If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough. – Albert Einstein
TODAY – NOVEMBER 24th – TUESDAY
328th day of 2015 with 37 days to follow. Moon is waxing gibbous with 98% visible. The Full Moon rises on November 25, 2015, right in time for Thanksgiving!
Holidays for Today:
*Brownielocks Day (honor and appreciate brunettes)
*Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day
*National Sardines Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
1784 Zachary Taylor, Barboursville, Virginia, 12th President of the United States
1806 William Webb Ellis, English Anglican clergyman, credited with the invention of Rugby
1849 Frances Eliza Hodgson Burnett, English playwright and author (The Secret Garden, A Little Princess, Little Lord Fauntleroy)
1859 Cass Gilbert, Zanesville, Ohio architect ((Saint Louis Art Museum)
1911 Kirby Grant, Butte, Montana, actor (Sky King)
1916 Forrest J. Ackerman, Los Angeles, California, writer (The Naughty Venuzian)
1925 William F. Buckley Jr., New York City, writer (founded the political magazine National Review)
1940 Eric Wilson, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, children’s book author (mysteries with Tom and Liz Austen, voted 1992 Author of the Year by the Canadian Bookseller’s Association)
1947 Dwight Schultz, Baltimore, Maryland, actor (Captain “Howling Mad” Murdock on the The A-Team; Reginald Barclay in Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Voyager, Star Trek: First Contact, Mad Scientist Dr. Animo in the Ben 10 series, and Chef Mung Daal in the children’s cartoon Chowder)
1950 Stanley Livingston, Los Angeles, California, actor (My Three Sons)
1953 Glenn Withrow, Highland Heights, Kentucky, actor (By Dawn’s Early Light)
1957 Denise Crosby, Hollywood, California, actress (Tasha Yar on Star Trek: The Next Generation )
1964 Garret Dillahunt, Castro Valley, California, actor (One Night Only , Oliver Sherman, Unbound Captives, The Mourning Portrait )
1964 Brad Sherwood, Chicago, Illinois, comedian and host (The Dating Game, The Big Moment)
1978 Katherine Heigl, Washington, D.C., actress (Knocked Up, 27 Dresses, The Ugly Truth, Killers)
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The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven. – John Milton
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:
1859 Charles Darwin publishes On the Origin of Species.
1863 American Civil War: Battle of Lookout Mountain – Near Chattanooga, Tennessee, Union forces under General Ulysses S. Grant capture Lookout Mountain and begin to break the Confederate siege of the city led by General Braxton Bragg.
1906 The Canton Bulldogs-Massillon Tigers Betting Scandal, the first major scandal in professional American football.
1932 In Washington, D.C., the FBI Scientific Crime Detection Laboratory (better known as the FBI Crime Lab) officially opens.
1944 World War II: Bombing of Tokyo – The first bombing raid against the Japanese capital from the east and by land is carried out by 88 American aircraft.
1962 The West Berlin branch of the Socialist Unity Party of Germany forms a separate party, the Socialist Unity Party of West Berlin.
1963 Lee Harvey Oswald is murdered by Jack Ruby in the basement of Dallas police department headquarters. The shooting is broadcast live on television.
1966 A Bulgarian plane with 82 people on board crashes near Bratislava, Czechoslovakia.
1966 New York City experiences the smoggiest day in the city’s history.
1969 Apollo 12 command module splashes down safely in the Pacific Ocean, ending the second manned mission to the Moon.
1971 Hijacker Dan Cooper (AKA D. B. Cooper) parachutes from a Northwest Orient Airlines plane with $200,000 in ransom money in Washington State during a thunderstorm. He has never been found.
1974 Donald Johanson and Tom Gray discover the 40% complete Australopithecus afarensis skeleton, nicknamed “Lucy” (after The Beatles song “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”), in the Awash Valley of Ethiopia’s Afar Depression.
1992 A China Southern Airlines domestic flight in the People’s Republic of China, crashes, killing all 141 people on-board.
1993 In Liverpool, 11-year-olds Robert Thompson and Jon Venables are convicted of the murder of 2-year-old James Bulger.
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A lady was visiting a church one Sunday. The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the congregation fell asleep.
