barely resembles that of 1993.
Just when it looks like this is Shawn’s match, Marty gets a big hurracanrana into a pin, but only for the two count. Jannetty hits a unique wrist-lock-Fame-Asser which he calls the Rocker Dropper- shockingly, Michaels completely no-sells the move. Jannetty goes for a cross body but Michaels ducks and Marty hits the concrete at ringside like a sack of shit. Diesel rolls Jannetty back in when Hebner is distracted picking his nose, and Michaels crawls on top for the cheap title defence as the audience shower him in boos.
We go to commercial breaks, and we gotta have meat, gotta have spice.. tuck into a Slim Jim, oooooh yeah!
Vince McMahon calls MONEY INC. to the ring for an interview. These have been hit-and-miss over the last few weeks, so let’s see what DiBiase and Schyster have to say today. IRS seems to be on topic this week, he’s directing his comments at the Steiner Brothers- Money Inc feel robbed and they want their titles back; they’ll be getting a tag title match, and just as I get excited to see that one, Vince announces that the match will happen “this coming Saturday on WWF Superstars!” DAMNIT!
Ted DiBiase isn’t on topic so much though, he’s still ragging on RAZOR RAMON for losing to the 1-2-3 Kid. Ramon comes to the ring and actually gets a pretty decent face pop, followed with a sizeable “Razor!” chant. Maybe something is actually going to come of this, then…
DiBiase wants to offer Razor a job, but Ramon isn’t having any of it- he “doesn’t have a price”. DiBiase finds the concept hilarious. The Million Dollar Man slaps a cool fifty in Razor’s face, but all this buys him is a trip to ringside courtesy of The Bad Guy. DiBiase is fuming, and he promises to embarrass Razor- by challenging The 1-2-3 Kid to a match! That’s a cunning swerve and a match I’m more than happy to review!
Next up is the in-ring debut of MEN ON A MISSION– three black dudes in their brightly coloured pyjamas trying to get everyone clapping and dancing. Holy shit, it’s The New Day!?!
The two in-ring members of the M.O.M are Mo and Mabel, the latter of whom would go on to become Viscera/Big Daddy V, depending on your age. The match is MEN ON A MISSION VS. RICH MYERS & HANK HARRIS which means, yes, a squash match. Big E.. uh, I mean Big Mabel comes off the top rope and squashes one of the jobbers, and this one is over quick as a hiccup.
MEAN GENE OKERLUND is backstage to introduce us to Summerslam – we’ll see Bret Hart vs Jerry Lawler in a King Vs King match. We also have an R.I.P Match, whatever that means, between The Undertaker and Mr. Hughes. And we’re going to find out in due course if WWE President Jack Tunney will grant Luger’s call-to-action to meet Yokozuna at Summerslam.
We get clips of LEX LUGER himself travelling America on the Lex Express as he enlists unsuspecting children to support his thankless efforts to get an undeserved WWF Championship match.
Back at ringside, we have BASTION BOOGER VS. SCOTT DEPRES. Why god why?! The commentary team spend the duration discussing the awful smell of Booger… and though I’m sure he doesn’t smell half as bad as they’re pretending, he really isn’t a pretty sight. Thankfully this one doesn’t go long as Booger sits on Depressing’s head for the win. The best thing about Bastion Booger appearances is when they finish, absolutely no doubt about it. I think he just usurped Mr Hughes and those damn sirens as my least favourite thing about Raws. I may even hate him more than Sal Bellomo… okay, I’m getting carried away.
It’s time for the King’s Court next, hosted of course by JERRY “THE KING” LAWLER. Lawler introduces his guest, who is apparently some kind of big musician star called TINY TIM. I have no idea who this high-pitched moron is- if you War-Loggers have ever heard of this so-called “celebrity”, please comment below to explain because I’m not even going to look this guy up.
This is nothing but an opportunity for this guy to shill his “career resurrection” (ugh!) but King is saving the segment with some solid heel work, helping this guy through his lines and all but encouraging him to drop his one useful point- getting the audience to switch their “Burger King” chant for a “Dairy Queen” one instead. Lawler responds by destroying the moron’s ukulele (yes, really) as the fans chant “We Want Bret!” Sadly, we’re not getting The Hitman as this segment thankfully brings itself to a close. For the modern fan, it’s probably important to note here that absolutely atrocious celebrity guest spots are not a new thing- this Tiny Tim character had no business being on a WWF screen or being interviewed, in any way, ever. I’d take Hugh Jackman and Seth Green a thousand times before I’d want to watch another Tiny Tim appearance. Fact.
