The Hollywood Neck Snap is one of the leading causes of death to action film characters. General Zod in Man of Steel stands out as the most recent prominent recipient of the devastating fatal blow. Countless henchmen, defiant sidekicks, courageous underdogs, and underpaid security guards have met their fate at the hands of someone skilled in the art of grabbing a human being’s head and swiftly forcing it in a direction it wasn’t meant to go, resulting in an immediate loss of life.
Let’s take a brief moment of silence for these pussies.
…
Now let’s do the exact opposite and give it up for the sturdiest lone soldier to ever survive The Hollywood Neck Snap… Hulk mother#$%in’ Hogan. At the colossal hands of the 7 foot, 400 lb. beast known as The Giant, Hulk Hogan survived not just one, but TWO Hollywood Neck Snaps. I don’t know whether it was the years of saying his prayers, eating his vitamins, or advanced neck bridge training under the tutelage of Hiro Matsuda, but there is something about Hulk Hogan’s physical makeup that renders him more indestructible than the average man. Oh yeah, it’s because Hulk Hogan isn’t a pussy.
If The Taskmaster’s plan to have The Giant take Hogan out permanently didn’t work, what kind of person did he think he was dealing with? Last week, after The Giant performed that second Hollywood Neck Snap, The Taskmaster thought for sure The Hulkster would never walk again, so he went ahead and poured salt on the wound by shaving off his legendary handlebar mustache.
Little did The Dungeon of Doom realize… they were f#$@in’ with an IMMORTAL. All they did was tug on Superman’s cape.
Detonating Nitro: Episode 6 – Bigger and Blacker
9:00 PM – For the first time in Nitro history, the show opens with a pre-credits recap of the biggest thing to happen on the previous episode: Hulk Hogan’s neck being laid to waste and his mustache going the way of the dodo bird. The clips are crudely strung together with no voiceover or intense background music. All they do is throw the ‘stache slaughter into slow motion. You kids don’t know how good you have it.
9:00:25 PM – Wind, dimly lit city streets, electrical fire, flaming tracks presumably left by a DeLorean, Hulk Hogan, rock guitar riffs, street lights shorting out, Lex Luger, sewer gas fire, Stinger Splash, obvious insurance fraud on the fifth floor of a building, more DeLorean tracks, WCW Monday Nitro TNT sign, and an incredible explosion.
9:00:54 PM – A helicopter shot of Chicago is followed by a wide view of Nitro’s biggest crowd yet. Somebody is gaining momentuuuum. Bischoff calls Nitro the “number one wrestling program in America.” Two weeks ago, they bested Raw in the ratings 2.7 to 1.9. Last week, they tied with a 2.5. So technically, that statement is true because they didn’t lose the week before, right?
9:01 PM – Since they’re in Chi-Town, Mongo’s old NFL stomping grounds, all three members of the announce team are wearing Bears jerseys. Mongo is rocking his own, Bischoff’s is custom with a number 1, and Heenan’s says “The Brain” above a big question mark. Unfortunately, Pepe is nowhere to be found. Bischoff says they are celebrating the 10th anniversary of the Bears winning the Super Bowl. I never understood that practice. Why celebrate the fact that you haven’t won the big game in x-amount of years? My college did that. They raised banners celebrating the 50 year anniversary of our NCAA Basketball National Championship. Thanks for the reminder, assholes.
Heenan explains that Hogan is in the building tonight with a restraining order against The Taskmaster and The Giant. That’s kind of a heel move, isn’t it? Maybe I was wrong about him not being a pussy. You’d think the brave babyface would take on all comers. Then again, when one of those comers tries to remove your head from your shoulders every time he touches you, maybe self-preservation is paramount.
9:02 PM – The announce team is interrupted by the man they call Sting. He howls before finding a mic. Where has this guy been? Savage, Luger, and Hogan could have used him these past few weeks. He promises to solve the problem between the Macho Man and the Total Package later on tonight. There’s a joke in there somewhere, but I can’t seem to find it.
