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Sex expert Galen Fous has advice for men and their partners about what lies beyond the seven minute mark of every day sex.
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It’s reported that the average man ejaculates in about seven minutes…or less! Men, listen up—anything under a half hour should be considered premature ejaculation! That is of course a provocative statement. In fairness, the invitation here is aimed at both men and women to explore deeper and further into the dance of Eros. Less than a half hour of lovemaking may mean missing the deeper realms of Eros waiting for you both just over the horizon of what I call friction sex. Finding your way to these deeper realms, has something to do of course, with not relying solely on friction, or intense friction while engaging sexually. In these realms of Eros the mission is not ejaculation or orgasm per se, but immersion in the ecstatic, intimate body, spirit and soul experience of the vast erotic landscape. The potency is in the ecstasy of the shared journey itself, not only in the destination. For men in particular, who are literally challenged by premature ejaculation, what follows can offer insights into engaging your sexual expression more deeply and confidently.
Men – listen up! Anything under a half hour should be considered premature ejaculation!
Think of the most compelling, hot, enlivening, romantic book, play or movie you have been inspired by. Not getting past the friction realm of sex is like only going a few pages or minutes into these epic tales …and stopping there…over and over and over again. You will never get to experience the full scope of these great works of art, or the depths of your and your partner’s Eros, if you never take the time to have the full experience they are designed to inspire in you . So what is the difference between sex as friction versus Eros? Friction sex, to the greatest extent, can be summed up as slam, bam and thank you…though there may not be a lot to be thankful for, at least from your partners point of view. But likely from yours as well. Friction sex can be a great relief, generate connection, and shake one loose from frustration or horniness for a brief time. The outcome can be cathartic. Orgasms just feel great period. But look back over your shoulder at that relentless, fierce, passionate drive that led to friction sex.
You might start to see that part of you, the core of your desire, was all geared up to take this epic journey to the farthest reaches of Eros, and you just got off, literally at the first exit you came to, a few miles down the highway.
You might start to see that part of you, the core of your desire, was all geared up to take this epic journey to the farthest reaches of Eros, and you just got off, literally at the first exit you came to, a few miles down the highway. Again, not knocking friction sex, solo or other. When highly sexed people are busy, a quick excursion into release can smooth out the rough edges of the day and satisfy your inner sex-creature hunger. But this is just dusting the surface of deep, and little understood dimensions of human sexuality. Unfortunately, as a culture, we lack or prohibit even the most basic sex-education, let alone offer insight into the ecstatic realms of Eros. Fortunately for all of us, we are just entering the era where sexuality pioneers have been opening new vistas of our vast Erotic potential. