[TRANS] Just that in the next life, it will be my turn to give you courage.
This is a trans by exonyeoshidae, of a touching message written by a Chinese fan. (Original post from Weibo. [a post tao liked])It's a long, touching post. read it if you'd like but I swear it's worth reading.
2012 7th Jan.To many, it is just a normal day.But it is the most precious moment in my entire life.Ever since I first saw you, the love I have for you increases each day.Now that I'm thinking about it, it seemed that, even the cold wind brings warm smiles, in that winter.Sorry, but I wasn't that deep in love yet.I started off by liking Luhan only, with only him in my eyes.Forgive me, it was difficult to differentiate you guys.I was only anticipating the debut because I admire your music.Three months, I waited quietly for three months.Finally, debut.MAMA was so astonishing.I swear, before meeting you all, I was the strongest girl in the world.But whenever I hear information about you guys getting injured, I realised, I wasn't that strong afterall.I have already forgotten how many times I've cried for you. Just a small heartwarming thing would make me cry for a long time.Maybe it is impossible to let you all knowhow much I love the way you put your heart into your singing, how much I love the determined look on your faces you all have while dancinghow much my heart pained when seeing you.. hurt, saddened and all alone.I used to think that giving must bring meaningful returns.But now, not knowing me is okay as well. Just let me stay by yourside. It is enough."We are One!" When you all say this slogan in unison, it seems like you all are pleading, "We are one, don't separate us, okay?""To me, instead of competitors, I would like Shinhwa to be my role model. I want EXO to be a long lasting group doing activities together, because then, a lot of stories will happen between us." - SehunSo you guys do know about SM's practice of bringing in new blood.So you guys do worry about enlistment.So you guys do fear that someone may leave the group halfway.But no one can predict the future.Maybe someone will enter, someone will leave.SM, since you gave them this slogan, let them achieve it, okay? We have witnessed it, no? Their brotherhood."When I first arrived in Korea, my Korean isn't very good, I couldn't get used to Korean food. Leader taught me how to speak, how to eat. To me, duizhang's existence is that of a father's.""The previous time I appeared on the show, I didn't tear because of my grandma, or that I missed my family, but because the twelve of us were together.""Duizhang taught me a lot.. To know such a good brother, I think that I'm really blessed. And the other four standing behind me now, are all people I can't live without in my life."-TAO"The practice room feels empty, it used to be very noisy when we were practising together.. I miss them a lot." -SUHO"Lay always practice dance till midnight, so everytime I dance I think of Lay hyung."-KAI"The first time we met, I thought he was quiet, after getting closer he was a cheery kid. A cute brother, I have the urge to take care of him.""Tell me if you have any problems, hyung will take care of it for you." -LUHAN"He likes me the most, just give me to him."-CHANYEOLEverytime you guys separate, you guys miss each other a lot right? It was tough missing each other right? Like what I said, "Missing is incorporated into breathing." Right?One person told me that Lay had injured his knees before. I suddenly thought of Phoenix, the teaser. The ending move was to jump high up and land on the knee. Dear Yixing, how painful it must have been?I'm not just talking about about your knee. I'm asking about your heart. How painful it must have been?To walk till this day isn't something easy.You guys suffered a lot more hardships, that us fans don't know of.How many times we couldn't help you take the blame, how many times we couldn't share the burden with you."I miss my grandma.""I like the dishes that my grandma cook.""For this dream, I've given up on many things, I think this is the only thing that really, really, worth to be happy about. The most blissful thing." -TaoThe days you could spend with your grandma aren't a lot to begin with, she will leave you one day.I don't even dare to imagine, the you who loves to cry a lot, how will you react that moment she leaves you.You have chosen to give up the precious moments, you have chosen your dreams, chosen to live everyday missing someone.If that moment comes.I'm saying if, that moment eventually arrives,will you ever, regret the decision you have made?So, Huang Zi Tao's grandma,you will wait for him right?Till he grows up, matures, and has the ability to take care of you,till he returns to you as an achiever, to your side,wait for him to cook for you as well.Dear, you have realised your dreams.Are you happy?Originally, you guys have become bright stars.But facing all the endless hate, antis, and judgement from the rest of the world, I'm only worried that you all are sad.But dearests, your performance makes people teary."Living on looks", "Underhand means", "Plastics", "No talent"?? When these uncomfortable words were used on you..Luhan, you actually said sincerely "Thank you all for giving us so much support, so much drive, thank you I love you!""Take care, eat more.""Those with dreams, don't give up. Just persevere and you will succeed."Words that cannot be any simpler, ended up etched in my heart. In LA, you and Xiumin helped cordi noona with her bags. At the showcase, you helped the crew carry chairs, and ended up being the last one on stage.Luhan, you are so nice.So nice that I can't look into your eyes, because if I do so, I will even forget who I am.Many people think that, being casted while shopping is such a lucky thing.But casted doesn't mean promise.It's only "casted".How much determination do you need to sacrifice everything, and