9:03 PM – The ring announcer takes over, informing us that the following contest is for the WCW United States Championship. Coming to the ring first is the challenger… Shark. I know we’ve seen Shark on television a few times already, but let me explain his background. In the WWF, this massive Canadian sumo wrestler was part of a top level feud with Hulk Hogan. Then-managed by Jimmy Hart and known as Earthquake, he crushed the sternum of The Hulkster on a few occasions, killed Jake “The Snake” Roberts’ snake Damien, and won the WWF Tag Team Championship alongside a behemoth known as Typhoon – who went on to become The Shockmaster – to form The Natural Disasters. (Get it?) Now he’s in WCW displaying his affinity for the apex predators of the ocean with teeth painted on his face and an aquatic-themed persona simply known as Shark after the name “Avalanche” almost got him sued.
(SBK Note: Shark/Earthquake/John Tenta’s training background would make the internet cream in its jeans if he were around today. The 6’7”, nearly 500 pound force of nature was trained in Puroresu by such names as Giant Baba, Great Kabuki, Jumbo Tsuruta with finishing school being taught by Dory Funk. So basically, if he were alive and doing the same gimmick in WWE now, you could complain about how he’s being misused like Lord Tensai.)
9:03:49 PM – Sting’s music hits and it appears as though he’s experimenting with some solid black and white face paint. Foreshadowing, perhaps? Oh wait, this is wrestling and, more importantly, this is WCW. They never thought that far ahead.
As the United States Champion heads to the ring, Bobby Heenan explains that it was actually the WCW brass who sought the restraining order against The Giant, not Hogan. That makes a lot more sense. Sorry for the confusion. He’s not a pussy anymore.
9:04 PM – Sting is attacked upon entering the ring. He doesn’t even have a second to breathe. Shark Boy’s father grabs the belt and points at it, saying it’s as good as his. After some vicious blows, Shark plants Sting in the center of the ring with a powerslam. He follows it up with a biiiiiig elbow and instead of covering the champion, he throws a huuuuuuge leg drop. He performs a cocky pin attempt, which allows Sting to kick out at two. Had he hooked the leg, we might be looking at a new United States Champion.
Shark-quake-alanche shoves Sting into the corner and Irish whips him the opposite way. Sting’s situation is dire, as Shark charges toward him. Luckily, he gets out of the way as Shark eats the corner. I mean, not literally, but you get the idea. Sting sees the opening and lands two consecutive Stinger Splashes, both of which send Shark’s skull into the ring post. He staggers back to the center only to be caught by a big top rope splash from Sting! Nick Patrick counts to three and this one is over quicker than it started!
9:06 PM – After only two minutes of work, Sting celebrates his way to the locker room. Shark is left in the ring wondering what the hell just happened. I feel like his downfall came when he didn’t incorporate enough shark-like maneuvers into his arsenal. Why wasn’t he trying to bite him from the opening bell? That’s all he should know how to do if he’s a shark. Sure, biting may be illegal in some instances, but if he registered the move as his “finisher” with The Academy of Wrestling Arts & Sciences, I think it would be permitted. Am I wrong?
9:06:55 PM – Bischoff and company send us back to the Hogan segment from last week again. Kevin Sullivan didn’t f#$% around with that cane. After The Giant turns The Hulkster into a human bobble-head, The Taskmaster shaves the ‘stache. Then we fade to commercial with a graphic of Sabu and his opponent tonight, Mr. JL.
9:09 PM – Halloween Havoc promo airs. I keep forgetting to mention that they managed to work in a shot of The Master. Who is The Master? Welp, he’s the guy behind The Dungeon of Doom who appeared on TV a total of maaaaybe three times. He was a balding fat dude who deemed Kevin Sullivan “The Taskmaster” who had skin like The Thing. He was played by old-timer King Curtis Iaukea.
9:13 PM – We’re back to the action and Sabu is on his way through the curtain. Eric Bischoff shares the important fact that the Sumo Monster Truck Match at Halloween Havoc will now take place on the ROOF of Cobo Hall, across the street from the venue. If putting two monster trucks on the ROOF of a building isn’t reason enough to buy a pay-per-view, I don’t know what is.
