When we are afraid we ought not to occupy ourselves with endeavoring to prove that there is no danger, but in strengthening ourselves to go on in spite of the danger. – Mark Rutherford
TODAY – NOVEMBER 18th – WEDNESDAY
322nd day of 2015 with 43 to follow. Moon is in the first quarter with 42% visible.
Holidays for Today:
*Married To A Scorpio Support Day
*Mickey Mouse Day
*National Vichyssoise Day
*Occult Day
*Push-button Phone Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
1839 August Kundt, German physicist (Magneto-optics, Anomalous dispersion, test of Kundt)
1861 Dorothy Dix, American journalist (first advice columnist/ Dorothy Dix Talks) and author (Fables of the Elite, Mirandy)
1897 Patrick Blackett, London, England, physicist (cloud chambers, cosmic rays, paleomagnetism, nuclear reaction, Nobel 1948)
1901 George Gallup, Jefferson, Iowa, public opinion pollster (Gallup Poll)
1906 George Wald, New York City, scientist (pigments in the retina)
1923 Alan B Shepard Jr, East Derry, New Hampshire, Rear Admiral USN/astronaut (first American in space / Mercury 3, 5th person to walk on the moon / Apollo 14)
1939 Margaret Atwood, Canadian poet, and author (The Handmaid’s Tale, Oryx and Crake, The Blind Assassin, The Heart Goes Last)
1939 Brenda Vaccaro, Brooklyn, New York, actress (Midnight Cowboy, The Shape of Things, Once Is Not Enough, Sara, Capricorn One, You Don’t Know Jack)
1942 Linda Evans, Hartford, Connecticut, actor (The Big Valley, Hunter, Dynasty)
1943 Susan Sullivan, New York, New York, actress (Castle [his mother], Queen Hippolyta / Justice League Unlimited, Dharma and Greg, Falcon Crest, Another World)
1946 Alan Dean Foster, New York, New York, sci-fi & fantasy author (series: Humanx Commonwealth Universe. Spellsinger, The Taken), novelizations of screen scripts (Alien, The Black Hole, Krull, The Last Starfighter, The Chronicles of Riddick)
1950 Michael Swanwick, Schenectady, NY, sci-fi author (In the Drift, Vacuum Flowers, Stations of the Tide, Jack Faust, Bones of the Earth, The Dragons of Babel, Chasing the Phoenix)
1960 Elizabeth Perkins, Queens, New York, actress (Finding Nemo, Cats & Dogs, Weeds, How to Live with Your Parents)
1964 Rita Cosby, Brooklyn, New York, journalist (CBS Inside Edition) and author (Blonde Ambition, Quiet Hero)
1968 Owen Wilson, Dallas, Texas, actor (Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian, You, Me and Dupree, Cars)
1971 Terrance Hayes, Columbia, South Carolina, poet (Muscular Music, Hip Logic, Lighthead)
1981 Maggie Stiefvater, Harrisonburg, Virginia, author (Series: Books of Faerie, The Wolves of Mercy Falls, The Raven Cycle)
1992 Nathan Kress, Glendale, California, actor (The Penguins of Madagascar, Babe: Pig in the City, Into the Storm)
1997 Noah Ringer, Dallas, Texas, actor (The Last Airbender, Cowboys and Aliens)
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All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them. – Walt Disney
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:
1307 William Tell shoots apple off his son’s head.
1421 Seawall at Zuiderzee dike in the Netherlands breaks, flooding 72 villages and killing about 10,000 people.
1793 Louvre officially opens in Paris.
1865 Mark Twain’s story The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County is published in the New York Saturday Press.
1883 American and Canadian railroads institute five standard continental time zones, ending the confusion of thousands of local times.
1909 Two United States warships are sent to Nicaragua after 500 revolutionaries (including two Americans) are executed by order of José Santos Zelaya.
1928 Walt Disney’s Mickey Mouse debuts in NY in “Steamboat Willie” – the first fully synchronized sound cartoon, directed by Walt Disney and Ub Iwerks, featuring the third appearances of cartoon characters Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse. This is also considered by the Disney corporation to be Mickey’s birthday.
1940 New York City’s Mad Bomber places his first bomb at a Manhattan office building used by Consolidated Edison.
1961 United States President John F. Kennedy sends 18,000 military advisors to South Vietnam.
1963 First push-button telephone goes into service.
1991 Moslem Shites release hostages Terry Waite and Thomas Sutherland.
1993 North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) is ratified by the House of Representatives in the US.
1994 ”Star Trek VII – Generations,” premiered.
2003 In a 50-page, 4–3 decision, the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court rules that the state may not “deny the protections, benefits and obligations conferred by civil marriage to two individuals of the same sex who wish to marry.”
2004 The Clinton Presidential Center is opened in Little Rock, Arkansas, containing 2 million photographs and 80 million documents.
2013 NASA launches the MAVEN probe to Mars.
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While serving as a church usher, I was carrying out our tradition of escorting parishioners to their seats before the service began. After I returned to the entrance of the sanctuary to escort the next party, I greeted two strangers and asked where they would like to sit.
Looking confused, the young man smiled and said, “Non-smoking, please.”
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My partner and I were in our police car when we were dispatched to break up a domestic dispute. We spoke with the couple and the problem was quickly resolved.
On leaving, I was admiring the craftsmanship of their turn-of-the-century home and reached for what I thought was the front door.
Realizing my mistake, I was turning away in embarrassment when I heard my partner say…. “If you have any more problems, we’ll be in your closet.”
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ONE-LINERS: Welfare Applications
I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.
I am writing the welfare department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?
Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for two years and has been visited regularly by the clergy.
I cannot get sick pay. I have six children can you tell me why?
I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.
This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it.
Please find for if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can’t do anything until he knows.
I am very much annoyed to find out that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.
In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a son weighing 10 lbs. I hope this is satisfactory.
I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children one of which is a mistake as you can see.
My husband got his project cut off about two weeks ago and I haven’t had any relief since.
Unless I get my husband’s money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.
You have my changed little boy to a girl, will this make any difference?
I have no children yet, as my husband is a truck driver and works night and day.
I want money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn’t do me any good. If things don’t improve, I will have to send for another doctor.
In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.
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George went on a vacation to the Middle East with his family, including his mother-in-law. During their vacation in Jerusalem, George’s mother-in-law died.
With the death certificate in his hand, George went to the American Consulate office to make arrangements to send the body back to the United States for a proper burial. The Consul told George that to send the body back to the United States for burial would be very, very expensive. It could cost him as much as $5,000. The Consul told him that in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decided to bury the body there in Jerusalem, and that that would cost him only $150.
George thought for some time and answered, “I don’t care how much it will cost to send the body back; that’s what I want to do.”
The Consul said, “You must have loved your mother-in-law very much, considering the difference in price.”
“No, it’s not that,” said George. “You see, I know of a case many, many years ago of a man that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance.”
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pic of the day: Look what’s hiding in the garden at night..
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
My husband was on a diet, but when we pulled into a fast-food restaurant, he ordered a milk shake. I pointed out that a shake isn’t exactly the best snack for someone who wants to lose weight. He agreed, but he didn’t change his order.
The long line must have given him time to make the connection between his order and his waistline. As the woman handed him his shake, she said, “Sorry about the wait.”
“That’s okay,” he replied. “I’m going to lose it.”
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“Let us say a wealthy man passes away and leaves an estate worth ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest goes to charity. Now, what does each one get?”
There was a lengthy silence in the classroom as the students pondered and diligently worked the math. Finally, Little Morris raises his hand.
“Yes, Morris,” recognized the teacher, “what does each one get?”
With deep sincerity, Morris replies, “A lawyer!”
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Mrs. Applebee, the sixth grade teacher, posed the following problem to her arithmetic class.
A motorist was being sued for hitting a pedestrian. The motorist’s attorney made a point: “Your honor, my client has been driving for over thirty years.”
To which the lawyer for the plaintiff retorted, “Your honor, if we are to judge this case by experience, I should remind you that my client has been walking for over fifty years.”
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LATE NIGHT QUIPS. . .
* Check your calendars, Thanksgiving is just around the corner. I’m a little worried because there is a turkey shortage this year. There is an outbreak of deadly avian flu that killed eight million turkey. It’s so sad to see so many turkeys dying in a way that doesn’t render them delicious. – Stephen Colbert
* That’s not the only thing the avian flu has cost us this fall because there’s an egg shortage too, which has caused egg prices to rise 50 percent this year. It’s gotten so bad that 7-Eleven has begun using eggless mayo in their food, which is a shocker. I always assumed 7-Eleven used foodless food in their food. – Stephen Colbert
* In the face of this egg crisis, we shall not crack. As a country, we must scramble and whisk it all because it won’t be over easy. – Stephen Colbert
* Lately, Trump has been pretty cranky about losing his lead in the polls over retired neurosurgeon and “Guy who sits next to you in an otherwise empty theater,” Ben Carson. Evidently, people have been looking at Trump and thinking, “Maybe we shouldn’t elect a man who shouts crazy things. Maybe we should elect a man who whispers crazy things.” – Stephen Colbert
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Golden Oldie… One day a fella was driving home when he suddenly realized that it was his daughter’s birthday and — shock — he hadn’t bought her anything. Out of the corner of his eye he notices a shopping mall. Knowing that it was ‘now or never’, he pulls his car through three lanes of traffic, finds a parking bay and runs into the mall.
After a frantic search he finds a toy store, goes inside and attracts the attention of the shop assistant. When asked what he’d like, he simply says: “a Barbie Doll”.
The shop assistant looks at him in a condescending manner and asks, “So Sir, which Barbie would that be?”
The man looks surprised so the assistant continues, “We have Barbie Goes To the Ball at $19.99, Barbie goes Shopping at $19.99, Barbie goes Clubbing at $19.99, Barbie Goes To The Gym at $19.99, Cyber Barbie at $19.99 and Divorced Barbie at $249.99.”
The man can’t help himself and asks, “why is Divorced Barbie $249.99 when all those other Barbies are selling for $19.99???”
“Well Sir, that’s quite obvious!” says the assistant,
“Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s furniture ….
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As dessert was served to the visiting pastor, the hostess apologized for not having any cheese to go with the apple pie. Hearing this, her little son slipped down from his chair and left the room, then
returned with a small piece of cheese, which he shyly placed, on the pastor’s plate.
“Why, thank you, son,” said the guest as he popped the cheese in his mouth, “You must have found the last piece! Where did you find it?”
Flushing with pride, the little boy said, “Oh, it was in the mousetrap.”
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QUIP OF THE DAY: A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore. – Yogi Berra
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose– a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye. – Mary Shelley