We are still working to take 31 Small Steps to Grow Your Blog, but this weekend has been about reflection rather than practical applications. Yesterday I asked you to think about your audience and your impact before you write (and then to WRITE). Today I want you to think about some of the repercussions of that impact. To do that, I want to take a look at a favorite blog of mine, Young House Love.
In what feels (to me) like the blog post heard ’round the world, Young House Love has decided to close shop. I’ve loved this blog for years since my sister-in-law told me about them while they were still This Young House. They blog out of my hometown, so seeing their home and the landscape and just everything reminded me of growing up in Richmond (Virginia, not Texas). I don’t always love everything they DIY or every choice in their house, but something about this couple drew me in—the same way it drew in bazillions of other people. They do a great job with their projects and are just so dang cute!
With their home (and life) pretty much on display, it was easy to feel like you knew them. (I did actually get to meet them IRL at their book tour with Feisty!) But after YEARS, they are moving on from the blog. It seems sudden after a kind of large blow-up last month on their blog, but from their posts I think it had been brewing for a while. Taking the time off after the comments seemed to give them the confirmation that it was time for something different.
With utmost respect and also the knowledge that I’m looking at their situation from the outside, I want to look at lessons we might learn from Young House Love. Let me say that I really DON’T mean to point out “mistakes” they made, but more observations from the recent changes, some of the comments left by readers, and their blog itself. I’m using it more as illustration for reflection than a cautionary tale or judgment, because again, I totally look up to them and love their blog.
As we dive in, here is your small task for today: 
As you think about these questions (which I ABSOLUTELY did not think about until I had already been blogging five years and sharing very personal things), let’s talk about Young House Love.
Blogging Lessons We Might Learn from Young House Love
1. Your blog is personal, so be aware of what you want to keep PRIVATE. I was shocked the first time I realized that photos of my kids could end up being used in an unsavory way. It happens. It’s terrifying and terrible and I’ve read horror stories of bloggers having their children’s photos turning up places that I don’t even want to mention. I NEVER thought about this when starting my blog, which was all about my kids and family at first. Honestly, this is one of the main reasons I don’t share as much as I used to about my kids on the blog. Yes, I still share about them a lot. But LESS. I think the major change is being more aware. And while I still share a lot (a LOT) that’s personal, I have also started holding more things close to the chest. 
When you share your life and your self on the blog, you give people access. That is really hard to pull back, especially when people get invested. Young House Love had rabid fans, which was great. But rabid fans? Can also be scary. When they asked for feedback, the comments devolved into a kind of rabid fan street riot. Some commenters got all judge-y on John & Sherry’s style, work ethic, and choices. Other fans defended the couple and turned on the commenters who complained. In places, it was ugly. Had it been MY blog? I would have cried. Removing the distance between you and your readers makes them invested in your life, for better or worse. (Click to Tweet)
2. Your blog WILL experience growing pains. When I wrote my first post, I was writing to my mom and dad, who lived across the country. I really didn’t think anyone else might read other than a few friends. I was pregnant with my first baby and we were planning a home birth, so I thought a blog would be great for sharing photos of my bump and giving some info on home birth so people wouldn’t think I was nuts. Just for kicks, take a peek at Young House Love’s first post, back when they were This Young House (a name that This Old House fought them over after they gained popularity).
A LOT can change in a few years. Your circumstances. Your writing style. Your audience. Your passions. Your job. Your family. The world. Navigating those changes is difficult even for the seasoned blogger, as we can see with John & Sherry of YHL. You might want to post more. You might want to scale back. You might want to rebrand (as I did when I switched from I Still Hate Pickles to simply Kirsten Oliphant). Aw, look! The first ever photo I posted on my first-ever blog. Of COURSE I’m pregnant and wearing derby gear. Story of my life.
I was 3 months pregnant and about to skate in a 1/2 marathon I signed up for BEFORE I knew I was pregnant. It sucked.