The next match is THE 1-2-3 KID VS. CHRIS DUFFY. Kid actually starts the match on offense, which has got to be a first for his career. Very quickly, MONEY INC appears at ringside to “scout” their opponent, but RAZOR RAMON is on the other side of the ring…. to protect Kid? At this point, I don’t think anyone is sure, which is perfect intrigue for continuing this story.
The future X-Pac doesn’t let Duffy get any offense, and finishes his opponent off with a quick leg drop from the top. This is the most dominant the 1-2-3 Kid has been allowed to look to date, and he hightails to the back to leave Ramon and DiBiase to row at ringside.
Vince tells us that we’ll be getting Bret Hart vs. Bam Bam Bigelow next week, and Bret’s family are going to be ringside! Raw goes off the air with one final shot of the Lex Express making its rounds!
Bastion Boogers and Tiny Tims aside, this wasn’t a bad episode of Raw. The inclusion of Money Inc in the already-hot Ramon/Kid saga is an intriguing concept, as is the potential of Razor face-turn. We got an exciting match between Michaels/Jannetty, which seems to be a theme every time they face off for that I.C title, and heck- even Men On A Mission wasn’t too unbearable, though the blatant rip-off of New Day’s gimmick is reprehensible. After a one-week hiatus, ECW is back on the air- but it’s going to be an uphill battle to top this episode of Raw.
...New Day?!
ECW – Eastern Championship Wrestling – 20 July 1993
ROLL-CALL:-
ECW Heavyweight Champion
”MAGNIFICENT” DON MURACO
ECW Television Champion
”SUPERFLY” JIMMY SNUKA
ECW Pennsylvania State Champion
”IRONMAN” TOMMY CAIRO
ECW Tag Team Champions
THE SUPER DESTROYERS
We kick off ECW TV with Jay Sulli, Paul E. Dangerously, and the ECW Commissioner Tod Gordon. Tod once again threatens a suspension for anybody who interferes from the back in the show tonight- and he doesn’t mean car parts.
Gordon leaves ringside and Paul E. screams like a girl and runs, because “The Living Legend” TERRY FUNK is coming out from the back. Funk promises to get his hands on the Dangerous Alliance tonight, he wants Jimmy Snuka for the TV Title- and he’s getting his wish in the main event.
Stevie Wonderful is backstage to interview TOD GORDON who wants to announce that the Tag Team Titles will once again be on the line between The Super Destroyers and The Suicide Blondes- and if the Blondes lose, they’re OUT of the ECW- but that’s next week. Stevie and Tod are joined by THE SUPER DESTROYERS and “WILDMAN” SAL BELLOMO– the latter rants and raves at the camera, and somewhere in that gibberish I manage to decipher that he’ll be handcuffed to Hunter Q. Robbins III for the title match- making this the second time in ECW’s short tenure that Robbins has been cuffed to another man. I’m all for being open-minded, but that dude needs to keep this shit off the camera…
We’re backstage again, this time with Paul E. Dangerously joined by CHRIS CANDIDO and HUNTER Q. ROBBINS III. Hunter has faith in his boys, and Candido says they’re backed into a corner- Candido has a broken arm so he won’t be present (explaining his departure and presumably his no-show for the title match next week) and Hunter Q. will be handcuffed, but when they’re cornered, they’re at their most dangerous. I’ll give ECW credit (occasionally), they’re doing their damndest to make the most of Candido’s imminent departure. I swear this guy has been written off TV a half-dozen times now…
Curiously, the tag championship match is up next, it’s THE SUPER DESTROYERS (c) VS. THE SUICIDE BLONDES. Gordon definitely announced this for “next week” (I just re-checked) so I guess he must have forgotten about the time delay when the interview was recorded.
Hunter does a great job of being absolutely horrified at being handcuffed to Bellomo (as any sane man would.) The challengers take charge to start the match, with an early top rope splash from Sir Richard Michaels. They use blind tags to keep control of the bigger man- whichever of the Super Destroyers it is they’re controlling. A lot of referee distractions allow the Suicide Blondes to maintain their dominance, working the arm of Super D #1. Johnny Hotbody sprays saliva like a water fountain, which is just lovely. I’ve never liked wrestlers flemming all over the ring- it’s fine if you want to roll around in your own spittle, but the guys in the next match may not be into that kinda thing. Lookin’ at you, Goldberg.
