Jamericans.net

Wa gwan!!

Chillin on da beach mon, days run into weeks living in a Jimmy Buffet song... Which one depends on the day. My biggest problem is a hurt toe. Kicked a conch shell the other day while I was hurrying to get my bike out of the rain. It dropped me when it happened and I dropped the bike. Luckily it was sand and nothing broke. I actually saw stars or some little bright flashes of light from the pain. Cracked the nail in half lengthwise. Saw the bush doctor, its not broken but he said nothing to be done. So I bought everything I needed to patch myself up and keep it clean, so far so good but the damn thing hurts.

I totally surprised my friend seabird, yes that's his name. His wife, my best friend in Jamaica is out of the country. He had no idea I was coming and we haven't seen each other in 3 years. Getting to his house was much easier than usual. I paid the Juta bus driver an extra $10 and 3 hours later after a stop for some pumpkin chicken soup and the best manish water I've ever had, he took me to Little London which is basically just a square, an intersection with businesses on all 4 corners. It can be a sketchy place at night and if you ever want some action, just go to the square there's always something going on. Ive been thinking about selling jerk chicken there from a push cart one Saturday night just to see the reactions. From there my driver recognized a guy with a car and he gave me a ride to my friends front door down one of the worst dirt, sand and rock roads in Jamaica full of 2' deep pot holes, giant crabs, goats, cows, chickens and packs of crazy dogs.

Seabird wasn't home but there was music and partying coming from the neighbour's. A small 2 room board house painted bright yellow with a well manicured yard full of coconut palms and colorful island flowers, sitting right on the beach less than 150' from the waters edge. The music was Bob Marley and typical of Jamaica it was being played at distortedly loud levels. At least there was no Jamaican DJ screaming giberish and singing along... The neighbor was JW, one of the original people I met in Jamaica. He's a unique guy, a loud sloppy drunk and "ex" crack head who thinks he is famous because of a few you tube videos. He was there with a woman I know, his now wife, another drunk and "ex" crack head who I've also known for years and have some strange history with. Also there was JWs cousin. None of these people ever wronged me so I hung with them for a while. JW hanging on my shoulder, screaming in drunken patois over the distorted music that I normally love. His wife trying to talk to me but only drunken ramblings coming out. It reminded me so much of my first night on the same beach 10 years earlier.

There was rum, red stripe and of course spliffs so it was fun if not intense after traveling all day. JW has a new favorite saying and he has it hanging proudly above his back door. "We're not here for a long time, we're here for a good time". I love it and have chosen to embrace it. After a few beers I'd had enough. Seabird still wasn't home so I turned down JW's offer of the couch to hang my hammock on the beach in front of his house. I love my Hennessey hammock, it's worth every penny and can't say enough positive things about it. There was a nice breeze and with nothing to do I settled in and listened to the waves while I looked out over the moonlit sea.

I heard seabird come home very late. He was having a loud drunken argument with himself and sounded like he was losing so I chose to surprise him in the morning. He was very happy to see me and we've been hanging together since. I love seabird, he's a great guy known by everyone in the area and a true rasta who loves all living things. But he is a little intense, after a head injury and years of rum he can get loud and aggressive and has a Jack Sparrow sort of thing going on with his eyes and swaying around. On top of that he loves to talk about EVERYTHING all the time and has a very thick Jamaican accent. I understand maybe 1/3 of what he says and have to constantly remind him to slow down and that I'm not Jamaican. After all the time I've spent here, he expects me to understand him and gets upset that I dont. I've begun to distance myself because it's starting to ruin my mood when he's around which is constantly.

Finally I got into my new cabin last week and have some privacy. The process has been fun, challenging, frustrating, interesting and rewarding. It was pretty bare but I hooked it up. Now I love the place, comfy queen bed, new linens, fully equipped kitchen, couch, a couple fans and best of all big balcony overlooking the beach. I had to find a stove, full size fridge that actually works which is fucking epic, and some plastic furniture. But now that its done, after I spruce it up a bit more, it's gonna be great. It also has a spare bedroom with a very comfortable queen bed that gets a cooling sea breeze for all my friends who need to scratch their island itch but dont want to spend alot. The only catch is I have to carry water upstairs from the tank to wash with. Also have to flush the toilet it with a bucket and take scoop showers. It's cool though, better than camping and no different than living in the van in New Zealand, on board ICE, Koh Tonsei or Nomuka Iki. Been here 2 weeks and worn 4 shirts shirts and taken 3 showers, gotta love baby wipes...

