This article is contributed by Priyanka Bakhru Talwar for Kidsstoppress.com.
Priyanka Bakhru Talwar spent 11 years in the corporate world after her MBA, and in her last profile, she headed marketing for Vogue and Conde Nast Traveler. Around 5 years back, she became interested in metaphysics and psychology,she now specialises in relationship and inner child therapies, and is currently pursuing a Masters in Psychology.
Amidst our routine and daily life, we sometimes forget to breathe, to wonder, to create, to laugh, and to look up at the sky. I deeply believe that children were created to remind us of that fact. Have you ever wondered why is it that the sight of a child, any child usually, makes most of us smile, feel indulgent and somehow lighter? I think that children remind us, on some level of joy and innocence and simplicity.
As parents, however, we often feel it is our duty to manage their lives, teach them skills and manners, nutrition and hygiene, and education. If we observe each day that passes, we would sadly realize that almost all the time we spend with our kids is spent on these logistics.But if we were to observe all the times our children call out to us it is rarely for these functional things and more to play with them; and share in their joy of discovery and wonder. While we are happy to appease them with toys, playdates, gifts, screen time and so much more that we use often as stand ins for adults, in in our hearts, we know what our children really want. If a four year old could dispense sage advice, or articulate their feelings, I think it would read something like this.
Dear Mommy and Daddy,
I want all your attention sometimes.
I love you without you having to prove anything to me and I am probably the only person in the world who does that. But I may not continue to love you this obsessively as I grow up. So more for your sake than mine, take that one hour or one day every now and then, and leave your phone in the other room. Don’t be distracted. I know I am not as interesting or stimulating as your other grown-up things, but I can make you have so much fun. I am your child; give me your undivided attention. Make it part of your routine.
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Don’t always be my parent, be my friend as well.
Don’t teach me or correct me or train me or nag me all the time. I probably want to grow up even faster than you want me to. In my own way, I am trying. And if you reward me or incentivize me with your company and silliness and pretend games and ball play, I will probably want to listen to you more, if you just hold off disciplining me and being the authority all the time. Balance it out with some play and fun please.
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Don’t ask me to do things you don’t do. You keep telling me to say sorry, but I hardly ever hear you say it. You keep telling me to be polite but I hear you yelling so often. You tell me not to lie, but you sneak out of the house after I am asleep without telling me, and you lie on the phone to others, in my presence. If you can do these things, why can’t I? I want to grow up so I can be rude, and not admit my mistakes and lie whenever I want to, as well.
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Learn to laugh more. I watch you all the time. And your life is so serious and heavy and looks so boring. It makes me feel that when I grow up, I will also need to behave like this. Are grown ups not allowed to dance and sing and run and scream and get messy? I’ve seen some uncles and aunties who do, and I think you should too. You would be a much cooler mom and dad if you made time for fun. Not just with me, but with each other and with your friends. I like to see grown ups having fun, it makes me feel excited about the rest of my life.
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Love and hugs and kisses,
Me.
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