After a much needed breather and a refill of my prescription of Lisinopril, I’m back with yet another exciting recap of WCW Monday Nitro. I was so exacerbated by the end of last week’s running diary that I couldn’t even be bothered to analyze what we just witnessed. Daddy just didn’t have it in him. Nitro barely won the fight against Raw in its post-Halloween Havoc edition with a 2.3 beating out the WWF’s 2.1. The race is still pretty close.
So here’s where we are eight days after one of the biggest disasters in wrestling history: The Giant is carrying around the WCW World Heavyweight Championship even though it still technically belongs to Hulk Hogan. Nobody wants to ask him for it because they like having full range of motion in their necks. Lex Luger is a bad guy now just because. The Yeti is already gone from television. Ric Flair reunited with Arn Anderson to recreate The Four Horsemen with Brian Pillman. The American Males are somewhere taking Polaroids of each other in small bath towels so they can pitch their 1996 calendar idea to the WCW marketing team. Oh and Jimmy Hart is supposed to tell us exactly WHY he turned his back on his longtime friend Hulk Hogan because he didn’t feel like it last week. Exciting stuff, folks. Let’s not waste any more time.
Detonating Nitro: Episode 10 – Not-So-Cyber Monday
9:00 PM – It is a rainy early morning at the loading docks of Irwin’s Canned Goods. Police cars and uniformed officers are everywhere. An old Cadillac pulls up with Jack at the wheel. He digs through some trash on the dashboard to fish out another smoke. He lights it and exits the car. Jack is a gruff man. In good shape, but hasn’t shaved in a few days.
“There he is,” says Chief Harris. He takes one look at Jack’s attire: boots, wrinkled dress pants, badge on a chain around his neck, tuxedo vest gun holsters, and a shirt barely buttoned to the top with the sleeves rolled up. “Couldn’t have gotten dressed up for us, could ya, Jack?” asks Harris. “Just tell me what we got here, Chief” he responds. Harris looks at him and says, “Come with me.”
A photographer is taking pictures of the large metal sculpture we saw in the opening scene. The photographer looks at Jack and Chief Harris before saying, “Ain’t it the damndest thing you ever saw?” Jack does a slow lap as Chief Harris explains, “Jack, someone put this here last night. A trail of gun powder ended on this spot; setting off half a ton of explosives. I’ve got a couple of black and whites tracking the trail to its origin, but the whole neighborhood is a mess. An apartment went up in flames. Power’s still out. Stuff’s goin’ on in the sewers. Locals tell us they heard a BOOM and saw flames in every direction. Guys are on their way to figure out what they used to do this.”
“Trinitrotoluene,” Jack says. “What?” asks Harris. Jack responds, “Trinitrotoluene. TNT. Says it right here on the sign.” Harris presses, “And the letters at the top? WCW? You don’t think…” “You know exactly what I think, Chief,” says Jack. “It’s the reason you dragged me outta bed this morning, isn’t it? WCW. Winston… Charles… Wellington. After all these years he’s still out there. Son of a bitch is still taunting us.” He thinks for a second and comes to a realization. “Chief… where was that apartment fire you mentioned?”
9:00:30 PM – We’re in Jacksonville, Florida tonight and Bischoff drops a “where the big boys play” only 40 seconds in. He’s setting the tone early. We get the usual announce team introductions with Pepe dressed like a clown. What a kidder! Just as Pepe is about to give us the backstory to his hilarious getup, Mongo cuts him off to say that he’s dressed like a clown in honor of Jimmy Hart.
Easy E reminds us that tonight is Not-So-Cyber Monday where fans can call into the WCW Hotline for $.99 a minute and pick tonight’s main event. Based on the amount of guys in each locker room, there are approximately 1,300 different scenarios fans can choose from. How could they possibly narrow it down? Is it a work? It’s a work isn’t it?
9:01 PM – Bisch’ then throws it to a highlight from Halloween Havoc where Lex Luger has Randy Savage in the Torture Rack. Since Mach’ wasn’t on Nitro last week, we’re due for an update. Eric says that Savage is in the building tonight, but unable to compete. He’s apparently throwing around furniture because he’s not getting Luger, which is what he wants. Mach’ is basically behaving like a 6’2”, 237 lb. toddler.
They go to kick off the action as Heenan says he wants to see Schiavone vs. Okerlund. I’d pay to see that too. There’s an awkward pause and Mongo goes, “Give it to me!” Gene and Tony are so hot right now.
