I’ve got a bit of extra time sitting around waiting for Busan to arrive. There’s a lot going around all over the blogs that is annoying me at the moment, but I will hold fast in my commitment not to get into anymore pointless arguments with people who don’t want to hear anything for as long as I can. But there is something of value I think I still have left to discuss, which was this whole ‘lol white privilege’ thing. I took umbrage with that discussion for several different reasons, but one of them was that I…. don’t use that term. Which ties in pretty closely to another “discussion” I got into last week. So let’s see if we can cut it all together, here.
When I put up that post last week about objectification, which just about every fucker on the entire internet seemed to take personally, it got spun pretty quickly on a few different blogs into how I was complaining about being objectified as a white woman in Korea and aligning that experience equally with the objectification of Asian women I had just suddenly come to realize existed, once I experienced it for myself. Which is fine. I’d prefer not to be told to go kill myself, when people have taken a bit of an ongoing conversation completely out of context, but I don’t mind explaining myself when I’m given the chance. Some people didn’t want to hear it, and that was fine to. But one of the people I did have a bit of discourse with understood, in the end, that my post was addressing white people. But her issue with the post was that I didn’t go into enough detail about how Asian women have suffered, and downplayed it all in comparison to the hardship I had gone through.
We’re going to set aside the fact that I don’t really believe I’ve been through any hardship, anymore than any other Korean woman faces as a woman on the street/in bars/in clubs, really, and that I was just addressing those who do feel that way (and trying to do so with a bit of compassion). But what I get confused about sometimes is the voice I should have in these conversations.
Personally, I don’t feel comfortable taking up the banner to explain women of color’s experiences. I will give examples, when I have them, but I think there is a fine line between being an ally and being a white savior sometimes. Which is why I mostly just reblog a lot on the subject. It’s creepy to me when white people make that shift so far over into explaining the suffering of POC that they start to write themselves out of their own part in that, or dominate the dialogue. As a good friend of mine once put it, there’s also an aspect of ‘begging for a cookie’ to it, by which I think he meant trying their best to get the POC stamp of approval for being a good white person.
So what I do feel comfortable talking about, and who I feel comfortable talking to, is white people.
This is where my weirdness with that phrase “white privilege” comes in. I absolutely understand why those phrases are necessary for dissecting these issues, and especially for having conversations about them, and they’re important in that sense. But I can’t personally get over the feeling that “white privilege” is necessary for POC to be able to explain things to white people in terms that they will feel more comfortable with. Ditto, “male privilege”, women explaining to men. Again, I’ll talk about women here, because I am one, and that’s what I feel most comfortable discussing, but I don’t think women really need the phrase “male privilege” in their own internal dialogues with each other. We all know what is intended when another woman says, “Men do this,” or “Men are that.” But men? Men feel uncomfortable with that usage of their category. And I think it’s the same for white people. So we use the phrase “male privilege” in a way to soften the blow.
That is not to say that I misunderstand for a second how crucial the investigation of the institution of privilege is. The words are necessary. And it’s important to realize that these things are not just a series of individual actions (which is largely how men, white people understand them, and a big part of the problem in these discussions, ie “But I’m a good person. I don’t do those kinds of things. Don’t blame me for other people’s actions.”). I just think that there is also an element of detachment that can settle in. Especially for white people or men who are discussing white or male privilege. It can start to morph into almost an academic investigation of a concept, more than a real thing that affects real people, and that real people participate in.
Which is why, on the other hand, I find people yucking it up about the phrase to be distasteful. You’re not satisfied when people “stereotype” you by saying “white people”, but the second the phrase “white privilege” is deployed, now the conversation has just become pretentious and ridiculous. You put up roadblocks on both ends of the street, and oh well, I guess you’ll just have to shut up about it.
I know very well how it comes across to some other white people that I spend such a large portion of my blog talking about race issues. But I just can’t bring myself to fucking care. I’m not trying to be a “good” white person. I just get fucking angry. I remember cops driving around my old neighborhoods telling black people to get back inside their houses after dark just because they could, and then driving right the fuck past me without a second glance and I get fucking angry. I see these stories in the news and I think about how being a black male increases your chances of getting shot on the street or thrown in jail for no fucking reason and I get fucking angry. I get fucking angry when I see people behaving toward people in Korea in a way I can’t imagine they ever would back home. I get fucking angry when people talk about their relationships with Korean men the way they do sometimes, because I look at Busan and I get fucking angry. I see people who wouldn’t, or couldn’t be teachers back home saying and doing fucked up shit in relation to their students, or in relation to the race their students are, and I get angry.
And now we have Koreans here on Tumblr who can and do speak for themselves about the things that make them angry, and no, I don’t agree with everything that’s said. But that’s not really the point. To see a mob swarm in and beat them down in response to some of their frustration with the things that get said is really obnoxious. Last week, when that post went around, I was called a scumbag, a shit sack, I was told to fall into a pit of lego bricks and die (?), to kill myself. I was told I was ruining everyone’s lives. I don’t think any of that was necessary or right, but fucked if I was going to respond in kind, or even aggressively argue in response. If I could make it through that without losing my shit because someone took issue with what I said, then I don’t see how someone pointing out a foreigner’s poor pronunciation or handwriting, or some really valid fucked up things that get said and done, merits the all out war it’s been getting in response.
It does bother me to some extent, that I feel like I can’t speak up on these things anymore. Any post out of me about any fucking thing is sure to spawn a dozen or so snarky responses lasting for days at a time, which are going to tempt me into argument. And because I’ve been accused of witch-hunting when I use specifics, I have turned to being vague. Which has in the end left my posts open to interpretation in the worst possible light. And trying to explain any further just leads down a path of ridiculous personal attacks. Nobody hears what’s actually being said. Nobody wants to see eye to eye. But then I feel guilty for letting things pass, like seeing other bloggers get clobbered for saying things I actually agree with, but knowing that the second I enter the conversation, the whole thing is just going to go to hell in a hand basket anyway. Because I’m the white, white privilege blogger, up on her high horse.
But I just can’t do it anymore. It never once has led to a happy or productive conclusion. And in the end, you have to evaluate the cost against the gain. It’s a balancing act, and at the moment, I’m trying to strike a balance. Right now, that balance means making my own posts, and then ignoring the snark it garners from people who obviously don’t even want to understand. If someone has a question, a genuine question, about something I’ve said, and they’re genuinely interested in listening to the answer, then they’re welcome to ask it. Other than that, have at it. Tear it apart and snark away. I’ll do my best to overlook it.