Almost to the end! Only one more chapter after this!
Archive Of Our Own Link
Chapter 10
***Find My Way Back by Eric Arjes
“Tommy.”
Laurel exhaled his name, like an answer to a question, as she lingered in the space between dreaming and waking. She felt the pressure of Tommy’s hand in hers, gripping her tightly, pulling her the rest of the way. Very slowly she opened her eyes.
“Hi,” Tommy whispered. His eyes were bloodshot and exhausted, a stubble already beginning to prickle around his chin from lack of shaving.
“Hi,” Laurel answered with a dreamy smile. She winced as the pain from the surgical wound came flooding in.
“We’ll get you something for the pain,” Oliver offered, standing in the corner.
Laurel looked over at him and smiled, “Didn’t see you there.”
“I’m sneaky like that,” Oliver answered with a wink.
The door burst open and Captain Lance came rushing into. His eyes fell upon Laurel, and seeing her conscious, he breathed a sigh of relief.
“Hi Daddy,” Laurel whispered.
Quentin rushed to her bedside, and Tommy moved away so he could have a moment. Quentin kissed Laurel on the forehead and said, “You can’t scare me like that, baby.”
“Don’t worry, Dad. I’m not going anywhere,” Laurel reassured.
Quentin nodded and said, “I’ll go get the doctor.”
“Is Felicity here?” Oliver asked hopefully.
“She’s parking the car. I didn’t really let her slow down. Practically jumped out while the car was still moving,” Quentin answered.
Laurel laughed and then immediately moaned from the pain.
“Right. Doctor,” Quentin said. He kissed Laurel again and said, “I love you, Laurel.”
“I love you too, Dad.”
Tommy was standing in the corner and Quentin paused to look him up and down.
“So… you’re back.”
Tommy shrugged a little, “Yeah. I’m back.”
“This uh… pit thing. It brought you back from the dead?”
“Yes.”
Quentin cleared his throat, “Do you think… could it do the same for Sara?”
Laurel looked at Tommy in alarm.
Thinking quickly, Tommy answered, “I’m sorry, sir, but the Lazarus Pit was destroyed shortly after I was resurrected. It was the only one of its kind.”
Lance was crestfallen. Oliver stepped forward and said, “Let’s get that doctor. Okay, Captain?”
Quentin nodded silently, and the two men made their way out of the room.
“Ollie?” Laurel called out.
Oliver paused and faced her, “Yeah?”
“I just wanted to say thank you.”
Confused, Oliver stepped toward her, “For what?”
Laurel looked softly at Tommy, “For saving the love of my life.”
Tommy looked at Laurel in surprise, and Oliver smiled softly at them.
“Sure. It’s the least I could do. That’s what friends are for, right?”
Laurel smiled back at him as she answered, “Right.”
Oliver and Lance stepped into the hallway, giving Laurel and Tommy some privacy. Quentin wavered a bit, and Oliver immediately reached for his forearm, grasping it tightly. Instinctively, Quentin grasped Oliver’s forearm back and held on for dear life.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah… it’s just…”
“You need to breathe, Captain Lance,” Oliver said.
Lance took a few deep breaths and said, “She’s my baby girl. You know? I… already lost Sara. I couldn’t take losing Laurel too.”
“She’s going to be okay.”
Captain Lance nodded in agreement and let go of Oliver’s arm, “I know. I’m gonna go find the doc.”
***Light Me Up by Ingrid Michaelson
As Captain Lance walked down the hall, Oliver leaned against the wall, closed his eyes and exhaled. And then…
Click, click, click.
He opened his eyes just as Felicity rounded the corner. Immediately, their eyes locked and Felicity froze. She leaned against the nurse’s desk for support, overwhelmed with relief when she saw Oliver was okay. For a moment, neither of them moved, but then Felicity started walking towards Oliver slowly.
“My father… did he hurt you?”
Oliver shook his head no silently, unable to speak.
“Laurel? Is she – “
“She’s okay.”