I shopped around the other day for a motorcycle. My friends can't rent their bikes as usual so I have to rent one in town or buy one. I decided on a rent with an option to buy. A brand new Durad 150, one of the Chinese taxi bikes. It's a fun little run around and goes basically anywhere.

Part of me loves Jamaica, or I wouldn't be here. I have been playing with the idea of opening a jerk cart on the beach road for years and now seems like a good time to try it out. Just something for fun. The locals go crazy when I cook, apparently my jerk is better than the rest, mostly because my sauce is fresh with some secret ingredients, I brine then marinate overnight and dont cook the hell out of my meat. Jennifer and seabird both think its a very cool idea for me to sell jerk from a push cart. I can borrow a cart to cook on and seabird offered to carry it in his van. I wouldn't make any money and would probably lose some in the end. They think I should go to Negril and sell to the tourists. But I'd rather start with the square in Little London. Me in my Chef whites selling jerk chicken on a Saturday night from a push cart in one of the poorest sections of Jamaica would be fun and makes for a good story and photos. Guess we'll see.

On the other hand, Im already realizing why I stopped living here in the first place. It really is a shame, most of the logistics I've been looking for all over the world are here when it comes to running a small beachside restaurant/bar, but the politics, taxes, JPS, vendors and locals ruin the vision. Doing business here as a white man is simply not worth the headache when there are much easier and cheaper places with a higher quality of life. Alot of Jamaicans piss me off constantly, no matter what region of the country Im visiting. Treasure beach and occasionally Portland being the only exceptions I have found and I've traved the majority of the island including the interior. Maybe it's just traveling as a single white guy that I see this side of the people. Ive come to realize Jamaica is a simply a begging culture, even a huge company like Digicel promotes this with their txts after I make an international call. They've been enabled for so many years, I'm not sure If the damage is reversible. It's the same reason you don't give money to begging kids on the street, it encourages laziness and dependence.

Many Jamaicans that I meet act very entitled similar to the welfare dependent culture America has created. Most are extremely ungrateful for what you do give and always expect more and act disappointed when they don't get what they think they should. Give them an inch and they try to take the whole field! Many are thieves, even people youve known for decades wont think twice about stealing something small because hey, you're white, you won't even notice... Most always want something, asking, begging, scamming, husteling, trying to start a business. I've I've had to explain several times that to me, there is no difference from guy jingling a cup of change on the street corner to some "friend" asking me for money or to buy them something. Within the first few words, most who haven't seen me in years ask for something. Not how ive been or what im doing here, just what can you give or do for me? All of them constantly talk about money and how hard their lives are, how they are "suffering". How much this or that cost, how much they just had to spend, how they could make X if I do this or that. Trying to make me feel guilty about spending money on myself and not them. "Oh mon, ya just spend $400 on a bike, you can spend a likkle more on me". Or as you are leaving they get really quiet and close to you and mumble "mon I just want a likkle food or cold drink". When you dont, they mumble and mermer in patpois about the white man. It really makes me miss SE Asia, the South Pacific and Latin America. Reigions of the world that are MUCH poorer than Jamaica where this behavior is very uncommon. In fact, out of nearly 40 countries, only 3 other places in the world I've experienced people act like this. Belize, the Garifuna people in Livingston, Guatemala and Morocco. Im starting to notice a trend but won't make any conclusions until I travel more of Africa and the Middle East

I even have to censor the way I eat, cook and drink when certain people are around because they always want me to feed them, buy them food or give them booze. I cant just flip out the way I want and tell them all the things they need to hear about how friends should act because that would ruin the great reputation ive spent 10 years building in this area. So far Ive never has a single issue here, the people love me and I'd like to keep it that way. I do have a few good friends who I can trust and don't treat me that way. All this venting does not apply not every Jamaican, there are plently of people Ive met who are genuine. Actually some of the best I've met in Jamaica. Its this area in particular where the people are notorious for acting like this. But this is their home, I choose to come here and know what to expect. This is the ghetto and other Jamaicans love to talk shit about the people down here.