9:02 PM – We get a nice wide shot of the arena while something sounding like Morse code plays over ring announcer Dave Penzer, whose mic isn’t hooked up to the television feed just yet. I thought WWE forgot to edit out an emergency broadcast system test. I'm not sure what sounds worse: This or The Anonymous Raw General Manager notifications that ended the show this Monday.
9:03 PM – The camera cuts to the guy we didn’t hear get introduced, but his name is Cobra. He’s rocking a camouflage vest and beret. What being known as Cobra has to do with the military and Morse code, I’ll never know. What the f@#$'s a Cobra? Glad you asked. I’ve made mention of him before, but never really got into it. Cobra was a yoked up youngster looking for an opportunity. Real name Jeff Farmer (not THIS Jeff Farmer), Cobra was supposed to be a veteran of the Gulf War – even though he had no military background – and was left for dead by Sgt. Craig Pittman in the desert because The Pitbull is a dick. Pittman reported him AWOL and Cobra was dishonorably discharged from the military for not being able to handle a war that lasted about a week and a half where very few US soldiers saw combat. Now he’s a wrestler and here we are.
As Cobra hops into the ring, I notice that WCW now has some whore in a pair of Hooters shorts and a tied up t-shirt just hanging out at ringside. Her purpose? I have no idea. Let’s see if she takes his gear or something.
9:03:42 PM – Oh shit. I had no idea Cobra was in for this. His opponent is none other than The Giant. He’s so screwed. The big man is wearing a belt that isn’t even his because he can. The Giant steps over the top rope, picks up Dave Penzer, and bullies him into announcing the following contest as a WCW World Heavyweight Championship match. Can’t say he’s not a fighting champion. I still don’t know why that girl is at ringside.
9:04 PM – The bell rings and The Giant sarcastically slaps his biceps like he’s ready to engage in a long, technical, hard-fought matchup. Instead of making it as such, he grabs Cobra by the throat as he comes in for the opening lockup, hoists him toward the ceiling, and chokeslams the shit out of him before chalking up the W. Jimmy Hart jumps into his arms as they celebrate the biggest victory of The Giant’s young career.
9:05 PM – Bischoff quickly sends us to the “Red Locker Room” where Mean Gene is hanging out with some heels. Big Bubba is taping his fist. Flair is wearing a t-shirt over his trunks. DDP is mean mugging. Shark is just being a shark. And Scott Norton is looking hard as a motherf#$%er. Wait a second… didn’t Scott and Shark brawl to the locker room last week? How are they able to be in the same room, let alone stand calmly next to each other? Did they sit down and hash things out over dinner? Did Shark buy Scott a drink after Nitro? Is Scott in The Dungeon of Doom now? These are questions that need answers.
Oh wait, here we go. Shark tries to upstage Scott Norton, which turns into a shoving and pointing match. Here’s how I’m assuming things played out last week: Scott and Shark battled all the way to the locker room. When they got there, Nick Bockwinkel showed up and said, “Hey… what are you two doing?” They said, “We’re fighting.” Bockwinkel said, “Why? Because he landed on your legs once? Dude, that was like seven weeks ago. Let it go.” Shark looked at Scott and said, “Well… what do ya say?” and Scott went, “I guess I can look past it. Put ‘er there.” Then they shook hands and Scott Norton asked a lot of questions about Shark Week, which Shark was more than happy to answer even though there was still a layer of tension no one talked about.
9:06 PM – As things get out of hand with the bad guys, Gene throws it to Tony Schiavone in the “Blue Locker Room” where all the good guys are happily engaging in conversation. As Schiavone does his best to share the phone number, “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan is throwing his 2x4 around while walking through the shot like a psycho. It had to be a rib on Schiavone. “Hey, let’s see how hard we can make Tony’s job. We’re live. What’s he gonna do?”
Time for a break.
9:10 PM – It’s time for our first World War 3 commercial. It’s being billed as “The Biggest Battle Royal in Wrestling History” as they fail to show a single image of anything resembling a Battle Royal. In another wrinkle, they’re advertising “3 Rings. 3 Giants.” As I mentioned last week, the initial plan was for The Giant to be in one ring, The Yeti to be in another (Giant Gonzalez, not the mummified Ron Reis that we got), and Ron Reis dressed like a giant ninja in the third known as Super Giant Ninja. (All of that was true.) When Gonzalez retired earlier that year, they changed plans. However, they are still advertising a third giant, which leads me to believe that they had no idea what they were doing.
