I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better. – Plutarch
TODAY – JULY 20th – WEDNESDAY
202nd day of 2016 with 164 to follow. Moon is full with 100% visible.
Holidays for Today:
*International Chess Day
*National Moon Day (First Man on the Moon Day: commemorates the day man first walked on the moon)
*Ugly Truck Day
*National Lollipop Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
356 BC Alexander the Great, Greek king of Macedonia and conqueror of Persia
1804 Sir Richard Owen, London, England, biologist (coined the word Dinosauria, meaning Terrible Reptile)
1822 Gregor Mendel, Austrian scientist (founded science of genetics)
1919 Sir Edmund Hillary, New Zealand mountain climber (one of 1st two men to scale MT Everest)
1924 Thomas Berger, Cincinnati, Ohio, author (Little Big Man, Neighbors, Meeting Evil)
1933 Cormac McCarthy, Providence, Rhode Island, Southern Gothic, western & post-apocalyptic author (Blood Meridian, Border Trilogy, No Country for Old Men)
1938 Diana Rigg, England, actress (Emma Peel in Avengers, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, Evil Under the Sun, Snow White, Parting Shots, The Painted Veil, Game of Thrones)
1938 Natalie Wood [Natasha Gurdin], San Francisco, California, actress (Gypsy, Rebel Without a Cause)
1947 Carlos Santana, Mexico, musician (Santana-Black Magic Woman)
1947 Gerd Binnig, Frankfurt, Germany, physicist (tunneling microscope-Nobel 1986)
1964 Dean Winters, New York City, New York, actor (Oz, John Wick, Law & Order: SVU, Battle Creek, “Mayhem” in Allstate Insurance commercials)
1964 Terri Irwin, Eugene, Oregon, naturalist (widow of Steve Irwin, Animal Planet television personality)
1975 Judy Greer, Detroit, Michigan, actress (Arrested Development, Two and a Half Men, Archer, Mad Love, Married, Ant-Man)
1978 Charlie Korsmo, Fargo, North Dakota, actor and lawyer (Dick Tracy, What About Bob, Hook)
1978 Elliott Yamin, Los Angeles, California, singer (placed 3rd on 5th season of American Idol)
1985 John Francis Daley, Wheeling, Illinois, actor (Freaks and Geeks, The Geena Davis Show, Kitchen Confidential, Bones)
1988 Julianne Hough, Provo Utah, ballroom dancer (won 4th season of Dancing With the Stars/partner speed skater Apolo Anton Ohno AND 5th season of DWTS with three-time Indianapolis 500 champion Hélio Castroneves as partner) / country singer / actress (Footloose, Rock of Ages, Dirty Grandpa)
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True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost. – Charles Caleb Colton
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:
1807 Nicéphore Niépce is awarded a patent by Napoleon Bonaparte for the Pyréolophore, the world’s first internal combustion engine, after it successfully powered a boat upstream on the river Saône in France.
1871 British Columbia becomes 6th Canadian province.
1872 Mahlon Loomis receives patent for wireless … the radio is born.
1903 Ford Motor Company shipped its first car.
1940 Billboard magazine publishes its first “Music Popularity Chart”; the first number one song is Frank Sinatra’s “I’ll Never Smile Again”.
1948 First peacetime military draft started by President Harry S. Truman in the US amid increasing tensions with the Soviet Union.
1960 Polaris missile successfully launched from submarine, the USS George Washington, for the first time.
1969 1st men on Moon, Neil Armstrong & Edwin Aldrin, Apollo 11 lands on the moon.
1976 US Viking 1 lands on Mars at Chryse Planitia, 1st Martian landing.
1977 Flash flood hits Johnstown, Pennsylvania, kills 80 & causing $350 million damage.
1995 Inventure Place, home of the National Inventors Hall of Fame, was dedicated in Akron, Ohio.
1997 The fully restored USS Constitution (a.k.a. Old Ironsides) celebrates its 200th birthday by setting sail for the first time in 116 years.
1999 Falun Gong is banned in the People’s Republic of China, and a large scale crackdown of the practice is launched.
2003 Rookie Ben Curtis, ranked 396th in the world, wins British Open, the first golfer to win a major golf tournament on his first try in more than ninety years.
2012 A gunman opens fire at a movie theater in Aurora, Colorado, as it is showing The Dark Knight Rises, killing 12 and injuring 70 others.
2015 United States and Cuba resume full diplomatic relations after five decades.
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A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Hanukkah cards.
She says to the clerk, “May I have 50 Hanukkah stamps?”
The clerk says, “What denomination?”
The woman says, “Oh my word. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.”
