Sabhi paathako ko Prem Pujari ka namaskar!
Let me first thank you for overwhelming response to 5 reasons why infidelity is on the rise, my debut article for iStupefy. I was pleasantly surprised to receive in hordes your positive feedback and queries on personal lives.
Coming back to the current subject, as the headline suggests, today I am going to talk about how smartphones (almost a necessity these days) have had an impact on our respective love/sex lives.
For the uninitiated, let me tell you that all the copies published under this column are penned after speaking to 50 individuals — 25 men and 25 women. So, here are my top five observations on the subject at hand.
# Connectivity
Positive
Let us look at the brighter side first. A smartphone, as we all know, helps us stay connected to people 24×7. Mediums like WhatsApp and Skype even allow us to share images and make video calls. Good thing, isn’t it? Suppose your partner has to go away for some work and you are missing him or her. No problem! All you need is a smartphone! You can see the person live on your five-inch (that’s the average screen size) gadget. “My boyfriend is often confused about what to wear for a meeting. So he tries out different clothes and sends me images. Being a fashion designer (or probably just someone with a better style sense), I help him out. Smartphones have indeed helped us give a new dimension to our relationship,” says a 26-year-young fashion designer.
Negative
Well, every coin has two sides. People can love and hate something for the same reason. Here’s an example, “Every time I go out somewhere, my girlfriend keeps forcing me to Skype with her. There is no f****** space. Can’t I just hang out with some friends and be myself? Smartphones ne to meri duniya hi ujaad di hai,” says a 21-year-young college student. Well, I understand the chap’s plight. One often tries to keep a check on his or her partner through these smart devices, by demanding GPS update screenshots, video calls or images, or a hundred other things that smartphones have introduced us to.
# Awareness
Positive
Why do we call the gadget a ‘smart’phone? Well, it has answers to most of our questions. You need to locate a good restaurant in your area. ‘Zomato’ it. You want to book movie tickets, ‘BookMyShow’ it. You want to know the reason why your girlfriend’s periods are delayed. Google it! Sounds helpful, doesn’t it? “It was my wife’s birthday on May 14. She is in Bangalore right now and I had to get gifts delivered to her. All I had to do was locate a ‘Ferns and Petals’ in her area through my smartphone and place the order. They delivered flowers and chocolates to her at midnight. She is coming back to Delhi this weekend. And I can’t wait for my return gifts (if you know what I mean?),’ says a 30-year-young software professional.
Negative
Why is it called a ‘smart’phone? Well, the answer lies in the question. It’s S.M.A.R.T! But is it smart enough to always provide the right answers? I can’t really say. The internet is an open source of information that feeds you what it wants to feed you. The authenticity of the information available is not very convincing. Often, people make horrible mistakes when they make decisions based on what they read on the web. The quote I got for this section is painful. So, I’d rather not put it here. But all I suggest is, BE CAREFUL!
# Camera
Positive
Probably one of the most amazing features of a smartphone is the powerful camera it comes with. You get to click beautiful images that would freeze the moment and let you relive those later. “We love clicking those midnight selfies together. Somehow, it always brings a smile on our faces, every time we see those,” says a Noida-based couple that’s in a live-in relationship.
Negative
This is serious stuff. Your relationship might be scaling new highs every day, but you never know when it will go wrong (we pray it doesn’t, but shit happens!). “My ex-boyfriend who lives in Mumbai often asked for my pictures and videos. Without giving it much thought, I used to send those instantly (sometimes, private ones). And now that we have broken up, he keeps blackmailing he would make those videos and images public. Should I go to the police? But how will I explain the issue to my parents? I am so scared and clueless,” says a college student. Revenge porn? Heard of it? BEWARE!
# X-factor
Positive
This is an interesting one. A smartphone allows you to add that extra zing to your love/sex lives. Picture this: You are having a tough day at work and nothing seems to be going right. Suddenly, your partner sends a ‘personal’ image that sets your hormones racing. Won’t you like it? Most of you will. Besides, internet on your palm offers a sea of knowledge (about sex) that can totally spice up your life — between the sheets, in the kitchen, in the elevator, at the workplace, in the car, on the roof, on the couch and practically everywhere. “Thank God for smartphones. If it had not existed, our long-distance affair would have totally died. Sexting helps (giggles),” says a Bombay-based struggling model.
Negative
What can possibly be negative here? Who does not like sex? But, trust me, things can go terribly wrong here. Most of us fall prey to whatever is shown to us on the web. Readers, not everyone is as well-endowed as they show it on the web. Please, please, please, DO NOT THINK A GUY/GIRL CAN GO ON AND ON FOR HOURS. It’s biologically impossible. A 34-year-young journalist says: “My boyfriend is a total loser. Our sex life hardly has any sex. It’s just him on top of me for two-three minutes, and that’s about it. It’s seriously frustrating.”
“My girlfriend is so boring. She is rarely open to anything I want in bed. F*** it. I might go for paid sex. Thodi jawaani to jee lun,” says a 28-year-young blogger.
Remember: ASSUMPTIONS (MISCONCEPTIONS) ARE THE MOTHER OF ALL FUCK-UPS
# Work
Positive
With a smartphone in your hand, you need not be present in New York to hold a meeting there. A simple video call might suffice. “I had to go abroad for a business deal. But the meeting date was clashing with my marriage anniversary. I could not afford to miss it. So I e-mailed the powerpoint presentation from Manali (where I went to celebrate the anniversary) and spoke to the people concerned over Skype. The smartphone saved my ass (from all angles),” says a 30-year-young businessman.
Negative
As I said before, boon and bane can come together. “My girlfriend is a grahic designer. As it is, she has weird working hours. And whenever at home, she is busy working on her laptop. When we go out, she is hooked to her smartphone. It’s like I don’t exist. Her habit of staying glued to work through these gadgets is killing our relationship,” complains a 29-year young government official.
After this elaborate piece, I am sure you would have understood where to draw the line.
By the way, listen to “Love me like you do” (find link below) by Ellie Goulding. Might just trigger some happy feelings. Take care.
Prem Pujari, as the moniker suggests, worships love. But the person — we don’t intend to disclose the real name or gender — has been through the dark sides of relationships, and has developed a deep understanding of relationship woes. Prem Pujari will give some life lessons every Tuesday
IMPORTANT: If you find the article interesting, share it. If you don’t like it or have suggestions, post a comment below. If you have relationship-related queries, send those to prempujari291@gmail.com
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