There are two types of people who will tell you that you cannot make a difference in this world: those who are afraid to try and those who are afraid you will succeed. – Ray Goforth
TODAY – MAY 31st – TUESDAY
152nd day of 2016 with 214 days to follow. Moon is waning with 29% visible.
Holidays for Today:
*National Macaroon Day
*Save Your Hearing Day
*World No Tobacco Day
*Speak In Complete Sentences Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
1162 Genghis Khan, Khagan of the Mongol Empire
1819 Walt Whitman, West Hills, New York, poet (Leaves of Grass)
1894 Fred Allen, Cambridge, Massachusetts, comedian (master ad libber, topically pointed radio show)
1898 Norman Vincent Peale, Bowersville, Ohio, minister and author (Power of Positive Thinking)
1908 Don Ameche, Kenosha, Wisconsin, actor (Cocoon, Trading Places)
1911 Maurice Allais, French economist (Nobel / pioneering contributions to “the theory of markets and efficient utilization of resources”)
1930 Clint Eastwood, San Francisco, California, actor (Rawhide, Dirty Harry, Unforgiven, The Outlaw Josey Wales); director (Million Dollar Baby, Gran Tornio)/mayor (Carmel-by-the-Sea, California, 1986-1988)
1931 John Robert Schrieffer, Oak Park, Illinois, physicist (Nobel / BCS theory , the first successful microscopic theory of superconductivity)
1932 Jay Miner, Prescott, Arizona, microchip designer (multimedia chips and as the “father of the Amiga”)
1934 Jim Hutton, Binghamton, New York, actor (Ellery Queen); father of Timothy Hutton)
1941 Johnny Paycheck, Greenfield, Ohio, singer (Take This Job & Shove It)
1943 Joe Namath,, Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania, former NFL quarterback (played college football for University of Alabama under coach “Bear” Bryant; AFL (New York Jets); NFL (Los Angeles Rams) the $400,000 man (1969 Superbowl))
1943 Sharon Gless, Los Angeles, California, actress (Cagney & Lacey, Switch, Burn Notice, Adoptable)
1949 Tom Berenger, Chicago, Illinois, actor (Sniper, The Big Chill, Platoon, Major Crimes)
1961 Lea Thompson, Rochester, Minnesota, actress (Caroline in the City, Space Camp, Marty McFly’s mother in the Back to the Future trilogy, Switched at Birth)
1965 Brooke Shields, New York City, actress and supermodel (Pretty Baby, The Blue Lagoon, Suddenly Susan, That ’70s Show, Lipstick Jungle, Flower Shop Mystery)
1966 Nick Scotti, Ozone Park, Queens, New York, actor and singer (Sex and The City and Tracey Takes On )
1968 John Connoly, Irish author (PI Charlie Parker series – Every Dead Thing, The Reapers, The Burning Soul)
1976 Colin Farrell, Irish actor (In Bruges, Tigerland, Minority Report, The Recruit, Total Recall, True Detective)
1977 Eric Olsen, Eugene, Oregon, actor (Detective Marty Deeks on NCIS: Los Angeles)
1982 Jonathan Tucker, Boston, Massachusetts, actor (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Hostage, In the Valley of Elah, The Ruins, Justified, Kingdom, American Gods)
1983 David Hernandez, Phoenix, Arizona, singer (12th place finalist of FOX’s 7th season of American Idol)
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Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:
1678 Lady Godiva rides naked through Coventry in a protest of taxes.
1790 The United States enacts its first copyright statute, the Copyright Act of 1790.
1862 American Civil War Peninsula Campaign: Battle of Seven Pines or (Battle of Fair Oaks) – Confederate forces under Joseph E. Johnston & G. W. Smith engage Union forces under George B. McClellan outside Richmond, Virginia.
1864 American Civil War Overland Campaign: Battle of Cold Harbor – The Army of Northern Virginia under Robert E. Lee engages the Army of the Potomac under Ulysses S. Grant & George G. Meade.
1870 Belgian Professor Edward J. de Smedt patented sheet asphalt pavement.
1884 Dr John Harvey Kellogg patents “flaked cereal”.
1889 Johnstown Flood: Over 2,200 people die after a dam break sends a 60-foot (18-meter) wall of water over the town of Johnstown, Pennsylvania.
1911 The ocean liner R.M.S. Titanic is launched.
1921 Tulsa Race Riot: A civil unrest in Tulsa, Oklahoma, United States, the official death toll is 39, but recent investigations suggest the actual toll may be much higher.
1927 The last Ford Model T rolls off the assembly line after a production run of 15,007,003 vehicles.
1929 The first talking cartoon of Mickey Mouse, “The Karnival Kid”, is released.
1973 The United States Senate votes to cut off funding for the bombing of Khmer Rouge targets within Cambodia, hastening the end of the Cambodian Civil War.
1977 The Trans-Alaska Pipeline System completed.
1981 Burning of Jaffna library, Sri Lanka, It is one of the violent examples of ethnic biblioclasm of the twentieth century.
1985 United States-Canadian tornado outbreak: Forty-one tornadoes hit Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, and Ontario, leaving 76 dead.
1990 Seinfeld starring Jerry Seinfeld, debuts on NBC as Seinfeld Chronicles.
1991 Bicesse Accords in Angola lay out a transition to multi-party democracy under the supervision of the United Nations’ UNAVEM II mission.