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Two guys get off a ship and head for the nearest bar. Each one orders two whiskeys and immediately downs them. They then order two more whiskeys and once again quickly throw them back. They then order another two whiskeys apiece.
One of them picks up one of his drinks and turning to the other man says, “Cheers!”
The other man turns to the first man and asks, “Hey, did you come here to B.S. or did you come here to drink?”
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ONE-LINERS: The Top 11 Changes at Microsoft as a Result of Antitrust Charges
11. Microsoft offices no longer providing toilet paper bearing Netscape logo.
10. Follow-up release to ‘IE4’ now being referred to internally as ‘IE,5-10, with time off for good behavior.’
9. Before devouring competitors, must now say: ‘pretty please with jam on top’
8. Cancellation of planned ad campaign: ‘You’ll think what we TELL you to think!’
7. Company United Way contributions redirected towards the ‘Let’s Buy The US Government’ fund.
6. Plans quietly tabled to begin marketing: MSFood, MSClothing and MSShelter.
5. 10:00 AM: Barksdale visits Gates’s office to sign landmark settlement agreement. 10:05 AM: Piranhas beneath trap door get some lunch.
4. Bumper stickers removed from corporate limousines which read. ‘I don’t break for software companies’
3. Kick back for a while, let loser companies catch up.
2. Now relegated to making large piles of cash, down from huge wads of cash.
1. Using honesty, humility and cooperation, allow one small competitor to show a modest profit for three straight quarters. Then when they’re lulled, club ’em to death like a baby seal.
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Shampoo alert!
As I was washing my hair in the shower this morning, I read the label on the shampoo bottle and I’m still in shock! The shampoo I use while showering, that runs down my entire body says “for extra volume and body”!
Seriously, why haven’t I noticed this before? Now I understand why I have gained so much weight…!
Tomorrow I am going to start using “Dawn” dishwashing soap. It says on the label “dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove.”
I’ll tell you one thing, “It pays to read the warning labels, my friend!”
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pic of the day: Keep Breathing!
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
Six year old Angie, and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. “You’re not suppose to talk out loud in church.”
“Why? Who’s going to stop me?” Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, “See those two men standing by the door? They’re hushers.”
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A big city lawyer was called in on a case between a farmer and a large railroad company. The farmer noticed that his prize cow was missing from the field through which the railroad passed. He filed suit against the railroad
company for the value of the cow. The case was to be tried before the Justice of the Peace in the back room of the General Store.
The attorney immediately cornered the farmer and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and the farmer finally agreed to take half of what he was claiming to settle the case. After the farmer signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn’t help but gloat a little over his success.
He said to the farmer, “You know, I hate to tell you this but I put one over on you in there. I couldn’t have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your farm that
morning. I didn’t have one witness to put on the stand.”
The old farmer replied, “Well, I’ll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself because that durned cow came home this morning!”
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What we said differently to Mom and Dad growing up:
To Mom:
I’m hungry…
I’m cold…
I’m hot…
Can I have…
I want to watch…
Where are you?
Can you ask Dad?
Can you help me…
He punched me…
She scratched me…
I want to go there…
When are we…?
Why are we…?
Why can’t we…?
To Dad:
Where’s mom?
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LATE NIGHT QUIPS. . .
* We are just a few weeks from the start of the Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro. The mayor of Rio is trying to get Pokémon Go in the city ahead of the Summer Games. So now you can go to Rio and catch two things. – Jimmy Fallon
* The mayor of Rio is pleading with Nintendo to release Pokémon Go in Brazil just in time for the Olympics. He’s even introduced Rio’s own Pokémon character, “Zikachu.” – Conan O’Brien
* A new report says that former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice recently rejected an offer from Donald Trump to be his running mate. When Trump’s people asked why she rejected the offer, she said, “For the last time, I’m Whoopi Goldberg.” – Seth Meyers
* The latest polls show that Hillary Clinton is tied with Donald Trump. Ever since the damning FBI report about Hillary Clinton’s private email servers came out, her poll numbers have not looked good. Though the truth is she may have much better numbers hidden on her private server. We don’t know. – Stephen Colbert
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A man has to take on up a sport at the advice of his doctor, so he decides to play tennis.
fter a couple of weeks his buddy asks him how he’s doing. “It’s going fine”, the manager says, “When I’m on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says: To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!”
“Really? What happens then?” his friend asks enthusiastically.
“Then my body says: Who? Me? Don’t talk nonsense!”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What did Jacques clearly invent? It was Swiss chemist Jacques Edwin Brandenberger who invented cellophane, back in 1908.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Sorry, Boss, I can’t do that. My powers can only be used for good.
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . Three Rules of Work:
1. Out of clutter, find simplicity.
2. From discord, find harmony.
3. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. – Albert Einstein