9:11 PM – Bischoff takes over and tells us that Hulk Hogan is at his home in Venice Beach, California. They’re sending us over there to hear from The Hulkster. What happens next might sound like I made it all up. I swear to Hogan I didn’t. I’m calling it as I see it:
- Some asshole in a big white Aladdin/Prince Ali Ababwa outfit is playing guitar while singing about not leaving Hogan’s world alive. He’s terrible. This is why he’s playing guitar in a stupid costume on a boardwalk.
- The camera pans over to show Hulk Hogan, a homeless guy, and “Macho Man” Randy Savage sitting on a bench. Mach’ is donned in all black everything too. Hogan explains that he’s joined the Dark Side with him. I can barely make out what Savage is saying over the mumbling homeless and the shitty guitar.
- “Whatcha gonna do… yadda yadda yadda” I knew Venice Beach was a shit-hole, but Jesus Christ…
9:13 PM – We’re back in the arena and you can tell by the tone in his voice that Eric Bischoff regrets putting that on television. He also explains that the interview took place earlier today and that Savage jumped a plane to be in Jacksonville. Mach’ has gotta be exhausted.
9:14 PM – The Taskmaster is up next with Jimmy Hart in tow. After he’s in and settled, his opponent comes charging to the ring: The Renegade. What the f#$%'s a Renegade? Glad you asked. The Renegade was WCW’s knockoff of The Ultimate Warrior. Nothing more. Nothing less. That was the gimmick. Everything he did was Warrior’s. Face paint, tassels, running to the ring, the music, the hair, some of the moves, being billed from “Parts Unknown,” you name it. The dude was doomed from the start. He was managed by Jimmy Hart when he won the Television Championship, which he eventually lost to DDP. Now that Jimmy is evil, we’re here.
The Renegade clotheslines The Taskmaster all around the ring and over the top. He throws himself over the top rope to the outside floor, landing on his feet because he was pretty athletic. Instead of staying on Sullivan, he turns his attention to Jimmy. Bad move. The Taskmaster clubs him from behind.
9:15 PM – To make matters worse, Sullivan crotches Renegade on the guardrail. Things aren’t looking good for The Ultimate Doppelganger. After a few shots to the steps, The Taskmaster rolls his adversary back into the ring. With Renegade down in the corner, Sullivan climbs to the middle rope and unleashes a stiff double stomp to the breadbasket. This is turning into a glorified squash.
9:16 PM – The Renegade is down on the canvas near the ropes. The Taskmaster heads to the apron and throws himself over the top into the ring, trying that awesome senton Eddie Guerrero does. Unfortunately for him, The Renegade gets his knees up! He follows it up with a big powerslam! Taskmaster sells to the corner as Super Athletic Warrior performs a cartwheel and reverse butt splash!
As Sullivan gets back to his feet, The Renegade charges again looking for a big boot. Only this time The Taskmaster bails causing Renegade to crotch himself on the top turnbuckle and get hung up in the tree of woe. Sullivan quickly charges with a knee to the gut. How The Renegade hasn’t shit his trunks yet, I’ll never know.
9:17 PM – The Taskmaster ends it with a straight up double stomp off the second rope. Take that Low-Ki, Davey Richards, Eddie Edwards, Hideo Itami, Finn Balor, the entire Pro Wrestling Guerilla locker room, Super Dragon, Sonjay Dutt, Cesaro, Alberto Del Rio, Chris Hero, and most East Coast independent wrestlers.
Now this is the part where things get uncomfortable…
9:17:35 PM – If The Dungeon of Doom’s gimmick was to strip wrestlers of their dignity, then they really took it to the next level with The Renegade. Jimmy Hart enters the ring with a red solo cup. Instead of using it to offer The Renegade a refreshing beverage after a tough loss, Jimmy splashes it in his face, then proceeds to wipe off his red and yellow face paint with a towel. That would all be well and good since The Renegade’s character is an extension of Hulk Hogan at this point.
However, Jimmy went ahead and said, “WHO YOU ARE IS JUST PLAIN OLD RICK [his real name]! A NOBODY! A NOTHING! YOU’RE BURIED! IT’S OVER! HE’S JUST PLAIN OLD RICK, BABY! HE’S FINISHED!” Even Bobby Heenan reiterates that Jimmy Hart just destroyed The Renegade’s identity. This would all make sense if the plan was to repackage The Renegade and bring him back in some sort of cool way. That’s not what happened at all. Instead, they just kept bringing him back as The Renegade with slightly different ring gear. No revenge angle. No storyline to speak of. No comeuppance. Nothing. They did him dirty. Less than a month after his 30th birthday, WCW pretty much ended this guy’s wrestling career because of a cease and desist letter from the WWF, threatening a lawsuit for gimmick infringement. If you know the rest of The Renegade’s story, you’ll realize how shitty this whole situation is.
9:18 PM – Not to waste any time, Bisch’ throws it to Mean Gene, who is still in the Red Locker Room. Man, if the biggest moment of my career was shoved aside for a backstage segment involving the WCW Hotline, I’d blow my brains out too. He’s surrounded by Bubba, Lord Steven Regal, Earl Robert Eaton, DDP, Ric Flair, Scott Norton, and Shark – who start shoving each other again. Just as Regal is about to talk, the lights go out. It had to be a mistake because Ric Flair gets on the mic and delivers his promo as scheduled. He goes into full animal mode with those crazy eyes as the lights come back on. He even works it into the promo because he’s the truth on the stick. Gene cuts him off, but Flair keeps going a cappella.
When we return, Eddie Guerrero gets another crack at Chris Benoit!
9:23 PM – We’re back and Bischoff gives us the card for WCW: Saturday Night! Top heel Arn Anderson will go one-on-one with lower mid-card heel Kurasawa! Disco Inferno’s music video will hit your TV screen to dry up vaginas all over the country! “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan will be there! Doing what? I don’t know! It’s WCW: Saturday Night! Get on that shit!
9:24 PM – Chris Benoit’s New Kids on the Block beat drops as he makes his way to the squared circle. He does it with as little personality as humanly possible. I guess he really wanted to stack the odds against himself when trying to get to the top of the business.
As the Canadian Crippler steps through the ropes, the announce team talks about how crazy it is that Hogan has turned to the Dark Side. Then Mongo says, “When you got that many people running up your backside, baby, you gotta ge… you gotta let it ALL OUT… You gotta get… NO HOLDS BARRED… You’ve gotta get whatever God gives ya!” What the f#$% is this man talking about?
Eddie is out second. Heenan puts over their technical prowess just as the bell rings. Benoit attacks Guerrero to get things started. Bischoff tells viewers not to blink or look away for a second because the action is going to be so fast-paced. I'll keep that in mind. Benoit is in control with a snap suplex. Bisch' says they are “fighting for the attention of promoters worldwide.” Why would they be doing that? They’re under contract with WCW. Are they not happy there?
9:26 PM – Bisch’ throws in a “where the big boys play” which I’m noticing he tends to use during Cruiserweight matches. Is he trying to be funny? I think he’s trying to be funny. Benoit slams Eddie down with a sick spinebuster before applying a good old fashioned Liontamer. He even digs the knee into the back of Eddie’s mullet. In a brilliant reversal, Guerrero managed to push himself up on his hands and roll forward to break the hold.
9:27 PM – During the match Eric Bischoff specifically told us not to look away from, the camera cuts to a table full of Japanese guys. Sonny Onoo is sipping sake with his crew. They look like they’ve been there for a while, so I don’t understand how the commentators are just now noticing this. From left to right we have Onoo, Masahiro Chono, Masa Saito, D’Neese, Kensuke Sasaki, and Jushin “Thunder” Liger.
As the Far East grubs on some sushi, they cut back to the action where Guerrero reverses a powerbomb into an arm drag. He could arm drag you out of anything. He follows it with a reverse springboard over a crouched Benoit into another arm drag. See. Eddie finally quits the arm drag business and catches Benoit with a tilt-a-whirl sidewalk slam.
9:28 PM – After a hard back elbow from Baby Latino Heat, Benoit heads outside to collect himself. Guerrero heads to the top rope because that’s what he does when his opponent is outside trying to catch a breather. Benoit retreats to the aisle where he feels like he’s far enough from the ring to feel safe. Little does he realize... Eddie had mad hops. The Rabid Wolverine turns around to catch a flying Mexican sensation.
They end up back in the ring and Eddie plants the future black sheep of the wrestling business with a brainbuster. Had he really rendered him brain dead at the time, Nancy Benoit would still be Nancy Sullivan and alive. She might be miserable and broke, but again… she’d be alive. Anyway, Eddie is up top again. Last time he tried this, Benoit got his knees up. Before he can even think about hitting the frog splash, Benoit gets to his feet and cuts him off.
9:29 PM – He takes Eddie over and into the center of the ring with a picturesque superplex. Benoit rocked himself with it and can’t make a quick cover. By the time he does, Eddie kicks out at two. In an attempt to stamp Gerrero’s Bump Card as hard as he can, Benoit throws one of those stiff powerbombs. Eddie somehow finds the strength to get the shoulder up at two.
After a short-arm clothesline, Benoit shoots Eddie off the ropes looking for anything, but Eddie tries the wheelbarrow pin combination that earned him a victory over Craig Pittman last week. It barely earns a two count because this isn’t dumbass Craig Pittman.
9:30 PM – Benoit again tries to Irish whip Guerrero. This time he attempts a knee to the gut, but Eddie rides it over, rolling up Benoit in the process for a two. Benoit beats him to his feet and kicks him in the head. Benoit snatches him up, hitting a bridging German suplex, but it only gets a two count. He hangs on, looking for another, but Guerrero switches behind him. Benoit, however, turns and throws a Northern Lights suplex. That gets another two. What’s it gonna take?!?!
9:31 PM – Benoit locks on a full nelson, but Eddie gets to the ropes. Had he turned it into a dragon suplex, this one would have been over. The hold is broken, so Benoit turns him around, lifts him for a suplex, then drops his ribs across the top rope. Things aren’t looking good for Chavo's Uncle Eddie.
In the best part of the match, Eddie, on the apron, and Benoit, in the ring, start trading punches after Eddie blocks a suplex attempt. They start going so hard, the fans pop for it. They’ve been pretty lukewarm all match because they haven’t been given a reason to care about these guys other than that they are good wrestlers. Benoit somehow turns Eddie around, trying a reverse suplex back into the ring, but Guerrero turns over, landing on Benoit for a surprise three count with Benoit’s feet under the ropes! Eddie stole one! The ref didn’t see it! Now he only has to check off three more items on the list!
9:32 PM – Bobby Heenan is losing his shit over the loss as Eddie heads to the back with a controversial notch in the win column. Bischoff sends it to the Blue Locker Room. This time, Dave “Evad” Sullivan is front and center. What the f#$%'s an Evad Sullivan? Glad you asked. I think I’ve mentioned him before, but Evad is supposed to be Kevin Sullivan’s dyslexic brother Dave who has a pet rabbit named Ralph. According to WCW, being dyslexic meant you were mentally retarded because that’s how “Evad” played it. I don’t know why I’m telling you this since there’s no chance he’s being voted into the main event, but I feel like it’s worth noting that he existed.
Schiavone interviews Sting because there’s no way he’s not wrestling tonight. Sting cuts a fiery promo on Flair for turning his back on him, saying he hates him and will leave him for dead. Then Jerry Sags tries to do his best to win the not-rigged-at-all voting by saying The Nasty Boys will do the same to The Blue Bloods, but Schiavone pulls the mic away from him because let’s be honest…
9:36 PM – As we return from commercial, Bisch’ plugs the Fall Brawl: War Games VHS. They show the cover of the box which features Hogan dropping the leg on Ric Flair. There are also stock images above him of Randy Savage, Sting, and Vader… who never made it to the pay-per-view. It also says, “2-Four Man Tag Team Explosion!” which sounds like something Evad Sullivan wrote. I feel like WCW prepped the promotional material so far in advance that when plans changed they just threw up their hands and said, "F#$% IT! IT STAYS THE WAY IT IS!" WCW’s history of bad box art might earn its own column.
9:36:20 – We cut to the broadcast booth where Mongo now has Pepe perched on his shoulder like a goddamn parrot. I hope he pisses on his shoulder. Easy E gives us the results of Not-So-Cyber Monday and sure enough, it’s Sting vs. Ric Flair in the main event. Just to recap, 10 weeks ago on the first episode of Nitro, babyface Sting was wrestling a heel Ric Flair. In that time period, The Nature Boy managed to turn babyface, wrestle Arn Anderson four times in some capacity, convince Sting to be his friend, and turn on Sting to become a heel again. Now they’re wrestling. Bobby Heenan appropriately takes a sip of sake. He’s tryin’ to get f@#$ed up.
