Published:
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
Kevin Baldeosingh
One of the regular memes on social media is statements that start with the words “A real man.” Interestingly, these memes are usually posted by women who have no men, real or otherwise. And, on the distaff side, I have never seen any man post any meme about “A real woman.” This may be because men think that, except for Bruce Jenner, all women are real women. However, just in case men ever start insisting that women meet their standards, I have written some Real Woman memes to match, in spirit and in logic, actual Real Man memes taken from the Internet.
A real man chooses to love, honour and adore and be faithful to one woman.
A real woman chooses to love, worship and have threesomes with one man.
A real man gives up one-night stands for a woman he can’t bear to be one night without.
A real woman doesn’t insist on one-night stands, but is satisfied in 30 minutes to an hour. However, this time frame can be increased by x, when x = women.
A real man respects himself and you enough to never tell lies, even about the small things.
A real woman appreciates his honesty when she asks her man if this dress makes her look fat and he says No, honey, that dress doesn’t make you look fat, your fat makes you look fat.
A real man always makes his woman feel she’s the most beautiful in the entire room.
A real woman always makes her man feel as though he’s the richest, most virile, most intelligent man in the entire room: even if Bill Gates, Brad Pitt and Stephen Hawking are having drinks by the bar.
A real man provides for his family emotionally, mentally, and financially.
A real woman provides for her man sexually, sexually and sexually. And cooks.
A real man only has eyes for the woman he loves.
A real woman only loves men with cataracts.
A real man has the strength to protect without ever abusing that strength.
A real woman needs protection, preferably studded.
A real man knows you and loves you for who you are.
A real woman loves a man for who he is, even if he’s unemployed, unfaithful and unwashed.
A real man accepts your children as if they were his own.
A real woman thinks a real man should also accept any children she has after she marries him, even if he can’t have children.
A real man will embrace your imperfections.
A real woman will encourage a man’s imperfections, including infidelity, scratching and West Indies cricket.
A real man cares about the size of your heart, not the size of your jeans.
A real woman makes her man feel his jeans is extra-large, especially in the crotch.
A real man calls his woman beautiful.
A real woman doesn’t bother her man with calls when he’s with another woman.
A real man treats his woman like a queen.
A real woman treats her man like a king, preferably by wearing a slave-girl outfit.
A real man respects the virtues and values of the woman he loves.
A real woman values the lack of virtues in her man.
A real man will stay no matter what.
A real woman stays like a PNM-till-ah-dead and a UNC fanatic.
A real man only loves one woman.
A real woman knows her man doesn’t love all those other women he’s having sex with.
A real man loves one woman a hundred ways, not one hundred women one way.
A real woman knows 100 ways to love her man, including several that are impossible for two people.
A real man can’t stand seeing his woman hurt.
A real woman likes to be spanked.
A real man always puts his woman first.
A real woman always puts her man 69th.
A real man focuses on pleasing his woman, not pleasing others.
A real woman focuses on pleasing her man, even if that means letting him please other women.
A real man never makes a woman cry, because God counts her tears.
A real woman doesn’t threaten men with her imaginary friend, or at least a sane real woman doesn’t.
A real man will help you financially.
A real woman is a prostitute, gold-digger, or poor.
A real man isn’t offended by real men quotes.
A real woman isn’t offended by anything in this column.
Kevin Baldeosingh is a professional writer, author of three novels, and co-author of a Caribbean history textbook.
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