I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. ~ Charles Dickens
TODAY – DECEMBER 23rd – FRIDAY
358th day of 2016 with 8 days to follow. Moon waning with 37% visible.
Holidays for Today:
~ Festivus (from 1997 Seinfeld episode “The Strike”)
~ Human Light Celebration
~ Roots Day (Celebrate your genealogy!)
~ National Pfeffernuesse Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
1822 Sebastian Wilhelm Valentin Bauer, Bavarian pioneer inventor of submarines
1867 Madam C.J. Walker, Delta, Louisiana, philanthropist and tycoon (First of her family to be born free, first woman to became a millionaire by her own achievements/ developing and marketing line of beauty and hair products for black women)
1902 Norman Maclean, Clarinda, Iowa, author (A River Runs Through It & Other Stories, Young Men and Fire)
1926 Robert Bly, Lac qui Parle County, Minnesota, poet (Silence in the Snowy Fields)
1936 Frederic Forrest, Waxahachie, Texas, actor (Apocalypse Now, Blue Duck/Lonesome Dove, When Legends Die)
1938 Robert E(lliot) Kahn, computer scientist who co-created the packet-switching protocols that enable computers to exchange information on the Internet (Transmission Control Protocol (TCP) & Internet Protocol (IP))
1943 Elizabeth Hartman, Youngstown, Ohio, actress (A Patch of Blue, You’re A Big Boy Now, Walking Tall, Full Moon High, The Secret of NIMH)
1946 Susan Lucci, Scarsdale NY, actress (Erica Kane/All My Children, Dancing w/the Stars 7, Devious Maids)
1958 Joan Severance, Houston, Texas, actress (Lake Consequence , Criminal Passion , Payback, Accidentally Engaged)
1963 Donna Tartt, Greenwood, Mississippi, author (The Secret History, The Little Friend, The Goldfinch)
1979 Summer Altice, Fountain Valley, California, model and actress (ChromiumBlue.com, Cornered, Mr. Sophistication, Heist, EXtraction)
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Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into. – Wayne Dyer
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:
1783 George Washington resigns as commander-in-chief of the Continental Army at the Maryland State House in Annapolis, Maryland.
1913 Federal Reserve Act is signed into law by President Woodrow Wilson, creating the Federal Reserve.
1938 Discovery of the first modern coelacanth fish in South Africa.
1947 The transistor is first demonstrated at Bell Laboratories.
1954 The first human kidney transplant is performed by Dr. Joseph E. Murray at Peter Bent Brigham Hospital in Boston, Massachusetts.
1970 The North Tower of the World Trade Center in Manhattan, New York City is topped out at 1,368 feet (417 m), making it the tallest building in the world at that time.
1972 The 16 survivors of the Andes flight disaster are rescued after 73 days, having survived by cannibalism.
1986 Voyager, piloted by Dick Rutan and Jeana Yeager, lands at Edwards Air Force Base in California becoming the first aircraft to fly non-stop around the world without aerial or ground refueling.
2002 A MQ-1 Predator is shot down by an Iraqi MiG-25, making it the first time in history that an aircraft and an unmanned drone had engaged in combat.
2005 Azerbaijan Airlines Flight 217 from Baku, Azerbaijan, to Aktau, Kazakhstan crashes shortly after takeoff killing 23 people.
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Ed was a successful computer programmer and a happy family man. His life was blessed with a loving wife, 2 kids, three cats and a dog.
Ed loved taking Rusty the dog for his evening walk and was proud when his son, little Johnny, began asking to go along on Rusty’s evening walks.
Little Johnny was an observant and curious child and one evening asked his father: ‘Daddy, why does Rusty always sniff that phone pole when we take him for his walk?’
Well, Ed wasn’t sure how he should answer his son. How DOES one explain the way animals mark their territory to a 6-year-old? Stalling for time Ed asked: ‘What do you think he’s doing Johnny?’
Johnny frowned in concentration, then brightened and said: ‘I know! I Know! He’s checking his P-Mail!’
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Chris: What do snowmen like to do on the weekend?
Chrissy: What?
Chris: Chill out.
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ONE-LINERS: Thoughts About Christmas . . .
~ Dear Christmas Carolers, the only thing that can bring “Joy To The World” is a “Silent Night”.
~ A song told me to Deck the Halls…so I did. Mr.and Mrs. Hall are not very happy.
~ So when someone ask you ” Where is your Christmas Spirit?” is it so wrong to point out your liquor cabinet?
~ When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!
~ Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.
~ Dear Santa, I can explain…..
~ Remember, Christmas isn’t about how big the tree is, or what’s under it. It’s about who’s around it
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Father: Why don’t you get yourself a job?
Son: Why?
Father: So you could earn some money.
Son: Why?
Father: So you could put some money in a bank and earn interest.
Son: Why?
Father: So that when you’re old you can use the money in your bank account …and you would never have to work again.
Son: I’m not working now.
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pic of the day: MERRY CHRISTMAS!
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
Sandy Claws!
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Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
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Who doesn’t eat on Christmas?
A turkey because it is always stuffed.
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How do you know Arnold Schwarzenegger is waiting in line with you on Black Friday?
He Jingles All The Way.
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What do you call Santa’s helpers?
Subordinate clauses
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Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
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An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, “Have you ever been arrested?” He answered, “No.”
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was “Why?” The applicant answered it anyway: “Never got caught.”
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At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously. The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch. She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage.
“Look,” she said. “We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other.”
“You’re wrong,” the young man declared. “For the past five years I’ve been working in the bank where your father has his account.”
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LATE NIGHT QUIPS. . .
* Facebook is testing a new group phone call feature that will let you talk on the phone with up to 50 friends at once. If you want to try it, you go to Facebook, you click on “Features,” and then select “Living Nightmare.” – Jimmy Fallon
* More millennials are looking to get rid of extra piercings and even remove their tattoos. Researchers say it’s due to a new phenomenon occurring among millennials called turning 30. – Jimmy Fallon
* Health officials say there’s a new trend of women using marijuana during their pregnancy. This has given rise to another new trend — babies choosing to just stay in the womb and chill. – Conan O’Brien
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golden oldie… The population of this country is 237 million.
104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And you’re sitting at your computer reading jokes…
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: ~Are Coke drinkers better than Pepsi drinkers? It depends on how you define “better”. Coke drinkers are more likely to have graduated college and speak more than one language. Coke people prefer things like sushi, and might have tasted caviar. Pepsi drinkers prefer American snacks. Coke drinkers read the New York Times, while Pepsi drinkers read the USA Today. Coke drinkers are more likely to own a passport. It’s more likely that Pepsi drinkers haven’t had a vacation in 6 months. Coke drinkers are more likely to show up early to an appointment, Pepsi drinkers on time or late.
~Why do we dunk for apples? According to some sources, dunking for apples arose from a practice of divining the future. It was believed that if you could hold an apple between your teeth you would have a fulfilling romance with whomever you choose.
~How much did Minnie’s hat cost? Country comedienne Minnie Pearl always wore a hat with a price tag hanging from it when she performed. The amount ascribed on the price tag was $1.98.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. – Steven Wright
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. – Allan K. Chalmers