Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by its breathtaking moments. – Michael Vance
TODAY – FEBRUARY 6th – MONDAY
37th day of 2017 with 328 days to follow. Moon is waxing with 76% visible.
Holidays for Today:
*Lame Duck Day
*National Chopsticks Day
*Ronald Reagan Day (California)
*Celebration of Chocolate Month
*National Fondue Month
*National Hot Breakfast Month
*Sweet Potato Month
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
1756 Aaron Burr, Newark, New Jersey, politician and 3rd Vice President of the United States (dueled with & killed Alexander Hamilton), tried of treason but acquitted
1833 James Ewell Brown “J.E.B.” Stuart, Virginia, Civil War figure (Confederate States Army Calvary Commander)
1895 Babe Ruth, Baltimore, Maryland, American major League baseball player (prolific hitter)
1911 Ronald Reagan, Tampico, Illinois, 40th President of the United States (33rd Governor of California from 1967-1976), actor (Dark Victory, Knute Rockne All American, Bedtime for Bonzo, Prisoner of War)
1917 Zsa Zsa Gábor, Hungarian-born actress (Lovely to Look At, Moulin Rouge)
1929 Colin Murdoch, Christchurch, New Zealand, pharmacist (invented tranquilizer gun)
1939 Mike Farrell, St. Paul, Minnesota, actor (Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt on M*A*S*H, Providence, The Red Road)
1940 Tom Brokaw, Webster, South Dakota, NBC news anchorman and author (The Greatest Generation)
1941 Spencer Silver, San Antonio, Texas, chemist (with Arthur Fry invented Post-it notes in 1970)
1945 Bob Marley, Jamaican musician (reggae)
1950 Natalie Cole, Los Angeles, California, R&B singer
1977 Josh Stewart, Diana, West Virginia, actor (Third Watch, Dirt, Criminal Minds, No Ordinary Family)
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If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it. – Marcus Aurelius
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:
1820 The American Colonization Society sponsored a settlement in present-day Liberia with the first 86 African American immigrants.
1862 The U.S. Navy gives the Union its first victory of the American Civil War, capturing Fort Henry, Tennessee in the Battle of Fort Henry.
1899 The Treaty of Paris, a peace treaty between the United States and Spain to end the Spanish-American War, is ratified by the United States Senate.
1922 The Washington Naval Treaty is signed in Washington, D.C., limiting the naval armaments of United States, Britain, Japan, France, and Italy.
1933 The 20th Amendment to the United States Constitution, establishing the beginning and ending of the terms of the elected federal offices, goes into effect.
1951 A Pennsylvania Railroad passenger train, The Broker, derails near Woodbridge Township, New Jersey. The accident kills 85 people and injures over 500 more. The wreck is one of the worst rail disasters in American history.
1959 The first patent for an integrated circuit is filed by Jack Kilby of Texas Instruments.
1998 Washington National Airport is renamed Ronald Reagan National Airport.
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A man asked his wife, “What would you most like for your birthday?”
“I’d love to be ten again,” she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear-everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald’s they went, where her husband ordered a Big Mac for her along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie-the latest Star Wars epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?”
One eye opened. “You idiot, I meant my dress size.”
The moral of this story is, If a woman speaks and a man is there to hear her, he will get it wrong anyway.
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“Doctor, I’d like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son.”
“OK: He’s suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery.”
“How can you say all that without even meeting him?”
“I thought you said he’s 13?”
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ONE-LINERS:
~I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2 x 4 and a box of 3 x 5’s. The clerk said, “ten-four.”
~I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. He hates New York.
~A beautiful woman moved in next door so I went over and returned a cup of sugar. “You didn’t borrow this,” she said. I replied, “I will.”
~The sun got confused about daylight savings. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
~”Now son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs.”
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A woman walks into the Mississippi welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.
“WOW!” the social worker exclaims. “Are they all yours?”
“Yep, they are all mine,” the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.
She says, “Sit down Leroy.” All the children rush to find seats.
“Well,” says the social worker, “then you must be here to sign up. I’ll need all your children’s names.”
“Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named ‘Leroy’ and the girls are all named ‘Leighroy’.”
In disbelief, the case worker asked, “Are you serious? They’re ALL named Leroy?”
Their momma replied, “Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it’s time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yells, ‘Leroy!’ An when it’s time for dinner, I just yells ‘Leroy!’ an they all comes a runnin’. An’ if I need to stop the kid who’s running into the street, I just yells ‘Leroy’ and all of them stop. It’s the smartest idea I ever had, namin’ them all Leroy.”
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, “But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?”
“Then I calls ’em by their last names.”
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pic of the day: Glacier Bay in Alaska
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
Lawyer cross-examining witness: “Were you aware that both the FBI and the IRS intended to investigate this CPA, starting ASAP?”
“Not initially.”
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The DA stared at the jury, unable to believe the “not guilty” verdict he’d just heard. Bitterly, he asked, “What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?”
The foreman answered, “Insanity.”
The attorney responded, still incredulous, “I could understand that. But, all twelve of you?”
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College meals are generally unpopular with those who have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason.
“What kind of pie do you call this?” asked one student indignantly to the cafeteria attendant.
“What’s it taste like?” asked the cook.
“Glue!”
“Then it’s apple pie. The plum pie tastes like soap.”
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Little Johnny asked his Grandma how old she was.
Grandma answered, “39 and holding.”
Johnny thought about that and then asked: “And how old would you be if you let go?
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Morris and his wife Maggy went to the state fair every year and every year Morris would say, “Maggy, I’d like to ride in that airplane.”
Maggy always replied, “I know Morris, but that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars.”
One year Morris and Maggy went to the fair and Morris said, “Maggy, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t ride that airplane I might never get another chance.”
Maggy replied, “Morris, that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 is dollars is 50 dollars.”
The pilot overheard them and said, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won’t charge you; but if you say one word it’s 50 dollars.”
Morris and Maggy agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, “By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.”
Morris replied, “Well, I was gonna say something when Maggy fell out, but 50 dollars is 50 dollars.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What is National Lame Duck Day? This day recognizes the ratification of the 20th Amendment to the United States Constitution or the Lame Duck Amendment. The term “lame duck” originated as a description of stock brokers in 1700s England who could not pay off their debts. The name later carried over to those in business who, while known to be bankrupt, would continue to do business.
In politics a lame duck is a person currently holding a political office who was not in position to be elected again, whether they didn’t choose to run, lost, or weren’t up for re-election due to a term limit.
Before the 20th Amendment was ratified, there was for Congress a 13-month delay between election day and the day the newly elected officials took office. In the case of a lame duck, this was a 13 month notice his or her job was terminating crippling their influence. Hence the ‘lame’ or injured duck.
During this time, the President or Congress no longer has to worry about whether the people will re-elect them, so could pass any kind of legislation they wanted without fear of reprisal (not getting re-elected).
The 20th Amendment changed the date the newly elected president took office from March 4th to January 20th to help shorten this time when politicians can make changes without worrying about the consequences.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: How to prepare Tofu:
1. Throw it in the trash
2. Grill some meat
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with what happens to him. – Aldous Huxley