2005 Vanity Fair reveals that Mark Felt was Deep Throat.
2010 In the international waters, Shayetet 13 soldiers attacked with firearms to flotilla that wanted to break the blockade on Gaza Strip. During the armed aggression on the MV Mavi Marmara ship, a violent attack had started. 9 activists killed by soldiers on board, and lots of activist injured.
2013 Asteroid 1998 QE2 and its moon made their closest approach to Earth for the next two centuries.
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I had just moved to an address between Sunrise Avenue and Sunset Blvd., one of Sacramento’s major streets, and was explaining to a clerk where my home was located for billing purposes. “I live between Sunrise and Sunset,” I told her.
“Oh, honey,” she knowingly replied, “we all do.”
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In Marine Corps basic training, recruits quickly learn that everything they use “belongs” to the drill instructor. For instance, the DI refers to the contents of their footlockers as “my trash” and to the cots where they sleep as “my racks.”
One time, when some recruits were whispering in the bathroom, the DI overheard them. He suddenly yelled, “Why do I hear voices in my head?”
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ONE-LINERS:Work Sayings…
For those sarcastic moments…
~ And your crybaby whinny opinion would be…?
~ I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
~ I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
~ Does your train of thought have a caboose?
~ Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
~ A PBS mind in an MTV world.
~ Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
~ Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
~ Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
~ Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
~ I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
~ A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
~ Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
~ Can I trade this job for what’s behind door number 1?
~ I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
~ Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
~ Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I’m wrong.
~ Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
~ Chaos, panic, & disorder — my work here is done.
~ I plead contemporary insanity.
~ How do I set a laser printer to stun?
~ Meandering to a different drummer.
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John had never been on a fishing boat before, and he was now thinking it was the stupidest thing he’d ever done in his life. Who would ever have believed that seasickness could be this awful? With every pitch and roll, John wondered how he was going to survive the remaining two hours of the trip.
One of the deckhands came up to him and said, “Don’t worry, old fella. Nobody ever died of seasickness.”
“You’ve just taken away my last hope for relief,” John said.
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pic of the day: Ajuga blooms & Bumblebee
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
It was Dr. McGillicuddy’s regular habit to stop off at Harry’s Bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home from work. The bartender would always have the drink waiting for him at precisely 5:18 PM.
One afternoon as the end of the work day neared the bartender was dismayed to find he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.
The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink, then exclaimed: “This isn’t a hazelnut daiquiri!”
To which the bartender replied, “That’s a hickory daiquiri, doc.”
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The small town’s sheriff was also its veterinarian. One night the phone rang and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, “Is your husband there?”
“Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?”
“Both. We can’t get our dog’s mouth open, and there’s a burglar in it.”
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The minister’s topic for the children’s service was the Twenty-third Psalm. He told the children about sheep, that they weren’t smart and needed lots of guidance, and that a shepherd’s job was to stay close to the sheep, protect them from wild animals and keep them from wandering off and doing dumb things that would get them hurt or killed.
He pointed to the children in the room and said that they were the sheep and needed lots of guidance. Then the minister put his hands out to the side, palms up in a dramatic gesture, and with raised eyebrows said to the children, “If you are the sheep then who is the shepherd?” He was pretty obviously indicating himself.
A silence of a few seconds followed.
Then a young boy said, “Jesus. Jesus is the shepherd.”
The minister, obviously caught by surprise, said to the boy, “Well, then, who am I?”
The little boy frowned thoughtfully and then said with a shrug, “I guess you must be a sheep dog.”
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LATE NIGHT QUIPS. . .
* Donald Trump is floating another conspiracy theory which suggests that Hillary Clinton is a murderer. Today Bill Clinton said, “Trust me, if that lady could kill, I would not be alive.” – Conan O’Brien
* The Taliban has named a new leader this week after their former leader was killed in a drone strike over the weekend. It’s the only job interview where the correct answer to “Where do you see yourself in five years?” is “I don’t.” – Seth Meyers
* The State Department finally released their report on Hillary’s use of a private email server. They found that she did not ask permission, and if she had, the answer would have been no. Which is one of the top reasons to not ask permission, by the way. Even when you do give Hillary Clinton a clear “no,” what she hears is, “Try again in eight years.” – Seth Meyers
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A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog For Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.
“You talk?” he asks.
“Yep,” the Lab replies.
“So, what’s your story?”
The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work; mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
“Ten dollars.” The guy says.
“This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”
“Because he’s a liar. He didn’t do any of that stuff.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Does lightning ever strike twice? All of the time — In fact lightning favors certain spots, particularly high locations. The Empire State Building is struck about 25 times every year. Ben Franklin grasped the concept long ago and mounted a metal rod atop the roof of his home, then ran a wire to the ground, thereby inventing the lightning rod.
~Which is the oldest form of measurement? The cubit is the oldest known measurement, appearing in the Bible when God gives Noah instructions for the ark. Described as a Royal Cubit, it was measured from the elbow to the thumb knuckle. It was a means of insuring that the nobility got a larger share at the market place.
~What would you do with a trencher? The modern dinner plate is a fairly recent development. Until the 15th century, it was customary to eat on a thick slice of stale bread, called a “trencher,” that soaked up the juice.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears. – Robert W. Sarnoff
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . If you did not care at all what anyone else thought about you, what would you do differently or change in your life? – Brain Tracy