So, im not gonna get angry about all that this early into the visit. You can't hustle a hustler or scam someone from Baltimore and my "NOs!" are getting very strong, the people are learning quickly I'm not an ATM. If it means I lose some "friends" then so be it. It's a difficult line to walk because you can't help but feel for some of them and I don't blame them or knock their hustle. These are some of the poorest people in the county. Some literally don't have a dollar to their name. Most live a subsistence life and are constantly malnourished. The median income in the general area is less than $3k a year. At the same time, they chill on the beach or on the road, don't try to get ahead, drink rum and smoke weed all day combined with the fact they constantly beg plus the sea provides all the food they need and they won't starve so I don't feel too bad saying no.

Anyway, there is still plenty of good things about the place or I would he here. Jamaica is only one of my options and I'm working on lots of them. It's amazing when I sit and think about it just how many skills and opportunities I've learned and created for myself over my life, especially during the last 3 years. Figures the only one that ever felt truly right I can't have.... But life goes on and ya gotta keep playing the game. There are litterally dozens of exciting possibilities all over the world for me. Its comforting and overwhelming at the same time. A few things are certain, I'll never be broke or work a job just to have money and my next decade will be even more exciting than the last. Hopefully then I will finally find some peace and happiness.

My days are short. I keep strange hours, lots of naps and usually sleep through the hottest hours. Most of the time is spent reading under the fan or burning spliffs in my hammock staring out at the ocean, listening to music and thinking. I've done a bit of work on my book but haven't been in the mood much. Mornings when the sea is calm I go for a swim just before sunrise after I take a walk up and down the beach. Late at night I sit in my hammock and stare up at the brilliant sky making wishes on shooting stars. I try to do some stretching and lite yoga every morning. Can almost palm the ground again, not bad for 250lb. I asked my friends to try to find a set of dumb bells or some type of weight set for me. Around 1 when it's hottest I take another walk on the beach to sweat off the pounds and work on my tan then take a nap. I'm using Hawaiian tropic dark tanning and it's working well. My hair is getting lighter, skin is getting darker and shorts are getting looser.

Words don't do justice for how much I love being back on a bike after not riding anything but scooter since my crash 2 years ago. The wind in my hair, favorite tunes in my ears, the lush green of the island and occasional view of the sea, the sun beating down on me, the salt air whipping my skin, all the smells of the shops and fields hitting me as I ride the never ending slolem of life ending pot holes, animals, people and crazy drivers that make up the streets of Jamaica.

When I want to have a relaxing ride, I hop on my bike and ride through the sugar cane fields on the way to Negril sometimes going into the hills to a secret spring. Got lost and wound up in Alma the other day. A very dangerous place, that wasnt cool... When I want some fun, I take the back way to the West End. Passing the Jamwest dragstrip and Brighton beach stopping in Little Bay for a spliff at one of the abandoned palapas on the beach. Sometimes I stop at Jurassic?, a metal fabrication shop and gallery, to see what new sculpters they've made. Then through the tiny villages of Retreat and Revival stopping for a rum at little miss's shop. Over the famous Orange Hill where the cool mountain air is filled with the sweet smell of my favorite herb. Finally down a somewhat smooth and deserted 1/3 mile straitaway where I got that little bastard up to 110km. She was screaming and hated it but not bad for a 150.

After sometimes stopping at The Westender hotel to catch some of the soccer match I'm in the West End. Most of the time I chill with my friend Lidy at 3 Dives Jerk Center for the best chicken and view in the West. Tourists occasionally wonder up that far and it's always fun to have a few drinks, tell them about some hidden spots and nice to have a conversation where both sides understand 100% of what the other is saying. If I go to the beach Im usually at Burben on the beach, BarBbar or Margaritaville if I want fast internet. When I'm hungry my goto spots are Ossies and Red Dragon for pork, though the little cart at the first beach after the craft market is good "best jerk pork". Also Kingfishers across from The Jungle for soup. Best manish water I've had! I prefer to cook my own seafood so havent had any in Negril yet but Canoe Bar always did a great job.

A few nights a week I've been teaching my good friend Beanie how to read. Its my first experience teaching like this and more rewarding than I could have ever immagined. He's my favorite Jamaican of all. The sweetest, hardest working man you'll ever meet with a 2 tooth smile that can light up a room. Ever single dollar he makes, which is less than $200 a month, goes to his 3 daughters schooling. He eats only what he can grow or his family/friends give him, most of the time he's very malnourished. He is the one person who has never asked me for a thing which is why I secretly help him and his family much more than I've ever helped anyone. I'm so proud of him. This guy is a 60+ year old farmer with no education and has been a daily toker for 50 years. Not only did he finish the ABC book we worked on last time I was here, but he kept it to show me and even started a new skill book that his daughter gave him. I'll have him reading Yates before I leave.

