"The world will be saved by the Western Woman." -- Dalai Lama
I love coaching women. Holding an impeccable, masculine, loving presence for women to deepen into their empowerment is important to me because when the masculine and feminine energies of the world come into true alignment (within ourselves and between one another), we will see some dramatic upgrades in life on this planet of ours.
In order to succeed and lead in the current world paradigm, most women have felt they need to be primarily in their masculine energy. In fact, most of the women I work with who want support transitioning out of a corporate environment and into a life that is more authentic, attribute their corporate burnout to the expectation that they show up as someone they're not day after day.
But what if women could stay connected to their feminine essence and be taken seriously as leaders? How might such a shift come as a relief to both women and men? I am excited to find out, and have some ideas about how to get there.
Dr. Reverend Michael Beckwith, founder of the Agape International Spiritual Center, identified a model of the four primary stages of leadership. This model has been adopted by the Conscious Leadership Group (founded by Jim Dethmer and Diana Chapman), and used as a guiding principle in leadership coaching. In my experience, understanding these stages can greatly empower a woman to both shift into her feminine essence AND show up powerfully in all areas of her life. For our purposes, we will focus solely on the first three stages, with the understanding that while the eventuality is to evolve into complete embodiment of the fourth stage, most of us circulate amongst the first three stages for awhile.
Stage One: Life Is Happening to Me
All of us have found ourselves here before. When "life is happening to me," we find ourselves at the effect of life. Complaints and criticism are common symptoms of this stage. We are usually somewhere on the victim/villain/hero triangle, where the villain is in constant blame, the victim feels wronged, and the hero sees others as incompetent or "less than" and swoops in to save the day again and again. This is a very expensive stage, as the tariff is our own, true nature.
The antidotes to stage one are wonder, curiosity and personal responsibility. In order to shift out of this stage, we can ask ourselves "What do I want from this situation?" or "What I am learning here?" The moment we become willing to take responsibility for ALL the circumstances of our lives and commit to seeing others in full responsibility of their lives, we are free to move on to stage two.
Stage Two: Life is Happening By Me
This is a very exhilarating stage, because here we experience a sense of control, responsibility and power. Our focus shifts from being perpetually outward to the rich terrain of our internal landscapes. We see ourselves co-creating with life. Both hands are on the steering wheel, and we've gotten a glimpse of our human potential.
This can be a very empowering stage. We feel a sense of control like never before. But, as life teaches us again and again... control is an illusion. And once we get current with that fact, we can move on to stage three.
Stage Three: Life Is Happening Through Me
Here is where the real magic starts to happen. The big difference between stages two and three is that we have moved from a sense of control (a masculine principle) to a deep sense of surrender (a very feminine principle).
When we are in Stage Three, we are fueled by wonder. A frequent question we ask ourselves is: "What wants to happen through me?" We commit to maximizing our energy by honoring rest and renewal; we commit to creating a life of play and to seeing all of life unfold with ease. Stage Three is where the feminine principle comes to life, and it vibrates at a much higher frequency than most of us are used to.
Stage Three is where a woman can rest into herself and trust the cues her body gives her about where to go and what to do next. She can cite her innate creativity and intuition as main contributors to her success. She can commit to something big without the fear of losing too much of herself along the way.
Stage Four: Life Is Happening As Me
For the purposes of supporting a positive change in feminine leadership style, I want to stick with the first three principles for now -- though there is much to be said about stage four, which I will share in a future post. In the meantime:
Be Aware of "Shift & Drift"
Once we commit to shifting into Stages Two and Three, it's very normal to drift into our old ways. Usually the bigger the commitment, the bigger the opportunity to revert back. You'll know the "shift and drift" is happening if you find yourself complaining, criticizing, or refusing to delegate.
I tell my clients that the antidote to the "shift and drift" is to accept where you are, take some conscious breaths, change your posture, and ask yourself the questions: "What am I learning from this?" "What is my role here?" "What do I want to create next?" and "How do I surrender and let go?"
How You Do One Thing Is How You Do Everything
What's great is that when you shift your business leadership style, you shift the way
you do everything else. This includes relationship, parenting, finance, spirituality, health, and everything else. Which is another reason why coaching women is so important to me: when women are empowered to lead in business from their authentic power, everything else in their lives gets better. And when women's lives become a reflection of their true potential, passions, desires and knowing, the rest of the world gets better too.
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