If moral behavior were simply following rules, we could program a computer to be moral. – Samuel P. Ginder
TODAY – AUGUST 27th – THURSDAY
239th day of 2015 with 126 to follow.
The moon is waxing. Morning stars are Jupiter, Mars, Neptune, Uranus and Venus. Evening stars are Mercury and Saturn.
Holidays for Today:
*Banana Lovers Day
*Just Because Day
*National Pots de Crème Day
*Lyndon Baines Johnson Day (Texas)
*Rev. Thomas H. Gallaudet, D.D. (Episcopal Church’s Calendar of Saints)
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
1858 Giuseppe Peano, Italy, mathematician (founder of mathematical logic and set theory)
1865 Charles Dawes, Marietta, Ohio, 3oth Vice President of the U.S. (Calvin Coolidge president; Nobel/ Dawes Plan for WWI reparations)
1874 Carl Bosch, Germany, chemist (pioneer in the field of high-pressure industrial chemistry and founder of IG Farben)
1875 Katharine McCormick, Dexter, Michigan, biologist, philanthropist, and activist (Funded most of research for first birth control pill)
1899 C.S. Forestor, English author (Horatio Hornblower series, The African Queen, A Ship of the Line)
1908 Lyndon B. Johnson, Stonewall, Texas, 36th President of the U.S. (1963-1965)
1915 Norman Foster Ramsey, Washington, physicist (Separated oscillatory field method)
1916 Martha Raye, Butte, Montana, actress (Never Say Die, Keep ‘Em Flying, Pufnstuf, Alice)
1929 Ira Levin, New York, New York, author, playwright, and composer (Rosemary’s Baby, This Perfect Day, The Stepford Wives, Deathtrap)
1939 William Least Heat-Moon, Kansas City, Missouri, author (Blue Highways, River-Horse, An Osage Journey to Europe)
1942 Daryl Dragon, Los Angeles, California, keyboardist (Captain & Tennille)
1943 Tuesday Weld, NYC, New York, actress (Looking for Mr. Goodbar, The Winter of Our Discontent, Once Upon a Time in America, Pretty Poison, A Safe Place, I Walk the Line, Play It As It Lays)
1947 Barbara Bach, Queens, New York, actress (The Spy Who Loved Me, Force 10 from Navarone)
1949 Jeff Cook, Fort Payne, Alabama, musician (Alabama)
1961 Yolanda Adams, Houston, Texas, singer (gospel), author (Points of Power)
1969 Cesar Millan, Mexican-born American dog trainer (The Dog Whisperer)
1969 Chandra Wilson, Houston, Texas, actress (Grey’s Anatomy)
1979 Aaron Paul, Emmett, Idaho, actor (Big Love, Breaking Bad, BoJack Horseman)
1988 Alexa Vega, Miami, Florida, actress and singer (Spy Kids, Ruby & the Rockits, The Tomorrow People)
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“I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing in a person.” ― Audrey Hepburn
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:
1776 The Battle of Long Island: in what is now Brooklyn, New York, British forces under General William Howe defeat Americans under General George Washington.
1832 Black Hawk, leader of the Sauk tribe of Native Americans, surrenders to U.S. authorities, ending the Black Hawk War.
1859 Petroleum is discovered in Titusville, Pennsylvania leading to the world’s first commercially successful oil well.
1861 Union forces attack Cape Hatteras, North Carolina.
1939 First flight of the turbojet-powered Heinkel He 178, the world’s first jet aircraft.
1962 The Mariner 2 unmanned space mission is launched to Venus by NASA.
2003 Mars makes its closest approach to Earth in nearly 60,000 years, passing 34,646,418 miles (55,758,005 km) distant.
2003 The first six-party talks, involving South and North Korea, the United States, China, Japan and Russia, convene to find a peaceful resolution to the security concerns as a result of the North Korean nuclear weapons program.
2006 Comair Flight 5191 crashes on takeoff from Blue Grass Airport in Lexington, Kentucky bound for Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport in Atlanta, Georgia. Of the passengers and crew, 49 of 50 are confirmed dead in the hours following the crash.
