So, I've finally watched LaLaLand. Interestingly, the movie made me think about this...
Before LaLaLand, cerita “cinta nggak kesampaian” has been the central theme of many films. For instance, Casablanca, 500 Days of Summer, and Vicky Christina Barcelona.
The formula’s typically like this:
Guy meets girl.
Guy and girl are annoyed at each other.
Guy and girl fell deeply in love.
Guy and girl becomes the cutest couple.
Guy and girl’s relationship becomes complicated (usually because each of THEIR personalities are complicated).
Guy and girl are uncertain about future.
Guy and girl still loves each other, but they decide to move on towards different direction.
Then the guy or the girl decided to settle with someone else. Hiks, hiks.
And as if that isn’t enough bitterness, there’s usually this scene where they meet for one more time, and exchange knowing, bittersweet look. The end.
Penonton mewek, deh!
There are many other movies with “cinta nggak kesampaian” theme, although the formula isn’t always the same and some even ends with happy endings. For example, Love Actually, Titanic, The Notebook, and AADC 2 to name a few.
Hollywood make films with “cinta nggak kesampaian” plots, because it’s more real and, therefore, more relatable for the audience.
Life IS complicated. It isn’t always, “guy meets girl, guy and girl fall in love, guy and girl be together forever, the end.” Some lucky folks experience that, but even so, their lives aren’t always be filled with love and happiness. In life, things that seem destined to be together often don’t end up being together.
It’s bitter, but it’s the reality.
***
In this post, I’m going to talk about a character that shows up in a lot of “cinta nggak kesampaian” film.
I shall call the character, The Boring Choice.
In “cinta nggak kesampaian” movies, The Boring Choice is the person who marries (or almost marries) the main character, therefore further ruining the chance of him/her marrying the other main character.
Why do I call this character The Boring Choice? Because, s/he is usually portrayed as a somewhat boring person, and more plain looking than the main character (a.k.a. his/her rival). This is probably on purpose, to keep the audience conflicted, “Ngapain dia kawin sama cowok itu, sih? Mending sama si tokoh utama lah! Lebih ganteng!”
When The Boring Choice is a male—who marries the film’s main female character—he’s usually showed as older, serious, busy, wears suits, kind-hearted but very boring, not the least romantic, and doesn’t understand art (especially if the main male character does!). Pokoknya baik, tapi nggak asik.
And because he eventually marries the film’s main female character, audience tends to dislike him. “Gara-gara dia, sih, si Summer jadi nggak sama Tom!” Mungkin begitu jeritan hati para penonton 500 Days of Summer, terhadap suaminya Summer.
Mia's husband, The Boring Choice in "LaLaLand"
In this post, I am going to defend The Boring Choice #saveTheBoringChoice
Guys, it isn’t fair if we see The Boring Choice as a villain who gets in between the two lead characters.
Because, first, it’s usually NOT The Boring Choice’s fault that the two lead character breaks apart.
Summer and Tom or Mia and Sebastian didn’t break up because the girls wanted to marry other men. Their relationships got complicated because of their own fault. Sikon dan kelakuan mereka aja pada ribeeet. Atau diribet-ribetin. Plis, deh.
And as bitter as things turn out for us—the audience—please don’t pity the lead character that marries The Boring Choice in the end, because I’m sure their marriage is perfectly fine and content. The female lead characters marry their Boring Choices mindfully, kok! It seems that their decision was made with a lot of consideration, lho, bukan karena emosi semata, ingin cari rebound/pelarian, dan sejenisnya. For example, Vicky in Vicky Christina Barcelona.
Maybe Peter isn’t as romantic as Mark, or maybe Mia’s husband isn’t as passionate as Seb, but because Juliet and Mia decided to marry them, they couldn’t be that bad. In other words, I’m sure they are decent husbands and they will have a happy, content family together.
Peter, Juliet's husband, The Boring Choice in "Love, Actually"
Lagian, pada akhirnya, seperti kata-kata bijak Jessa di serial TV Girls, “In ends. It always ends.” Cinta membara biasanya akan agak meredup, dan prioritasnya tergesar oleh komitmen dan tanggung jawab. So choosing a spouse that can commit and be responsible maybe isn’t romantic, but it will keep the marriage enduring.
***
CURHAT BANGET, KAAAAK? MANG IYAK!
As you have probably guessed (or already know), I married a Boring Choice myself.
Do I see myself as Mia, who marries a boring, stable man, and would someday cross path with my Tom or Sebastian, then go home, cry my eyes out all night, and regret my life choices?
Yes and no.
Yes, because, I did marry a boring, stable, responsible man without having “love” as one of the reasons.
No, because, I don’t think I have a “Sebastian”. I did have flaming love stories in the past, but currently, I don’t see any of my exes as “the one that got away.”
I did marry The Boring Choice. But it’s MY choice, and although I’m not always happy with it, I am committed to it, and I always, always have a reason to be thankful for choosing my Boring Choice.
Doug, Vicky's fiance, The (Ultimate) Boring Choice in "Vicky Christina Barcelona"
Guys, real life is weird and complicated, and there is no exact formula for a long-lasting or happy relationship. 1 + 1 isn’t always equals 2.
If a couple marries without love, they may still grow old together, and never separates until they die. They probably will never cheat or divorce, like in cliché movies’ logic. Or they probably will. We don’t know.
Some people don’t understand this, and those people are the ones who often make wrong assumptions, “Waah, si anu beginu beginu, pasti bentar lagi cerai, deh. Si inu begitu begitu, pasti selingkuh, deh.” Some people conclude Aliya Rajasa marries geeky Ibas for the family power, especially when comparing him to her ex. Under that assumption, if the Yudhoyonos’ power burned to ashes one day, Aliya would leave.
But are we sure? She’d probably stick by Ibas side until the end, lho, under any circumstances. Again, we don’t really know.
That is why Hollywood makes films with complicated love stories, because they mimic real life.
Lon, Allie's fiance, The Boring Choice in "The Notebook"
***
Since a long time ago, both T and I often talk—and even jokes—about our platonic relationship. And whenever we watch “cinta tak sampai” kind of movies, he always asked:
T: “Aku, tuh, si suami garing yang akhirnya ngawinin si X itu, ya?”
L: “Iya.”
T: “B*biii...”
But then I always say, “I’m glad I have you, because although we probably don’t love each other, no other men in the world could put up with my insanity, for this long.”
And he would say, “That is very true.” (baca: emang kamu gila)
B*biii…
We will definitely grow old together.
PS. Commenters, this is a complicated topic regarding a complicated issue. Be sensitive.