The best things carried to excess are wrong. – Charles Churchill
TODAY – OCTOBER 20th – THURSDAY
294th day of 2016 with 72 days to follow. Moon is waning with 75% visible.
Holidays for Today:
~ National Brandied Fruit Day
~ World Osteoporosis Day
~ World Statistics Day
~ National Applejack Month
~ National Pork Month
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
1616 Thomas Bartholin, Danish physician, mathematician, and theologian (discovery of the lymphatic system in humans and advancements of the theory of refrigeration anesthesia, being the first to describe it scientifically)
1882 Bela Lugosi, Hungary, actor (Dracula, Plan 9 From Outer Space)
1913 Grandpa [Louis M] Jones, Niagara, Kentucky, banjo player, country musician (Hee-Haw)
1919 Tracy Hall, Ogden, Utah, inventor (1st to grow a synthetic diamond according to a reproducible, verifiable and witnessed process, using a press of his own design)
1927 Joyce Brothers, New York City, New York, psychologist and advice columnist (first woman to ever be a boxing commentator)
1931 Mickey Mantle, Spavinaw, Oklahoma, NY Yankee, home run slugger (1956 Triple Crown/ in Hall of Fame)
1932 William Christopher, Evanstown, Illinois, actor (Father Mulcahy in M*A*S*H, Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C, Days of Our Lives.)
1946 Lewis Grizzard, Benning, Georgia, author and humorist (Chili Dawgs Always Bark At Night, I Haven’t Understood Anything Since 1962 and Other Nekkid Truths)
1950 William Russ, Portsmouth, Virginia, actor (The Right Stuff, Pastime, Boy Meets World, American History X), and director
1958 Lynn Flewelling, Maine, author (fantasy series: the Nightrunner books and Tamír Triad)
1958 Viggo Mortensen, New York City, NY, actor and producer (Aragon in The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Hidalgo, A history of Violence, A Dangerous Method, Jauja, Captain Fantastic)
1971 Snoop Dogg, Long Beach, California, rapper, producer, and actor (Training Day, Turbo)
1977 Sam Witwer, Glenview, Illinois, actor (Battlestar Galactica, The Mist, Smallville, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Being Human)
1979 John Krasinski, Newton, Massachusetts, actor (The Office, Monsters vs. Aliens, It’s Complicated, Promised Land, The Hollars)
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Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. – Marcel Proust
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:
1803 The United States Senate ratifies the Louisiana Purchase.
1818 The 49th parallel forms as border between US and Canada.
1906 Dr Lee DeForest demonstrated his electrical vacuum tube (radio tube).
1944 General Douglas MacArthur fulfills his promise to return to the Philippines when he commands an Allied assault on the islands, reclaiming them from the Japanese during the Second World War.
1944 Liquefied natural gas leaks from storage tanks in Cleveland and then explodes; the explosion and resulting fire level 30 blocks and kill 130.
1947 The House Un-American Activities Committee begins its investigation into Communist infiltration of Hollywood, resulting in a blacklist that prevents some from working in the industry for years.
1976 The ferry George Prince is struck by a ship while crossing the Mississippi River between Destrehan and Luling, Louisiana. Seventy-eight passengers and crew die and only 18 people aboard the ferry survive.
1977 A plane carrying Lynyrd Skynyrd crashes in Mississippi, killing lead singer Ronnie Van Zant and guitarist Steve Gaines along with backup singer Cassie Gaines, the road manager, pilot, and co-pilot.
1984 The Monterey Bay Aquarium opens in Monterey Bay, California.
1991 The Oakland Hills firestorm kills 25 and destroys 3,469 homes and apartments, causing more than $2 billion in damage.
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Three friends — a surgeon, an engineer, and a politician — were discussing which profession was the oldest.
The surgeon said: “Eve was created from Adam’s rib – a surgical procedure. My profession must be the oldest!”