leave to Korea alone, chasing your dreams.Betting on your faith, gambling with your everything.You waited for so long, till you forget the meaning of the wait.So far away in a foreign land, just how much you must have missed the moonlight in your hometown.Showcase, the family members of your teammates went to support them. You are alone in the midst of the crowd searching.No, no.. Still, no....No matter how much you tried to search for them.You looked down on the floor, not letting anyone see the disappointment in your eyes.You still couldn't understand, why?Such an important stage, how could they not come.Even not long ago, when you returned to Beijing, buying shoes, shopping and all, it was only you alone.Did you hide the truth from us?But you said it before:"The toughest time is missing home.""When I miss home.. I can only miss it."At that moment, I really wanted to ask, "Treat us as one of your family members, okay?"I remember that you were coughing during one period.But you idiot, still went around apologising whenever you cough during the recording. Your throat was hurting, but you still shouted to your fans, "Be careful of your safety!"Someone said, "Everytime I see Luhan, he is smiling."Yeah, smiling so adorably, as if you don't know what pain is.Luhan, have I said this before?I need to see your smile in order to let my heart continue beating.Luhan, I love you, more absolute than anything.I haven't loved enough.Even if the seas dry up, Luhan, I will still say, Sorry, I haven't loved you enough.Luhan, I can give everything up. Everything except you.When people criticise that you are arrogant, bitchface. Wufan, you still blinked and smiled to the camera "Must miss me okay, be obedient!"You left a message, saying "I like you, every single one of you"Even when you were being scratched by fans in the airport, you still smile and say "Nevermind."Maybe you guys have seen a video on Kris."Yeah, the most you do is to raise your right hand.""You wanted to blend in, but the next second you gave up."These words, I never wanted to read them twice.April, on the way back, in the airport, you shielded Tao behind your back, you knew he had waist injuries, you told everyone "Don't squeeze." Tao was just holding on to your back, looking so secured.When asked to perform Wushu, fans shouted "He's got waist injuries!" Huang Zi Tao, you tried hard to explain, "No, I've recovered already. I can perform. Really. Really, it's no longer painful."But backstage, no matter how you tried hiding, someone still spotted duizhang applying medicine for you.You said, "Pain." You said, "Duizhang, apply it with lesser force."Someone who has trained wushu since young saying its pain, someone who has grown up falling and tumbling saying that it's pain.You said pain.Huang Zitao, you lied to us.Shindong asked EXO-M who their role models are. Xiumin replied EXO-K, our other half. EXO-K.In the China programme, the host asked if Xiumin likes China.You happily replied in Chinese, I like China!Xiumin, is Chinese food nice?You replied Haochi!At the last part of Into Your world, when everyone takes a step forward, you remained standing at the back.Yeah, with a total of only 6 lines in the whole album, you could only scream, even though it's hurting your throat.Being in a foreign country, it was rare to see fans with your hand banners, it was rare to hear people shouting your name.But in Sunshine Day, you had an expression full of satisfaction, telling us, "Everyone is my lover!"Kim Minseok, just how many sides of you have I not seen?"Kai's body isn't very good, not just the waist injury.""Kai might need to go for an operation."Kim Jong In, how old are you, to have an injury that requires you to go for op.With medicinal patches on your back, you continued performing on stage. I was saying, why didn't you lift up your shirt that day. It was actually to not let us see your injuries.At first he didn't quite liked the "Sexy" image the company gave him. But he said, "It is okay if it is for the fans." Kim Jongin, stop doing it for us. Think about yourself, okay?We don't need to see you baring your shoulders, just seeing your shy smiles makes us happy. Those unbearable pain, how did you tolerate them? Being the same age as you, I really couldn't imagine.Are these reasons, enough for me to admire him?On the plane, Luhan mischieviously said, "What if I'm gonna vomit?" And then you went around searching for a vomiting bag for him. And when he blows the bag into your face, you could only look at him helplessly.Your mum came to see you, you went shopping with her. You were protecting your mother so naturally.But what about yourself?Who is going to protect you? Who is going to take care of you?Maybe not much people understand, what it is like to not have father's love.But I do.It is scary when you are alone; because there are no steady shoulders from your dad to lean on.You don't dare to make a single mistake, because that would only let your mother bear the consequences for you on her weak shoulders.You are sentimental, keep thinking about the past; because of your sensitivity you are weak.Pretending to be strong; because you are afraid that others find out that you are different from them.Very obedient; because you know how tough it is for your mother to be alone.Maturing faster than those your age; because "I want to protect my mother."31st August, the Chinese members went back to spend time with their families. Though you say "Having my mother is already very blissful." But we don't know how much you thirst for a father to give you strength.You keep wanting to improve, to better yourself.But actually, Wufan, you are already an achiever.Three languages plus Cantonese, not everyone can do that by the age of 22.Kris can you stop torturing yourself? Let yourself off, won't you?It is okay to have ear holes, bitchface and even tattoo. Really, as long