2011 Hurricane Irene strikes the United States east coast, killing 47 and causing an estimated $15.6 billion in damage.
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Joe’s chemistry teacher wanted to teach his ninth grade class a lesson on the evils of liquor so he produced a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. “Observe” he told his class as he began to put one of the worms in the glass of water. This worm swam about freely and looked as happy as can be. He then put the second worm in the glass of whiskey and it to swam about for a moment but then started to shake and fell to the bottom dead.
“Now” he asked “What lesson can we learn from this experiment?”
“That’s easy,” replied Joe. “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms!”
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My husband works as a service technician for a large exterminating company.
One of the rules of the company is that he has to confirm each appointment by phone the night before his service call to that household.
One evening he made such a call, and when a man answered the phone, he said, “Hi, this is Gary from A to Z Pest Control Company. Your wife phoned us.”
There was a long silence, and then my husband heard the man on the other end say, “Honey, it’s for you….someone wants to talk to you about your relatives.”
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ONE-LINERS: More “Ever Wonder?” Thoughts. . .
~ If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
~ Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
~ I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
~ I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
~ Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?
~ If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
~ You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
~ No one ever says, “It’s only a game,” when their team is winning.
~ Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?
~ If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
~ Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
~ If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
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There is an old story about the data center of the future.
This data center runs 24/7 with only a man and a dog.
The man’s job is to feed the dog.
The dog’s job is to make sure the man does not touch the computer.
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A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a small boy tying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the doorbell is just out of his reach.
After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a ring.
Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man?”
To which the boy turns and yells, “Now we run!”
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pic of the day: Black Butterfly on Joe Pye Weed
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
It turns out that the “Old King Cole” of nursery rhyme fame is loosely based on a 14th century ruler.
The slightly mad monarch is best known for his decree that the entire fiefdom’s crop of lettuce be diced and drenched in mayonnaise.
He called it, of course, Cole’s Law.
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Top Ten Canadian Complaints Against Americans
1. Won’t acknowledge enormous cultural contributions of Howie Mandel.
2. We’re pretty sure they’re holding Wayne Gretzky down there against his will.
3. Every time we mention the city “Regina,” they won’t stop giggling.
4. Incredibly, they only have one word for “snow”
5. In American encyclopedias, Canada is often called “North Dakota’s gay neighbor”
6. They call it American cheese, even though it was invented by Canadian superstar Gordon Lightfoot
7. They’ve never even heard of our most popular superhero, Captain Saskatchewan
8. Two words: “Weird Al”
9. Get all confused when we ask a question that ends with “eh?”
10. Not enough guys named “Gordie”
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LATE NIGHT QUIPS. . .
* Today China’s stock market went down 8 percent and France and Germany’s both went down 5 percent. When asked for comment Greece said, “boo-hoo.” – Conan O’Brien
* A 108-year-old message in a bottle washed up on a beach in Europe. Actually, it wasn’t a message, it was Larry King’s to-do list. – Conan O’Brien
* Donald Trump had a rally at a football stadium in Mobile, Alabama, after planning to have it in a hotel ballroom. It got too big for the ballroom, so they moved it to the convention center. It got too big for the convention center, so they moved it to a football stadium. Apparently the strategy of saying whatever crazy thing pops into your head is really paying off for him. – Jimmy Kimmel
* Jeb Bush has photo shopped a photo for an ad which gives him a black left hand and a much different looking body. Jeb just can’t get it right. I wonder if his black hand handshake is different from the white hand handshake. – Jimmy Kimmel
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We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance.
At one point, our minister had the children gather at the altar for a talk about the importance of the day. He began by asking, “Does anyone know what the bishop does?”
There was silence. Finally, one little boy answered gravely, “He’s the one you can move diagonally.”
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Three Irishmen, drunk as can be, come staggering down the street singing Danny Boy at the top of their lungs. They stopped in front of Flaherty’s house still singing. After a few minutes, the window flies open and Mrs. Flaherty yells out, “Why don’t you drunken sots go somewhere else?!”
“Are you Mrs. Flaherty?” asks one of the drunks.
“You know I am,” she says.
“Well, can you tell us which one of us is your husband so the other two can go home?”
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QUIP OF THE DAY: “If going to church makes you a Christian, does going to the garage make you a car?”
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . “For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson