My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me. – Henry Ford
TODAY – JUNE 30th – THURSDAY
182nd day of 2016 with 184 to follow. Moon is waning with 21% visible.
Holidays for Today:
*Meteor Day
*National Ice Cream Soda Day
*National Mai Tai Day
*First Martyrs of the Church of Rome (honoring Christians martyred in Rome during Nero’s persecution)
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
1899 Harry Shields, New Orleans, Louisiana, jazz clarinetist
1917 Susan Hayward, Brooklyn, New York, actress (I Want To Live!, With A Song In My Heart, David & Bathsheba)
1917 Lena Horne, Brooklyn, New York, singer (Stormy Weather)
1919 Ed Yost, Bristow, Iowa, inventor (modern hot air balloon, Raven Industries)
1926 Paul Berg, Brookyn, New York, biochemist (Nobel/ research nucleic acids)
1934 Harry Blackstone Jr, Three Rivers, Michigan, magician (Blackstone Book of Magic & Illusion)
1936 Nancy Dussault, Pensacola, Florida, actress (Muriel-Too Close for Comfort, Good Morning America)
1942 Robert Ballard, Wichita, Kansas, oceanographer (underwater archeology)
1943 Florence Ballard, Detroit, Michigan, singer (The Supremes)
1951 Stephen S. Oswald, Seattle, Washington, astronaut (STS 42, 56 & 67)
1957 Sterling Martin, Columbia, Tennessee, NASCAR Nextel Cup driver
1959 Vincent D’Onofrio, Brooklyn, New York, actor (Full Metal Jacket, Det. Gorin/L&O Criminal Intent, Men in Black, Jurassic World, Daredevil)
1962 Deirdre Lovejoy, Abilene, Texas, actress (The Wire, Under, Lionhead, Thirsty)
1963 Rupert Graves, English actor (A Room with a View, Maurice, Sherlock, The Family)
1966 Wendy Davis, Joppatowne, Maryland, actress (High Incident, Army Wives)
1970 Brian Bloom, Merrick, New York, actor (Once Upon a Time in America, 2000 Malibu Road, Silent Hill: Homecoming, The A Team (2010), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Avengers Assemble, Gravity Falls)
1971 Monica Potter, Cleveland, Ohio, actress (The Young & The Restless, Con Air, Patch Adams, Parenthood)
1979 Rick Gonzalez, Brooklyn, New York, actor (Coach Carter, Roll Bounce, Pulse, Reaper, Victor)
1982 Lizzy Caplan, Los Angeles, California, actress (Mean Girls, Cloverfield, True Blood, Party Down, Bachelorette, The Night Before)
1985 Michael Phelps, Baltimore, Maryland, swimmer ( most decorated Olympian of all time, with a total of 22 medals)
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Success is what you attract by the person you become. – Jim Rohn
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:
1834 Congress creates Indian Territory (now Oklahoma).
1859 French acrobat Charles Blondin first to cross Niagara Falls on a tightrope.
1879 The California Electric Light Company, was organized in San Francisco, becoming the first electric company in the U.S. formed to produce and sell electricity.
1886 U.S. Division of Forestry was established by an Act of Congress.
1893 Excelsior diamond (blue-white 995 carats) discovered.
1896 First U.S. patent for an electric stove was patented by William.S. Hadaway, Jr., in New York City.
1906 Pure Food & Drug Act & Meat Inspection Act adopted.
1934 “Night of the Long Knives,”Adolf Hitler’s violent purge of his political rivals in Germany, takes place.
1971 Ohio becomes the 38th state to approve of lower the voting age to 18, thus ratifying the 26th amendment.
1990 East and West Germany merge their economies.
1997 China resumes sovereignty over the city-state of Hong Kong, ending 156 years of British colonial rule.
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Golden Oldie… A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate he decides to ask God for help. He begins to pray…
“God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto.”
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
Joe again prays…
“God, please let me win the lotto! I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well.”
Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck.
Once again, he prays…
“My God, why have you forsaken me?? I’ve lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.”
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself: “Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket.”
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An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both. As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, ‘Oh, my God! Help me!’
At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds. ‘I thought you didn’t believe in Me!’
‘Come on God, give me a break!,’ the man pleaded. ‘Two minutes ago I didn’t believe in the Loch Ness monster either!’
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ONE-LINERS: Life’s reflections
1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
2. I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
3. I’m in shape. Round is a shape.
4. I’m desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
5. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
6. I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we have no idea where she is.
10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
12. They show you how detergent takes out bloodstains. I think if you’ve got a tee shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn’t your biggest problem.
13. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
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An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a. m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, “I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body”.
The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?”
The man replies… “My wife.”
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pic of the day: Happy Independence Day!
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
As an investigator for the Fantasy Beings’ Fair Housing Commission, Ferdinand Feghoot was assigned to look into complaints that the town of Donnybrook was systematically excluding the fictive.
The Mayor of Donnybrook was indignant. ‘That’s nonsense!’ he fumed. ‘Why, we have several families of Hobbits living here, the principal of our high school is an Elf, and one of our aldermen is an Orc.’
Feghoot shook his head sadly. ‘That,’ he replied, ‘is only . . . Tolkien integration.’
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MY HOUSEWORK PHILOSOPHY
~ I don’t do windows because I love birds and don’t want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.
~ I don’t wax floors because I am terrified a guest will slip, hurt themselves, I’ll feel terrible, and they may sue me.
~ I don’t mind the dust bunnies because they are very good company. I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.
~ I don’t disturb cobwebs because I want every creature to have a home of their own.
~ I don’t spring clean because I love all the seasons and don’t want the others to get jealous.
~ I don’t pull weeds in the garden because I don’t want to get rid of the only green I’ve got.
~ I don’t put things away because my husband will never be able to find them again.
~ I don’t do gourmet meals when I entertain because I don’t want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.
~ I don’t iron because I choose to believe them when they say “Permanent Press.”
~ I don’t stress much on anything because “A Type” personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol’ person!
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It’s All in The Perspective
An actuary, an underwriter, and an insurance salesperson are riding in a car.
The salesperson has his foot on the gas, the underwriter has his foot on the brake, and the actuary is looking out the back window telling them where to go.
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A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant.
Her friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire an accountant a short while ago?”
The business owner replies, “That’s the accountant I’ve been searching for.”
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LATE NIGHT QUIPS. . .
* Critics are calling those in Britain who voted to pull out of the European Union “racist” and “anti-immigrant.” After hearing this, Donald Trump said, “Wow, I’m running for leader of the wrong country.” – Conan O’Brien
* Last week, over 30 participants in a Tony Robbins seminar burned their feet walking on hot coals. The victims just signed up for a second seminar: “How To Get Rich Suing Tony Robbins.” – Conan O’Brien
* Over the weekend, Bernie Sanders’ press secretary left his campaign. Bernie said, “Now it’s just me and my podiatrist.” – Conan O’Brien
* For the first time ever, the Miss America Pageant is going to have a gay contestant, Miss Missouri. It will also have its first bi contestant, Miss North and South Dakota. – Conan O’Brien
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How to describe someone who’s…uh…you know…
~ If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
~ Slinky’s kinked.
~ Surfing in Nebraska.
~ Too much yardage between the goal posts.
~ Big like ox; smart like tractor.
~ A few sandwiches short of a picnic.
~ Not wound too tight.
~ Shirt size: large. Cap size: small.
~ Room temperature IQ.
~ A few box cars short of a full trainload.
~ Missing a hard-drive.
~ Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
~ Doesn’t have two wits to bat together.
~ Not the brightest crayon in the box.
~ One tire short of a Goodyear.
~ A few Pinata’s short of a fiesta.
~ Butter slipped off the noodles.
~ Not firing on all thrusters.
~ Two cards short of a full deck.
~ Three dots short of an ink-blot test.
~ Forgot to use a surge protector.
~ Half bubble off level.
~ The mental agility of a used soap dish.
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: When was the earliest July 4th celebration? America celebrates July 4 as Independence Day because it was on July 4, 1776, that members of the Second Continental Congress, meeting in Philadelphia, adopted the final draft of the Declaration of Independence. Following its adoption, the Declaration was read to the public in various American cities. Whenever they heard it, patriots erupted in cheers and celebrations. In 1777, Philadelphians remembered the 4th of July. Bells were rung, guns fired, candles lighted, and firecrackers set off. However, while the War of Independence dragged on, July 4 celebrations were modest at best.
~Who set up New York’s first recycling plant? Colonel Waring, New York City Street Cleaning Commissioner, was responsible for organizing the first rubbish-sorting plant for recycling in the United States in 1898.
~How many times have you seen Star Wars? According to a 1997 poll, the average person in the U.S. has felt compelled to see the movie Star Wars an astonishing 6.7 times since its 1977 release, either in theaters or on TV.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: The wise man does not play leap frog with a unicorn. – Nostradamas
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. – Dale Carnegie