9:13:45 PM – Mr. JL, Sabu’s masked opponent, is out next. You’re probably asking, “What’s a Mr. JL?” A “Mr. JL” is eventual ECW standout/champion Jerry Lynn dressed like a pink and purple Power Ranger. That’s really the only way to describe him. If you want to catch him at his best, look up his stuff with Rob Van Dam on The WWE Network. It only costs around $10 or something. For now, Mr. JL will do. Heck, Baby Justin Roberts is excited, so you should be too…
9:15 PM – The opening bell sounds, but neither competitor is anywhere near ready. Sabu still has his head dress on and Mr. JL is still holding his cape. As JL hands said cape to the ringside helper, Sabu attacks. After a scoop slam, Sabu heads to the apron, flips himself over the top rope, and delivers a somersault leg drop across JL’s throat. To make matters worse for the masked rookie, Sabu springboards off the second rope, connecting with a leg lariat to his seated opponent. It gets a two count.
Sabu uses a headlock and Irish whip, but Mr. JL counters with a spinning European uppercut. He sends Sabu into the ropes again, side steps him, and catches him in the back of the head with an enziguri. The suicidal, homicidal, genocidal maniac flies through the ropes to the arena floor. Mr. JL stays right on him with a suicide dive. However, the fact that it wasn’t homicidal or genocidal might come back to haunt him later.
9:16 PM – JL is back in the ring as Sabu gets to the apron. Sabu attempts what looks like a sunset flip, but rides it over to land on his feet. He ricochets off the opposite ropes, ducks the line, andresponds with a spinning heel kick that sends Mr. JL through the ropes to the outside. Turnabout is fair play.
9:17 PM – Sabu uses the top rope to launch himself into a front flip to the outside, landing on JL. Both guys look dead. Sabu grabs a chair and throws JL into the guardrail. He runs, uses the seat of the chair as a launching pad, and throws his body at JL, who crashes to the floor.
Sabu heads back inside as JL ends up on the apron. The Human Highlight Reel tries to suplex him back into the ring, but JL floats over. After a club to the back of the head, JL throws a nice German suplex for a two count. Frustrated, JL whips Sabu to the corner and greets him with a dropkick to the mush.
9:18 PM – JL is in control, but not for long, as Sabu reverses his Irish whip to the opposite corner. JL’s chest hits the buckle hard; he staggers backward, and is leveled with a clothesline that draws a legitimate reaction from the crowd. With Mr. JL down and near the ropes, Sabu hops up, drapes his legs over the top rope, and uses the momentum to moonsault himself onto the fallen pink and purple warrior. He follows it up by slapping on his uncle’s signature move: The Camel Clutch. Just when you think it’s all over, JL gets to the ropes to break the hold.
9:19 PM – Digging deep into his bag of tricks, Sabu climbs to the top. JL cuts him off, hooks him for a suplex, but instead, DDT’s the shit out of him. It’s not as scary as what Scott Norton did to Mach’ a few weeks back, but it’s in the ballpar... wait… where the f#$% is Scott Norton?
JL goes for a pin, but Sabu BARELY kicks out at 2.99. In fact, had it been Nick Patrick in charge, this one would be over. Alas, it’s Pee-Wee, who helps Sabu out with a last millisecond reminder to get the shoulder up.
Now JL heads to the top, but Sabu stops him. They’re both standing on the second rope, with Sabu looking for a hurricanrana. He tries it, but JL hangs on, sending Sabu crashing face-first onto the mat. JL might have this one, folks! Sabu points up, drawing energy from Allah, as JL sails off with a dropkick. Sabu, being the cagey veteran, snatches his legs out of the air, practically powerbombing him. The big mistake leads to a second Camel Clutch. This one is over.
9:20 PM – To add insult to injury, Sabu throws JL onto the apron, then delivers a sunset flip powerbomb to the arena floor for good measure. Jesus! It’s the most unnecessary spot I’ve ever witnessed. Sabu continues bringing the crazy all the way back to the locker room. The announce crew is flabbergasted. Bisch gathers his composure and reminds us of everything going on with Hogan, The Giant, The Taskmaster, restraining orders, Sting, Savage, and Luger. The crowd is going nuts for something. After a few seconds we see Sting, Mean Gene, and Lex Luger together in the ring behind the announce booth.
9:21 PM – Sting, who killed a Shark earlier, doesn’t have a blemish in his makeup. Luger is donning a pair of acid-washed jeans and a double-breasted blazer. Stylin’ and profilin’. Zero time passes before Sting calls out “Macho Man” Randy Savage.
