iruka-2013:
ikkinthekitsune:
iruka-2013:
Summary: Book 3 AU in which Asami becomes an airbender and goes with Tenzin to the Northern Air Temple, while Kuvira joins Team Avatar. Approx. 8,000 words so far. (Based on this post by Ikkinthekitsune.)
Previous Chapters: Prologue: New Airbender
[My fanfiction master post]
Keep reading
It’s kind of sad that reaching something that was posted a month ago is kind of an accomplishment, but… it is what it is. XD; I’ll try to get the second chapter done today, too, which will catch me up entirely.
Keep reading
It’s kind of sad that reaching something that was posted a month ago is kind of an accomplishment, but… it is what it is. XD; I’ll try to get the second chapter done today, too, which will catch me up entirely.
While we’re doing expressions of regret, I have to apologize for that last response. As soon as I hit “post” I realized I’d forgotten to paste in the opening paragraph, and when I tried to edit it the post, Tumblr ate my formatting. >:-/
Keep reading
Well, I certainly can’t blame you for that. XD;
Asami rubbed the coarse material of her airbender training tunic between her fingers as she examined her reflection in a full-length mirror.
“It’s great,” she said. “Very… yellow.”
It was very orange too, of course. As much as she appreciated Pema’s efforts to finish this outfit in time for Team Avatar’s departure, Asami wondered if it was a bad sign for her future bending prowess that the colors of the Air Nation made her eyes ache.
“Thanks!” Ikki chirped. “I told Jinora you’d like it.” She reached for the airbending staff leaning against the wall. “Dad said to give you this.”
Asami accepted the staff with both hands, noting that it felt even lighter than Korra’s. Of course, the Avatar’s staff was usually weighed down by a snack compartment filled with seal jerky.
She tried tapping the butt of the staff on the ground, and its fanlike wings obediently sprang open. Asami held the crux of the primary wing structure close to her eyes, examining the tiny brass rods that pinned its slats to the main shaft. The secrets of its construction must have been passed down to Tenzin and the Air Acolytes from Aang himself, unless this staff was an antique made by the pre-war monks.
“By the way,” Ikki added, “Dad says no taking it apart.”
Asami’s shoulders slumped. “Oh.” Too bad.
I might nitpick introductions a lot, but this is a really good one – I really like the way that the details work together to create the impression that Asami is way out of her comfort zone in the Air Nation, and that Korra really isn’t in the same position at all (since she can choose to ignore any parts of the Air Nation culture she finds inconvenient). And, on the other side, we get to see a bit of Asami’s love of mechanical stuff, which I always like seeing. =)
Thanks! Asami-as-fish-out-of-water is one of my favorite aspects of this fic, and I plan to milk it for all it’s worth in future chapters. ^_-
(Back in Part 3 of “Light Behind the Eyes” I stuck in a moment where Asami wishes she had an airbender staff to take apart. Of course, back then I had no idea I’d be writing something like this!)
It’s definitely worth milking. ;) (Accidental foreshadowing is the best, isn’t it? ;D )
As soon as Asami had realized the magnitude of the task Korra had undertaken, she had gotten on the phone to Future Industries and ordered the Airship Division to outfit their largest, newest model to serve as a mobile base for Team Avatar and the new airbenders who would join them. The ship was already loaded with everyone’s luggage, floating at the dock and waiting for its final passengers. (Since this was an Avatar business trip, Asami had argued herself down to half a dozen trunks.)
The first sentence feels a bit overly wordy (I think “the task Korra had undertaken” could just be “Korra’s task” and “Team Avatar and the new airbenders who would join them” could be “Team Avatar and the Air Nation’s new recruits”). The second sentence seems like it might be more natural if the part about being loaded with luggage came after “floating at the dock.”
I rearranged the sentence and the paragraph itself to read more smoothly, and cut down the wording where you suggested.
Sounds good. =) (Though now I’m questioning the flow of “largest, newest” – might “newest and largest” sound better?)
