Are you truly ready for a dog? This is a test that every Potential Puppy Owner (PPO) must pass and, after passing, will be given a license to begin learning about the breed of their choice.
No physical force, yelling, or cursing is allowed during the test. Protective clothing or soil-proof clothes are not allowed. Small wounds and scratches are to be handled in a blasé’ manner.
Tests will be held in a variety of environments and PPO will enter brush, woods etc with a happy face.
Any PPO seen wiping dog hair or saliva off their clothing will not pass.
The Tests
PPO must control a highly stimulated 10 month old male GSD puppy. PPO must be able to get the dog to do a down in two minutes. Flat buckle collar and nylon lead only.
PPO must stand between a 14 month old Golden Retriever and a field. The handler of the puppy will then throw a ball directly into the path of the Golden. PPO must stand their ground and take their clobbering in good nature.
PPO must serve dinner to 6 Rottweiler puppies, not older than 6 months and not younger than 4 months. PPO must not spill the food and the puppies will not be held in any stay position.
PPO must quiet 4 Shelties, or 6 Pomeraniens, when the doorbell rings. PPO has two minutes and the puppies must have been handled previously by a breeder immune to the noise who lives in the middle of nowhere.
PPO must hold their ground with 10 Jack Russels chasing an animal they perceive as prey. PPO must hold their leashes and not move more than 6 inches. No corrections may be issued, but PPO is welcome to try to distract them.
PPO must walk 2 Great Danes on ice. PPO must not move more than 100 feet.
PPO must play with a Newfoundlander after the dog has been swimming in a pond. They must attempt to dry themselves with a dishtowel. At no time will the PPO appear disgusted.
PPO must leave 3 Huskies alone in their home, uncrated, for 3 hours. PPO is allowed to cry upon return.
PPO must groom an adult male collie blowing coat completely within 25 minutes, ears, nails, teeth and coat. The dog will have been recently bathed to give PPO a fighting chance.
PPO must fit a Basenji into a winter coat within 5 minutes. Basenji cannot have worn a coat before.
PPO must removes thistles from an English Setter by hand with a fine-toothed comb.
PPO must exercise a Viszla that has not been out for 2 days. PPO must not tire out before the dog.
PPO must sleep in the same room as a bulldog. If the PPO cannot sleep, they must be happy in the morning.
PPO will navigate through 10 small dogs without stepping on one.
PPO must be able to secure a good supply of used plastic bags within 3 days.
PPO must be able to successfully get a dog to throw up in a plastic grocery bag while in the passenger seat of a car.
PPO must not die of shock when they get the vet bill for neutering a Mastiff.
PPO must sit in a closed room with two dogs that were fed broccoli and beans and exhibit no disgusted facial expressions.
PPO must vow to nurture, love, train and care for their dogs for the rest of the dog’s life.
PPO must accept that each dog is an individual which needs to live in a pack.
PPO must vow to educate themselves about the breed of their choice and requirements expected.
PPO must vow to obtain his dog from a reputable shelter/rescue/breeder.
Furthermore
PPO must conduct themselves in a responsible manner, securing liberties for the rest of the dog-loving community.
PPO must remain good-humored and remember that for every insane, tough moment there will be a hundred more good ones.
PPO must try to be the person that their dog thinks they are.
(Joy Henderson Carder)