“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” – Jimmy Dean
TODAY – JUNE 12th – FRIDAY
163rd day of 2015 with 202 to follow.
The moon is waning. Morning stars are Mercury, Neptune and Uranus. Evening stars are Jupiter, Mars, Saturn and Venus. NOTE: Venus and Jupiter are converging for a must-see close encounter at the end of June. It could be the best backyard sky show of 2015. FULL STORY: http://science.nasa.gov/science-news/science-at-nasa/2015/11jun_skyshow/
Holidays for Today:
*International Falafel Day
*International Cachaça Day (Brazil’s most famous liquor)
*Loving Day
*National Peanut Butter Cookie Day
*Red Rose Day
*World Day Against Child Labour
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
1851 Sir Oliver Lodge, English physicist and author (involved in the development of key patents in wireless telegraphy)
1899 Fritz Albert Lipmann, Königsberg, Germany, American biochemist (Nobel / co-discoverer in 1945 of coenzyme A)
1920 Dave Berg, Brooklyn, New York, cartoonist (Mad magazine)
1924 George H. W. Bush, Milton, Massachusetts, politician, 11th Director of Central Intelligence, 40th Vice President of the United States and 41st President of the United States
1928 Vic Damone, Brooklyn, New York, singer and songwriter
1929 Anne Frank, German-born Dutch Jewish diarist and Holocaust victim
1930 Jim Nabors, Sylacauga, Alabama, actor / singer (Gomer Pyle on The Andy Griffith Show, Gomer Pyle U.S.M.C.)
1937 Vladimir Arnold, Russian mathematician (Kolmogorov–Arnold–Moser theorem regarding the stability of integrable Hamiltonian systems, he made important contributions in several areas including dynamical systems theory, catastrophe theory, topology, algebraic geometry, classical mechanics and singularity theory)
1942 Bert Sakmann, German physiologist (Nobel / function of single ion channels in cells)
1949 Roger Aaron Brown, Washington, D.C., actor (The District, Star Trek Motion Picture, Cobra, RoboCop 2)
1950 Sonia Manzano, Linwood, New Jersey, actress and singer (Maria on Sesame Street)
1953 David Thornton, Cheraw, South Carolina, actor (Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, The Notebook, Alpha Dog, Zenith, Trophy Kids, Transfer at Aachen)
1953 Tess Gerritsen, San Diego, California, physician and author (Keeper of the Bride, The Bone Garden, Girl Missing, Last to Die, Die Again)
1958 Rebecca Holden, Dallas,Texas, actor (April Curtis on Knight Rider; General Hospital, Lycanthrope, From Venus)
1963 Tim DeKay, Ithaca, New York, actor (The Ring, Party of Five, Carnivale, Tell Me You Love Me, White Collar)
1964 Paula Marshall, Rockville, Maryland, actress (Wild Oats, Chicago Sons, Cupid, Snoops, Hidden Hills, Out of Practice, Nip/Tuck, Californication, Gary Unmarried, Murder in the First)
1970 Rick Hoffman, New York City, New York, actor (Jake in Progress, Suits, Hostel, Samantha Who?, Suits)
1974 Jason Mewes, Highlands, New Jersey, actor (Mallrats, Jay and Silent Bob, Todd and the Book of Pure Evil, Vigilante Diaries)
1985 Blake Ross, Miami, Florida, software developer, known for his work on the Mozilla web browser
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Life isn’t about getting and having, it’s about giving and being. – Kevin Kruse
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:
1864 Ulysses S. Grant gives the Confederate forces under Robert E. Lee a victory when he pulls his Union troops from their positions at Cold Harbor, Virginia and moves south.
1939 The Baseball Hall of Fame opens in Cooperstown, New York.
1942 Holocaust: Anne Frank receives a diary for her thirteenth birthday.
1967 The United States Supreme Court in Loving v. Virginia declares all U.S. state laws which prohibit interracial marriage to be unconstitutional.
1967 Venera program: Venera 4 is launched (it will become the first space probe to enter another planet’s atmosphere and successfully return data).
1978 David Berkowitz, the “Son of Sam” killer in New York City, is sentenced to 365 years in prison for six killings.
1979 Bryan Allen wins the second Kremer prize for a man powered flight across the English Channel in the Gossamer Albatross.
1994 Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman are murdered outside her home in Los Angeles, California. O.J. Simpson is later acquitted of the killings, but is held liable in wrongful death civil suit.