After the service, she walked up to a very sleepy-looking gentleman, extended her hand in greeting, and said, “Hello, I’m Gladys Dunn.”
The gentleman replied, “You’re not the only one ma’am, I’m glad he’s done, too!”
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There’s quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,
And life doesn’t begin at 40. That’s a big fat lie.
My hair’s getting thinner, my body is not;
The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.
I smell of Vick’s Vapo-Rub, not Chanel #5;
My new pacemaker’s all that keeps me alive.
When asked of my past, every detail I’ll know,
But what was I doing 10 minutes ago?
Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?
I’ll read the obituaries, like I do every day;
If my name’s not there, I’ll once again start,
Perfecting the art of falling apart.
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Bizarre Items Left in Hotel Rooms
An international hotel chain has released information about the bizarre items left in hotel rooms. During 2007 this amounted to the value of some £750,000 [approx. $1,500,00USD].
Items included:
A monk’s habit
£3,000 [$5,900 USD] engagement ring
A false eye
An artificial leg
A blow up sheep
Several leather whips
Several expensive leather jackets
8 posters of Jonathan Ross [a broadcaster in the UK]
An inflatable sumo wrestler
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A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so and, although his English was far from perfect, they got on very well. Until one day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him-“very quick”. The lawyer said that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the following questions:
LAWYER: Have you any grounds ?
POLE: JA, JA, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms.
LAWYER “No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?”
POLE: It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” he responded.
LAWYER: “Does either of you have a real grudge?”
POLE: “No,” he replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”
LAWYER “I mean, What are your relations like?”
POLE: “All my relation’s are in Poland.”
LAWYER: “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”
POLE: “Yes, we have hi fidelity stereo set &DVD player with 6.1 sound. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes.”
LAWYER: No, I mean does your wife beat you up?
POLE: NO, I’m always up before her.
LAWYER: WHY do you want this divorce?
POLE: She going to kill me.
LAWYER: What makes you think that?
POLE: I got proof.
LAWYER: What kind of proof?
POLE: She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at the drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read – it says, “Polish Remover”.
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pic of the day: Mill stone
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
One cutting edge aquarium saved a lot of money when its owner discovered a means to make the dolphins live forever — since the dolphins never died, no money needed to be spent on buying new ones. Extending the dolphins’ lives required putting a special mixture into their food; one of the ingredients was baby sea gull meat.
So one day, one of the workers was sent to the beach to find some. On the way back, baby sea gulls in hand, he had to pass through aforest. In the middle of the path was a sleeping lion. He very carefully stepped over it, only to be handcuffed by a policeman.
“Officer,” he said, “what’s going on?””You’re under arrest,” said the policeman.
“But why?” he asked.
The policeman replied, “For transporting young gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.”
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“What is the plural of man?”
“Men.”
“What is the plural of woman?”
“Women.”
“What is the plural of child?”
“Twins.”
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LATE NIGHT QUIPS. . .
*In his recent interview with GQ, President Obama said that he’d like to own an NBA team after he leaves the White House. You’ll know it’s Obama’s team when it takes the players five years to pass something. – Jimmy Fallon
* Campbell’s is recalling over 300,000 cans of SpaghettiOs. Turns out, they contain a very dangerous substance called “SpaghettiOs.” – Conan O’Brien
* A new poll released today shows Donald Trump is leading the Republican field with 24 percent. How far are we going to let this go? It’s almost Thanksgiving. Trump is still leading. Next thing you know, he’s winning Iowa, then he takes New Hampshire, then he somehow actually becomes the Republican nominee. And before you know it, Hillary Clinton is president! – Seth Meyers
* It’s late November, the weather’s getting crisp, and that can only mean one thing: It’s time for People magazine’s “sexiest man alive” issue. I was a little disappointed to see that the only time my name appears in the magazine is on the address label. – Stephen Colbert
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A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco, and several members lunched at a local cafe.
While dining, they discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt.
How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling, and using only the implements at hand? Clearly this was a job for Mensa!
The group debated and presented ideas, and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution.
“Ma’am,” they said, “we couldn’t help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker…”
“Oh,” the waitress interrupted. “Sorry about that.” She unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life – Frank Zappa
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential… these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence. — Confucius