Oliver’s confirmation unleashed the flood of words she was holding back. Everything she wanted to tell him, but couldn’t. There weren’t any catastrophes to stop. No one’s life was in peril. No enemies to vanquish. Oliver’s focus was entirely on her, and for the first time in days, Felicity felt that was exactly where his focus needed to be. She capitalized on the moment of peace and began to babble uncontrollably.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to tell you like that. Yell at you that is. Or tell you while my father was choking you to death. Although… I’ve been reading some books and apparently the yelling could be a thing because of the hormones. So maybe get prepared. There may also be tears. I wanted to tell you in the bunker, but I just…. and then we… well, you know, and then you left to save Thea and it was all life in peril and then your life was actually in peril. I sort of panicked. But I had other plans! Or potential plans. I thought maybe I’d make you diner with all baby-sized food. See if you guessed? Although, you should be the one to cook, because I would probably burn it, which would defeat the point. I considered Pictionary. In retrospect, I think I was overly focused on a guessing theme. Maybe I should have just wrapped up an ultrasound like they do on YouTube, but then I didn’t want to go to an ultrasound without you. Maybe surprise was the wrong way to go. The baby is a big enough surprise. I just wanted to make it special because I know we didn’t plan this. I know this is crazy, and I totally understand if you –”
Oliver started striding toward Felicity mid babble, every step confident and purposeful. Once he reached her, Oliver swept Felicity up into his arms, hugging her tight. The shock of suddenly being airborne caused Felicity to audibly gasp. She wrapped her arms tightly around Oliver’s neck as he twirled her around and buried his face into her neck.
Felicity whispered, “So… I take this to mean you’re happy?”
Oliver pulled back and looked at Felicity tenderly, tears shining in his eyes, “I have never been happier.”
As Oliver set her down gently, Felicity smiled with relief. Diggle was right. Feeling Oliver’s arms around her, hearing his voice and seeing his joy erased all her worries and fears in an instant. She didn’t need to know everything. They would figure this out together.
Oliver wiped the tears from her cheeks as she said, “Good because I’m happy too. I’m very happy…”
Her words died on her lips as Oliver cupped her face and softly kissed her. They held each other, in the hospital hallway, melting together as their breath became one. The last time Oliver kissed her in this place they were being pulled apart. By life. By circumstance. By choice. Oliver kissed Felicity that first time out of need. Words could no longer convey what he felt for her, and he needed her to know. To feel his love just once. But Oliver also kissed Felicity out of desperation. He wanted to hold onto her, to the dream, he felt slipping away.
This was the dream. This life. And the life they would create together.
Oliver took his time kissing his wife and the mother of his child. Nothing could pull him away. Not now… not ever. They were one… in a way Oliver had never felt before, in a way he didn’t even know was possible until now.
***Tell Me You Love Me by Boy Epic
“Thank you for lying to my father about the Lazarus Pit. He would do anything to get Sara back, but I could never do that to her,” Laurel sadly said.
“I understand, Laurel. I know a little something about fathers sacrificing themselves to save their children from the pit,” Tommy added morosely. “It’s a hell I wouldn’t wish on anyone.”
Laurel grabbed his hand, “Merlyn?”
Tommy nodded silently. Laurel took a deep breath as she absorbed what Malcolm did and what Tommy had to do. Tommy couldn’t even look Laurel in the eyes.
“You really want to be with a guy who killed his own father?”
“Yes,” Laurel answered confidently. “Tommy look at me.”
Tommy complied and Laurel continued, “You were surviving. There is no blame in that.”
Tommy was silent.
“Sometimes we hold onto the pieces of ourselves too tightly. Sometimes letting go is the only way of moving forward.”
“What do you mean?”
“Inside my jacket. There’s something I want to show you.”
Tommy complied and reached for Laurel’s Black Canary jacket resting on the side table.
Fumbling around a bit, Tommy muttered, “Why are there so many buckles?”
Laurel smiled and said, “Inside pocket, silly.”
Tommy slipped his hand into a small pocket inside the jacket and pulled out the photograph.