Savage shows up simply to put all these fools wardrobe choices to bed. His entire outfit is tiger print. Why? Because he killed a tiger over the weekend with his bare hands and needed to do something with the rest of the carcass after he ate the raw meat.
9:22 PM – Now in this situation, some fans might be pro-Mach’ while others might be pro-Luger. At a wrestling show, fans have the right to voice those opinions to their heart’s content. What we see on Mach’s way to the ring can only be described as someone seizing that opportunity and making sweet love to it. What initially appeared to be a mullet-having, tank-top-sporting fan innocently giving Savage a double “thumbs down” took a SHARP left turn, as he curled those thumbs inward, raised BOTH middle fingers and hurled an audible “BOOOO! F#$% YOU!” toward the former Macho King…
And let’s not ignore the fan with the note card that simply reads “DIESEL POWER.”
9:22:01 PM – Now I know Randy Savage might not have been everybody’s particular brand of vodka, but WOW. That guy HATED the Macho Man. Maybe he’s still upset about the Mega Powers exploding. Maybe he heard about Mach’s illicit relationship with a young Stephanie McMahon. Maybe, just maybe, he harbors resentment toward Savage for blasting Warrior in the head with a scepter. I don’t know. What’s more, based solely on his physical appearance (and pack of Marlboro Menthol Lights), he doesn’t strike me as someone who would love “The Total Package” Lex Luger. But hey, the guy likes what he likes.
9:22:02 PM – Alright, enough about him. Savage is in the ring and wants at Luger. Sting stands in the way. Stinger talks about how The Giant has been chokeslamming EVERYBODY. Mach’ asks why The Giant hasn’t chokeslammed Sting yet. Stinger quickly changes the subject to their mutual quest for World Championship glory. He tries to put Mach’ in his place, but you know that’s impossible.
He then goes on to suggest that at Halloween Havoc, if Savage beats Kamala and Luger beats Meng (which doesn’t sound like a good deal for Lex at all), then maybe the two of them should go at it again. Even though he lost last week, Savage likes it because he’s a few different kinds of awesome.
9:24 PM – On the other hand, Luger kinda sucks. He turns to Sting and says, “wooooaaaah, brother.” Apparently, in a private conversation with Stinger, he said he’d be down for a rematch with Mach’, but not at Halloween Havoc. Again, these are reasons why Randy Savage is one of the greatest. He’ll go through a Ugandan Giant to get his hands on Luger again. Meanwhile, Lex shaking in his boots at the prospect of doing ANYTHING after wrestling Meng, which is totally understandable. I'd want to curl up in a fetal position and suck my thumb afterward. Sting calls him “pathetic.” I call him “smart.”
Now Sting is heating up at Luger. He says he’s tired of defending the guy he thought was “The Total Package.” That leads to Lex begrudgingly accepting the challenge just before Mean Gene sends it to commercial. Huge turn of events!
9:28 PM – We come back to see the exterior of the Rosemont Horizon in Chicago. Unlike the helicopter shot that started the show, it’s now day-time. A limo pulls up. This is the second time we’ve seen one of those in the last two weeks. It certainly won’t be the last. Therefore, I’m doing away with the TIWTBBP Count and introducing the Total Nitro Limo Count.
Total Nitro Limo Count: 2
It’s going to get out of hand FAST. Just wait until the nWo becomes a thing. You’ll learn the different makes and models of stretches. Anyway, Bischoff is putting over something from Japan. The limo driver walks around to the side door and out walks… oh my god… hide the women and children… it’s… it’s…
9:29 PM – CHRIS F#$%ING BENOIT. You know how I’m always scared of Meng? Welp, this guy is worse on so many different levels. (Well… one… mainly.) If you’re reading this, I can’t imagine you don’t know who “The Canadian Crippler” Chris Benoit is, but for the few of you who don’t… welp… here’s a brief rundown of exactly who he is…
Christopher Michael Benoit was a Canadian professional wrestler who idolized The Dynamite Kid. He idolized him so much that he somehow willed his body and face into kind of looking like Dynamite’s when he grew up. Eventually, Dynamite’s career ended due to an unexpected injury which led him to become one of the biggest pieces of shit in wrestling history. Benoit, always striving to be the best, decided he wanted to become an even bigger piece of shit. He built a name for himself wrestling all over the world, even breaking Sabu’s neck in ECW to earn the moniker “The Canadian Crippler.” WCW brought him in as a hot prospect and his talent couldn’t be denied. Years later, he would steal Kevin Sullivan’s wife Nancy after Sullivan booked her and Benoit into a storyline together, marry her, have a son with her, reach the pinnacle of sports entertainment in 2004, go through most of his career never telling anyone about the multiple concussions that were making him crazy, and murder Nancy and their son before taking his own cowardly life with a Bowflex Machine. Top that, Dynamite.
