By Kim Beair, MS, LPC, NCC & Dr. Kara Beair, DO
Inspiring Strategies for Success by Friends and Experts You Can Trust
Discipline – hardly the word anyone wants to think about for the lazy days of summer. Summer can be a great time to relax and still get kids started on a fun and productive plan of discipline that leaves everybody – especially parents saying, “Thanks! I needed that!”
Sometimes this plan can appear to be overwhelming to start with, but it is actually very easy to do, and parents and kids alike report it takes almost all the stress out of family expectations and makes work a little more fun. This plan stirs up motivation in even the most lethargic of kiddos.
How does it work? With a little creativity and savvy on the part of all family members.
First, determine your ability to “pay” for rewards, and weigh that against your kids’ “currency.”
If you are able to give an allowance, determine how much you want to pay each week (or are already spending on them). Then assign “activities” that serve to earn that allowance PAID EACH DAY.
If you cannot afford allowance, “pay” kids in “currency” that is better suited to your own family. Do they like to have friends over for playdates or campouts? Use that as payment for kids’ services rendered. Do you allow them to go to movies or other summer activities? Then pay them that way. Payment has to be based on what motivates THEM – not YOU!
Now, find jobs your kids LIKE to do – give them a couple of chores that they enjoy. One kid might LOVE to mow – give that kid that job. Another might LOVE to do laundry – assign that kid that job. Next, determine their bad habits that drive you nuts, and add that to each individual kid’s list. For instance, if Jessica has a habit of leaving her dishes in the family room, put picking up dishes on her list. If Sam leaves his clothes in the main bathroom after his shower, put picking up his mess on his list. You can see how each kid will have a different list.
Whether you give an allowance or use another form of “payment,” make the kids earn the money you would normally spend on them. So when it comes to doing something fun, THEY have earned the money to pay for it. Figure out what you spend on the kids’ activities each week, and put that amount of money in your plan. If you cannot give actual money, assign the activities a dollar amount, and then set a dollar amount for their rewards. Having a sleepover with one friend might equal $20.00 dollars earned, as an example. Make a chart for earning the sleepovers, campouts, or whatever, so they know what their “money” is working toward.
A critical factor is the PAY AS YOU GO plan. So, go to the bank, and stock up on $1.00 bills, or make play money or coupons if you don’t want the bank hassle. They can trade in tokens when you pay for something on their behalf. Use pennies, Popsicle sticks, toothpicks – whatever you like. Each kid needs a token jar so they can see tangible progress each day. Ensure they keep their jars locked up so other kids aren’t tempted to “borrow” from each other without telling. If they don’t keep it locked up, and tokens disappear – their mistake – no do overs, no family stressors.
Pay them daily for the day BEFORE. Make a daily “invoice” sheet, and each morning when they wake up, they have the money or tokens laid out on top of their invoice sheet, paid for what they did the previous day. No talking, no yelling, no arguments, just immediate rewards – or not!
Do NOT bug or remind kids to do the chores. If they don’t accomplish what is on the chart, simply do it yourself – in essence, your child is now paying YOU out of her money to be her maid. In order for no confusion – let your kiddo know which clock in the house you will be going by, and even one minute over is too late. Make the kids check off their lists each day when their tasks are complete. If they do not complete them – YOU go to the fridge and check them off immediately at the correct time – this is critical. You don’t want them doing a job an hour late without permission and then getting paid for it!
CAUTION: Never give any chores or activities that another person or animal is dependent upon. For instance, if you don’t want to feed the family dog at 5:00pm, and you know your child isn’t going to do it, pick another chore. The last thing you want to do is drag others into the issues of one child. Don’t allow kids to earn for a family event; that means the family will ultimately suffer in the long run, when a kid does not get to attend.
Show them this article, and let them be a part of the planning – just remember, you are the “employer,” so to speak, so you are the final word in any plan that is made. Have a weekly family meeting to go over the plan, and adjust if it just isn’t practically working for your family.
