The original purpose of “breaking rapport” from the PUA standpoint was to demonstrate that you have options, you don’t really care one way or the other whether the girl accepts you or rejects you.
This was considered necessary because (1) if a guy is approaching a girl, he is automatically conveying interest and desire (which lowers his value), and (2) most guys express too much interest unconsciously through their body language and nonverbal communication.
For both of these reasons, the guy has to compensate in the other direction by breaking rapport or teasing, and conveying at least some disinterest.
However, there was a subtler reason that breaking rapport worked: it spiced up conversations and threw the girl a curve ball, keeping her on her toes and keeping her engaged mentally.
Separate and apart from the “message” being sent that “maybe this guy doesn’t like me that much after all”, teasing/ breaking rapport introduces a different kind of energy into the dynamic–playfulness, randomness, surprises.
So when we see the root reasons for breaking rapport, we see that actually breaking rapport per se is not necessary at all. Breaking rapport (assuming it is done correctly, which it often is not) conveys having standards, having options and being higher value.
Therefore, if we can achieve the same effect by doing something else, we do not need to break rapport.
What are other ways to achieve these things?
Actually being high value.
Let’s take the extreme example of a movie star. Just by his existence, it is understood by women that he has high status and has options. He does not need to break rapport. Just having a normal, even boring, conversation is enough to get her excited.
In fact too much teasing and breaking rapport might actually harm his chances and make him come across as an asshole who is “abusing his power” so to speak.
Ultimately, everyone should be aspiring to improve their life overall and becoming higher status within their own field or fields of interest. Also, value is relative. To a 19-year-old female college student, a mid-20s guy with a normal job and his own apartment might seem pretty high value.
Exhibiting rock-solid confidence and emotional strength.
These are qualities that are highly prized by women. When you exhibit a high degree of confidence and mental strength, you are exhibiting high status, by association. Either high status or the potential to attain high status.
Your level of confidence, your presence and your vibe as you interact with her provide a general indication of your options. A guy who is confident is likely to do things that require confidence, including approaching women. And a guy who approaches women has options.
You exhibit these qualities through your nonverbal communication: body language, hand movements, posture, eye contact, voice tone, facial expressions, head movements.
Also, your fashion and clothing choices can passively demonstrate confidence if they are bold and make you stand out in a good way.
If you exhibit this emotional and mental strength, you may have little or no use for actually breaking rapport. The purpose of breaking rapport–to communicate that you are a high value guy with options–is already accomplished.
Physical escalation
As far as spicing up the interaction, and demonstrating confidence and boldness, few things will come close to the power of physical touching. Breaking rapport is a verbal tactic. But attraction can be developed and enhanced nonverbally through touch.
You begin with light touching (outer arms, shoulders, handshake/ high five), and progress to more intimate areas (arm around her, waist, hand-holding, neck) as the conversation goes along, or over the course of multiple dates.
Verbal escalation
Getting sexual and romantic in your voice and your conversation topics can have the same effect as breaking rapport. It stimulates her mentally, changes up the energy of the conversation, and demonstrates sexual confidence and an appetite for risk.
Getting sexual might just mean giving her a direct compliment on her body or sexiness (well-timed of course). It might mean innuendo or intimating what you want to do to her in private.
There is also a problem with the assumption behind breaking rapport. It is assumed that approaching a girl lowers one’s value. Sometimes. But other times, it can actually raise your value.
You might come across as a cliche needy guy who wants to talk to the “hot girl.” Or you might come across as a dominant guy who goes after what he wants and doesn’t care what everybody thinks.
A lot of it depends on context and the woman’s own personality and what she prefers in men.
Personally I have had many successful conversations with women where very little, if any, rapport was broken. Instead my strong frame and vibe, or my sexual verbals, did the job.
Breaking rapport is definitely a useful concept and can really help you have more successful interactions with women. I touch on this concept in my latest ebook about conversation and flirting.
But understand it is just one tool out of many that can convey attractiveness and cultivate interest.
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