But all personal feelings aside, I don’t plan to ignore Benoit’s presence and excellent matches because WWE has seemingly given it a pass as well for the integrity of The Network. His selfishness in not telling anyone about his head injuries over the years is what ultimately led to the deaths of two innocent people. That is HIS fault and no one else’s. So please, forgive me if I make a tasteless (pronounced “justified”) comment at his expense here and there. I can’t be the only one who gets slightly uncomfortable whenever he’s on-screen.
9:29:01 PM – Benoit’s first words on a WCW television screen? “WCW… where the big boys play.”
9:29:05 PM – Back in the arena, Bischoff repeats the line. Maybe I should bring the TIWTBBP Count back…
I won’t until it gets overused again. Over at the entranceway, Disco Inferno struts and thrusts his way into America’s hearts. Bobby Heenan puts over Disco’s silk shirt, but Mongo fires back with, “You wouldn’t know silk if a worm crawled across your face.” It just dawned on me. Mongo has been on point tonight. Is he stepping his game up because he’s back home? He knows the people in the arena can’t hear him, right? Why doesn’t he do this every week? I feel like he prepared for this.
9:31 PM – His music is brought to an abrupt halt by Big Bubba’s. If I’m Disco, I’m not sticking around to bump into a guy who once no sold a cab door slamming shut on his hand. Disco stays with it though, using his boom box to keep the party going. Lucky for him, Bubba just stares for a second, then heads to the ring.
What’s even more brilliant is that his boom box is so powerful that it’s drowning out Bubba’s music and the music of his opponent… Road Warrior Hawk. Now I’m thinking Disco is doomed – no pun intended – but he lucks out again, as Hawk passes him by. In an attempt to dig his own grave, Disco doesn’t let up. He steals a fan’s hat, then puts it on Hawk’s spiky shoulder pads. Somehow, Hawk doesn’t notice and because of that, Disco Inferno is still alive today.
9:33 PM – Hawk is in the ring and finally notices the hat. He turns to see Disco howling away on the stage. This allows Bubba to Pearl Harbor him to take the early lead. Bubba gives Hawk a sloppy splash in the corner. Bubba throws haymakers to keep The Road Warrior at bay. Every time Hawk tries to make a comeback, Bubba cuts him off.
9:34 PM – Just when it looks like Hawk can’t get anything going, he surprises Big Bubba with a powerslam. As things look to be over, Disco Inferno hops up on the apron, feeding his back to Hawk, so he can dance for the fans. Hawk tears a big chunk out the silk shirt, then chases Disco to the back, beating him from pillar to post. Then… in the middle of the beating… Hawk remembers he’s in the middle of a wrestling match… ten seconds too late. He loses via count out.
(SBK Note: I’m assuming the point of that match was to set up a feud between Road Warrior Hawk and Disco Inferno. Who threw that out there in the booking meeting? “You know what feud I’m DYING to see? Disco Inferno going at it with Road Warrior Hawk!” That’ll put the asses in the seats. I’m not trying to take anything away from either guy, as they are both great in their own ways, but together…? Doesn’t do it for anybody. And where is Animal? Watching one Road Warrior wrestle is like seeing one tit. Some things just work better in pairs.)