The final sentence, on the other hand, is just a whole ton of fun. ^_^
Thanks. ^_^ I think my fellow Asami stans tend to forget the definite materialistic streak she displays in Book 1, but I thought it would be useful as a barometer of the change she’s going to undergo as a member of the Air Nation, so it’ll come up again later.
Yeah, I agree. I think you’ve put it to good use here, though. =)
The two of them stopped at the foot of the gangplank, where Korra casually propped an elbow on Asami’s shoulder and gave the reporters a grin and a thumbs-up. A dozen flash bulbs went off, capturing the Avatar and the world’s first new airbender—ridiculous outfit and all—for the front pages of every newspaper in the city.
I love this image. (I feel like if this chapter had an image to illustrate it, this one might be ideal. ;) )
It does (sort of) have one, since I based the description on this fanart (hi, ugly formatting):
http://dionysiajones.tumblr.com/post/118406250342/been-a-while-since-i-posted-any-korra-art-so
…by Dionysia Jones (who did my “Light Behind the Eyes” commission). Picture Asami wearing airbender attire and it would be pretty much the same image, right down to her uncomfortable expression. ^_-
That fanart does make for an excellent illustration of what you’re going for, I agree. =)
(The best way around the ugly formatting in question is to turn the image into a link, I’ve found – just put the text you want to link within square parentheses and immediately follow it with the URL in normal parentheses, and it won’t end up on a separate line. ;) )
I like how you chose to use one of the recurring reporters from the show to ask questions, too.
I didn’t actually have a particular one in mind, but there always seem to be plenty of female reporters at any press conference, so I figure the reader can just pick one. ^^;
I think there are three recurring reporters with lines, actually, with one of them being a fairly recognizable woman in glasses. ;) The show never really seemed inclined to come up with extra character designs when old ones would suffice, heh.
The reporter talked on heedlessly. “But historically, Air Nomads had no permanent residence or worldly possessions. As a new airbender, aren’t you expected to fully adopt the Air Nomad lifestyle?”
Asami frowned. She had been pushing questions like these to the back of her mind ever since she’d discovered her airbending. Answering them publicly, on the spur of the moment, was the last thing she wanted. “This situation is unprecedented,” she said, a bit coldly. “I’m still considering my options.”
I’m not sure about “heedlessly” in the first sentence. I really like how Asami handled the question, though – it’s pretty clear that she’s had experience giving non-answers when asked awkward questions by pushy reporters, heh.
(Of course, Korra’s response works even better, but she’s probably the only one who can actually get away with it. ;) )
I took out the unnecessary adverb… and situations that discomfit Asami are always a lot of fun to write, especially if they involve Korra in some way!
Sounds better now. =) And, yeah, I’m in total agreement there. XD
“Since you’re both already experienced fighters,” Tenzin said to Asami and Bumi, “I thought we’d start with a little weapons training.”
At the word “weapons,” Korra’s head came up.
I love Korra’s response here. XD
“This isn’t a game, Bumi,” said Tenzin, frowning. “A wind sword is a dangerous weapon, sharper than the finest steel. It can easily sever a limb with one stroke, and it’s extremely difficult to evade, because only an airbender can accurately track its movement through the air.”
“Wait a minute.” Korra vaulted over the guardrail, landing as lightly as a cat on the lower deck. “You mean it’s possible to airbend invisible bladed weapons? And I’m only hearing about this now?”
…and here!
(I am curious as to how the Air Nomads used such obviously-lethal weapons without killing people, though I imagine that you might have an explanation for that later on.)
The “wind sword” is one of those throwaway lines from AtLA that got me thinking about how horrific airbending could potentially be if it weren’t controlled and hedged in by airbender pacifism… which, yes, will become a major theme later on. ^_-
I think A:tLA kind of glossed over it because no one was inclined to think that Aang was actually thinking about the consequences of using such a thing… but I do like how you’ve been using the wind swords in your story. =)
Asami and Korra crouched down and picked up a slice each, while Bumi dropped to his knees for a closer look at the others. As Mako and Bolin joined them from the upper deck, Tenzin resumed his explanation. “True mastery of the wind sword allows an airbender to create a moving blade of any size, anywhere air exists. Because its leading edge is no more than a few molecules thick, it is capable of forcing its way between the particles of any other substance.”