I've been diligent when it comes to my two favorite things and have found all my goto spots and people for food and ganja. Seabird has a whole mess of lemongrass growing in his yard which is so fricken awesome you can't even imagine. I got my usual butcher in Sheffield, who gave me a whole 6lb tenderloin for $10! Which I am wet aging for the first time, figers crossed. Got my fresh herbs lady, a big fish guy, small fish guy, lobster/conch guy and shrimp guy who also catches octopus. They all come to my door when they got something good and prices have already been negotiated. I'd kill for a vacuum sealer and deep freezer! The fruit/veggie truck comes twice a week to the beach and if I need more its only a short ride away. It's mango season so I'm doing all sorts of fun things with them. Banana nut mango cake, mango, chipotle, jerk chicken and pork on the smoker on the beach steps from the water. Cajun coconut shrimp with Mango, wasabi and Chinese mustard chutney. Crispy pork belly tacos, homemade tortillas with mango pico. Can you do the Homer Simpson ahhhuuuuugggghhhh?? Got a blender yesterday and can already tell its gonna be dangerous. Fresh mango, banana, pineapple, coconut rum cream and dark rum. Nuff said!!

I'm cooking a lot of course. Mostly fish because that's all the guys have been bringing in. I've been playing with different recipes and methods for grilling whole fish. I'm almost as good as the lady who cooks for the fishermen now. Made a Thai style tuna tataki with Bonita 2 nights ago that was out of water maybe an hour. Fresh picked lemongrass, ginger, garlic/chili paste and sesame oil, wow! Lobster season just opened and I got my first 2 today. Been making a lot of soups, spicy pumpkin chicken, red bean and salt fish in seasoned coconut milk, vegetable stews and fish head soup that cooked on an open fire for almost 24 hours. Really trying to shed some weight. It's only been 2 weeks and I'm about mangoed out. However this week I'm making a big batch of jerk sauce from scratch and will finally make my mango chipotle jerk chicken, can't wait! The beef tenderloin is almost done aging and looks like it's working well. A few more days and I'll know. Just bought a new gallon of fresh juice, this time carrot, beetroot and ginger. A cold glass every morning has my body feeling great. Was just given a ton of the juiciest sweetest little limes, thinking about a few different ceviches. Fish, shrimp, octopus and conch. Mexico, Peru, Asia and Fiji John's. That will be lunch in a few days for me and some friends as soon as I get motivation to go find the ingredients.

I'm going to start writing up and posting some recipes that I'm using and creating down here so you all can try some of them out. Let me know if you have any special requests. My coconut red beans and rice is very good, I'll be sure to post that one. Beer battered Coconut shrimp is always a hit during summer and it's easy. Yesterday my friend brought me 3 lbs of fresh conch, 200J a pound, some things make all the hassle worth it! For those who don't know, Conch is a sea snail and lives in those big shells you hold up to your ear to hear the ocean. It's tastes similar and has the texture of calamari that's been properly beaten and cooked. I made a Thai red curry with some of mine and let it sit until tonight. Going to pair it with steamed veggies and coconut red beans and rice. The rest Im going to make marinated cracked conch (fried panko) with creole sauce and coconut conch fritters with my friends mango jam.

The liquor truck comes once a week to the little shop down the road and has wholesale prices. Soooo theres a whole lot of rum, red stripe and a few other poisons chillin in the freezer. My friend is makes me gallons of fresh juice. Just picked up a carrot beetroot and ginger. I've got 5 or 6 different strains of some fruity funkilious criptocroniconolite. Also all the fresh trash I could possibly want for pennies to go with my bags If I could get refined butane here I'd be a very happy man! My ice lady is still there and I get 10lbs for $1. My favorite cook shops are still there being ran by the same ladies with the same recipes. I've got a nice sized grill and lots of great tasting lump firecoal. This week I'm on the hunt for fruit wood and gonna build a vertical smoker and really start to have some fun with all this seafood at my front door! After a conversation I had the other day, I might even start making and selling beef jerky. I was living in Washington and The Netherlands for a few months recently and learned many things from the professionals. So my cooking skills and mededibles are out of this world now. I'm going to start making butter, fresh coconut oil, baked goods and making sugar shortly.

