discuss amongst ya-selves.......
:: will and grace ::
The most important things first.....
Tthere is all this news about a will + grace revamp,and if this is true I SIMPLY CANNOT CONTAIN MYSELF.
{somehow I can't find my favorite Jack Gif!! Ah! Insert Here in your minds!}
This would be LIFE CHANING.
Truly.
Like..... this would be on par with me sleeping on a sidewalk for a week for concert tickets if *NSYNC ever has a reunion.
Before we get to Mariah's NYE .....
:: Don Lemon's Tequila filled NYE ::
The CNN anchor Don Lemon was getting absolutely wasted throughout their countdown to midnight. He was in New Orleans and proceeded to get so drunk that they finally cut his microphone. It's worth watching these couple of clips.
:: Mariah's NYE ::
We watched her meltdown on stage live on New Years and it felt like Janet Jackson/JT Super Bowl boob-gate all over again..... before I knew it a whole bunch was happening and it was great!
This was made EVEN better by watching all of her insane behavior on Mariah's World all of these weeks which I am still thoroughly enjoying.
for example......
:: Mariah's world ::
Her now-lover, then back up dancer Tanaka jumps out of her birthday cake, does a lap dance, and she pours champagne on his shirtless bod.
WHAT?
you are engaged woman!!!
Oh wait.
I misspoke.
It was NOT her birthday. It was her "anniversary".
The week before I kept saying "anniversary of what anniversary of what?" and then I realized this week that she doesn't celebrate birthdays, only anniversaries.
So this was her 12th Anniversary.
Because that makes sense.
I just really hope they show more about her engagement and then it ending because it seriously is as though her billionaire finance doesn't exist except for a few extremely uncomfortable moments episode one where they acted like they barely knew each other.
:: THE BACHELOR ::
In case you missed my post Monday, check it out for a great article with opinions on all of the girls based on their name and occupation alone.
It's a great one.
So, we all know Nick, because he's been on our televisions for years.
Literally.
And because I've called him serial-killer-eyes for years on Coffee Talk.
Seriously.
And we all know he is going to propose to whomever is the last girl standing, because he is (as far as I, a Bachelor-coneisseur, knows) finally and completely out of options. He has literally done it all. ALL. Slow clap for the sadness that is Nick Viall defying the odds of his 15 minutes of Bachelor fame.
The first episodes are so annoying because they recap for a full 30 minutes.
And this is in addition to the full HOUR recap they played on Sunday night to get us geared up that, cough, I watched.
It isn't a premiere without bringing back some of the losers prior Bachelor's to discuss what's to come!
This, though, was for once one of the highlights of the episode.
We have Sean Lowe, Farmer Chris, and Ben Higgins. Those three are telling Mr. "I called out Andi for sleeping with me, I slept with Kaitlyn when there were 10 guys left, on camera no less, and I have already slept a contestant and she hasn't even gotten out of the limo yet" what to expect.
SERIOUSLY?
Sean, Chris, and Ben. and then Nick.
It was hilarious. And Nick's facial expression of "this is such BS" was hilarious as well, as he pretends he has any sense of decorum or modesty or class.
NOW. I could go on and on, much like the damn show, but I'll get straight to the contestants and try to keep it as brief as I can.
editors note: I never compliment the producers of the show, but for the first time they did a great job with the limo exits/intros. They REALLY sped it up and went back and forth to the girls talking inside and it was the best they've ever done it. SLOW CLAP.
We meet Corinne.... who says she is 23 and "runs a multimillion dollar business"....and then....
I live with my parents......and.... wait for it...
and my nanny.
WTF?
She just wouldn't be able to function without her nanny!
The Limos arrive!
The first girl out of the limo is whats her name? BOOBS.
She for sure will be getting a rose.
At first I can't fault Nick, because it's difficult not to stare.
I mean, WE ALL are staring. At least I am.
But then he kinda stares at all of the girls boobs....
and during boob girl #1's one-on-one he's like wow that dress.... its a killer....
hmmmm wonder why you think so?
and just. doesn't. stop. looking. or. talking. about. the. boobs. dress.
However, two points for Limo #1 Boob girl. Smart thinking on her part. No man is going to send that home on night one.
The girls keep commenting that there are 15 girls in red dresses and the anxiety-fueled-drinking begins.
Red dress winner: Dannielle M, Neonatal Nurse. Cap sleeve and little open back. So cute.