“In other words,” Asami realized, “there’s nothing a wind sword can’t cut.” She ran her thumb over the stone in her hand, quartered like an orange.
Thinking about it, this seems like it makes the new Air Nation even more like Jedi than they were in canon. ;)
I’ll be coming back to that theme later, as well (in the non-canon scenes, of course).
Definitely looking forward to it. =)
“Blindfolded?” Korra smirked. “Because if they can’t see, they’ll really have to feel the air moving.”
Asami shot her a dirty look.
Tenzin considered for a moment before shaking his head. “No, that would be too dangerous for novices. Perhaps another time.”
This looks an awful lot like a Star Wars reference to me (though Tenzin’s more practical about the use of blindfolding than Obi Wan was XD )…
Actually, it’s a near-quote from the blindfolding scene in “Bitter Work,” with airbending in place of earthbending!
Hah, I’m not sure how I missed that.
Soon Mako, who had disappeared belowdecks sometime during the second hour of breathing exercises, came up to tell them they were approaching the first village on the map.
Belowdecks?
I was pretty sure this was a real word–so I looked it up, and it is, even if the spellchecker doesn’t like it: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/belowdecks
I’m certainly not going to argue with the dictionary! Darn spellcheckers, always missing words… >.>
Then there were the more Avatar-ish aspects of their mission to consider. If full-time airbending training was a difficult path to an uncertain future, Asami’s hours of talking bending shop with Korra were some of the most fascinating she’d ever spent. For the first time, she felt as if she and Korra had something serious in common.
I really like how you’re developing this relationship, by the way. I can imagine the two of them bonding over this easily.
I figured if there was one thing that would certainly get these two spending lots of quality time together, bending training would be it. (The more I think about it, the more disappointed I am that canon didn’t take this route. -_-;)
Definitely. (I’m inclined to feel the same – there’s just so much potential here!)
Though the moon and stars provided enough light to see by, Asami made a mental note to have her engineers add electric lights to the deck of the next airship model. Korra burst through the elevator doors and reformed her ball of air, waiting by the upper-deck guardrail for Asami to catch up.
I like these little insights into how Asami’s mind works… and Korra’s, for that matter. ;)
Thanks–I love tossing in little moments like this to contrast them with each other.
And I love reading them, so I consider it a win/win. ;)
Not content with beating her once around the skylight, the Avatar led her on a chase around the middle and upper decks, zooming up and down staircases and dodging structural supports, making Asami sweat to keep up. Rounding the deckhouse once more, she broke Asami’s concentration with a sudden zigzag to the left, tossing off a cheerful salute as her friend scootered past at top speed. By the time Asami pulled her eyes back to the front, the mountainous skylight loomed, solid and threatening, just a few yards away.
This race is both a lot of fun and perfectly natural for Avatar-style storytelling. (It kind of reminds me of something that you’d see in A:tLA, actually!)
There are a few phrasings that feel awkward, though, namely “making Asami sweat to keep up” and “pulled her eyes back.”
This was a tricky moment to get right (as actiony stuff always is for me), but it should be less awkward now.
This new version sounds totally natural. =)
“Let me guess,” Asami said, her chest still heaving from the extended race and the near collision. “You meant to do that?”
Korra lay sprawled on her back, wheezing to regain the breath Asami had knocked out of her. “I meant to if you did,” she gasped.
Asami laughed breathlessly. “Deal.”
I don’t think I can tell you enough how much I like this dynamic. =)
Since they spend most of the fic on opposite sides of the continent from each other, I wanted to get as much advantage as possible, friendship-development-wise, from Asami’s airbending before splitting them up.
You certainly took good advantage of the time you had. ^_^
She went back to scanning the horizon. “Sato credit is good everywhere, so I don’t carry cash. If you’re looking for someone to pickpocket, I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed.”