9:38 PM – We’re back from break with Mean Gene in the middle of the ring. He introduces WCW World Heavyweight Champion Hulk Hogan sans mustache, who has traded in the red and yellow in favor of all black everything – even his neck brace. Jimmy Hart has done the same, but doesn’t look anywhere as cool. Right before they enter the ring, we get another Baby Justin Roberts sighting, who appears to have been a HulkaManiac…
9:39 PM – Hogan tells Mean Gene and Jimmy Hart to shut up before they even get a chance to speak. He means business. The Hulkster explains that he is going to play The Dungeon of Doom’s game because that’s what it takes to beat Andre the Giant’s son “The big stinky Giant,” as Hogan refers him on a regular basis. Now he’s calling him out. Don’t do it, Hulk. You know what happened last time.
(SBK Note: Didn’t Hogan refer to Brock Lesnar as a “big stinky” something or other on Raw this week?)
9:40 PM – Gene explains that there’s a restraining order barring The Giant from the building, but Hogan doesn’t care. Then, in a page out of Eric Bischoff’s book, Hogan takes a shot at Vince McMahon’s ego, saying it got too big for The Hulkster and his friends to stick around in New York. Ouch.
Then, in a harsh moment of truth that y’all need to recognize as correct, Hogan likens Kevin Sullivan and The Giant shaving his mustache off to, “…spraying graffiti on the Washington Monument, brother! They might as well have burned the American flag, brother!”
Look, Terry, I agree on all counts. That mustache is a f#$%ing national treasure and as American as apple pie. When you die, you should consider donating that thing to the Smithsonian. They’ll gladly take it and put it on display next to Dorothy’s ruby red slippers. I’ll even take a part-time job as a security guard to protect it. However, a lot of average Americans don’t think the way you and I do. They see you taking shots at Vince McMahon’s ego, then claiming your mustache is on the same level as an American flag or the Washington Monument. I mean, I agree with you and all, but I’m not sure if the typical wrestling fan will. Even Mean Gene was kind of offended and that guy loves you. It’s not a good look. Ya feel me, brother?
9:41 PM – Just when I thought Hulk Hogan couldn’t be any more amazing, he takes it to a completely different pantheon when he explains his plans for AFTER he puts The Giant in his place. “The last thing I’m gonna do with my immortality is beat Gorgeous George up in heaven!” He’s ready to fight the ghosts of our forefathers! This is the greatest rant Hogan has ever been on! Unfortunately, police sirens cut him off as the cameras show us what’s going on outside.
9:41:25 PM – A handful of police and security personnel are at the back gate to the arena, standing in front of the monster truck that ate Hogan’s Harley at Fall Brawl. The Giant is inside while The Zodiac stands in the flatbed. Taskmaster is riding shotgun.
Hogan’s in the ring yelling “LET HIM IN HERE!” If Hogan wanted some that bad, he would be going to them. It’s like starting shit with someone, then backing up when they respond. That’s not something a guy who’s not a pussy would do.
9:42 PM – “Well if he can’t get in here to fight me, then I can sure as hell get out there, brother!” Whew. I was worried about The Hulkster’s pussy/not pussy status for a sec. He heads to the back as Mean Gene recaps by saying, “The Giant has literally wreaked HAVOC on Hulk Hogan and other members of World Championship Wrestling.” I see what ya did there, Gene.
9:43 PM – He sends it back to Bisch, who is ready to pimp out the upcoming pay-per-view. He reminds us that the main event will begin with the Sumo Monster Truck Match which is the most unnecessary add-on to a huge pay-per-view match in history, but fun in theory. Hogan vs. The Giant one-on-one for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship in DETROIT f#$%ing MICHIGAN would have sold itself. That being said, I’m expecting Bischoff to advertise the other matches on the card, but he doesn’t. What else matters? They’ve got MONSTER TRUCKS!
9:44 PM – Fire shoots out of the ring posts while fireworks ignite. The steel cage for tonight’s main event between Ric Flair and Arn Anderson slowly lowers toward the ring as we go to commercial.
9:47 PM – Halloween Havoc promo airs. It ends and we are back at the announce booth to find our good friend Pepe, who hasn’t been left out of dress-up day. Pepe looked at Bischoff, Heenan, and Mongo in their silly little football jerseys and went full diva. He threw on a vintage Chicago Bears wool sweater and football helmet. He calls it his "sporty outfit." Just as Pepe is getting ready to speak, two police officers stop by to whisper a message to Eric Bischoff.