The champions finally turn the match around with a big powerslam, and go for the pin, but Hunter Q. manages to distract the referee long enough for CHRISTOPHER CANDIDO to show up, blast the legal Super Destroyer with his cast, and roll Hotbody on top of him for a 1,2,3 and this one is over- we have new ECW Tag Team Champions – which are also the old ECW Tag Team Champions- the Suicide Blondes- and somehow Candido once again gets away with being written off television! Fair play, 22 years later and they’re still managing to troll me using my backstage knowledge. Of course, Gordon did promise to suspend anyone who interfered in a match tonight…
I don’t think much of hot-shotting a championship this way either. The Blondes took the belts off the Super D’s the first time, only to drop them back to the Super D’s two weeks ago, and to regain them again here tonight. It doesn’t do much for the titles to be so easily batted around, and it hasn’t been built up well enough to look like a hotly contested feud between these guys. Candido’s departure for SMW is only confusing things further…
We go to South Street, Philadelphia to meet and greet with “the King of Philadelphia” HOTSTUFF EDDIE GILBERT. He is ranting about people from Philadelphia and football teams from Philadelphia and baseball teams from Philadelphia.. he’s joined by PAUL E. DANGEROUSLY and they’re at a pizza parlour (in Philadelphia) with some fat dude called Sam. The future Paul Heyman is trying his best to make this a funny segment, but it’s just not happening. Gilbert, complete in his crown and robe, is slurring like a drunk man on coke. Which is probably exactly what he is. The pizza dudes look absolutely thrilled to be on TV, which makes them the only people in history to take pleasure from this segment. Gilbert finally tries some pizza, and I’m waiting for the punchline, but “Mmmmm, it’s good pizza..” is how this abortion ends. I’d assume this was a sponsorship deal, except they didn’t tell me even once what the name of that damn pizza parlour was…
Dangerously is backstage with ROCKIN’ REBEL and “HITMAN” TONY STETSON and they’re pretending to be blind, complete with sunglasses and walking stick- mocking Sandman’s wife Miss Peaches who was, apparently, blinded by the green mist Rebel spat in her eyes two weeks ago. Rebel gets serious long enough to tell Sandman that there ain’t a damn thing he can do about it, as Heyman does his best “I-can’t-believe-Brock-is-F5ing-Michael-Cole” face.
Rebel keeps the ‘blind man’ act up as we go to ringside for THE ROCKIN’ REBEL VS. LARRY WINTERS. The Shawn Michaels wannabe is sure to make short work here of everyone’s favourite mullet; and that’s exactly how the match starts out with a couple of big body slams. Jay Sulli remarks that “The Sandman’s gotta be seeking vengeance, the Rockin’ Rebel better have eyes in the back of his head” which prompts an excellent comeback from Mr. Dangerously:- “I bet Miss Peaches wishes she had eyes in the back of her head, because the ones in the front don’t work right now.” Bravo, sir!
Winters turns the match in his favour with a spinning back elbow and a hip toss before going for the old 10-punches in the corner. He manages three, which is probably the highest he’s ever counted in his life. Winters lands the ugliest sunset flip that was ever commited to film, but Rebel kicks out. Rebel goes for a desperation shot and takes out the referee. Stetson at ringside throws the blind man cane in to Rebel but he fumbles, and Larry Winters gets the weapon for a cheap shot on Rebel which earns him the tainted victory. Why did the babyface just take a shortcut? Why is Larry Winters winning anything? Presumably because Gilbert was half-baked when he booked this stuff.
We’re backstage for yet another Paul E. segment, this time he’s with the DARK PATRIOT and ECW Heavyweight Champion “MAGNIFICENT” DON MURACO. Muraco says they want to be down and dirty; they don’t want a rulebook, they won’t take fines or suspensions, they want to cause injuries. That’s what the Dangerous Alliance is all about.
This leads us to our main event of the evening, it’s “SUPERFLY” JIMMY SNUKA (c) VS. TERRY FUNK and its for the ECW Television Championship. Did I ever mention that Snuka’s theme music is hilarious? It sounds like something from a Banjo-Kazooie soundtrack. I tried to find it on YouTube for you guys, but no luck, so you’ll have to take my word for it. Imagine bongos and a jungle man saying “Woo!” every 3 seconds and you’ve just about nailed it.
Tod Gordon is joining Jay Sulli on commentary, and Gordon actually makes a fair point that this match could be a main event in any part of the country. This is actually two main event wrestlers here tonight, and with 10 minutes left on the clock there’s still a chance for them to surprise us.
