One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love. – Sophocles
TODAY – AUGUST 3rd – MONDAY
215th day of 2015 with 150 to follow.
The moon is waning. Morning stars are Mars, Neptune and Uranus. Evening stars Jupiter, Mercury, Saturn and Venus.
Holidays for Today:
*Airplane Crop Duster Day
*Assistance Dog Day (Monday of Assistance Dog Week)
*Esther Day
*Friendship Day (Also July 30)
*Grab Some Nuts Day
*National Psychic Day (Monday of Psychic Week)
*National Watermelon Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
1811 Elisha Graves Otis, Windham County, Vermont, businessman (Otis Elevator Co.); inventor (safety device that prevented elevators from falling if the hoisting cable broke)
1860 W. K. Dickson, Scottish inventor (devised an early motion picture camera)
1900 Ernie Pyle, Dana, Indiana, journalist/ war correspondent (WWII)
1904 Clifford D. Simak, Millville, Wisconsin, author (Minneapolis Star ‘s news editor ), Grand Master sci-fi author (Cosmic Engineers, Empire, Time and Again, Way Station, Highway of Eternity)
1909 Neal E(lgar) Miller, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, psychologist and neuroscientist (first to identify and promote biofeedback)
1915 Donald R(edfield) Griffin, Southampton, New York, biophysicist (research in animal navigation, animal behaviour, and sensory biophysics)
1920 P.D. James, Oxford, England, author (mystery – Adam Dalgliesh series)
1921 Hayden Carruth, Woodbury , Connecticut, poet and literary critic (The Voice That is Great Within Us, The Mythology of Dark & Light, Mother, The Sleeping Beauty)
1926 Tony Bennett, Queens, New York, singer (I Left my Heart in San Francisco)
1927 Gordon Scott, Portland, Oregan, actor (Tarzan movies, Zorro and the Three Musketeers, Hercules Against Moloch, Buffalo Bill)
1940 Martin Sheen, Dayton, Ohio, actor (Badlands, Apocalypse Now, Gettysburg, The Departed, The Amazing Spider-Man, The West Wing)
1941 Martha Stewart, Nutley, New Jersey, cookbook author/media personality
1950 Linda Howard, Gadsden, Alabama, author (romance/suspense series: Spencer-Nyle Co., Kell Sabin, MacKenzie, A Lady of the West, Patterson-Cannon, CIA John Medina, Blair Mallory)
1952 Jay North, Hollywood, California, actor (Dennis the Menace, Maya)
1959 John C. McGinley, New York City, New York, actor (Platoon, Se7en, The Rock, Office Space, Scrubs, Alex Cross, Get a Job, Ground Floor)
1963 Isaiah Washington, Houston, Texas, actor (Grey’s Anatomy, new Bionic Woman, Blue Caprice, The 100)
1983 Mamie Gummer, New York City, New York, actress (John Adams, The Good Wife, The Ward, Off the Map, Emily Owens, M.D.)
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Life is meant to be lived. – Eleanor Roosevelt
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
1492 Christopher Columbus sets sail from Palos de la Frontera, Spain.
1678 Robert LaSalle builds first ship in America, the Griffon.
1783 Mount Asama erupts in Japan, killing 35,000 people.
1852 First Boat Race and first American intercollegiate athletic event is between Yale University and Harvard, with Harvard University the winner.
1900 Firestone Tire & Rubber Company founded.
1914 World War I: Germany declares war against France.
1921 First aerial crop dusting used to spread lead arsenate to kill catalpa sphinx caterpillars near Troy, Ohio.
1923 Calvin Coolidge is sworn in as the 30th President of the United States in the early morning following the death of Warren G. Harding the previous day.
1934 Adolf Hitler becomes the supreme leader of Germany by joining the offices of President and Chancellor into Führer.
1936 Jesse Owens wins the 100 meter dash, defeating Ralph Metcalfe, at the Berlin Olympics.
1946 The world’s first themed amusement park, Santa Claus Land, opens in Santa Claus, Indiana.
1958 USS Nautilus begins first crossing of Arctic Ocean under ice cap.
1972 The United States Senate ratifies the Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty.
1977 Tandy Corporation announces the TRS-80, one of the world’s first mass-produced personal computers.
2004 The pedestal of the Statue of Liberty reopens after being closed since the September 11 attacks.
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The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.
“Ever have an accident?”
“Nope, nary a one.”
