Something happened recently that really made me sit back and think about my job a bit.
It wasn’t the Restless study I’ve been doing, the reading through the book of Acts the past month, or the stellar blog posts written by my friend Austin. It wasn’t even the realization that in one week’s time we are going to have second child or the fact that I’ve lined up zero plans of maternity leave material for when our little man gets here.
It struck me that my goals and plans and needs regarding this space and my job have shifted when I read about two of my amazing blogging friends who recently announced that their amazing opportunity to write for the Food Network blog. Y’all, I’m ashamed to say that my original reaction had this happened a few years ago would have been anger and frustration that I didn’t have that chance. I would have been hurt and jealous; my heart wouldn’t have been a pretty place to see.
But this time around? My first thought was, “Wow, maybe I’ll actually read the Food Network blog now.” These are two women who have worked hard, who put out great content, who are hilarious and well-written, and whose recipes I use frequently. I couldn’t be more proud of them and the strides they’re making in their careers!
Now I can’t help but wonder: if I’m not upset, it’s totally OK and actually good, but what does that mean as far as my desire for success in this job? Does that mean I’m not driven anymore? Or has success just taken on a new meaning? Honestly I don’t know; to be fair this pregnancy has taken its toll on me and I’m just plain tired. I have the drive and desire to do big things and to improve this space of mine, but at the end of the day? It’s all I can do to just drag my body to bed. So there’s that.
There’s also the chance that coupled with physical exhaustion is mental burnout. Blogging burnout isn’t a new thing, and just in the past year I’ve had so many friends and bloggers that I admire who have stepped back or taken their businesses in new directions. While I’m not making plans to do so at this time, I can see that as my life changes, so will this little corner of the internet. Hopefully in more relevant and uplifting ways, but change is hard, even when it’s just a lingering possibility of it.
Then there’s also the realization that these years with our kiddos being small are so fleeting. Wes just turned three for crying out loud; I never thought we would get to that point and yet here we are. And the time will fly with the little man we’re expecting next week too. Part of my drive and ambition these days is to simply be the best mother that I can, to leave it all on the field with these boys of mine. Before I know it I’ll be taking them to school and figuring out new goals for myself, but right now? I just want to be the best mom I can be, and sometimes that may mean taking a step back from my previous ruthless ambition.
This isn’t a post about quitting blogging – far from it – but rather just a rambling about how life changes. People change. And I’m thankful for that, very thankful that I’m not the same over-ambitious self-centered woman that I was a few years ago. Thankful that I can be happy for the other women who do what I do when they get an awesome opportunity. Thankful that I work with brands I love, companies that rock, and organizations that make a difference.
Oh, so remember up there when I mentioned that I have done nothing in regards to a maternity leave plan? Yeah. That’s true. But you know what? I’m OK with that. I’m good with not having a plan, and figuring it out as we go. So I hope you guys will hang in here with me as we all navigate this new life that’s about to start – I promise my desire is to share as much of it with you as I can in hopes of encouraging and lifting you up through it all!
Much love,
Heather