9:37 PM – The cowbell sounds and Sting is on his way to the ring. What’s awesome about his entrance is the fact that he’s not tagging hands or smiling. He’s about to get his hands on the guy who betrayed him. He’s 100% focused. There's no way this match starts with a lock up. Those are the little things that matter. Flair is up next, sans robe. He knows it’s about to be a fight. Sting is walking in circles inside the ring like a caged lion.
As Flair struts his way closer to the ring, Sting makes like he’s going to come out after him. Only Flair hides behind that tramp we mentioned earlier. I guess that’s why she’s there. Naitch finally makes his way up onto the apron, but Sting cold clocks him before dragging him into the ring and laying into him, capping it off with a gorilla press. If you remember their Week 1 encounter you better start keeping score.
9:39 PM – 10 punches in the corner are followed by Sting shooting Flair to the opposite corner for a head-over-heels flip to the apron. Now that Flair’s a heel again he completely forgets to duck Sting’s follow-up clothesline.
On the outside, Sting slams Flair’s head into the guardrail which Naitch no-sells. Slick Ric comes back with some chops which Sting no-sells. This is the Ring of Honor School of Wrestling, folks. This is how it all started. Sting ends up back on top with a few more punches and a second shot to the guardrail.
9:40 PM – Sure enough, Flair cuts off Sting with a rake to the eyes and a suplex on the floor. What is that guardrail made of? Rubber? As Sting gets to his feet, Flair begs off to the barricade. Sting tries a Stinger Splash, but Naitch avoids it. For a second I thought Sting was going to end up in someone’s lap. Bisch’ sends it to a commercial.
9:43 PM – Before we return to the live action, we get another World War 3 ad. It’s the same as before. When they say “3 Giants,” they show two consecutive shots of Sabu. Something doesn’t add up here. Is there any kind of thought process when throwing these things together or was it Garrett Bischoff’s class project? “Wanna help daddy with work, Garrett? Here… edit these together. Mom and I have friends coming over.”
9:43:28 PM – Bischoff welcomes us back to the show that’s “as live as live can be.” That’s not true to the viewing audience at home. It could be more live for them if they were actually at the arena. Flair is still in control as Bisch’ explains a low blow as a kick he was “glad didn’t air on live TV.” Make up your mind, E.
Flair eventually slaps on the hold he’s rarely won a match with: the figure four. As Pee-Wee gives Sting his undivided attention, Flair grabs the middle rope for leverage. I love that trick. In the most boss-like move ever, Sting actually pulls Flair into the center of the ring just so he can flex, briefly morph into his old training buddy The Ultimate Warrior, and reverse the hold. Flair quickly releases, but it was gangster as hell.
Just look at his face. That’s Warrior!
9:45 PM – As they get to their feet, Flair hits the ropes to throw a kick to Stinger’s injured leg. It gets nothing. Sting just stands there. Naitch tries to light him up with punches and chops, but the face-painted hero stands there with a smile. Flair begs off like he should, but Sting Irish whips him, catching him with… yep… a gorilla press. He loves that shit. Seriously, if that’s not one of his signature moves in WWE 2k15, somebody should lose their job.
A big hip toss out of the corner is followed by a standing dropkick. My only gripe is that Flair doesn’t really sell. He just bumps, gets up, and begs off with full gusto. Same goes for Sting, but that’s kind of his gimmick. He’s indestructible. Flair, should be reeling. He ate two guardrails earlier that he ignored. He just took a gorilla press, hip toss, and standing dropkick with no reaction. Want proof?
9:46 PM – Naitch pokes Sting in the eyes. This is the bullshit I’m talking about. He dumps Stinger to the outside and catches him with a double ax handle off the apron. After a few chops and a rake to the eyes, Flair grabs a steel chair from the other end of the ringside area. He charges Sting with it, but Pee-Wee snatches it in the nick of time.
Sting rolls back into the ring and Naitch follows. Flair is in full control while Bischoff hypes a “big announcement” for the end of the show. So that’s where Dixie got it from…
9:47 PM – In the most asinine moment of any match I’ve ever seen between two so-called “legends,” Flair pins Sting with both feet on the second rope. Pee-Wee is literally right there, but counts anyway. Sting kicks out at two, but Flair’s feet stay secured. Sting’s shoulders hit the mat again and the same routine happens three more times. Flair’s legs never move, yet Pee-Wee is oblivious.
Nature Boy performs a headlock takeover, but Sting reverses with a leg scissors. Flair flips over on top of Sting and they do the double bridge spot that is crazy hard. Sting turns that into a backslide, but Flair is out at two. Flair rushes to the top rope, but Sting cuts him off with another gorilla press! Double whammy!