“None? You’ve never had any accidents.”
“Nope. Ain’t never had one. Never.”
“Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn’t you consider that an accident?”
“Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose.”
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Golden Oldie… The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. “What is your name?” was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.
“John,” the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, “Look, I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only – Smith, Jones, Baker – that’s all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?”
The new guy sighed and said, “Darling. My name is John Darling.”
“Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is…”
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ONE-LINERS : REASONS NOT TO JOIN THE EMPIRE
10. Stormtroopers are the Empire’s first line of defense.
9. All ships and installations are built around a “main reactor.”
8. Exhaust ports are big enough for proton torpedoes and always lead to the “main reactor.”
7. TIE Fighters have no shields.
6. The Emperor’s best troops were defeated by rock and stick wielding teddy bears.
5. Officers over the rank of Lieutenant have a life expectancy of two weeks.
4. Everything proceeds as the Emperor has foreseen.
3. Stormtroopers are picked for their intelligence and common sense.
2. The Emperor allows the alliance to know the location of the shield generator.
1. Bounty Hunters, We don’t need their scum!
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The tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped at the farmhouse to ask if he could be put up for the night. ‘Well, we’re a mite crowded, siknce there’s already someone in the spare room,’ replied the farmer. ‘But I guess you can stay if you don’t mind sharing the bed with a red haired schoolteacher.’
‘Look,’ said the tourist, ‘I want you to know I’m a gentleman.’
‘Well,’ mused the farmer, ‘as far as I can tell, so is the red haired schoolteacher.’
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pic of the day: Nosy Goat Kid
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
A tall weather-worn cowboy walked into the saloon and ordered a beer. The regulars quietly observed the drifter through half-closed eyelids. No one spoke, but they all noticed that the stranger’s hat was made of brown wrapping paper.
Less obvious was the fact that his shirt and vest were also made of paper. As were his chaps, pants, and even his boots, including the paper spurs. Truth be told, even the saddle, blanket and bridle on his horse were made entirely of paper.
Of course he was soon arrested for rustling.
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Dear Son,
I am writing this slow cause I know you can’t read fast.
We don’t live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happened within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won’t be able to send you the address cause the last family that lived here took the numbers with then to there next house so they wont have to change there address, I wish the I have thought of that.
This place has a small washing machine. the first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven’t seen them since.
It only rained twice this week- three days the first time and four days the second.
The coat you wanted me to send you; your aunt sue said it was too heavy to send it by mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Don’t tell anyone.
We got a bill from the funeral home, said if we didn’t make the last payment on Grandma’s funeral bill; up she comes. Luck we have a spare bedroom in the new place. We can move her when you come to visit.
About your father- he has a lovely new job. He has over 500 people under him; he is cutting grass at the cemetery.
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven’t found out if it was a boy or a girl, so I don’t know if you are a aunt or an uncle.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. One was driving two was in the back bed. The driver got out- he rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two drowned; they couldn’t get the tailgate down.
Your uncle Mike fell in the whiskey vat at work. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. He wanted to be cremated, burned for three days.
Love,
Mama
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LATE NIGHT QUIPS. . .
* A recent study shows that standing at work for long periods of time is bad for you, after earlier research indicated that sitting for too long at work is bad for you. So really the only thing we know is, work is bad for you. – Jimmy Fallon
* There’s a new study that says standing for prolonged periods of time on the job can lead to long-term back pain and musculoskeletal disorders. Which is kind of funny because for the last three years all we’ve been hearing is how bad it is to sit all day at work. Maybe the problem isn’t standing or sitting, maybe the problem is work. – Jimmy Kimmel
* A teen couple has won over $20,000 in scholarship money for making their prom outfits. They made their prom outfits entirely from duct tape. Unfortunately, they had to spend it all on hospital bills after taking the outfits off. – Seth Meyers
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I was walking down the road with my gooberette girlfriend when I saw a dog that only had one eye. I said, “Hey! Look at that dog with one eye!”
My girlfriend covered up one of her eyes and said, “Where?”
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Halfway through a romantic dinner out, my husband smiled and said, “You look so beautiful under these lights.”
I was falling in love all over again when he added, “We gotta get some of these lights.”
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Lady Astor: “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.”
Sir Winston Churchill: “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . If in our daily life we can smile, if we can be peaceful and happy, not only we, but everyone will profit from it. This is the most basic kind of peace work. – Thich Nhat Hanh