Could the girl that was the maid of honor at Jade's wedding talk
ANY more about them sleeping together?
with a HUGE toothy grin about it?
Is there seriously NO SHAME in telling ALL OF AMERICA about it?
sorry not sorry to be a mom-old-lady.... but this stuffs appalls me.
Girl, you do you. But don't go on national television grinning like an idiot tell MILLIONS of people about it. Do you have parents? Grandparents? Common sense?
but I digress.....
The eyes and huge mouthed smile give off a "ree-ree-ree" horror movie effect, amiright?
editors note: how do you spell the ree-ree-ree horror movie sound? because as you know from my resolutions.... I'm trying to proofread and edit :)
Now that I think about it.... these two have matching serial-killer-eyes and are
therefor PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER.
"Dolphin" girl, wearing a shark costume, is great.
She really committed and stayed in character all night.
I can't wait to see what she does next.
Who I like so far :
Vanessa M :
the girl that speaks 3 languages, is a special ed teacher, and is a total smoke show. Vanessa, I hope you are dumped swiftly and you can move on to bigger and better things back home.
Danielle M:
The neonatal nurse in the killer dress.... who also seems nice and should run and save herself!
There's a lot more.... but theres just so many right now so I 'll save some opinions for the next 9 hour episode next week.
I try not to watch the "this season" because it ruins all of it....
but settle in, it's going to be "the most dramatic season" ever I'm sure.
:: Nashville ::
Oh my goodness.
Nashville. It was gone... because it had gotten seriously so horrible. And now it's back, but on CMT instead of ABC.
I loved Nashville so much in the beginning. Loved it.
And then it went so far downhill and really jumped the shark.... several times jumped the shark if you ask me.
WELP. It is back.
There is a 2 hour premiere Tonight on CMT.
I will tape it..... and I will watch - LATER, this weekend, whilst bored because we won't have gone out and I will be waking up early instead of sleeping in like my usual lazy self..... but I am going to make a promise!
If I don't like the premiere episode.... if they didn't get their act together.... I will not watch it.
Let's see how I do :)
will any of you be watching? did any of you love then un-love the show?
will someone come slap me across the face if I start watching again? please?
:: the NEW Celebrity Apprentice ::
The premiere of the new Celebrity Apprentice was this week and I liked it.
I have always watched this show and always enjoy it.
Plus, Kyle Richards is on it, so throw in a Bravo housewife and you know I'm game.
:: Vanderpump Rules ::
I learned from a podcast (Kate Casey's I think?) that Jax and Brittany ARE in fact getting their own show. I can't remember if I wrote about it earlier, but they had been filming and there was speculation, but now it sounds as though its final.
On the one hand, UGH. Why would I want to watch that? On the other hand, UGH. I probably will watch that. I can see myself now, pathetically on the couch.
This week we have two trips to Sonoma and to Montauk.
Some classy places for some classless people, amiright?
In Sonoma, before going to Nascar, they go to a beautiful winery.
It looks so, so pretty.
and they show up in the RV.
That part is actually fine to me.
It's that they play a drinking game where you DRINK from the SPIT BUCKET at the winery.
And not just their spit.
No, no.
The spit of whomever had spit into the bucket before them. Seriously.
I apologize that I just subjected you to that horrible image as well, because I could vomit.
I don't know how Brittany and Arianna are still standing, let alone eating steak with bare hands.
The amount of straight tequila being consumed is UNREAL.
I would be face first in the personal-size grill pan if I were her with the steak burning into my face.
Slow clap for Ariana's tolerance.
:: LEA REMINI + SCIENTOLOGY ::
Lea's show is still SO ADDICTING and horribly sad and truly unbelievable.
I've cried during it.... which is also horribly sad and truly unbelievable.
I can't help it; It's so, so good and man do I love her.
Literally her, me, and JLo would be the 3 best friends anyone has ever seen.
Promise.
:: SUMMER HOUSE ::
This premieres next week after Vanderpump Rules and they've been teasing it with Stassi being friends with the blonde sisters on the show.
I'm calling it now : they are going to do the same thing they did for the series premiere of Vanderpump rules.
They will make the last scene in Vanderpump Rules flow straight into the premiere of Summer House and we won't even realize the next/new show had started.