Successful Career Top Rope Attacks for Ric Flair: 9
Unsuccessful Career Top Ropes Attacks for Ric Flair: 8,956
Total Gorilla Presses on Nitro by Sting: 9
9:48 PM – After that long fall, Flair is immediately up on his feet, begging off. I’m starting to rethink my stance on Ric Flair as a great worker. Sting punches him in the face five times in the corner, but Pee-Wee tries to pull him off. Sting picks up Pee-Wee to carry him to the other end of the ring. While that comedic spot is happening, Flair has made yet another miraculous recovery to reach down into his knee pad, pull out a pair of brass knuckles, and fix them to his fist. He cocks back and nails Sting on the button before hiding the foreign object in his trunks.
To celebrate, Flair struts around the ring before planting an elbow on Sting for the pin. Somehow, some way, Sting kicks out at two! Naitch can’t believe it! Flair Irish whip’s Stinger only to chop him. Sting reacts like a Samoan taking a head shot to a turnbuckle and flexes hard. Why do internet fans give guys like Hogan, Warrior, and Cena shit for no-selling, but Sting gets a pass? Baffles me. Oh yeah…
Total Gorilla Presses on Nitro by Sting: 10
9:49 PM – He’s only had four matches on Nitro! Ten gorilla presses is a lot! To make matters worse for Flair, Sting puts him on the top rope and throws a true superplex. He slaps on the Scorpion Death Lock! It’s all over! Flair gave up! The bell rings, Sting’s music hits, and he’s not letting go. He’s really letting him have it. I think he says something like, “YOU’RE GONNA SELL FOR ME IF IT’S THE LAST THING YOU DO, YOU SON OF A BITCH!” I’m just guessing.
Two referees join the action to get Sting to break the hold, but he’s not budging. Mr. JL and Eddie Guerrero are there too, but Sting’s all like, “Who the f#$% are you guys? Can't you see I'm busy!” Evad Sullivan even shows up to plead with him. The announce team says Lex Luger is out there, but I’m not seeing him.
9:50 PM – It finally takes Johnny B. Badd and Hacksaw to pull him off. Security convinces Sting to head to the back. He makes it halfway up the aisle before storming back to the ring and reapplying the hold! Now Lex Luger is visible, heading to the squared circle. Doesn’t he have Dungeon of Doom things to do?
Luger gets in Sting’s face and that’s more than enough to get Sting to let go. We don’t hear what Luger says, but Sting listens and follows him out of the ring. Is he going to join The Dungeon? That would be a helluva pickup. Their stock would instantly soar.
9:52 PM – After a brief commercial break Eric Bischoff sends it to the ring for quite possibly the Segment of the Year. Gene Okerlund is standing by with “The Mouth of the South” Jimmy Hart, “The Taskmaster” Kevin Sullivan, and mock-World Heavyweight Champion The Giant. Gene points out that The Giant isn’t the real WCW World Heavyweight Champion, but Jimmy doesn’t seem worried.
Jimmy starts to explain things by calling Hulk Hogan “Ho-colon.” I don’t know if it was on purpose or not. He goes on to bury Hulk Hogan’s acting project choices before explaining that while The Hulkster was off making shitty movies and Spy Hard, he had power of attorney. Jimmy says that he was the one who signed the contract for Hogan vs. The Giant at Halloween Havoc. He points out that there was a stipulation in the contract that stated if Hogan were to be disqualified, he would lose the WCW World Heavyweight Championship.
(SBK Note: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. Timeout. Whoa. Why on Earth couldn’t this have been explained last week? Had they not thought of it yet? This is like watching a movie then realizing everything that happened in the first 89 minutes was a dream. Not in a good way. I can’t imagine they had thought of this any earlier than an hour before tonight’s show. They couldn’t have because if they did, they would have realized it was insanely stupid. You’ll see why in a minute. Also, this should be a lesson to independent wrestlers everywhere. Never put your career in the hands of a guy dressed like a pimp from Harlem.)
