2015-11-04

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. – Carl Bard

TODAY – NOVEMBER 4th – WEDNESDAY

308th day of 2015 with 57 days follow. Moon is waning and in the last quarter with 41% visible.

Holidays for Today:

*King Tut Day

*National Candy Day

*National Chicken Lady Day

*Use Your Common Sense Day

*Waiting for the Barbarians Day

*Will Rogers Day (Oklahoma)

*Adopt A Senior Pet Month

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

1879 Will Rogers, Oologah Indian Territory (now Oklahoma), cowboy / humorist / social commentator / actor (traveled around the world 3 times, made 71 movies, and wrote more than 4,000 newspaper columns)

1884 Harry Ferguson, Irish aviator and inventor (developed first four-wheel drive Formula One car, the Ferguson P99)

1916 Ruth Mosko Handler, Denver, Colorado, inventor / businesswoman (created the Barbie Doll (1959), and Ken (1961); co-founded the Mattel company in 1942)

1916 Walter Cronkite, St Joseph, Missouri, news anchor (CBS Evening News 1962-81)

1918 Art Carney, Mount Vernon NY, actor (Ed Norton on the Honeymooners)

1937 Loretta Swit, Passaic, New Jersey, actress (Hotlips Houlihan on M*A*S*H (1972-83), Race with the Devil, Forest Warrior)

1944 Scherrie Payne, Detroit, Michigan, singer (The Supremes)

1944 Linda Gary, California, voice actress (Wolfen, Switch, Alien Worlds, Scooby Doo, Darkwing Duck, Smurfs, Transformers, The Land Before Time, He-Man, She-Ra)

1946 Laura Bush, Midland, Texas, U.S. First Lady (Jan. 2001 – Jan. 2009)

1950 Markie Post, [Marjorie], Palo Alto, California, actor (Night Court, The Fall Guy, Hearts Afire, There’s Something About Mary, Transformers Prime, Rack and Ruin, Chicago P.D.)

1961 Edward Knight, Ann Arbor, Michigan, composer (Of Perpetual Solace, Total Eclipse, Granite Island, and Big Shoulders )

1961 Ralph Macchio, Huntington (CDP), New York, actor (Karate Kid, The Outsiders, My Cousin Vinny, Ugly Betty, Lost Cat Corona)

1968 Matthew Tobin Anderson, Cambridge, Massachusetts, author (The Pox Party, The Suburb Beyond the Stars, Zombie Mommy)

1969 Sean “Diddy” Combs, Harlem, New York, record producer and rapper (“I’ll Be Missing You” )

1969 Matthew McConaughey, Uvalde, Texas, actor (The Wedding Planner, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Failure to Launch, Contact, A Time To Kill, Mud, The Wolf of Wall Street, True Detective, Interstellar)

1970 Bethenny Frankel, New York City, New York, actress (The Real Housewives of New York City), talk show host, and author (Naturally Thin: Unleash Your SkinnyGirl and Free Yourself from a Lifetime of Dieting, A Place of Yes: 10 Rules for Getting Everything You Want Out of Life)

1979 Jesse Camp, Granby, Connecticut, singer, television host and actor (MTV, Total Request Live, Lunch with Jesse, Skin Walker)

1982 Travis Van Winkle, Victorville, California, actor (Transformers, Meet the Spartans, Friday the 13th, Bloodwork, The Last Ship)

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Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears. – John Lennon

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

1839 The Newport Rising: the last large-scale armed rebellion against authority in mainland Britain.

1846 First U.S. patent for an artificial leg was granted to Benjamin F. Palmer of Meredith, New Hampshire (No. 4,834).

1861 The University of Washington opens in Seattle, Washington as the Territorial University.

1864 American Civil War: Battle of Johnsonville – Confederate troops bombard a Union supply base and destroy millions of dollars in material.

1873 Dentist John Beers of San Francisco, California, patented the gold crown (No. 144,182).

1879 James Ritty patented the first cash register, to combat stealing by bartenders in his Dayton, Ohio saloon.

1922 In Egypt, British archaeologist Howard Carter and his men find the entrance to Pharaoh Tutankhamun’s tomb in the Valley of the Kings.

1924 Nellie Tayloe Ross of Wyoming is elected the first female governor in the United States.

1939 World War II: U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt orders the United States Customs Service to implement the Neutrality Act of 1939, allowing cash-and-carry purchases of weapons by belligerents.

1948 TS Eliot wins Nobel Prize for literature (“for his outstanding, pioneer contribution to present-day poetry”).

1952 The United States government establishes the National Security Agency.

1955 After being totally destroyed in World War II, the rebuilt Vienna State Opera reopens with a performance of Beethoven’s Fidelio.

1962 In a test of the Nike-Hercules air defense missile, Shot Dominic-Tightrope is successfully detonated 69,000 feet above Johnston Island. It would also be the last atmospheric nuclear test conducted by the United States.

1966 Two-thirds of Florence, Italy is submerged as the River Arno floods; together with the contemporaneous flood of the Po River in northern Italy, this leads to 113 deaths, 30,000 made homeless, and the destruction of numerous Renaissance artworks and books.

1973 The Netherlands experiences the first Car Free Sunday caused by the 1973 oil crisis. Highways are deserted and are used only by cyclists and roller skaters.