Just like in your body, growing pains can HURT. The difference is that physical growing pains are because of involuntary growth—we don’t choose our height! (If we did, I for SURE would have gotten longer legs like my Mom.) With a blog, as you and your audience grow and change, you can make choices about your blog’s direction. These will not always be easy decisions and will sometimes be painful, ESPECIALLY for your readers (see #3). But with a blog, growing pains are unavoidable. Young House Love saw its creators through three homes and the birth of two kids. Of COURSE the blog adapted along the way. It HAD to. John & Sherry experienced growing pains and changed the blog’s direction as needed for their actual life. You can’t change your brand every five minutes, but your blog must adapt as needed to best fit YOU. (Click to Tweet)
3. You will not always meet your readers’ expectations. Period. This is so hard. So. Hard. Ask any blogger, and I bet they can recite almost word for word nasty (or even just not positive) comments they have received on the blog. I know I can! I don’t receive very many, but when I get them, I REMEMBER. Like the person who told me my DIY projects were ugly and I should just stop. Or when I did a reader survey and someone answered every question disparaging me for never reading his or her blog. (Which is funny considering I do try to visit every blog of people who comment, even if I don’t comment back. AND the person didn’t leave a name with the survey so I couldn’t have gone to visit their blog after the survey or have responded at all. See? I STILL REMEMBER.) Negative comments are the worst and bloggers are sensitive. Because we are PEOPLE.
On the internet, I think we all tend to forget this fact: bloggers & commenters alike are PEOPLE. (Except the bots. Don’t count the spam-bots.) We breathe. We have feelings. On the internet, we act like our words exist in a vacuum. We say things we would NEVER say in real life. We throw fireballs in comments sections and get passive aggressive on Facebook. For bloggers, the readers are SO important. We write for the readers. And yet we also write for ourselves. As I said in #2, we have to adapt the blog as the best fit for us because we are writing and living it.
Keeping a healthy balance of writing for yourself and writing for your readers is nearly impossible. You cannot make every reader happy with your blog. If your focus is keeping all your blog readers happy, YOU won’t be happy. (Click to Tweet) You will always have points of contention and this is where things got tricky for Young House Love. When you invite your readers to give feedback (which you really do any time you have an open comments section), you may not always get support. You may receive criticism about ALL the things. I got really sad reading what felt like an admission of failure on the part of YHL when they talked about disappointing readers when they kept the purchase of their new house a secret. In their response to comment-gate on their blog, in places it seemed that John & Sherry were struggling too hard to make everyone happy. You simply can’t, no matter how great you DIY.
I think the ultimate thing to keep in mind is this: BOUNDARIES. There should be some boundary between your blog persona and your private life. Even though I share all kinds of things on social media and here on the blog, it doesn’t give you a full picture of who I am. There is a LOT that I don’t share with you, believe it or not. What you read on my blog is a persona that is really close to my personality. But my blog persona is a construct. It isn’t ME. Whether you are very open on your blog or more closed off, you want to think about how you present yourself. A persona is a created semblance of your real self put into place on your blog. Your blog persona should represent you, but not present every part of you or your life.
The more you expose, the more vulnerable you are to readers. This can be good and can be bad. If people feel that they know you, they connect. But if they feel that they know you, they connect. HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT YOUR READERS TO CONNECT? Only you can answer that question, but I do think it is really important to think about how you would feel if you suddenly went viral and millions of people were reading your writing tomorrow.
Practical questions to answer:
-Do you want to moderate comments?
-Do you plan to respond to comments?
-Will you share photos of yourself? Of your family?
-What things will you hold back for yourself when you write?
-Is the focus of your blog YOU or an interest in your life?
-Are you writing in first or third person?
-Do you share your real name and your family’s real names?
I hope this has given you some food for thought. And in case you were wondering, every post I’ve written for this series has gotten me thinking about my own blog. I am right there with you in the trenches of wanting to grow my blog.
Missed anything?
Day 1: How to Grow Your Blog
Day 2: Become a Blog Stalker
Day 3: Be a Commenting Fiend
Day 4: Stalk and Share
Day 5: Take a Visual Inventory
Day 6: Decide and Conquer
Day 7: Tips for Using Twitter
Day 8: Get Your Face in Facebook
Day 9: The Importance of (About) You
Day 10: Sharing Old Content
Day 11: Write. No, really, WRITE.
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