9:53 PM – Due to that stipulation, The Giant is your WCW World Heavyweight Champion. Had that been the strategy, why didn’t Jimmy hit The Giant in front of the referee instead of clobbering the referee? There would be no argument. That leaves it in dispute because on whose behalf was he interfering? If he did it in favor of The Giant, then The Giant would have been the one disqualified. He did hit Hogan with the belt after all. Even The Giant is having a hard time with all of this…
9:54 PM – Mean Gene, on the other hand, has something up his sleeve: Nick Lambros from WCW’s Legal Department. Mr. Lambros looks a tad like Mike Adamle. Let’s hope his public speaking prowess is better. As soon as he opens his mouth, we learn that he sounds EXACTLY like Fozzie Bear. It’s uncanny. Let’s hear what he has to say about the matter:
“Unfortunately, Gene… Jimmy Hart is PARTIALLY correct. He did have Hulk Hogan’s power of attorney to sign this contract. BUT… HE is NOT the World Champion. I have been on the phone… I have been on the phone with WCW Commissioner Nick Bockwinkel. He has conferred with the WCW Commissioners… and they have issued this statement: ‘Not withstanding that Hulk Hogan’s contract to wrestle The Giant contained a clause that provided he would lose the championship belt in the event of a disqualification… because of the dubious nature of the disqualification, the WCW Championship Committee has determined that the WCW World Heavyweight Title will be held up and will now be awarded to the winner of the three-ring sixty-man battle royal at World War 3 in Norfolk, Virginia.’ Wocka, wocka, wocka!”
Finally, someone here is making sense. Jimmy Hart, The Giant, and The Taskmaster are beside themselves now that they realize how stupid their plan actually was. Like… really f#$%ing stupid. Mean Gene even tells Jimmy Hart to wipe his ass with the contract, in so many words.
The stakes for the inaugural World War 3 match just went up big time. The Taskmaster convinces The Giant to hand over the belt because he knows he’ll just win it back at World War 3.
9:58 PM – The crowd erupts into a “Hogan” chant, which automatically disproves anyone’s belief that he wasn’t over anymore. Bobby breaks it down with an intelligent intensity that very few know how to pull off. Mongo tries to weigh in, but he’s cut off by the exploding Nitro graphic and Bischoff getting into next week’s lineup. Meng and Randy Savage will go at it, which isn’t necessarily the comeback match Mach’ was hoping for. Eddie Guerrero will get a shot at Johnny B. Badd’s World Television Championship while United States Champion Sting will take on Dean Malenko! See you then!
Final Ratings
Nitro: 2.0
Raw: 2.6
I figured it would be smarter to share the Final Ratings before I broke down the episode. Makes a little more sense, right? Nitro lost after two weeks on top. Why? It could be a number of things. The ridiculousness of the World Heavyweight Championship scenario could have been a factor. No Hulk Hogan live on either episode could have played into it. Maybe the build toward Survivor Series was getting good on Raw.
Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit continue to steal the show, but there is literally no character development for either of them. Benoit’s lack of a personality of any kind makes it even harder, which by default makes him the heel in the eyes of the fans. Sting and Ric Flair still have the hearts of the WCW audience and the finish of their match was great. However, they continue to go through the same motions every time they are in the ring together.
I also can’t get on board with what they did to The Renegade. Yeah, it was a shitty knockoff character, but the guy wasn’t treated with any amount of dignity whatsoever. It was awful. I understand that a wrestler is supposed to be a team player and do whatever the promoter asks as long as it doesn’t go against logic and/or their beliefs, but I can’t imagine he agreed to that deal without some kind of promise that he would come out smelling like roses afterward. He didn’t and now he’s dead. I’m not saying one had anything to do with the other, but I can’t see it not being a factor. WCW better get back on the right track. Happy Thanksgiving, bitches.
Nitro Results (11/6/95):
WCW World Heavyweight Championship: The Giant © def. Cobra via pinfall
The Taskmaster def. The Renegade via pinfall
Eddie Guerrero def. Chris Benoit via pinfall
WCW United States Champion Sting def. Ric Flair via submission
Raw Results (11/6/95):
The British Bulldog def. Marty Jannetty via pinfall – Clarence Mason, Camp Cornette’s attorney, announced that Bulldog would get a WWF Championship opportunity at In Your House, facing the winner of Diesel vs. Bret Hart at Survivor Series.
Henry Godwinn def. Terry Richards via pinfall
“The Supreme Fighting Machine” Kama def. Tony Roy via pinfall
Jerry “The King” Lawler & Isaac Yankem DDS def. Bret “The Hitman” Hart & Hakushi via disqualification when Barry Horowitz took a chair from Jerry Lawler and was caught by the referee. That’s right. A main event involving Barry Horowitz beat this week’s episode of Nitro.
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