Remember when Scheana was with LVP on RHoBH, because of the affair with Brandi/Eddie, and it flowed from that same restaurant scene straight into Vanderpump Rules Episode 1??
It was truly one of the most genius things ever.
Just saying......
:: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills ::
We start this week's episode where we left off.... Dorit still being a pain in the rear.
Erika is right, the incessant discussion of it say smore about Dorit than it does about Erika.
Preach girl, preach.
Dorit puts on a very short red dress - that she looks amazing in - and says to her husband PK that she hasn't worn it since before baby.
and PK's first response is about Erika.
see last weeks coffee talk/enough already..... I just can't with these people.
seriously.
It is disgusting the way HE keeps talking about it.
if I was showing off how great I look post baby and my husband's first comment was back talking about Erika I would slap him silly.
Then, Dorit and PK have a dinner party.
And, of course, she only has "the best and most exciting" people to her dinner parties. With a made-up accent like hers, would you expect anything less?
The conversation at one point turns to Rinna and Eileen losing parents this year. Is PK seriously suggesting that Rinna's behavior with LVP had ANYTHING to do with her losing her father?
He's so gross..... this time on a different level of gross.
And then they both (PK and Dorit) say the same about Eileens mother?
What????
Dorit and Eileen meet for a walk/chat (and Dorit still gets a panty-gate comment in there.
SERIOUSLY I REALLY CAN'T ANYMORE. IT'S NOT EVEN ENTERTAINING FOR REALITY TV ANYMORE DORIT.)
Eileen brings up that she heard Dorit had said something negative about her mother passing and her not sharing the news at the reunion and Dorit says "I don't remember." And continues to act like she has no idea and can't be bothered to remember everything she says.
Well .... step around it and lie in that fake-British accent you've got, but it certainly isn't making you sound any smarter or like less of a liar.
We meet Eden Sassoon. Nothing yet, so no comment for now.
Cut to ..... wait!!!!
CAMILLE!!??!!!
Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing!!??
YEAASSSSSS!
and at Camille's house and everything!!!
I want her back as a full time housewife.... let's kick off
{doorbell rings}
Dorit. There she is. Let's replace this blonde for the old Blonde.
And just like that..... Dorit's back at it again.
Now she's moving from panty-gate to insulting Erika Jayne's singing "hobby".
She always has to be talking. Then Dorit tries to turn it like the women are ganging up at her, not that she keeps stirring the pot, when it is the complete opposite and we get a big fat
TO BE CONTINUED....
I mean.... how is she not scared of Erika Jayne?
Drop. It. Dor. It.
Scenes from next week : uh oh..... Kim's back next week! and along with it, Rinna not keeping her big fat mouth shut! Just don't even talk to her RInna C'MON!
:: Ladies of London ::
also, see last weeks enough already for thoughts on Caroline Stanbury who just. will. not. stop.
Juliet finally is on screen for the first time unrelated to Caroline S, and she can't even say a sentence (or recite her blog mantra..... wow. real present. )
So they are off to celebrate the queen's birthday with a pub crawl.
Caroline Stanbury is of course entirely late, and when Caroline Fleming asks where she has been she snips "I didn't make plans with you, I made plans with her (Juliette)"
WTF. Your first words are already aggressive!
Then as they walk to the next stop, she attacks Caroline F for making her eat fruit a year and a half ago.
WHAT???
In a different side of town, the fun group does a separate party to celebrate the Queen's birthday at a ping pong bar with shots.
Guess which party I would rather be at?
..... and then there's a bunch more of Caroline being a HUGE pain the arse.
She sits there at lunch with Sophie making threatening comments about her family as though Sophie hasn't been a part of the family for years.
She also makes up the biggest crock of BS for why her kids weren't at their cousins birthday party.
SHE IS SO MEAN.
Her and Katie from Vanderpump need to start a new clique.
:: MAZEL ::
my-boyfriend-andy-cohen moved to a new clubhouse!
I was very nervous about this.... but it looks great!
The same only better!
take a full look here
And Erika Jayne christened it on Tuesday night with the first live performance.
(and with a poll being 95% in Erika's favor over panty-gate, and only 5% for Dorito.)
EDITORS NOTE :
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.
#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn't do that day and likely won't do the next day either. or the day after that.
gifs and images via giphy, ABC , E!, Real Housewives Tmblr, and Bravo
US Weekly, Entertainment Weekly
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