1979 Iran hostage crisis begins: a group of Iranians, mostly students, invades the US embassy in Tehran and takes 90 hostages (53 of whom are American).

1994 San Francisco: First conference that focuses exclusively on the subject of the commercial potential of the World Wide Web.

2008 Barack Obama becomes the first African-American to be elected President of the United States.

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Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz and, after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.

“Your honor,” he said, “I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine.”

“Why?” asked the judge. “He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for?”

“Well, your honor,” replied Carlson, “I didn’t have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole.”

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A gooberette owned a small business that she was about to lose, so she went to the church and prayed: “God, if I don’t win the lotto, I will lose my business.”

She didn’t win.

So the next day she was about to lose her business and her car. She went to the church to pray: “God, if I don’t win the lotto, I will lose my business and my car.”

Still, she didn’t win.

So the next day she was about to lose her business, her car and her house. She went to the church to pray: “God, if I don’t win the lotto, I will lose my business, my car and my house.”

Then suddenly the gooberette was surrounded by a blinding white light, and she heard the booming voice of God declare, “Buy a ticket!!!”

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ONE-LINERS: Top Ten Signs You’re Not One Of The Smartest People In The World

10.You keep wondering when they’ll come out with a new flavor of Windex.

9.Invested all of your money in wrestling magazines.

8.Exonerated of double murder charges but convicted of stealing your sports memorabilia.

7.You believe Mitt Romney actually shops at Costco.

6.8PM – swallowed a golf ball, 9PM – emergency room, 10PM – swallowed golf ball.

5.As a child, your first word was, ‘Huh?’

4.You’ve lost six cars forgetting where you parked.

3.You think the government can cut taxes for the rich and balance the budget.

2.You risk job at Credit Suisse to attend lame talk show.

1.You’re not even the smartest Kardashian.

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Little Mary was attending a wedding for the first time. As she sat in the church, she watched the bride slowly approach the altar. Mary whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”

“Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life,” her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.

The child thought about this for a moment, then said….

“So why is the groom wearing black?”

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pic of the day: Autumn Hills



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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Farmer Jones had heard that the best milk comes from contented cows, so he’d visit them every morning and tell them jokes.

The cows laughed and laughed and gave excellent milk.

But when the news got around, Farmer Jones and his cows were called the laughing stock of the community.

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One of the world’s most famous merchant captains died, having long been admired by his crew and fellow officers. They remained puzzled, however, over a strange ritual he performed daily.

While at sea he would lock himself in his cabin and open a small safe, take out an envelope with a note inside, and read it. After locking the paper back in the safe, he would return to his duties.

For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.

After laying the captain’s body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew back to the ship and into the captain’s quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, and read the words aloud to an astonished crew:

“Port: Left; Starboard: Right.”

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LATE NIGHT QUIPS. . .

* There are reports that a movie is in the works based on the game Monopoly. They say the movie will be just like the game because it’s four hours long and it ends with your family fighting. – Jimmy Fallon

* During last night’s debate, Donald Trump said he would feel more comfortable if his own employees brought firearms to work. When they heard that, many of Trump’s Hispanic employees said, “No problemo.” – Conan O’Brien

* If you have not chosen a costume by now, that means you are that much closer to being that guy at the party trying to pass off your shower cap and bath robe as a costume. That is not a costume. That is unemployed. – Stephen Colbert

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My wife was grading a science test at home that she had given to her elementary-school class and was reading some of the results to me.

The subject was the human body, and the first question was: “Name one of the major functions of your skin.”

One child wrote: “To keep people who look at you from throwing up.”

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Moe: “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect!”

Joe: “Really? What kind is it?”

Moe: “Twelve-thirty.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What is National Chicken Lady Day? It’s a day that honors Dr. Marthenia “Tina” Dupree. Dr. Dupree worked for the second largest chicken restaurant in the world as Director of Community Relations and Training. She was widely known due to her work in the community. Within this time and among the people that she worked with and helped, she became known as “The Chicken Lady.”

For more than two decades, Dr. Dupree helped to teach, train and certify hundreds of professional speakers, authors and trainers. In 2001, National Chicken Lady Day was created as a day that everyone she has helped over the years, along with the trickling effect of the help that those people give to millions of others, can say “thank you”.
~ What is Waiting for Barbarians Day? “Waiting for the Barbarians” is the title a 1904 Greek poem by Constantine P. Cavafy. It’s an ironic poem about the intersection of politics and cultures. It depicts a day in an unnamed city-state where everything has come to a halt because the population is awaiting the arrival of “the barbarians”, who they plan to welcome. (Read and/ or listen to the poem by clicking HERE.

It also happens to be the title of of a book by South African writer J.M. Coetzee. It’s about a small town magistrate who gets caught up in a war plot that involved capturing local “barbarians” to torture and kill them. The magistrate falls in love with a barbarian girl who has been severely disfigured, and the magistrate has to decide exactly where his loyalties lie.

Also named for the poem is the 1998 essay collection by Lewis H. Lapham and Waiting for the Barbarians, the 2013 essay collection by Daniel Mendelsohn.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: I’m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let’s start with typewriters – Frank Lloyd Wright

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle. – Christian D. Larson

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