The two veterans start out slow, milking the local crowd for everything they’re worth. Superfly takes control early with a top rope axhandle and a picture-perfect vertical suplex. Snuka goes to the well for another suplex, but Funk reverses into one of his own, and a driving headbutt and spinning neckbreaker turns things in the favour of the challenger. Funk looks for the spinning toehold but gets rolled up for a near fall. They’re making this a competitive match which is nice to see- it’s a rarity on ECW television. Just as I’m enjoying a spot of actual wrestling, the referee takes a stray headbutt (really..) and the he goes down. Funk uses some noggin’ knockers to take out a further two referees for no discernible reason other than they were there.
Right on cue, the Dangerous Alliance floods the ring as Tod Gordon rants and raves about fines and suspensions. The locker room empties; the Rebel, Stetson, the Koloffs, Winters, Glen Osbourne, a variety of trash cans and folding chairs. The Suicide Blondes attack Funk with a hair-dryer, bringing out The Super Destroyers and Wildman Sal. Chaos ensues as Gordon and Sulli rant and rave on commentary.
Eddie Gilbert brings a chain into the fray and between him and Snuka they take Funk down and choke him with the chain. “Ironman” Tommy Cairo comes out to rescue the Funker. Gordon heads to ringside to grab a mic to yell about fines and suspensions, but a collision with Bellomo and Hotbody sends Gordon sprawling on the concrete. The wrestlers crowd around Gordon’s unconscious body as ECW goes off the air.
Not the worst ECW we’ve seen, two championship matches kept things interesting, and the Television Title main event actually threatened to turn into a wrestling match for a moment there. ECW has already began its descent into chaos even before Heyman finally takes the reigns, as this is the latest in a string of brawl finishes on a show where no match didn’t feature a run-in. ECW problems are paramount at this point- but can be summarised in a weak, almost non-existant in-ring product, and a complete lack of direction. One shows feel very much the same- a handful of Dangerously interviews, an Eddie Gilbert “king promo”, a battle between the Super D’s and the Blondes, a squash TV title match, finish on a big in-ring brawl.
Note the happy pizza guys behind Gilbert and Heyman… this is their 5 minutes, man!
BATTLE SHEET:-
In-ring:- In Funk vs. Snuka, ECW gave us a rare wrestling match this week, albeit a truncated one. But it’s no Shawn Michaels vs. Marty Jannetty, and the rest of ECW’s midcard can’t hold a candle to the 1-2-3 Kid at this point. Sorry ECW, you’re a long way from ever winning this category. WWF 1- 0 ECW
Personality:-WWF put Ted DiBiase and Razor Ramon on the mic. That says it all, right? ECW trotted out its usual suspects, but I’m getting major fatigue on seeing Paul E Dangerously and Tod Gordon on my screen. And that pizza parlour segment, geez…WWF 2- 0 ECW.
Unpredictability:-ECW came at us with two title matches this week, but at this stage I’m no longer scoring points for the Destroyers and the Blondes trading the Tag Titles. There was a nice swerve in the Michaels/Jannetty match though- and twisting Money Inc into the Razor/Kid feud was a masterstroke. ECW failed to surprise, which is usually their strength, and it cost them this week. WWF 3 – 0 ECW.
Match of the week:-It’s a by-product of the repetitive booking trends in 1993 that I’m giving this category to a Shawn Michaels vs Marty Jannetty match for the second time- but these guys lit up arenas when they competed and I really believe Michaels fails to give enough credit to what his former tag partner helped him achieve as a singles guy.WWF 4- 0 ECW.
[B]Star of the week:- [/BNobody truly shone this week, but I’m going to give this one to Razor Ramon for his continued character work and for his part in pulling off an out-of-nowhere Face turn. He’s a pleasure to watch at the moment and one of the true highlights of any Raw he’s on. Criminal that this man never held a top World Championship. WWF 5 – 0 ECW.
Verdict - WWF takes the win in our very first white-wash here on The War-Log. It’s actually a surprise that WWF hasn’t done a cleansweep of ECW before now, but this week was the first time that I became tired of ECW’s same-old-shit vibe. The episode itself wasn’t awful, and perhaps the cleansweep isn’t entirely indicative of the quality of this week’s show, but Raw was particularly enjoyable this week and as far as I see it, genuinely bested ECW in each and every category.
We’re still a few months away from Paul Heyman taking the reins, but will ECW be able to claw back some points before that time, or will WWF continue to steamroll the competition as we head towards Summerslam and Ultra Clash? Find out next time on The War-Log!
WAR SCORE:-
WWF Monday Night Raw 11 - 4 Eastern Championship Wrestling TV