My small fish guy is "the mad fisherman" as the locals call him. He's schizophrenic and lives in his canoe right next to my place. His skin is black as coal, his face weathered by the salt air and scared from fights over the years. No doubt started because of his illness. His only jewelry are a few fancy white shells he says are magic tied into his dreads that he free dives for on the edge of the reef, a very dangerous spot for sharks. He used to have a little shanty in the village but somebody burned it down a few months ago. Ive known him for many years and I'm really the only one who talks to him. It's pretty amazing, this guy has so many problems. He sits and punches himself, HARD, in the head and shakes it wildly to make the voices stop he says. He screams at the top of his lungs at goats and shadows. But no one will help him and he has no family so he's found a way to survive by fishing from his little dugout canoe that's maybe 12' X 3' with a small junk style sail that's an old bed sheet. It's a little unnerving at times since he always has a machete with him. But he seems to be in good spirits around me. He brings out a clock radio that's powered by a car battery with a handle on it and puts it on the table in the bar. I give him bud, help him drag his canoe up the beach when he gets in and usually buy a fish or 2. He's crazy as all hell but sometimes the shit he says about the universe makes sense. I might start taking notes.

Paradise does come at a price. Its hot, brutally hot when the breeze stops and it aint even July yet. The sand flys and mosquitos are viscous and relentless. I didn't wear bug spray at first so now I've finally built up my amunity but my legs and arms bare the beach battle scars. You can have a serious game of connect the dots on my body... Everyday items are overpriced and under quality as usual. Ive had 3 mothers try to set me up with their daughters, seabird and guys in the neighborhood love to put put me on the spot and have tried to hook me up with countless girls. One made a very provocative marriage proposal that made even me blush. They get upset and take it personal that I don't want a Jamaican girlfriend and dont understand it. But I've been there done that several times and dont need the drama that comes with one. After a week I've got father's calling me their son in law and it's "grandma needs new teeth, my dads van is busted, my sister's tuition is due, why aren't we going out tonight?, can you buy this outfit? My friends want to come with us but don't have any money". When that shit starts I just walk away and they never give up without lots of words and phone calls. It gets exhausting sometimes. This is not unique to Jamaica, every developing country is like this. Besides that, I'm down here to get over a woman and the last thing I want right now is another relationship of any kind. Week long tourists in Negril are suiting me just fine. "My place is great but I haven't had a hot shower in weeks. Really? I cant immagine that! You can use mine if you want" And I'm in like Flint...

Im at war with some goats but have a plan to keep them away. I miss my dogs, especially my best buddy, my fighter, Zero. Tuffest dog I ever met, would take on 6 at once to defend me and show up 2 days later licking his wounds and wanting attention. Apparently he killed a goat a few years ago and the owner chopped him up. There is only 1 dog left around the resort. She is a walking skeleton covered in sores and is more dead than alive. It's heartbreaking to see her. I've been giving her scraps and fresh water the last few days but she doesn't have long left. Her stomach and nipples hanging low from a recent litter. She always has this wide eyed terrifed look in her beautful sky blue eyes, shes frightened just by falling leaves. The other day she was limping bad, I'm considering putting her out of her missery, haven't decided yet. Wouldn't be the first time I had to do it down here. Most of these people treat dogs like rats, it's very upsetting at times. Was going to get a puppy, but decided it would be too cruel to give a dog my kind of love and attention for a month or two just to leave it behind and my friends who would care for it all have too many dogs as it is. Thinking now a piglet is the solution. It's gives me some company that doesnt talk back and a great meal at the end of my visit. I'll name it "one day". LOL. Gonna ask my butcher next week.

My old cabin that is now on my friend's property has gone to shit and needs tons of work. All my tile is gone, the kitchen destroyed, bathroom gone and roof is falling apart. We're waiting for a fork lift to come so we can lift it, level it and spin it to the right spot. Then we're gonna get to work rebuilding it. It's getting a total remodel. The good news is my friend now has legal power and water and Lime internet gets gets a signal down there. The place will be epic when its done. Not sure how long I'll be here this time. My mind is just starting to relax and im really trying to be happy and enjoy living the simple beach life for now.

I know this post might upset some people but this is all based off many years of personal experience. I call things like l see it and don't believe in being politically correct. These are my educated opinions and observations and I feel more than qualified to make them.

Bless up!!!