Njoki Chege’s article on why men cheat created a lot of mixed emotions, especially from Plus-Size ladies, who she termed “Big is not beautiful. Those tires around your waist are not love handles; they are ugly, unsightly and downright unattractive“. According to Njoki, women COULD be the reason why their men cheat.
She went ahead to explain further reasons why men go astray. This got her a harsh response from two ladies, both mothers, who have also gained weight and stretchmarks due to childbirth.
Read all three interesting articles here, what are your views on the matter?
NJOKI CHEGE: LADIES: It’s all your fault that he is CHEATING!
“Why does a man cheat? Because he can? No, really, tell me, why would a good man, a God-fearing church going man who sings in the church choir cheat on his wife or girlfriend? Is it because he is a wicked piece of junk that has completely lost his moral compass or because he is a greedy, insatiable human incapable of being content?
There are several reasons why a man cheats, but as a woman, have you ever thought that you could be the reason why your husband strayed? That you could have contributed one hundred per cent to driving him up the wall, so much that he couldn’t take it anymore?
I see you are getting vexed and disgusted, but truth be told, you are a contributing factor to your husband’s philandering ways and I have proof!
You are fat: I like to call a spade a spade, so when I see a fat girl, I will call her fat and not sugarcoat the truth (pun intended). Most married women I know are fat. Children or no children, you have lost your physical attractiveness and you have been reduced to a blob. Rolls upon rolls of fat and flesh jiggling around the city like nobody’s business. I look at some married women and I pity their husbands, asking myself “How do you get turned on by that?” or ‘How do you wash all that?” I understand that the vagaries of life and childbirth take its toll on a woman’s body but, ladies; can you shove this stinking attitude of ‘plus-size and loving it’? It is time women stopped lying to themselves that big is beautiful, that plus size is attractive and that what matters is what is on the inside. To hell with inner beauty! Who gets turned on by inner beauty? Who cares if you have a wonderful heart and a wiggly mass of flesh for a behind? Big is not beautiful. Those tires around your waist are not love handles; they are ugly, unsightly and downright unattractive. Those flabby arms are not sexy at all, they are disgusting to look at and you must tone them! Those stretch marks are not beauty marks of childbirth, they are as a result of your uncontrolled consumption of insurmountable loads of food and you need to stop eating like a pig. A man can afford a potbelly and get away with being assumed as rich but an overweight woman is a disgrace to the womenfolk. Do away with your thunder thighs ladies, they are excess baggage you don’t need. If it has been two years since you had a child and your tummy still wobbles when you brush your teeth then you are a lazy bum who needs to find a treadmill right now. I don’t care if you have a busy schedule or four kids, if you have time to down an entire thermos of uji, then girl, you got time to hit the gym! Stop giving your husbands a tough time by expecting them to look away when they see a woman with a great body pass by when you resemble a baby hippo!
You are an idle nag: You are fat, and then, you are a nag. How difficult can your husband’s life get? Your physical unattractiveness sticks out like a sore thumb and you want to reduce your chances of happiness by topping it up with being an idle nag who cannot leave her husband in peace? If he tells you he is in the pub with wazee why the hell would you bombard his phone with texts and calls asking him where he is? What you need is to get a life, friends, a pet or a hobby. Hit the ground running with projects at work and oh…signing up for the gym is a great place to start. It takes a lot of your time and takes your mind off stuff. A nagging woman, no matter how physically attractive you are, will end up with a cheating husband who is not sorry for straying. For goodness sake, stop going through his goddam phone and will you stop asking who ‘Sheila’ is?
You have no sense of fashion: The first thing you notice about a woman is her fashion sense. Then her face and then her physical appearance. I have seen some of you show up in the office looking like you were run over by a truck. Your clothes are distasteful and ill-fitting and your hair looks like it’s been vandalized by rodents. How much will it cost you to dress well? How much will it cost you to do away with the ugly tent dresses and drab jeans? Are you so backward that you cannot even flip through a fashion magazine or fashion blog to look at the latest fashion trends. How long will it take you to put some lipstick and heels on? I don’t expect you to wear six-inch heels, but what is a woman that cannot sashay and strut her stuff in a sexy pair of heels? Is your life so miserable that you cannot be creative enough to have another hairstyle besides that stinking plastic bird nest you call a weave? Ladies, competition is rife and there are very many attractive women walking around this town. Just because you are hitched with three children does not mean you must squeeze yourself in that sickening faded pair of trousers and flat shoes. Just because you are somebody’s mother doesn’t mean that you can’t show some leg here and cleavage there. Who says because you are a born-again mother of four and devoted wife that you cannot look fantastic and decent in a figure hugging dress?