“What is this?” Tommy asked.
“It’s a picture I gave Oliver just before he left on the Queen’s Gambit.”
Tommy looked crestfallen and Laurel winced, “Oh god. Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. Sara took that picture, Tommy.”
“Sara?”
“I didn’t remember until she… until just now. It was one of the last happy memories of Sara that I had before she left on the Queen’s Gambit.”
“So… the picture Oliver kept of you, all those years, is one your sister took?”
Laurel nodded.
“That’s messed up.”
Laurel burst out laughing, “That’s what I said when Sara….” her laughter died down, and she quickly finished, “Never mind.”
“It’s a beautiful picture, Laurel. You look happy,” Tommy said softly, gently running his finger over it.
“I was happy,” Laurel paused and took a deep breath, “I know you’re worried that I’m holding onto Oliver, but it’s not about him. Or at least not in the way you think.”
“So I’ve been told,” Tommy answered. Laurel raised an eyebrow and he explained, “Oliver may have said something.”
“Ah, well… even though I hate to admit when he’s right….”
“I wouldn’t tell him. Better to not encourage him,” Tommy joked.
Laurel smiled, but then she grew serious as she said, “My whole life was defined by being Sara’s sister. It was always my barometer for knowing who I was. She was wild. I was responsible. She was free and I was…”
“Obsessive compulsive?” Tommy offered with a wink.
Laurel hit him, “I was going to go with structured.” She continued, “I moved my life like a magnet against hers, and when she was gone… I didn’t know what to do. I suppose I still don’t. I became the Black Canary to honor her, but I think I wanted to hold on to her too. So, I know who I am. It meant I held onto everything, including the not so good parts.”
“Such as?”
“Oliver.”
“Then why did you choose him?”
Laurel said, “I chose him because I thought I loved him. I’m an addict, Tommy, and booze isn’t my only one. I was addicted to the pain and the misery. For a long time I thought that’s how love should be, but…” she took a deep breath, “but then you came along, and you changed everything for me. I was… I am… happy with you, and it scared me.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t consciously realize it until tonight, but it felt like I was letting a piece of Sara go. Like I was forgetting about her. So I ruined it,” Laurel paused and then said quietly, “But if I am being honest, that’s not the only reason.”
“What’s the other one?”
“I’d been rejected by Oliver so many times it felt good to finally be ‘the one’.”
“Well… you’d waited a long time for it. I don’t blame you.”
“I blame me. I convinced myself that Oliver would make me happy, when deep down, I knew we were never going to match the picture I had in my head.” Laurel took Tommy’s hand, “But with you, Tommy, it’s not a picture. It’s real. You make me laugh. You make me dance. I drink tequila until 2 am with you and have omelets the next morning. When I’m with you… I’m living. And it doesn’t have anything to do with Sara or Oliver. I’m just me. I’m enough.”
“You always were,” Tommy whispered softly. “You always will be.”
He started to hand the photo back to Laurel, but she shook her head and refused it, “No, I want you to keep it.”
“Why?”
A tear fell down Laurel’s face as she said, “For so long I’ve wanted to go back to that girl in the picture, the girl who dreamed about her future, who didn’t know the pain of loss. I thought Oliver was my way back, but I know now it doesn’t have anything to do with going back. It’s about moving forward. I am that girl with you, Tommy. You are my path. I’m not choosing you because you’re all that’s left. I am choosing you because you are all I want. I cannot tell you how sorry I am for ever making you doubt it. But I promise I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”
Tommy shook his head, “I don’t know if I’m that guy anymore, Laurel. I think I’m too broken to be that guy ever again.”
“I’m broken too. I think that’s why we work. Somehow our broken pieces fit together. I don’t need you to be the same man. I will take any piece of you I can have and the rest… we’ll just figure out it as we go.”
“I don’t even know where to start.”
“We can start small. Perhaps gainful employment?”
Her eyes twinkled and Tommy couldn’t help but smile. He glanced down at his ring and said, “Well… I am leading a global network of assassins now.”
