At weddings, kids are cute. Dressed up in tulle or tux, they look adorable, like tiny grown-ups.
But they're not. They're unpredictable.
Tired, hungry, bored with sitting still, kids can drop their party manners after a wedding ceremony and lose their best behavior faster than you can say "I do."
So, these days brides and grooms are doing more than crossing their fingers and hoping for the best at the reception. In planning their weddings, couples are making special plans for their little guests so they'll be happy and stay that way.
Special food, special fun, special music: Kids are getting the royal treatment.
LET THEM EAT CAKE
When planning wedding refreshments, marinara sauce for kids gets a "no-no" from Jessica Matthews, catering director at The Cavalier Golf & Yacht Club in Virginia Beach.
She steers engaged couples away from choosing a tomato-y disaster-in-waiting and suggests instead that pint-sized wedding guests get tidy foods like dishes of plain pasta or grilled cheese sandwiches, cheeseburgers or chicken fingers and french fries. And to please young appetites, she offers fruit cups instead of salads.
Matthews also instructs her wait staff to thin the apple juice.
"I tell my servers to cut the juice in half with water. Being a mom myself, I know that straight juice is more sugary, and to water it down is better for them," she said.
That way, already over-stimulated kids get a tad less zip, but are still invited to belly-up to the drink station where they can ask for Shirley Temples.
All this extra planning has a bonus: the bill for the kiddie menu is cheaper than the one for adults.
"I'm noticing that a lot of venues are asking up front: how many children will you be having in attendance and do you want a special menu for them?" said Apryl Roberts, a Norfolk-based event planner and owner of Memorable Events by Apryl.
One of her recent brides, Renita Rowe Gross, who was married in Norfolk in May, sat down with her then-fiance and made special menu cards for the 10 young guests at their reception.
They chose paper with cartoon characters on it from an arts-and-crafts store and on it let little guests know they would be enjoying chicken fingers and french fries instead of steak topped with Gorgonzola or baked chicken with salmon.
The bill for the children's meals was about half the cost of the adult dinners.
"Since their food is less expensive, it helps to decrease the catering cost for brides, so it's definitely an advantage to do it that way," Roberts said.
At the Cavalier, for example, chicken fingers and french fries for those 10 and younger cost $15.95 per child, while a typical wedding meal for adults is $38 to $49 per person.
"What I like even better than that," Matthews said, "is when some brides let us start serving the children while the adult guests are still being seated. I appreciate any brides that are willing to do that, seating kids early during the announcements or blessing. Especially if the children were in the wedding."
Tired tots, little people who've been keeping it together as long as they can possibly stand it or a wee bit hyperactive from all the attention of being too cute for words, need something to do with their hands. The familiar activity of eating settles them down and gives them a sense of control.
Matthews likes to see families sitting elbow to elbow at the post-wedding groaning board.
"I've had a couple of brides seat children at separate tables," she said, "but it usually works out best to seat them with their parents to keep them under control and keep them happy."
On the other hand, eliciting good behavior from a whopping 50 children who attended a wedding this past May was a snap for the bride who consulted with Jennifer La Londe, owner of the Norfolk-based wedding planning studio The Bridal Dish.
"We had four long banquet tables full of children," La Londe said, "but we had four attendants at those four tables. The children had their own buffet, and the attendants helped the children. Now some were 10 years old and could go through the buffet by themselves, but some were younger, 3 to 4 years old, and it was not mayhem because we had attendants. Each also had an activity mat place mat and each had a bag with crayons, a Slinky, a little bit of candy. That did help to at least get through the first dance and toast."
When it comes to cutting the wedding cake, a lot of children cast wary eyes at the fancy slices with flavors too sophisticated for their peanut-butter-and-jelly palates.
"A lot of times the children don't like the cake," said Roberts, "so we set up a cupcake station where they have mini cupcakes they can decorate and then eat their own cupcake."
Once meal arrangements are made, event planners like Roberts help brides provide activities to keep the kids busy.
PLAY THE NIGHT AWAY
"We've had activity tables set up at the reception and what we'll do is make up activity kits - usually for 2- to 6-year-olds. We do the kits with themes. Like for a beach wedding, we'll fill sand pails with activity kits: coloring sheets, Play-Doh, a lot of print outs, little toys, knickknacks from Dollar Tree," Roberts said.
After the main meal, a supervised game of Twister in the kids' own play area or an activity station just for them lets adults relax their vigilance a little, Roberts said.
If there are a lot of young wedding guests, she advises brides to hire a baby-sitting service or a sitter or two to entertain them.
"Usually the sitters come with a slew of activities," she said. "You just let them know how many children and the age range they are."
A service like this can cost $25 per hour per helper through an agency such as A Helping Hand HR, a baby-sitting and nannying company based in Virginia Beach and owned by Courtney S. Davis.
Sitters lead arts and crafts, games, group activities, make gifts for parents, or friendship bracelets. Themed amusements - flower leis, hula skirts, games of limbo - are created to mirror the theme of the occasion or just for fun.
DANCE, BABY, DANCE
By the time the music starts, the smallest guests are eager to show off on the dance floor.
Deejays are prepped ahead of time by newlyweds who request music to appeal to small fries.
"Sometimes, if it's an event where the kids are staying, we've definitely run into situations where they want to make sure we're doing the Chicken Dance or the Hokey-Pokey, and sometimes they like us to get out there and interact and teach the kids the line dances like the 'Cupid Shuffle' and the Cha-cha Slide," said Danny Gray, owner of Astro Entertainment, a Virginia Beach-based company specializing in party and event entertainment.
"You want to keep a level of interaction for the children to avoid them getting out of control or losing focus as to why they're there," said this dad of five.
Gray started seeing the trend of brides and grooms catering to kids become popular about five years go when he arrived at wedding receptions to play music and starting seeing kids' tables laid with crayons and coloring books instead of party favors like those at the place settings of adult guests.
"A lot has to do with the fact that now the bride and groom have kids by the time they're getting married," he said, "or the matron of honor has kids, or people bring kids with them when they're coming from out of town."
Lately he always hears, "Be sure you play a couple of songs for the kids."
HAPPILY EVER AFTER
Weddings that include children will have a different vibe than those only for adult guests. Instead of raising the anxiety level, kids can do a lot to lower it.
"My overall recommendation to brides and grooms is that if you're going to allow children at your wedding, you'll have a little bit of a relaxed atmosphere," said La Londe. "Just don't stress."
Krys Stefansky, 757-446-2043, krys.stefansky@pilotonline.com