You are lazy and boring: Let’s face it. Since you got married you have become a boring, dull and gloomy stay-at-home mother and wife whose one and only goal is to raise children. You will be damned if you expect your husband to follow suit. You have lost your taste for fun and your idea of fun is taking the children out for chips and swimming. Your husband does not crave your company anymore and the only place you go together is church, visiting family and friends. You let your husband go alone for jogging or to the gym and you think he will not cheat on you with the chic that reminds him to go for jogging? If you are not your husband’s recreational partner, then somebody else will be. A pretty young thing that understands there is more to life than sitting at home watching Nigerian movies and Corazon Indomable (soap opera). The truth is, if your husband doesn’t find you fun to be with, don’t expect him to find you sexually attractive.
So there you have it, if you are fat, lazy, boring, unstylish and a sickening nag, need I tell you more why he’s been sexting Sheila?
Here are two of the responses of the responses that Njoki Chege got.
1) By Brenda Kenyaah
”FAT” WOMEN NEED A GYM LIKE YOU NEED A SHRINK, CHILD!
An Open letter to one Child, Njoki Chege
Njoki Chege,(Standing ovation)..clap clap clap.
You must be elated with your new found fame, I mean the whole country is talking about you. (Hongera kwako dada). You must be proud!!
I received a call from my 15 year old cousin this morning, she was crying hysterically asking for some slimming advice because she was fat and ugly and she didn’t want to end up a miserable ugly fat woman with a philandering husband. To cut a long story short, I had to tune on to classic, google you (sic) up and read your nonsense, that demeaning rubbish you call advice. Thanks to you, you have confirmed to a 15 year old girl that she is ugly and that inner beauty belongs to the hyenas. You have just confirmed to that overweight woman who is on fertility pills that are making her ”fat” because she cant get a baby that she is ugly and if her husband is cheating on her, she is to blame. That woman who has a disease that makes her overweight, she not only has to deal with cruel stares from the public but another dimwit blogger! You have (thanks to you again) insulted all stay home moms who took care of us and told them, you are lazy and ugly. Obviously those sleepless nights because the baby had a fever, colic, those warm meals and bedtime stories, warm cuddles, mean..boring and lazy! You went further and gave fashion advice that to look sexy one must wear heels! Child, u need therapy…a shrink? Dr Njenga can you hear me? You are one despicable demeaning cyber bully who has nothing to do with her writing skills other than demean women. Shame on you!
I couldn’t wait to see what you look like to write such a bold letter – and since fashion is my area of expertise, I first judged you on what you were wearing. Do you and me a favour, never give any advice as far as fashion is concerned. If you sat before a fashion judge, he would give you life. Are we clear hun?I am a retired model and a fashion designer, I would know a thing or two about fashion. You are crazy if you think that clothes make one sexy, tell you what, I can look just as sexy in an old sack picking mangoes under the rain just as I would in a Dubai fashion ranway in Jimmy Choo’s stilleto and a Gucci gown ( stuff I’m sure you have just seen on the magazines). Sexiness is an attitude.
First and foremost i wish to apologise to 90% of the women all over the world for this demeaning article. Not all skinny women are condescending. Not all of us lack grey matter between our ears. In actual fact this Child doesn’t even fit in the 10% skinny women category. All women are beautiful and God makes no junk.
Child, you speak about motherhood and yet you have no children. Marriage and you are still single. If you were my mama’s child she would give you a real ass whooping! I am a mother, so let me give you some advice and lets have a 1:1 if you will and if your skull aint too thick to absorb some of this wisdom:
1. Beauty comes in all sizes and shapes: I have never met an ugly woman in my entire life. Only women with an ugly attitude such as yours. You not only demean women, you are on a trip to empower cheats. Get off your high horse woman, you think you are better than other women just because a fashion magazine told you so? Deal with the karma that’s coming to you! Ask Harley Berry and Eva Longoria if they were fat when their husbands were cheating on them. Wise up child! Wise up! Ever heard of Oprah, Queen Latifah, Rogo Manduli & Margaret Kenyatta?
I got news for you, in some countries you would not only be considered ugly but hideous! Beauty comes in different shapes and sizes.
2. Stay home moms: Child, try to spend one weekend with a toddler, if you come out alive we can have this conversation. I mean a toddler puppy coz I would never trust an air head like you to take care of a human baby. Stay home moms are lazy and ugly? Hmmm….must be the reason Michelle Obama gave up her kick ass law career to be a full time mom? One more thing, I did spend a part of my life in front of the cameras, professional makeup and designer clothes and shoes. They didn’t make me feel more beautiful than when I am at home in my PJ’s, no make up and bare feet.
3. Stretch marks and scars: If this one wasn’t so pathetic it would be laughable. I have a beautiful scar from my C- Section. I adore it :). When I was pregnant I had more stretch marks than I could count. It’s the price that comes with the tag mommy. Those don’t bother us moms…but I can see how a stretch mark would bother a silly air- head who thinks outer beauty is all there is to. An air head who if looks are anything to go by and is all she was depending on her career, then that career would never take off! Get pregnant first and we will have this conversation – ( I pray to the fertility gods that they give you the appetite of 10,000,000 pigs). Amen!!
4. Nagging: Don’t ask who Sheila is? I was a stay home mom for 9 months. Hardest but most rewarding job in the Universe.My baby kept me so busy i didnt even know where my underwear was leave alone where his phone was. If a woman is snooping i have found, she is often right. (asiefunzwa na mamake atafunzwa na ulimwengu). You can thank me later, child!
5: Fashion Sense: You don’t have it! Stop giving fashion advice. If your attitude didn’t suck so..I would have given you free classes and outfits…oh and if you must know why mom’s are always in t shirts and PJ’s..babies puke and shit like they get paid to do it. Yes, we get puked on and shat on more than we bargained for. Get it, child? Heels? Honey, try wearing those with a 2 year old :D. Wish you luck!
Child, obviously you have been watching too much Kim Kardashian. Good luck with that! Welcome to the real world. If you don’t like them ”fat” you can kiss their fat ass. I know you already have a mental picture of me as the woman who put on so much weight after she gave birth. Nah…I’m a small woman because genetics demanded so. I’m smaller than you actually and you give small women a bad name. I can help with your pathetic sense of fashion but i cant help you with your issues…hence you need a SHRINK….asap! I celebrate all women, big, small, short, tall…all women are beautiful! ”FAT” women need a gym like you need a Shrink beloved :).
Thanks,
Bree.
Brenda Kenyaah!!”
2) By Wanjiku Wander-Jorgensen
“An open letter to the ignorant self-described ‘city girl’
Dear Njoki Chege,
First off, I am not your Fan. I am just another internet savvy user who has the absolute displeasure of stumbling upon articles you have written, quickly skimming through them and moving on to more entertaining, informative and educative feature pieces. However, it cannot escape me that you are now writing for one of Kenya National Newspapers. Good for you. That is a quiet a fete. What perturbs me though is the fact that you have taken your own issues and misplaced (negative) outlook of life, and are now using the right channels to drum the wrong gospel to a very impressionable audience. Someone has impressed these notions on you and you’ve now taken it upon yourself to judge and condemn people, and journeys that you know nothing about. How naïve! Yours is a pavement and biased judgment. I see you as a bully with no empathy or compassion for putting other’s down. It is all about the stats and maybe the paycheck for you, at whatever cost. I get you. It is a jungle out here. You have put your opinions of marriage, women, cheating spouses, SAHM out there for us to read, ponder and react. I respect that. So sit tight as I a mother, wife, journalist and feminist rubbish your words and perhaps teach you one or two lessons on marriage, respect, common courtesy and growing up.
