The Evolution of Fantasy Team Names
The title of a TV show isn’t always just a way to attract viewers. While it’s important to have a memorable name, most TV titles provide insight into what the show is really about. They’re like mini descriptions, establishing the tone of a series from the get-go. Similarly, a fantasy football team name is more than just a clever play on words or a witty pop culture reference. Sure, a funny pun can be entertaining through the first few rounds, but its impact will fade quicker than a season winner on American Idol.
We’re suggesting an evolution of fantasy team names. No longer will a surface oriented designation be enough. You need a name that reflects your approach to being a fantasy football team owner, something that embodies your attitude and mindset. That’s why you need to adopt an awesome “fantasy football persona” throughout the season to help you map out a yearlong strategy.
Here are a few quality TV personas to consider:
“Randy Marsh”
South Park
The eternal optimist. Whether it’s challenging the behemoth Batdad to a brawl or owning a Blockbuster in a digital world, Randy always seems to hold out hope that things will work out for the best. He’s got a childlike sense of misguided naiveté and damned if we don’t all love him for it.
So maybe you’re not the most knowledgeable football fan, and maybe you’re not the greatest fantasy owner. But your belief in yourself is stronger than an aging actress’ belief that no one will notice her terrible plastic surgery. And that’s good enough for you!
Easy Message Board Winners:
Creme Fraiche
Come at me Bro
Remember… win or lose… those are your two options win..or lose.
What seems to be the officer problem?
“Jerry Seinfeld”
Seinfeld
This character is for those owners who like to sit back and watch before making a move. They are the kings of observation, carefully noting everyone’s tendencies, preferences, and weird peccadilloes.
These owners aren’t going to jump into the fray immediately with a bold trade offer or a controversial pick. Instead, they’re playing the long game as they study and pick apart your every move. While they may make a few soup Nazi enemies among fellow owners along the way, they usually come out on top and with a renewed understanding of the human condition.
Easy Message Board Winners:
What’s the deal with….
I’m the master of my own domain
Not that there’s anything wrong with that!
I don’t wanna be a pirate!
There was shrinkage!
“Thad Castle”
Blue Mountain State
Boisterous, bombastic and borderline insane. Thad Castle is in your face 24/7 reminding you constantly that he’s the best. This persona should be reserved for the reigning league champion and/or biggest douche in the league (best guess, they’re one in the same).
So strap yourselves in Bromeo and Juliets, because this owner is going to be all over the message boards and email threads with unintelligent trash talk and hilariously idiotic attempts at mockery.
Yet no matter how much they fail to realize that the joke is on them, they somehow just keep winning and throwing parties at The Goat House.
“Barney Stinson”
How I Met Your Mother
Any man with a two hour audio book detailing his elaborate schemes and plots to pick up girls clearly has well defined, if overly complicated, strategies. Barney Stinson has a never-ending stream of intricate ploys to spread legs (self five).
Similarly, we all know those owners that will try absolutely anything to get ahead. Whether it’s making dozens of in-season trades, scores of waiver wire pick-ups, or endless tinkering with their lineups, they are constantly trying something and always active.
Their “slappetite” for success is never satiated. This persona requires a lot of hard work and dedication, but if done correctly the results could be LEGENDARY!
“Charlie Kelly”
It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia
“WILDCARD, BITCHES!”
Like the character, this owner’s actions don’t always make sense. In fact, they might be dumber than Taco starting 3 kickers in The League. But beyond all of the nonsensical decisions, this owner always keeps it entertaining, spicing up the league in ways you never even imagined and throwing out curveball after curveball.
Requirements for adopting a Charlie persona: must be illiterate, must be a borderline sociopath, must love cheese.
“Sterling Archer”
Archer
This persona is for owners who are deeply flawed yet still kick ass on game day. You continually forget to set your lineup until the last minute, you don’t check your trade offers, and you never find replacements for injured players. Six days of the week you suffer from debilitating mommy issues, severe alcoholism, and a propensity to enter the Danger Zone. Yet come Sundays, you’re cocked, locked and ready to rock. The only thing higher than your blood alcohol content is all the points your starting QB just rang up.
You know how every fantasy league has that one a**hole who keeps making the playoffs despite a clear lack of caring? Well, you’re that a**hole.
“Peter Griffin”
Family Guy
Peter Griffin is the Keanu Reeves of characters in that he is so bad, that everything around him looks good by comparison. Griffin is a bumbling fat fool who enables Stewie, Carter Pewterschmidt, and Brian to respond to his absurdity and idiocy with the best lines in the show.
In that sense, the Peter Griffin fantasy football owner is someone you bring in to the league strictly as a guaranteed “W” each week. They draft the worst possible team, usually taking a kicker or a defense in the first 5 rounds. They are easy to take advantage of in trades (“Yeah, Mike Tolbert is totally going to blow up in Carolina this year!!”). Their entire presence in the league is just to elevate the other teams around them. Easy money.
“Phil Dunphy”
Modern Family
Phil Dunphy is what Aldous Snow would describe as an “affable nitwit.” Nice guy with some less than bright ideas. The main reason you keep inviting him back to the league is because he has a smoking hot wife.
But every now and then he has a stroke of genius such as the self-flipping pancake or Express Christmas. Translated to fantasy football, this is the person who has a losing record three straight seasons before making an improbable and miraculous championship run out of nowhere. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut from time to time.
“Michael Bluth”
Arrested Development
Michael Bluth is your quintessential nice guy finishing last. He’s a smart, kind and considerate guy who’s mostly interested in doing what’s best for his family. Yet no matter how hard he tries, he repeatedly comes up short.
This persona fits perfectly for any owner who is a knowledgeable football fan, does considerable fantasy research, and has a sound strategy but still loses every week due to whacky occurrences out of their control. Maybe a guy like Greg Olsen or Donald Brown has a career day against them. Maybe their top overall pick gets hurt in the first quarter. Whatever the case may be, there just never seems to be money in the banana stand for this guy.
“Sheldon Cooper”
The Big Bang Theory
If you’re a stickler for rules, if you’re constantly reminding league mates of deadlines and if you operate annoyingly by the book, than Sheldon Cooper is the right persona for you. You may be an extreme irritant who is completely lacking in social graces and your fellow owners may disregard every message you send out, but your genius fantasy football prowess is unparalleled.
So let them hate and never invite you for a post-game beer. Winning is the only companion you truly need. Ba-Zinga.
“Dwight Schrute”
The Office
Somewhat similar to the Sheldon Cooper persona in the sheer amount of oddness they bring to the table, Dwight Schrute is a calculating character that’s hard to pin down. One moment he could be killing your cat and gunning for your job, the next he could be hugging it out, bitch.
If you want to adopt this mindset, you have to be cunning and absolutely ruthless. We’re talking about spreading disinformation to the league, welshing on agreements, vetoing every trade, etc. Nothing less than cutthroat will do.
Oh, and you might bring a handful of beets to the live draft.
“Kenny Powers”
Eastbound and Down
When it’s going good and the wins keep coming, this character never shuts up. When it’s going bad and things aren’t breaking their way…this character never shuts up. Kenny Powers is never at a loss for words, always ready with a top-notch personal insult, angry complaint, or poorly thought out metaphor. No matter what the scenario is, Kenny always believes himself to be in the right and also the most awesome person in the room (which we can’t argue with).
So for all you loud mouths out there who can’t stop talking trash after a win and complaining about some perceived unfairness after a loss, Kenny Powers is the persona for you.
Please make a suggest in the comment section below for the best persona’s to take on for fantasy football team names this NFL Season.
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