My first born is a boy and you know the phrase he’s all boy, well that definitely applies to my boy. Here are some boy mom truths for you to choke on. Oh, I’m sorry, I meant chew on. You see when you have boys, you spend a lot of time choking on whatever food you are chewing whilst discovering them in the middle of some pretty precarious activities.
1. Hide the knives. You may think that you have time to spare before you actually have to do this, but my son was two when he first discovered knives. One day I thought it would be safe to take a quick shower only to emerge and find him standing on top of the kitchen counter playing a game of let’s see how many different things I can do with these here knives. Some had been carefully placed inside various cups he had laid out. Some were inside the ABC train he had gotten from Christmas. The part where he was supposed to put the letters in so they would spit out into the caboose was now filled with three knives. Then of course, he was holding a knife and stabbing a banana with it. So, hide your knives at the onset of crowning in the delivery room. You’ll thank me later.
2. Throw away the cute toilet seat cover. Throw it away now, so that you won’t be saddened by its discoloration after the daily pee staining that’s going to happen. Matter of fact, designate one bathroom in the house just for the boys, and treat it like a public gas station restroom. No rugs. No pictures. No frilly hand towels. You know what, just install a paper towel holder. That way there will be nothing in there that can be flushed down the toilet or used in any experiments that might come to mind as they are using the bathroom. Because they will be in there for a LONG time and they are very creative.
3. Buy stock in tape. Your little boy is going to be using a lot of it. He will want to tape everything. Don’t ask why. Also, buy stock in glue and any other adhesives.
4. Keep the screwdriver in full sight. Because your boy will like to fix things and he will be good at it. By the age of three, my son was replacing all the batteries to the toys in the house by himself.
5. Be prepared for a flood. At some point, your sweet little boy is going to flood the house or at least the bathroom. Trust me, it’s going to happen. So just be prepared. Make sure you have a large stock of bathroom towels ready and waiting for said event. Mine has flooded our bathroom twice. TWICE. They will be sorry and offer to help you clean it up. Resist the urge to drown them in it and let them be a part of the clean-up.
6. Learn how to sew. The knees of your boy’s jeans are going to wear out quicker than your patience so you’ll need some skills to make those jeans stretch through the whole season. This will give you a chance to Pinterest all those cute patch ideas.
7. Get ready for the compliments. Boys love their mamas!! He will tell you how pretty you are and how much he loves you. But he will do it in little boy ways, like mommy, I love you 100 meters long and mama, I love your big nose. He will say some pretty sweet things that will make your mama heart just melt. So, get out the notebooks and write it all down.
8. Get ready to have some pretty interesting talks about poop. Boys love to talk about it. Mine even recorded a rap on his dad’s phone that we discovered. It went something like poop, poopity poop, I love to poop, pee and poop, pippity poo, poopity do, poop, poop, poop. You get the picture. He’s also pooped outside a few times, once even at a park. So, you might also want to get over any tendencies you have towards getting embarrassed because it’s going to happen, a lot.
9. Swords. Guns. Bow & Arrows. Num-chuks. Shields. Your house is going to look like an armory. Just know that. You might not even be the one who bought him all these things. He’ll make some out of cardboard boxes and twigs and yarn and plastic pieces and garbage. He’s like a bird making a nest, except he’s building weaponry.
10. Some of your most meaningful conversations with him will be while he is on the toilet. We’re back to that whole poop thing again. He’ll tell you all the things he’s been thinking about and you’ll be surprised by what he shares during this time. I’ve learned things like how many teeth a shark has, who he has a crush on, and how scared he is of Scooby Doo. Who knew?
And I wouldn’t trade him for a million freshly laundered toilet seat covers!
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