Dear New Mom,
Happy New Year! Since 2016 arrived, you are probably starting to think through all those goals you want to set for yourself in the coming year, aren't you? I'm guessing your house is a mess and you are still in your pjs, right?
I was once you... thinking of all the seemingly unrealistic resolutions to be had in 2016. You might actually accomplish many of your goals. Maybe not.
But you dream...
1. I'm betting your first resolution would to one day be showered and dressed before noon. If you are an overachiever, you will probably add all the bells and whistles to this one: hair blown dry and curled and sprayed into place, your favorite jewelry on, and your outfit would surely be from your pre-pregnancy days. Right?
You dream...
2. Never mind that. In your sleep deprived state, your first resolution would be the desperate desire to get more SLEEP. Like say, more than two hours at a time? Bonus: An ENTIRE night of it. You picture yourself waking and stretching with a big fat yawn, feeling completely rested. Little babe is still asleep, and you stumble down to make yourself a cup of coffee in the silence of your home.
You dream...
3. This leads to you thinking about that coffee... it's sitting cold on the counter now, isn't it? Or maybe you haven't even been able to make your first cup yet, and it's nearing lunchtime. Lunch time is usually around noon, in case you forgot the typical meal schedule. I'm guessing you would start to consider a new resolution about this meal thing... like feeding yourself when you're hungry -- better yet? Feeding yourself REAL food. Making an actual meal. Remember those recipes you love? The ones that require cooking and putting ingredients together to form a delicious delicacy of nourishment? If you're really hungry right about now, then this may be your first resolution. No more cereal, take out, or spooned peanut butter from the jar. No, you WILL start cooking again.
You dream...
4. As you wonder where you put that recipe book, you may be thinking about your husband and the idea of having a home cooked dinner with him. Candles lit, music on, no interruptions. Just you two together like those pre-baby days of bliss. Your imagination runs wild as you consider a real date night with your husband! You're showered and dressed in that gorgeous getup you haven't worn in over a year, ready for your man and the quiet romantic night will unfold as you both fall in love all over again. Yes, this must be on your list of resolutions! You can't remember the last time you had anything that resembles a date, much less romance. Oh, this is just what you two need! You dare to envision REGULAR date nights, like every week. You can find someone to watch the baby, right?
You dream...
5. Your thoughts go from hubs to your friends. I have a hunch you haven't been in touch with many of them for months, right? You miss them all so much. You're lonely in this new motherhood world of isolation and constant busyness tending to this bundle of joy in your life. Everything has changed. You just don't have it in you to call or reach out to friends when you can barely keep up with what's right in front of you. Your next resolution will surely be about getting back in touch with those girlfriends, because you know it would be good for you! It's time to connect again. Oh, how you need it. You begin to think of lunch dates, girls night out, wine and food and laughter are a must this coming year! Maybe you are a realist and plan to invite a friend or two over because it's less complicated and easier for you to stay home with the baby. You need company and connection so desperately, you vow to call a friend tomorrow.
You dream...
6. Then there's panic. Wait! Your house is a disaster! You wouldn't even know where to begin to start to clean and make it presentable enough to have even your non-judgy friends over. You can't even find the table under the loads of laundry and diapers and the mess of scrapbooking piles you had every intention of doing. You can't remember the last time you actually dusted, much less cleaned the toilets. Crap. Maybe you could clear a path and clean one room so people can visit? You immediately start to plan another resolution: Start cleaning the house! You know the reality of your situation, so you simplify your goal immediately: Clean one room a day. You can do that, right?
You dream...
7. You look at the piles of scrapbooking paper and pictures and albums that have been growing for months as you keep throwing more and more memories to be sorted and creatively placed in that precious 'first year' album you received at your shower. Treasures to hold for a lifetime, as they wait for your attention. You sigh. It's too much. Too overwhelming to think of tackling that project. You're too tired and surely don't have the time to dive into something that complex and it takes inspiration and effort to scrapbook. You have neither of those things, so you throw it on the resolution list, thinking once you'll get that much needed sleep and those nourishing meals- surely you'll have the energy to tackle this huge project.
You dream...
Baby starts to cry again. Holding that little nugget in your arms, you begin to rock ever so gently back and forth, while dreaming of the New Year resolutions ahead. You're not sure what time it is, or when you last ate. You can't remember if you finished your coffee on the counter or not, but you can't get up to get it... baby's sleeping now, snuggled in your arms -- God forbid you ruin that.
You glance down at your pj bottoms and lean your head over to kiss that sweet smelling tiny head, but instead get a good whiff of your own stench. When did you shower last? Can't remember that either. The phone rings, you can hear it upstairs where you must have left it when you changed that poop diaper. You're not going to move for fear of waking the baby, so you let it go to voicemail once again. It's probably one of those friends you promised you'd call. Hubs will be home soon, and you hope he'll surprise you again with take out... you're starting to get hungry now.
You look around your house, full of things not done and you wonder if you really will ever do anything productive again. You look back at your precious little one and it comes without warning...
The tears.
Not tears of frustration, madness, or exhaustion, but of something indefinable. It wells up from deep within, and takes over the life of any other emotion. There's really no name for it, despite its powerful presence in any new mom. There's probably no name because no one has been able to describe such a profound feeling in all of humanity that comes from one word:
Motherhood.
You stare down at this tiny human being you still can't believe you made.
You let out a slow sigh in the silence of the moment.
And you realize the most important resolution you can make this year has nothing to do with all those dreams, but the one right here in your arms. The dream that did come true...
Be a mom.
It's going to be a good year.
The original post was first published on TheMomCafe.com
Christine Carter is a stay at home mom who blogs at TheMomCafe.com with hopes to encourage mothers through her humor, inspiration and faith.
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