“Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.” – Abraham Lincoln
TODAY – MAY 16th – MONDAY
137th day of 2016 with 229 days to follow. Moon is waxing with 76% visible.
Holidays for Today:
*Biographers Day
*Love a Tree Day
*National Barbecue Day
*National Coquilles St. Jacques Day
*National Sea Monkey Day
*Wear Purple for Peace Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
1801 William Henry Seward, Florida, New York, Secretary of State (1861-69, buys Alaska at 2¢/acre, then called “Sewards Folly”)
1831 David E. Hughes, British inventor (co-inventor of the microphone) and musician (harpist and a professor of music)
1905 Henry Fonda, Grand Island, Nebraska, actor (Mr Roberts, On Golden Pond)
1912 Studs Terkel, New York City, NY, historian, author & broadcaster (The Good War)
1919 Liberace, West Allis, Wisconsin, pianist (Liberace Show, Evil Chandell-Batman)
1944 Danny Trejo, Los Angeles, California, actor (Desperado, Heat, Con Air, Desert Heat, Vengeance, Delta Farce, King of the Hill, Predators, Sons of Anarchy, Machete Kills, Bullet, 3-Headed Shark Attack, The Ridiculous 6)
1947 Bill Smitrovich, Bridgeport, Connecticut, actor (Millennium, A Nero Wolfe Mystery, The Practice, Ted, The Last Ship)
1950 Bruce Coville, Syracuse, New York, author (Series: Magic Shop; My Teacher; I Was a Sixth Grade Alien; Unicorn Chronicles; Space Brat)
1953 Pierce Brosnan, Ireland, actor (Remington Steele, 5th James Bond, Dante’s Peak, The Thomas Crown Affair, Survivor, No Escape)
1955 Debra Winger, Cleveland Heights, Ohio, actress (Urban Cowboy, An Officer and a Gentleman, Terms of Endearment, Shadowlands, A Dangerous Woman, Rachel Getting Married, The Ranch)
1966 Janet Jackson, Gary, Indiana, singer (“Nasty”, “Rhythm Nation”, “That’s the Way Love Goes”, “Together Again” , “All for You” )
1966 Scott Reeves, Delight, Arkansas, actor and singer (The Young and the Restless , General Hospital, Nashville)
1969 David Boreanaz, Buffalo, New York, actor (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Bones, Sleepy Hollow)
1972 Khary Payton, Augusta, Georgia, actor (Cyborg in the Teen Titans; Aqualad in Young Justice; Ripcord in G.I. Joe: Renegades, Transformers: Robots in Disguise, The Lion Guard)
1986 Megan Fox, Oak Ridge, Tennessee, actress (Hope and Faith; Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, Transformers, Jenifer’s Body, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, New Girl)
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You must be the change you want to see in the world. – Mahatma Gandhi
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:
1771 The Battle of Alamance, a pre-American Revolutionary War battle between local militia and a group of rebels called “The Regulators”, occurs in present-day Alamance County, North Carolina.
1777 Lachlan McIntosh and Button Gwinnett shoot each other during a duel near Savannah, Georgia. Gwinnett, a signatory to the United States Declaration of Independence, dies three days later.
1815 The Governor of New South Wales, Lachlan Macquarie, officially names the town of Blackheath in the upper Blue Mountains.
1836 Edgar Allan Poe marries his 13-year-old cousin Virginia.
1866 The U.S. Congress eliminates the half dime coin and replaces it with the five cent piece, or nickel.
1866 Charles Elmer Hires invents root beer.
1868 President Andrew Johnson is acquitted in his impeachment trial by one vote in the United States Senate.
1874 A flood on the Mill River in Massachusetts destroys much of four villages and kills 139 people.
1910 The United States Congress authorizes the creation of the United States Bureau of Mines.
1929 In Hollywood, California, the first Academy Awards are handed out.
1975 Junko Tabei becomes the first woman to reach the summit of Mount Everest.
1983 Sudan People’s Liberation Army/Movement rebels against the Sudanese government.
1986 The Seville Statement on Violence is adopted by an international meeting of scientists, convened by the Spanish National Commission for UNESCO, in Seville, Spain.
1988 A report by United States’ Surgeon General C. Everett Koop states that the addictive properties of nicotine are similar to those of heroin and cocaine.
1991 Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland addressed a joint session of the United States Congress. She is the first British monarch to address the U.S. Congress.
1992 STS-49: Space Shuttle Endeavour lands safely after a successful maiden voyage.
2003 In Casablanca, Morocco, 33 civilians are killed and more than 100 people are injured in the Casablanca terrorist attacks.