The engineer replied: “Before Adam and Eve, order was created out of chaos. That was an engineering job! My profession is the oldest.”
Then the politician said, “Yes, but who do you suppose created the chaos?”
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When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter.”
Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.
The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said to the long line, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him.”
God turned to the one man, “How did you manage to be the only one in this line?”
The man replied, “My wife told me to stand here.”
Yep, he got it right!
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ONE-LINERS:
~I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me…they were cramming for their finals.
~Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do…write to these men? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?
~How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn’t live there?
~If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
~If a man says something in the woods & there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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In a grammar lesson in eighth grade, Mrs. Frobisher said, “Dewey, give me a sentence with a direct object.”
Dewey replied, “Everyone thinks you are the best teacher in the school.”
“Thank you, Dewey,” responded Mrs. Frobisher, “but what is the object?”
“To get the best grade possible,” said Dewey.
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pic of the day: Fall Color along the Potomac River in West Virginia
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
Don’t put too many adaptors into one socket. They confuse.
Josh said, “you remind me of a pepper pot”.
I said “I’ll take that as a condiment”.
~Clones are people two.
—-
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: For a fowl reason
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Twist on a Golden Oldie… Two lifeguards are working together on a beach when one of them notices sharks circling a woman who has drifted out too far. He begins to get up to race to her rescue when the other lifeguard grabs his arm and holds him back. “Why are you holding me back? We have to go save that woman!”
“Don’t worry. That woman is my ex-wife’s lawyer.”
“Are you trying to kill her?”
“Although the idea may be tempting, that is not my intent. Just watch.”
With that, the sharks organize themselves beneath the woman and let her ride on their backs all the way to shore, safely depositing her.
“What in the world gave you the notion that would happen?” asked the first lifeguard.
“Professional courtesy.”
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Three kids were bragging about how tough they were.
The first kid says, “I’m so tough, I can wear out a pair of shoes in a week.”
“I’m so tough,” chimes in the second kid, “I can wear out a pair of jeans in a day.”
“That’s nothing,” brags the third boy. “I’m so tough I can wear out *both* my Grandma and Grandpa in about an hour.”
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A farmer had been swindled many times by the local car dealer. One day, the car dealer informed the farmer that he was coming over to purchase a cow.
The farmer priced the unit as follows:
– Basic Cow $999.95
– Shipping and Handling $35.75
– Extra Stomach $79.25
– Two-tone Exterior $142.10
– Produce Storage Compartment $128.50
– Heavy Duty Straw Chopper $189.60
– 4-Spigot/High Output Drain System $149.20
– Automatic Fly Swatter $88.50
– Genuine Cowhide Upholstery $170.80
– Deluxe Dual Horns $59.25
– Automatic Fertilizer Attachment $339.40
– 4 X 4 Traction Drive Assembly $884.16
– Pre-Delivery Wash and Comb $69.80
Farmer Suggested List Price $3336.26
Additional Dealer Adjustment $300.00
Total list price (including options) $3636.26
Tax and Ear Tags $418.00
TOTAL PURCHASE PRICE $4054.26
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A Pastor went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the pastor to the health department.
They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department. The manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor.
Now the pastor knew the mayor and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the pastor called him anyway.
The mayor did not disappoint him. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said, “Why did you call me any way? Isn’t it your job to bury the dead?”
The pastor paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to direct his response. Then, he replied “Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: How quick is a fly? A fly can react to something it sees and change direction in 30 milliseconds.
~Do cockroaches like the cold? Not particularly. Most species of roaches live in the tropics. But roaches live all over the world, including the North and South Poles. Pest cockroaches can withstand temperatures as cold as 32 degrees F. (0 Celsius), but will die if the temperature goes much below that. In extremely cold places, however, they survive by moving in with humans.
~How many presidents have been Whigs? Three Whigs have served as President of the United States: William Henry Harrison, Zachary Taylor, and Millard Fillmore.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. – Nathaniel Hawthorn