by Christy Whitman
If you’re like most women I know, you probably have a pretty clear idea about what you want – in your career, in your intimate relationships, and in the area of your physical health and well being. And since you’re reading this, chances are also good that you are actively involved in achieving your goals in each of these key aspects of your life. But what you may not realize – and what I hope to teach you – is that the way you go about the process of fulfilling your desires has a lot to do with not only how quickly they manifest, but also whether the journey of getting there is one of struggle or of joy.
The blessings of being a powerful, focused, and assertive woman are many: We have the wisdom and clarity to envision an inspiring future for ourselves and the self-confidence to know that we have what it takes to make it happen. However, there is a curse to this blessing that I have seen time and time again in the successful women that I coach. When assertiveness spirals into pushiness, aggression, domination or control (in other words, when we cross the line between expressing ourselves as an empowered female and start behaving like an “alpha bitch”), we throw a wrench in the creative process that sabotages the very results we are trying to achieve, and undermines our health and peace of mind.
Whatever it is you desire more of in your life – whether it’s more financial abundance, a more passionate relationship, or a broader influence in your career – there are two primary components to manifesting it. Step one is to ask for what you want. The mere act of setting a goal that you are actively working toward fulfills this step. The second step, which is equally important and frequently overlooked, is making sure that you are open to receive that which you have asked for. While ambition and determination are necessary for success, they only represent part of the equation. To achieve our goals in a way that brings us fulfillment rather than stress, we must learn how to balance the energy of pushing forward and striving with the energy of yielding and allowing.
All creation functions according this ebb and flow. The tide has to recede before it comes in. A seed has to be planted before it can bear fruit. So too, striving for what we want must be balanced by appreciating what we already have. If in our efforts to succeed, we sacrifice intimacy, connection or balance, we might achieve the goal, but at the cost of important relationships or even our own health. To appreciate the real costs of living life with a mindset of the greater the effort, the better the outcome, consider that in the animal world, studies have shown that a dog, wolf, or primate that establishes him or herself as the “alpha” of the pack has a significantly shorter life span than those who rank lower on the social hierarchy. There may be a variety of reasons for this, but one compelling theory is that the stress of the alpha animal always being “on,” accumulates over time and eventually causes a physical breakdown. By constantly forcing and controlling, we alpha humans place our bodies and minds under unnecessary and long-term stress which can raise blood pressure, suppress the immune system, increase the risk of heart attack and stroke, contribute to infertility, accelerate the aging process, and even re-wire the brain, leaving us more vulnerable to anxiety and depression. Not to mention the fact that because chronic stress raises cortisol levels and slows the metabolism, it can lead to a woman’s least favorite side effect – weight gain.
Think about it: there is no such thing as “goal setting” in Nature. Trees don’t strive to reach a certain height. Air doesn’t try to be drawn to and consumed by fire. Planet Earth doesn’t clock in each day for another shift of orbiting the sun. How does the universe function, then, if not by hard work and will power? It functions by the phenomenon of attraction. In the same way that plants are attracted to light and planets are magnetically pulled toward the sun, we have the power to magnetize all that we desire into our lives. This power hinges on our ability to receive.
What this means in practical terms is this: If in the process of working toward a goal, you can hold in your heart and mind the feeling you hope to experience once you achieve it, your vibration of inner fulfillment will magnetize to you – easily and without strain or struggle – the exact outcomes you desire. The more we embrace the Law of Allowing – the more we willing we are to surrender our addictions to striving, controlling and “making” things happen – the softer, more yielding, and more open we become to letting in all the things we’ve been asking for. This is the secret to having what we want without sacrificing our ability to enjoy it.