“Who, me?” said Kai, flashing one of his endearing grins. “Naaah. I promised the Avatar I’d turn over a new leaf, and I meant it.”
Promise or no, Kai’s natural curiosity seemed to take a nose-dive along with his prospects for quick cash. After a few seconds of silence, he gave up feigning interest in the control panel and wandered off.
Getting to see an actual Asami-Kai dynamic is a lot of fun, too. I can totally imagine something like this happening off-screen even in canon. XD
And I thought I’d throw in a little explanation for why we never actually see her use all that money she’s supposed to have!
Little explanations like this are always fun. =)
“Asami, I noticed Kai seeking you out yesterday. The boy seems to have connected with you as a fellow airbender. You should look for him as well, in case he’s reluctant to come back with Mako and Bolin.”
“Seeking you out” feels a little bit awkward to me.
I changed it to “visiting you on the bridge”.
Sounds good to me.
Jinora brightened. “I’m a fellow airbender. Can I go too?”
“No,” said Tenzin.
Heh. I can just imagine Tenzin’s demeanor in shutting Jinora down here.
Tenzin’s dadness doesn’t need elaboration. ^_-
No, it sure doesn’t. XD
Asami’s boots weren’t made for running, and soon she was lagging still more.
I think the second half should be “falling further behind.”
As long as it doesn’t seem to repetitious after the preceding paragraph (although I used “farther” instead, since it’s for physical distance while “further” is for more metaphorical distance).
Actually, thinking about it, I think the “falling behind” in the previous sentence could be “lagging behind” if you wanted… or you could switch it to something like “with Mako hot on his trail and Asami and Bolin barely keeping up” to avoid the repetition.)
(Darn that farther/further thing… >_< )
“You’re going to help me figure out where you sent the guys, and then you’re coming back to the palace—where you will stay put.”
I don’t think “the palace” is the right word to describe where they were staying – it looked like they were staying in an apartment in the Upper Ring (commentary tracks say it’s the same apartment that Toph was captured in back in A:tLA).
Hm, for some reason I thought the apartment was inside the palace… I just changed it to “apartment.”
Ah, okay. ^^;
“The Dai Li,” he gasped.
Would Kai really know who the Dai Li are? I wasn’t under the impression that he’d spent much time in Ba Sing Se.
The show does portray them as being essentially a Ba Sing Se force, but I figured there’s no particular reason they wouldn’t be known by sight in other parts of the Earth Kingdom.
Fair enough!
Or maybe the denizens of the Upper Ring had grown blind to the Dai Li dragging people away in broad daylight.
I kind of imagine that this is the case… and it just makes the Dai Li scarier.
The bearded man who seemed to be their leader spoke to Asami. “Is he yours? If not, you won’t care what we do with him, will you?”
The two men who had Kai in their grip lifted the boy in the air with their gloves and dragged him over the guardrail, holding him suspended thirty feet above the ground. Asami froze, desperately wishing that the two of them weren’t such novices at bending. Tenzin could have used airbending to wrest Kai out of the Dai Li’s grip, cushion his fall…
She tried stalling. “What do you want from us?”
“Only your surrender,” the agent growled. “Last chance, airbender. My men are getting tired.” Kai’s captors let him slip a little through the fingers of their rock-gloves, and he let out a frightened yell.
“All right—I give up.” Asami raised her hands.
What lovely people these Dai Li are. >_>;
“No more than you are,” sneered the agent. Her guards shoved her into the cell and bent the stone cuffs off her hands and back onto their own, in their glove configurations. “The United Republic is part of our nation. Someday we’ll remind you upstarts of that. Meanwhile, ten years is the minimum sentence for obstructing the Queen’s agents.”
…and what a justice system the Earth Kingdom has! (I like the foreshadowing for the attempted takeover of the URN, by the way.)
Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a way the ten-year sentence feel like a credible threat–not just because it would conflict with canon, but because the Dai Li in LoK never even come close to their AtLA counterparts in terms of sheer scariness (except when they’re bullying draftees). :-P
Well, I’m not sure it really matters that their threat is credible for your purposes – the simple fact that they made it says a lot on its own, and it’s just sort of assumed that threats of the sort are never going to be carried out. ;)
Kai’s expression shifted to annoyance. “Look, I’m sorry about that, okay? I guess… well, even though you wimped out and got captured, I was surprised by the way you quit fighting when they threatened to hurt me. I just never had anyone who was willing to spend ten years in jail for me. I didn’t want it to be for real, you know?”
Asami smiled. “Let’s make sure no one ever has to save you that way again.”
I like how Kai considers Asami’s surrender “wimping out” but was still touched by her saving him. XD (Ouch at that finale foreshadowing in the last line, though!)
The combination seemed to fit him (and to complement his “off-screen” apology to Mako and Bolin).
Yeah, it does. =)
Tenzin decided to take the Ba Sing Se airbenders on to the Air Temple—soon to be joined by Tenzin’s family and the group from Republic City—while Korra, Beifong, Mako and Bolin continued to search the Earth Kingdom for more airbenders.
“This is just the beginning,” Korra said as she embraced her teacher. She let go of Tenzin and turned to Asami, grinning. “I know you’ll do great at airbending training,” she said, giving her friend a crushing goodbye hug. “Just don’t let the kids bully you too much.”
There’s another one of those weird extra spaces between these two paragraphs on your blog.
I like the warning Korra gives about the airbending kids, though. X3
Meelo is by far the scariest trainer the airbenders get… Tenzin tries, but he can’t quite duplicate Meelo’s “slightly insane” vibe.
(I think I got rid of all the extra spaces, both here and elsewhere.)
Huh, I still see the space in the same place as I mentioned it before. o_0;
But, yeah, Meelo’s definitely the scariest airbending trainer. XD;
Until recently, this cloister had contained the quarters of the Air Acolytes who worked to maintain the Northern Air Temple, but Tenzin had sent them back to Air Temple Island to make room for the new airbenders.
This is a nice explanation for why there weren’t any acolytes in the temple during Book 3. =)
Thanks–I figured it sort of needed one, and the bit about the cloisters being the Acolytes’ quarters comes from an artbook caption, so it’s even sort of accurate. ^_^
I like your dedication to using even tiny artbook details for your fics. ^_^
As she stepped past him through the door, Asami’s eyes fell on the bed to her right—a smooth, flat stone carved from living rock, covered by a thin mattress. There were no blankets or pillow. “I think you forgot something,” she said, pointing to it.
“Oh, of course. I apologize.” Tenzin stepped forward and rolled up the mattress from the head of the bed to its foot, tucking it under his arm. He gestured to the bare stone pallet. “Much better. Sleeping on this will correct your posture in no time.”
Asami summoned a faint smile. “Thanks.”
Hah, this is some quality Avatar-style humor right here. (I think “pillow” should be pluralized, though.)
I took a hint from Tenzin and Pema’s conversation about her fight night on the Island (“that bed was so hard” and “It’s actually better for your back”) and made it literal. :-)
That certainly makes for a great source of humor. ^_^
“Nothing’s wrong with my posture, Tenzin,” she muttered as she finally drifted off.
Nice final line. xD
Thanks again. (It’s a harbinger of things to come. ;-))
You’re welcome. ^_^ (And what a harbinger it is. ;) )
Anyway, there weren’t all that many things to fix here, just one enjoyable chapter. ^_^ I really like the way you write Asami and her struggles dealing with her sudden airbending skills… it’ll be interesting to see what you do with Original Airbenders once you get to it. =)
I’ve been plotting hard on the middle chapters of the fic (4-6, which will take us roughly to the end of “Long Live the Queen”), and my “draft” master copy is more than 17,000 words long (of which I estimate half will need very heavy rewriting and the other half will eventually be thrown out completely -_-). Chapter 3 will be done this week, I swear. ^^;
That’s one large draft. o_o Since you’ve finished not just Chapter 3 but also Chapter 4 at this point, though, I’ve got to wonder how many words you have now!