He reveals that a horde of Chicago cops are keeping Hogan and The Giant apart outside. They don’t send the cameras to the scene because this was long before they dressed up a bunch of indie workers to play those roles. Let’s go to the ring.
9:49 PM – “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair is introduced and the cage is set with Arn Anderson already inside. We get our first hard cam shot of the steel structure to discover it’s actually not a cage at all. It’s a steel fence. That’s the only way to describe this thing. I knew the ceiling of the War Games cage was notoriously low, but this one doesn’t have a roof. It’s open. In the WWF, they were pushing a 15-foot high steel cage. While that might have been a slight exaggeration at the time, it still towered over this. This looks like something a couple of backyarders threw together. I’m saying it’s 7-feet MAX. Arn Anderson is 6’1”. This is him standing inside the damn thing in perspective with the front of the fence…
Pepe could find his way out of this thing.
Come on, guys. Don’t tell me I’m getting a STEEL CAGE MATCH and give me this. That’s like meeting a chick off a dating site who only posts pictures above the neck or from high angles. Expectations are much greater than reality.
9:49:30 PM – Seriously, they should be embarrassed by this f#$%ing thing. This is the rubber match and Flair is ready. He hits the ropes as the bell rings. Mongo says, “Lemme tell ya, these two boys are gonna be bouncing off the cage like two pitbulls at the dog pound!” I’d like to know what kind of inhumane animal shelter he’s talking about. That raises an important question: Is Pepe a rescue? Food for thought.
Anyway, Arn fires away, trying to slam Naitch’s head into the fence, but Flair stops him. He knows his forehead will gush into the fourth row. Flair responds with some chops and punches that send The Enforcer to the corner and to the mat. The Nature Boy struts like a mad man.
9:51 PM – Arn reverses a whip into the corner and catches Flair coming out with a back body drop. That’s kryptonite for Naitch. Arn makes matter worse by slamming him head first into the fence. Flair goes down, then eats a bunch of stomps. Arn picks him up and launches him into the steel fence again. Flair tries to fight back, but Arn cuts him off as we go to commercial.
9:54 PM – We come back to find Flair in control, but that’s temporary. Arn reverses another Irish whip and catches Naitch with the SPINEBUSTER! Both men are down! In a shocking new development, Bischoff shows us what took place during commercial. They split the screen to give us a shot of Flair and Arn on the top rope, both trying to climb over the fence, but Flair chops Arn, which crotches him. In real time, Naitch is using the fence as a weapon to disorient his old friend. I’m 90% sure the fans are chanting “WE WANT BLOOD!” Damn. And here I thought modern fans were complainers.
9:55 PM – Flair suplexes Arn, but Flyin’ Brian shows up to defeat the purpose of having a Steel Fence Match. He’s up on top, but Flair races to cut him off. He bips Brian all the way down to the arena floor. In Bizarro World that is WCW, Flair standing on the top rope warrants a count from Pee-Wee. You’re gonna disqualify him? Seriously? To prevent that from happening, Flair times a perfectly executed double ax-handle to Anderson! Chalk it up!
Successful Career Top Rope Attacks for Ric Flair: 8
Unsuccessful Career Top Ropes Attacks for Ric Flair: 8,955
Arn has something in his hand though! Are those brass knuckles? He swings for the fences, but Flair ducks and delivers a knee-breaker to set up the figure four! He goes to lock it in, but catches him with a shot to the temple! Flair is OUT! Not like this, Arn! NOT LIKE THIS! He doesn’t even bother to hook the leg because the three count is merely a formality at this point.
9:56:40 PM – We go to the announce booth where they are trying to identify the foreign object used by Double A. A fired up Nature Boy shows up, stealing Bischoff’s headset.
“LET’S GET IT STRAIGHT! NEXT WEEK, I’LL WRESTLE BOTH OF YA! PILLMAN… YOU AND ANDERSON AGAINST ME! TWO AGAINST ONE! KEEP IN MIND… I’LL LOOK THE WORLD OVER FOR A PARTNER, BUT IF I DON’T GOT ONE, IT’S ME AGAINST THE BOTH OF YOU… ON MONDAAAAY NITROOO!!! GOT IT?!?! WOOO!!!"