You see it is very easy to laugh, condemn and be utterly sarcastic to others when you have little basis of what their life story is all about. It is easy to sit behind a computer and punch in words of a life that you have not lived either based on experiences you have overheard in a bar or whatever social circles you roam. It takes a conscious mind to do some meaningful research and turn them into a well-meaning article that will be read by people from all walks of life. You are young, unmarried and ‘free’. You are the Zebra teaching the Lion how to hunt. Your words are shaped by your own worldview and experiences. The undertones of your rhetoric come across as bitter, subjective, delusion and so out-of-touch that one can only mutter to themselves, ‘oh the folly of the sassy, sarcastic, insulting young city woman whose journey has just begun!” Such irony.
City Girl
I don’t know much about the upbringing of a city girl seeing that I grew up in the countryside. From your articles, though, this city girl sounds like all talk no action. She is speaking on behalf of the philandering man and justifying his wayward life. Back in the village, men in bars used to talk about the latest ‘kahawa or chai bonuses’, their wives, acquired land and mostly local politics, down to the local chief issues. Interestingly, the city men look like they sit in bars and open up to the ‘independent’ lady sipping on her expensive cocktail bought with her own hard-earned money, about their marital problems.
Talk of a writer’s goldmine. From here you gather your data and use it to point fingers at women and blame them for their husband’s clandestine affairs. Men must love you – to them you are better than a priest or their male friends. You understand their problems; one because you are a single woman, and you are also in a position to write and give their wives a solution to the unspoken marital woes. You must be the most sought after male companion. I picture all these men hovering around you, pouring out their marriage problems, describing in detail why they slept with the secretary or the ‘pretty young thing’, and you the ever listening journalist nodding your head in empathy as you take mental and actual notes. At the end you promise them a solution. A way out. You are going to write their story and reach out to wives with the sole message that they are to blame if the man cheats.
The men retreat to their seats, order another drink for themselves and an expensive cocktail for you (which you decline because you don’t mix work with pleasure…and of course you are an independent woman), they thank you heartily and express their full support for your endeavors. They are absolved off their sins and you have bagged your next story. Perfect win!
You call women fat
Now that is just rude. Someone didn’t teach you manners. There is a difference between being forward and being curt. Rude people are more disliked than ‘fat’ ones. These plus-size ladies have their own stories to tell, which if you did some research, you would discover that theirs is either genetic or a constant weigh loss challenge. However, you are a lazy writer only keen to tell one side of the story. And bullies like to call others fat to validate their own body image issues. Bullies also like to get attention and they will use whatever means and ways necessary to pass their message across. Sadly, you are using the national newspaper to serve this purpose.
Whatever issues you have with plus-size ladies does not give you any right to pen it down and blame them for their men’s philandering ways. A cheating man will dip his penis in anything outside his marriage, whether he is married to Miss Universe or the local ‘Mama Mboga’. A Faithful man on the other hand, will stand by his wife through ‘thick and thin’ because he knows her journey and he appreciates that the body you called ‘ugly, unsightly and unheavenly’ is the one that carried and nurtured his children. He will lift those ‘flabs and folds’ and love her like no other man can. And yes, such men do exist, but you won’t find them at your local bar.
See Njoki, I was once very petite with what I called perfectly placed breasts. Then I got pregnant, had hyperemesis gravidarum (a pregnancy condition that Kate Middleton had too), lost 25 per cent of my body weight. After baby came. I ate, to sustain myself and my ever hungry son. I followed my doctor’s advice on not too worry so much about the kilos packing up, and I was ok with that as long as my child was healthy and fed. I drunk up the fermented uji that my mother served. Actually, I had a 1.5 liter thermos next to my bed for midnight snacking, because in our culture such feeding from those looking after a new mother is an expression of love. And boy, did I gladly accept that unconditional love. Naturally the kilos went up. My baby belly took its time to return to the pre-baby shape, my breasts drooped. I acquired stretchmarks from the expanded and retracted belly, which your ignorant-self describes as marks resulting from eating like a ‘pig’. This was, and still is, my 4th trimester body. It is a testament to a journey that I have a taken. The priceless journey to motherhood.
But you know what, your loathing words only reflect the kind of person you are inside. These women you call fat have come to love their bodies. I see some of them every day working so damn hard to lose weight so that they can fit a certain social perception of what is beautiful. The kind that you negate as fat and ugly. I am proud of the mother’s out there who look themselves in the mirror see past their sizes and bring out what you scoff off as ‘inner beauty’. These women have learned that character is more endearing than their dress size. They do not have to allow discriminating and excluding people like you to stand between them and their happiness.