“Does it come with dental?”
There was a beat between them, and then they dissolved into laughter.
Tommy ran his hand through Laurel’s hair, brushing it from her face, “Maybe something simpler.”
“Such as?”
Tommy kissed Laurel’s hand and said, “A house?”
Laurel took a sharp breath in as the tears sprang into her eyes. Her voice breaking she asked, “And kids?”
Tommy nodded, his eyes now shining with tears, “Yeah. I think two for sure.”
“Two sounds perfect,” Laurel whispered. She took a deep breath and squeezed Tommy’s hand tightly as she said, “I love you, Tommy Merlyn.”
***Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell
Tommy bent over and kissed Laurel softly. After they broke away, Tommy wrapped his arms around Laurel and hugged her tightly. He whispered in her ear, “I love you too.”
Suddenly, Tommy felt Laurel go limp in his arms as he held her. Her hands slid from his neck and flopped helplessly at her sides.
“Laurel?” Tommy asked, a hint of fear in his voice. He pulled away slightly to look at her. “Laurel… honey? Come on Laurel wake up.”
He set her back down on the bed and felt for a pulse. The panic seized his heart like a vice grip when he felt none and Tommy began to scream.
Oliver and Felicity were celebrating their good news with Diggle and Thea in the hospital hallway. Captain Lance was rounding the corner with the doctor.
“Somebody help me! She’s not breathing! Somebody help!”
Tommy’s cries echoed down the hall and the doctor immediately began to run as the nurses rushed into the room. Captain Lance, Oliver, Felicity, Diggle and Thea were close behind. The nurses pushed Tommy out of the way as they frantically began to administer CPR.
There was nothing, but stillness. Laurel couldn’t hear the pandemonium in the room even though she could see it. It was as if there was a veil separating her from everyone. Laurel felt disoriented and searched frantically around the room. She caught her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was dark brown again, and she was dressed in a simple blue pant suit like the one she wore the night Sara died.
And there, standing in the doorway, was Sara.
“I don’t understand what’s happening! What is going on?” Laurel demanded from her sister.
“You’re dying, Laurel,” Sara answered.
Laurel shook her head and watched as a nurse beat against her chest. Then stepped away as the doctor defibrillated. Her body jumped as the jolt of electricity ran through her body, but Laurel didn’t feel anything.
“No… no that’s not… that’s…,” Laurel stammered as she watched the nurse increase the charge. Her body jumped again, but her heart remained flat line. “Did you know this was going to happen, Sara?”
Sara shook her head, “No. I didn’t.”
“This isn’t suppose to happen. I chose to live. I chose Tommy!” Laurel shouted angrily.
“I told you, Laurel. Sometimes death chooses for you,” Sara explained simply.
The doctor pronounced time of death. He began to explain about the aneurysm, but Tommy couldn’t listen. He collapsed onto the floor and began to sob. Felicity fell into a shocked Oliver’s arms, and Diggle consoled Thea. Very slowly, Captain Lance approached Laurel’s body. He picked her up gently and began to rock her back and forth in his arms. There were no words, no sound as Captain Lance began to cry. He could only offer a silent scream.
“I just told him I loved him and now…” Laurel whispered in tears. “I don’t understand. Why did I even get to come back?”
Laurel felt Sara’s arms wrap around her waist. Sara’s chin pressed gently over Laurel’s shoulder as they looked upon their friends and family. Somehow the weight of her sister’s arms around her steadied Laurel. Certainty became her anchor. She didn’t have to ask why. She just… knew.
“To tell him,” Laurel whispered, almost to herself, as she looked at Tommy as he cried.
“Yes,” Sara affirmed.
“Thank you for being here,” Laurel whispered.
“I didn’t want you to be lonely.”
Laurel nodded gratefully and squeezed her sister tighter. She gripped Sara’s arms and took a deep breath as she felt the last tether to life break. The stillness of her surroundings finally took hold within her. There was no fear, doubt or anger. There was only love and the peace that came with knowing she had no regrets.