He literally snapped the headset in half and handed it back to Bischoff.
9:57 PM – A flustered Easy E switches gears back to Hogan’s dark side. Bobby Heenan decides to go super meta – a word I never thought I’d use in a writing piece – by echoing the voice of wrestling fans at the time. You might even find some similarities between his comments and John Cena’s opponents and detractors today:
“It’s simple: I think myself, and you all, will testify this as time goes on… I’ve had enough of Hulk Hogan shoved down my throat over the years. So have all the other wrestlers here. And what The Giant’s doing and what The Taskmaster’s doing… and the people like that… Zodiac… they’re gonna get rid of Hulk Hogan. You know you can only eat that garbage for so long and then you CHOKE. And then it comes right up to the top of your mouth and you gotta spit it out. Well if it means taking his mustache off, if it means you wearing black and mourning with Jimmy Hart, then that’s fine, but when these monster trucks hook up, Hogan you’re in deep, deep… trouble.”
So basically every wrestling fan out there who wants John Cena to “embrace the hate” and change his character more or less want a rehash of the Hulk Hogan vs. Dungeon of Doom angle. Got it.
After Heenan’s fourth wall-scratching piece, Mongo tells him to “shut up.” Bischoff recaps the Flair challenge for next week and whether or not he’ll find a partner and the mini-tournament between Lex Luger and Savage at Halloween Havoc.
9:59 PM – Next week on Nitro, tune in to see Johnny B. Badd take on World Television Champion Diamond Dallas Page, Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero, “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan get mangled by Meng, and a main event featuring Flair and Arn Anderson for the third week in a row. Wait... goddammit... we never got a WCW: Saturday Night preview. See ya next week, errybody!
Another week in the bank and WCW continues to build their show around two central stories: Hogan vs. The Dungeon of Doom and Ric Flair vs. Arn Anderson. With only an hour to sell their product, they are doing an okay job of balancing those two acts. Savage and Luger has also been prominently featured, but not to the extent of the other two angles. The danger they run into, however, is the filler matches being represented as nothing more than filler.
What I mean by that is this week we saw Sabu and Mr. JL. Sabu debuted on the second episode of Nitro. Here we are in week six and this is the second time we’ve seen him. I understand that he’s probably been featured on other shows like WCW: Saturday Night, WCW Prime, and Main Event, but this is the big program with the most viewers. It’s not just Sabu either. We have yet to see DDP – who will debut next week – and in six weeks we’ve seen a grand total of one tag team match. After a while, the television audience will be conditioned to believe these matches don’t mean anything.
As for the main conflicts playing out, their progression is still going smoothly. Flair and Anderson is a hot feud, with both guys finding ways to get the better of each other. Luger and Savage now has the added bonus of featuring Sting in some capacity, who has about as much direction as today’s former WWE/World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus – who coincidentally now holds the same United States Championship former NWA World Heavyweight Champion Sting was holding at the time. Sting is a homegrown WCW guy. In 2014, he still has yet to step inside a WWE ring. He was with World Championship Wrestling from beginning to end. It’s about time something revolved around him. Unfortunately, right now, like modern WWE, there are just too many big names hovering at or near the top.
Nitro Results (10/9/95):
United States Championship: Sting © def. Shark via pinfall
Sabu def. Mr. JL via submission
Big Bubba def. Road Warrior Hawk via count out
Steel Fence Match: Arn Anderson def. Ric Flair
Raw Results (10/9/95):
Fatu def. Skip w/ Sunny via pinfall
The British Bulldog, Owen Hart, & Yokozuna def. WWF Champion Diesel, WWE Intercontinental Champion Shawn Michaels, and The Undertaker via pinfall after Bulldog pinned Diesel who at a running powerslam and a leg drop from Yoko (when the ref wasn’t looking). After the match, there was an extended beat-down akin to The Nexus debut in 2010. King Mabel and Dead Douglas showed up to outnumber the good guys. Multiple leg drops from Yoko and Mabel left The Undertaker with a broken eye socket and out of commission for several months. You can count on one hand how many times Taker has been owned like that. It was one of the biggest Raw main events of ’95. The Undertaker eventually came back looking like this…
Final Ratings
Nitro: 2.6
Raw: 2.6
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