2011 STS-134 (ISS assembly flight ULF6), launched from the Kennedy Space Center on the 25th and final flight for Space Shuttle Endeavour.
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A young man walking through a supermarket noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
”Pardon me,” she said, ”I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you look just like my son, who just died recently.”
”I’m very sorry,” replied the young man, ”is there anything I can do for you?”
”Yes,” she said, ”As I’m leaving, can you say ‘Good bye, Mother!’ ? It would make me feel so much better.”
”Sure,” answered the young man.
As the old woman was leaving, he called out, ”Goodbye, Mother!”
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.
”How can that be?” he asked, ”I only purchased a few things!”
”Your mother said that you would pay for her,” said the clerk.
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A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle.
Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his iPod.
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ONE-LINERS: Bumper Sticker Funnies
– Herblock’s Law: If it’s good, they will stop making it.
– History does not repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.
– It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
– It works better if you plug it in.
– It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere.
– Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
– Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
– Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.
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The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt.
Little Johnny interrupted, “My dad looked back once, while he was driving,” he announced triumphantly, “and he turned into a telephone pole!”
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Feline Dictionary
Purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness
Purrverse: Poem about a kitty
Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something
Purrpetual: Everlasting love for domesticated felines
Purrson: A male kitty
Purrpetual motion: A kitty playing
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pic of the day: Love a Tree Day..
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, “I’ll just have the Eggs Benedict.”
His order comes a while later and it’s served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, “What’s with the hubcap?”
The waiter sings, “There’s no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!”
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A 75 year old woman had a vision one night; she saw and spoke to God.
She asked: ‘God, how much time do I have to live?’
He said, ‘you have 35 years left.’
So that whole year she had a ton of cosmetic surgery, she had a face lift, a tummy tuck, her nose reshaped, liposuction, she completely did herself over. She figured as long as she was going to live another 35 years she was going to look young again.
After all this was done, that same year she was hit by a car and was killed instantly. When she entered St. Peter’s gate she walked over to God and said, ‘What happened? I thought you said I had another 35 years!’
God replied, ‘Oh Good grief!!! I DIDN’T RECOGNIZE YOU!’
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Two guys are talking about their boss’s upcoming wedding. One says, “It’s ridiculous, he’s rich, but he’s 93 years old, and she’s just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?”
The other says, “Well, we have a name for it in my family.”
“What do you call it?”
“We call it a football wedding.”
The first asks, “What’s a football wedding?”
The other says, “She’s waiting for him to kick off!”
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LATE NIGHT QUIPS. . .
* Employees at a Domino’s Pizza saved a customer’s life by checking on him after they didn’t hear from him, because he’s ordered a pizza every day for 10 years. No word on what was wrong with him, but I’m guessing it had something to do with ordering a pizza every day for 10 years. – Jimmy Fallon
* NASA scientists have discovered over 1,200 planets that are possibly habitable — where humans could live. In other words, if Donald Trump does become president, Canada’s not your only option. – Conan O’Brien
* A new poll shows Hillary Clinton just one point ahead of Donald Trump nationally. And now Canada is thinking about building a wall. – Seth Meyers
* Speaking of old people surrounded by screaming young people, Bernie Sanders won the primary last night. For a guy with no chance of winning, he sure does seem to win a lot. Hillary Clinton could lose all the remaining primaries and she’ll still get the nomination, but at this point Bernie has a better chance of being drafted by an NBA team than being the nominee. – Jimmy Kimmel
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A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too much and he could go no farther. He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours hadn’t gotten a single person to stop.
Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn’t fit in the car. The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he was going too fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down. Everything went fine for the first 30 miles.
Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other. A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap. The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer that he had two Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph. He then relayed, ”…and you’re not going to believe this, but there’s guy on a 10 speed bike honking to pass.”
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Child at dinner table: “Are caterpillars good to eat?”
Parent: “No. Why would you ask a question like that?”
Child: “Well, there was one in your salad, but it’s gone now.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Why do wine bottles have that bump at the bottom? The purpose of the indentation at the bottom of a wine bottle is to strengthen the structure of the bottle and to trap the sediments in the wine.
~How small can sunspots be? The smallest visible sunspots have an area of 500 million square miles, about fifty times the size of Africa. The largest sunspots have an area of about 7,000 million square miles.
~Where did honky tonk come from? The musical term “honky tonk” comes from black slang for “gin mill” — later it was used to describe spirited music that thrived in such places in the 1930s.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Some days you’re the bug. Some days you’re the windshield. – Price Cobb
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . What makes a river so restful to people is that it doesn’t have any doubt – it is sure to get where it is going, and it doesn’t want to go anywhere else. – Hal Boyle