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Some resist. Twenty-two year old Jefferson Morris IV lets the swirling waters carry him where they may.
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I find myself in a post-graduate maelstrom.
From five years old onward, our life is planned for us. School divvies up our time and allows us the satisfaction of relaxation during breaks because of all the effort we put into our schoolwork. But then, upon graduation, we no longer have this safety net, this certainty about our future. Without school to structure our life, we inherit the oft-arduous task of truly deciding how we spend our time. How to fill it so we are fulfilled, happy, constructive, healthy, and working towards something better.
This has been my struggle since college ended.
After earning a degree from one of the top universities in the world—McGill University in Montreal—and having extensive experience – in terms of work, volunteering, and extracurricular involvement – I expected to land a career-oriented, well-paid, fulfilling job the summer following Convocation. I established three opportunities for myself: two internships and one job. I was selected for one internship and the job, but hesitated committing to either while I waited to hear back from the other internship – which seemed like a great springboard for a career and also happened to have a hefty scholarship attached.
However, when I heard the regrettable news that I wasn’t chosen, I had already backed out of the other internship and lost my position at the job, due to taking too long to tell them my preferred starting date. After establishing both a Plan B and C, just in case my number-one didn’t work out, I was left with nothing to do in the summer.
Zero prospects post-graduation.
Fortunately, by the grace of Deity-of-your-choice, I was able to return to the job I held two years prior in Pennsylvania, at a camp for disadvantaged youth. It was a remarkable summer, and I truly enjoyed the work. I felt accomplished each night—like I was working towards something great. It seemed like destiny; that everything was supposed to fall through, and I was meant to be there. Moreover, I was offered employment in the fall, facilitating groups of schoolchildren on a ropes course. Without any real plans for the future, and after six weeks of truly fulfilling work with amazing people, I returned to Montreal, sub-let my apartment, and moved back to Pennsylvania.
I was excited to work with kids in an educational setting again—to learn a new set of skills, to have a job where I could work outside, and to meet my new colleagues. In addition, I picked up a position at a local restaurant, waiting tables in my spare time, which enlivened me further. This was a new adventure. A potential new life.
Adulthood.
◊♦◊
Sure, I would occasionally hang out with friends, and I lived in a house with constant action – thanks to five roommates, four dogs, and a cat – but I wasn’t satisfied.
Time wore on, and I really enjoyed the ropes course and my coworkers. I was quickly ascending the ladder at TGI Fridays. Yes, working two jobs at once – often both in the same day – was tiring, but I was earning worthwhile remuneration and experience.
But when I wasn’t at work, I wasn’t doing much with my life. Sure, I would occasionally hang out with friends, and I lived in a house with constant action – thanks to five roommates, four dogs, and a cat – but I wasn’t satisfied.
I still had several good friends in Pennsylvania, but they weren’t always available. After four years of attending university in completely different areas, we were no longer the same people we were in high school. They didn’t grow up with me like my friends in Montreal – didn’t share the same experiences or jokes, didn’t have the same lifestyles or hobbies. And I, as an enormous extrovert, would always try to make plans with them, but it would only work out on occasion.
Most nights I spent alone in my room, reading or watching a movie.
◊♦◊
November brought the frost, and with it, an end to the ropes course. Other opportunities for work in the field of education – my chosen career/calling, it seemed – were few and far between, so my only true involvement was as a server. Roommate troubles stirred in the house, which rendered my living situation disharmonious. The weather became disagreeable. I could no longer easily escape by going for walks or taking bike rides around town. I wasn’t happy, and the long, dreary months of winter, only working at the restaurant, were nothing to look forward to.
Since that time, I have continued the post-graduate maelstrom, getting dizzy from all the times I decided on a course of action, then changed my mind.
I made a hard decision, packed up my suitcase, said goodbye to my sister, and went to Nova Scotia to spend time with (the rest of) my family for the holidays. I had a great, quiet – even dull – three weeks in which I applied to many exciting opportunities all around the world, then returned to Montreal come January.
◊♦◊
Since that time, I have continued the post-graduate maelstrom, getting dizzy from all the times I decided on a course of action, then changed my mind. I was committed and looked forward to relocating to Spain to teach English for three months – even researching apartments and comparing plane tickets – but that fell through, just like the three positions for the summer. The organization in Madrid hardly offered me any support or information, not even telling me where in the city I’d be working until I arrived. It would be moronic to move across continents when I had doubts, so I backed out.
Consequently, since I thought Spain was a sure thing, I lost my zeal for applying for career-related jobs. Earlier, I was applying to inspiring jobs at prestigious organizations like the Human Rights Campaign and American Civil Liberties Union. I would pound the pavement around Montreal too, dropping off résumés to restaurants in hopes I could get hired without full or fluid bilingualism.
Having yet another one of my plans fall apart was disheartening, as was the dearth of responses I received from any job to which I applied. These disappointments killed my motivation to keep sending out CVs into the void, and I spent weeks in Montreal without accomplishing anything of import. As a high achiever all my life, you’d expect this idleness would drive me crazy, even push me to return to Pennsylvania, where I had an enjoyable job and somewhere to live, albeit not much else.
But the funny thing is, even without being productive or doing anything noteworthy, I’m still happy here. Sure, I periodically am stricken with guilt for “wasting my potential” and burning through my savings just to be in a place where I can spend time with friends and be surrounded by educated, open-minded people.
But I’m satisfied with my life.
I have started to accept that all you hear about the job market is true – that there simply aren’t enough positions out there, especially if you’re looking for one that will pay you well and complement your studies and background. I recently decided that I would renew my lease once again, stay in Montreal indefinitely, and get back in the habit of applying to organizations I respect and care about. If one of these jobs actually goes through, or an exciting opportunity comes my way, then I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.
While I plan my future, I may as well enjoy my present.
◊♦◊
Instead of living in a place where I have free rent and gainful employment, I’m opting to be where my friends and happiness are.
As a young man, I do feel the pressure to live up to my potential, work hard, and accomplish something every day. To work towards something better than my current situation. To prove that the past four years at McGill University – all the hours I slaved over essays and exams and all the dollars that went into my education – were worth it. I get those messages from all around. My father tells me I shouldn’t give my time away for free, shouldn’t work in jobs for which I’m overqualified. My mother asks when I’m going to grad school. Some friends say it’s strange to stick around Montreal and continue hanging out with undergrads.
And while these may all be important things to consider—I don’t care.
I’m young, I have lots of experience(s) under my belt, and the job market sucks. I’m doing what I need to in order to secure a brighter future. I’m sending out applications despite never hearing anything back, I’m working to improve my French, and I’m doing lots of introspection. Instead of living in a place where I have free rent and gainful employment, I’m opting to be where my friends and happiness are.
Life is what you make of it, and even if I’m not climbing my preferred career ladder right now, I’m still content with my situation. Lots of books, seeing people I care about, new experiences, and good memories. I still have years to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life, to choose where I attend grad school and for what degree. This interim time may be crazy, getting tossed to and fro, but I’d much rather have a life with both happiness and pain, peaks and valleys, than safe, secure monotony.
And the best news – I just started at another restaurant, which I absolutely love, and I feel like an enormous weight has lifted from my shoulders. Post-grad confusion is a normal part of life, especially for Millennials, and I won’t let potentially misguided notions about manhood and work ethic mar this blessed life I lead. Career and a Master’s will come later – for now it’s about finding myself, my direction, my passion, while still having fun while I’m young.
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Image credit: ahisgett/flickr
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