Here are a couple of examples to consider. There is no cookie cutter plan for families.
Here is a plan for Sarah, who loves to do the dishes and take out trash (easy guaranteed money for her), but who leaves her shoes and toys all over the house. You spend approximately $35 on her activities a week. She is 12 and does not have a cell phone yet. Each day accounts for earning $5.00. Here is what her daily invoice cheat sheet looks like. Print it out, and have the blank one on the refrigerator each day.
Sarah’s Jobs Date ______
Doing dishes by 8:00 pm = $1.00
Take out trash each day by 9:00 pm = $1.00
Puts shoes in room when off feet = $1.00
Puts personal items in room when not in use = $1.00
Feed dog by 5:00pm daily = $1.00
TOTAL : ______
Now, Eric is 16 and has a cell phone that you pay for. His cell phone costs 30.00 each month, so you want to incorporate that money into his daily plan – he has to pay you each day for his cell phone privilege. Let’s say you also pay his car insurance, and that is 30.00 per month. Add that in as well. You also calculate spending $70.00 each week for his entertainment, as he is not allowed to work. Here is what Eric’s sheet might look like. Perhaps you give him a couple of jobs he likes for $1.00 each day, to ensure he meets his cell and insurance requirement. Do not give him that cash – just give him “credit” as a paid benefit. He LOVES to mow and weed-eat the lawn, as well as walk and feed the family dog. He leaves athletic equipment all over the house after use, and it stinks. He does not keep his room clean. Timing goes by cell phone time, as all cells have the same time on them. Here is what his sheet might look like; he needs to earn $12.00 each day – if he doesn’t do the loved and easy chores, the first money taken off the top is for cell phone and insurance.
Eric’s Jobs Date ______
Lawn care before Wednesday each week earns $1.00 per day, for 7 days.
(No cash; earns money for cell phone)
Feed and Walk Dog each day
($1.00 no cash – insurance pmt)
Wash your own clothes each night by 10:00pm = $4.00
Wash, dry, put in room by 10:00pm
Bedroom picked up by 10:00pm = $4.00
Wipe down vanity, toilet and floor of main bath each day before 10:00am = $2.00
TOTAL: ______
One last issue: backsliders – there is still hope!
Will there be times kids’ won’t earn their money, and it would be important for them to be able to earn it back? Yes!
Make a “make-up” chore list, and put jobs on it that are the ones YOU hate the most or that are horribly disgusting. You can add to or change this list at ANY time! This list could also be used to get out of a grounding or other punishment for conduct outside your daily lists. The items on this should be such that each kid does not WANT to do the jobs but will if they have to.
The only way kids can “make-up” lost earnings, is if they have met an average 75% of their daily chores (yep – you guessed it – that means you have to keep the copies of their daily sheets, filed, where you can find them).
Maybe this is the only way to also get out of a grounding or other punishment/consequence – if they have completed 75% of chores each week, they have the privilege of using said list to earn their way out of the dog house!
These “make-up” jobs need to be YOUR choice, not theirs, and in YOUR time frame. Kids also need to be told the “opportunity” to make up money is a privilege, not a right, and they must accomplish these tasks to YOUR specifications, or they do not earn the money.
Get creative for each child within the family. You might see stressors disappear and good habits increase. Best of summer luck!
Dr. Kara Beair, DO, is a Resident Physician in Internal Medicine/Pediatrics at the University Of Oklahoma School Of Community Medicine.
Kim Bear, MS, LPC, NCC, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Oklahoma and National Certified Counselor.
DISCLAIMER: The information presented in this email or blog and any related links is provided for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes only. You must never consider any of the information presented here as a substitute for consulting with your physician or health care provider for any medical/mental health conditions or concerns. Any information presented here is general information, is not medical advice, nor is it intended as advice for your personal situation. Please consult with your physician or health care provider if you have concerns about your health or suspect that you might have a problem.
Photo credit © Monkey Business Images
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