Njoki, I assume that you are yet to have children, if you ever want them, but here is something you and women and men of your kind should know. Do not laugh at and mock fellow women unless you have an idea of what their life story is about. Do not go about assuming that your shallow worldview fits into everyone‘s outlook of life. Do not throw rocks when you live in a glass house. Everybody is entitled to self-respect.
The nagging fat wife
Hey, why are you, a single lady, drinking with married men? I forgot. You are their self-described priest-writer-shrink. What an honor! This man has opened up to you that he cannot stand his wife’s nagging. She is calling him endlessly, disrupting the stimulating conversation that you two are having about her ‘physical unattractiveness’. Your words. Not mine! This brings to mind the age-old adage: “Women are their own worst enemies.” If I was seated at the bar with some married man, which I don’t, and his phone kept ringing off the hook. I would be curious to know why he is not picking up unless of course the two of us are having a clandestine evening and those phone calls are disturbing the flow of fingers, I mean conversation. What you assume is a wife nagging her husband could be a genuine case of a reckless man who left his family without any money for food and chose instead to splurge it on some ‘city girl’. Men are known to do this aided by their ‘mpango wa kando’ dates at the expense of his family’s well-being.
Next time you think that a woman is nagging her husband, look at him directly in the eye and fish for the truth. Not his truth but the real one. Then write about that because you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. A man or woman will cheat on a loyal spouse just to boost their ego. He could have married a perfect career minded, Martha Stewart-in-the-kitchen, intelligent, educated, raunchy in bed, faithful, independent woman and yet, he will still cheat on her with some dumb city college girl. What a man does with his wandering penis is NOT a reflection of his wife’s worth, her appearance or nature. It is merely a means of him letting out his own low self-esteem and blaming the wife for it. People like you only validate such men and give them more reasons to keep cheating. Unfortunately, we live in a society where HIV-Aids is rife and woe unto the loyal ‘fat and nagging’ wife when her husband’s philandering catches up with them in own their marital bed.
Mothers with tasteless fashion sense
I never thought a time would come when I could pass up buying an expensive dress so that my husband and I can save up for our son’s stroller or daycare fee. Before motherhood, I came first. My needs had precedence over other’s needs. Now that I have a child, his needs surpass mine. You have no idea why that mother still wears the same ‘drab jeans’ or ‘stinking weave’. It could be that she cannot afford a new one. Simple. Raising children is expensive. You would know if you were a mother. Talk to some of your colleagues and find out why they cannot afford a push-up bra to show some cleavage yet their children have three meals a day, new and fitting shoes, and a warm bed to sleep in.
You will discover that these women with a tasteless fashion sense have streamlined their priorities. They would rather be deprived, not show ‘any leg or skin’, but invest in Sacco’s and Chamas so that they can protect their children from the effects of rapidly growing Kenyan economy and a stagnant low income. Ask around and you will also gather facts that indicate most mothers would rather go without new clothes, an expensive wig or their own entertainment in order to provide a decent life for their children. This is the ultimate price of motherhood.
From one woman to another
Back in the day when I was single and without child, I had my own naive assumptions about marriage and family life. Many of them were shaped by a collective worldview that wasn’t very positive. I see Njoki’s reasoning and can relate to it from back then and how misplaced it is now that I’m no longer single. One thing is clear though, only the writer knows why she chose the particular ‘city girl’ approach. As a mother, I found the article in question to be very disrespectful, demeaning, insensitive, shallow and ill-researched. The undertones of this particular rhetoric come across as bitter and scorned. However, I have no problem with anyone using their blog to vent, ramble and rant but when they take all that to the main newspapers, then something is amiss! I respect freedom of the press as long as it bears responsibility. This writer is preaching a very dangerous gospel to a young society that is already so impressionable by what they see, read and hear in the media. Garbage in. Garbage out.”
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The post READ NJOKI CHEGE’S “LADIES: IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT THAT HE IS CHEATING!”, AND THE HEATED REACTIONS SHE STIRRED UP FROM TWO MOTHERS! appeared first on Heka Heka.