as you are happy.As long as it is you, just you.Then we will never leave.When people said you don't know how to manage your expression, disobedient.Oh Sehun, you just reply "I need to repay my fans"They didn't see how obedient you were while helping your hyungs pack their clothes.They didn't know how long you have to practice a bbuing bbuing in front of the mirror.They didn't know how nervous you were when you were practising the collab stage with SHINee.They didn't know how just a wrong dance move will make you hang your head low, and you only lift up your head after hyungs cheering you up for a long time.They didn't know the first reaction from you after opening a packet of snack is to give to the hyungs.It is okay, Oh Sehun, you are the world's most understanding maknae. It is enough that we know.People say that you are scheming, saying that you are selling your aegyos.Park Chanyeol, instead you say "I have to present a more perfect performance to my fans!"When you just finished Lasik operation on your eyes, you went personally to fix the lights. If this was scheming.Keep taking care of Bacon, waiting for this guy who is afraid of the heat to fall asleep first before sleeping on the sofa yourself. If this was scheming.Seeing a tidbit with your face on the packaging and immediately brighten up. If this was scheming. Retorting the manager's instructions saying that he couldn't help laughing. If this was scheming.Then everyone in this world is already a strategist.Actually, I'm kinda happy that you all meet such antis, with only verbal attacks.If you guys were to meet the extreme antis, will you all be guarded against us?Or still telling us to take care?Still believing that we will support you?But, dear, what have we done, to receive so much warmth from you all?It is already midnight, but D.O still came out of the building to tell the fans, "Go home and sleep early, girls need sleep."What a mom. Hates to see stuff strewn over, but seeing how the members are tired, you quietly kept everything away by yourself.If anyone is sick, you immediately reach out for the medicine, when Kai wasn't feeling well and was running a fever you guarded him by his side, sacrificing your sleep.Even when maknae is feeling hungry late in the night you don't complain but ask "What do you want to eat?"As if treating people well, being like a mum, is the most natural thing to do.Just how much love you guys have given us.Some words I'm willing to repeat, write, feel and sing.Slowly, they become normal.But no matter how normal they become, they are still the most precious words.Like, EXO I love you.I am someone who can't get over things.So don't give me too much memories.I'm afraid that one day, on a long ride on the bus alone, no matter what I see, I'll be reminded of you.And then maybe cry, or laugh.Is it true that by looking far away, the tears in my eyes won't fall?Apparently not, no?"It's okay, I can continue.""Because I am Light, so it's okay.""Sorry, I hindered the filming again.""It's not pain, really."...Let's have a promise, stop lying to us.I want you all to be safe and happy.No need to be strong because of us. No need to lie."I'm sorry, I still can't communicate fluently in Mandarin. But I will work hard to learn Mandarin, so that I can communicate with everyone in the future."These are words that both Xiumin and Chen have said before. Not being able to express themselves in Chinese, how worried and anxious they must have felt?Xiumin wrote on the answer board: Chen, we really have to learn Chinese.And you, Chen, nodded seriously.I'm particularly upset about this statement."That EXO, that lousy leader, I heard he trained for 7 years to debut. No talent and still not putting in effort, he deserved that 7 years. Rich but can't even buy a debut. Pathetic."I replied, "Do you know the meaning of Suho(protect)?"Seven years, how many seven years can one have in his lifetime?14 years old. At the second seventh year in his life, he entered the company.With his dream. Alone.He had an injured knee. At that time, no one was beside him.When it hurts, he could only apply the medicine on his own.With no one caring about him.He was alone.At the age of fourteen, only him.After that, he reaches the third seventh year in his life.He wasn't not talented, he was waiting. Waiting for the other eleven brothers that he needs to protect."Hi, I am Suho (protect/guardian), your Suho.Kim Junmyeon. Winter is coming, please remember to wear your kneeguard and place your blankets.Stop wearing insoles, it's not good for your knees.Kim Junmyeon, at the next seventh year, the next next one, we won't leave you to be alone anymore.We won't be absent in all the future seventh years.Kim Junmyeon, the next seven years, it is our turn. To protect you."Basically I didn't think that it was tough. Because it is a dream that I have held on since young, so even though it may be tiring, but it is still interesting. Because it is what I really want to do. Between the members, we are so close that even if anything happens, we will accept it happily." -BAEKHYUNBefore SM casted you, not a single company accepted you.How disappointed you must have been?Was it then that made you want to grow taller now?Baekhyun, do you know how much we love you?Not because of any other things, but because you are called Byun Baekhyun.So stop applying eyeliners. I will always, always, always love you all.If you were to ask, "Love me the next lifetime too, okay?"Dear, can I reply, "You've asked me that the previous lifetime already."If there is really a next lifetime, stop being my star.It is okay if you are not exceptional, not shining, not an achiever, just a normal guy who isn't strong, and needs protection.And I will be able to get closer to you.In the next lifetime, I'll still be loving you.But instead, let me be the one giving you courage.Trans: exonyeoshidae zachela---I teared.