1994 The Boeing 777, the world’s largest twinjet, makes its first flight.
1997 Queen Elizabeth II reopens the Globe Theatre in London.
1999 Kosovo War: Operation Joint Guardian begins when a NATO-led United Nations peacekeeping force (KFor) enters the province of Kosovo in Federal Republic of Yugoslavia.
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A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, “Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.”
The mother, more that a little surprised, asked fearfully, “That’s interesting. How do you make babies?”
“It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es’.”
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The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.
Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the lens in her hand.
“How did you manage to find it, Mom?” the teenager asked.
“We weren’t looking for the same thing,” she replied.
“You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150.”
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ONE-LINERS: Going to the Dogs. . .
* The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
* Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. (Ann Landers)
* If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. (Will Rogers)
* A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. (Josh Billings)
* The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. (Andy Rooney)
* I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. (Rita Rudner)
* A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. (Robert Benchley)
* Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. (Franklin P. Jones)
* If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exercise.
* My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money. (Joe Weinstein)
* Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul — chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth! (Anne Tyler)
* Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. (Robert A. Heinlein)
* You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, “Wow! You’re right! I never
would’ve thought of that!” (Dave Barry)
* If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of
them. (Phil Pastoret)
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Tom was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge.
He turned to his wife Linda, with a look of question on his face.
“I’ll never understand why the biggest shmucks get the most attractive wives.”
His wife replies, “Why, thank you, dear!”
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At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he planned to be around for his 104th.
“I certainly do,” he replied. “Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104.”
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pic of the day: Red Roses
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
~ In chiropractic school the students talk back.
~ For a real sponge cake, borrow all the ingredients.
~ She felt she’d hiked to the top of this mountain before, but she really liked the Deja View.
~ I searched for designer compression stockings. My wife says it’s because I’m so vein.
~ “Mom, what is marriage?”
“Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting a grown male child
who cannot be handled by his parents any more.”
~ A street performer was taken to the hospital. Apparently, someone in the crowd was unhappy with his act and attacked him with pepper spray, which reacted with his white face paint and caused burns. The Doctor shook his head and said, “A mime is a terrible thing to mace.”
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You Know You Need A New Lawyer When:
– The prosecutor sees your lawyer in the hall, and they high-five each other.
– During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
– He tells you that his last good case was a “Budweiser.”
– He picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.”
– During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
– Every couple of minutes he yells, “I call Jack Daniels to the stand!” and proceeds to drink a shot.
– Just before he says “Your Honor,” he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
– Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, “Whatever.”
– He giggles every time he hears the word “briefs.”
– He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
– He begins closing arguments with, “As Ally McBeal once said…”
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LATE NIGHT QUIPS. . .
* Airlines are trying to speed boarding for busy summer months. Delta has the Early Valet who will pre-board your carry-on bag in the overhead. Southwest will board back to front by rows. United will roll a can down the aisle and shout, “Free Coke!” – Bill Williams
* It has been a crazy week in the news. Let me just tell you how weird it’s gotten. It turns out the names Lincoln Chafee and Sepp Blatter are actual people, and not horses that ran in the Belmont Stakes. – Jimmy Fallon
* If it’s a “pack” of wolves and a “murder” of crows, what do you call all these wealthy people running for U.S. president in 2016? I’m thinking an “embarrassment” of riches. – Janice Hough
* During a recent speech, Mike Huckabee said he is the only person who has fought the Clinton political machine and won. “You sure about that?” said President Barack Obama. – Jimmy Fallon
* Yesterday in Iowa just four supporters showed up to eat lunch with Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum. It’s always a bad sign when your entire voter base can fit in a deli booth. – Conan O’Brien
* There’s a Japanese online dating site that has 2.7 million registered users, and currently only one of those 2.7 million users is a woman. You just know that the second she signed up, her phone must have literally exploded. – James Corden
* Presidential hopeful Lindsey Graham, who is single, said today that if elected he will have a “rotating first lady.” Even creepier, he said it on Tinder. – Seth Meyers
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An airliner flew into a violent thunderstorm and was soon swaying and bumping around the sky.
One very nervous lady happened to be sitting next to a clergyman and turned to him. “Can’t you do something?” she demanded angrily.
“I’m sorry ma’am,” the reverend said gently, “I’m in sales, not management.”
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Trying to do my share to help the environment, I set up a trash basket at my church and posted above it this suggestion: “Empty water bottles here.”
I should have been a little more specific, because when I went to check it later, I didn’t find any bottles in it. But it was full of water.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height – Casey Stengel
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. – Michael Jordan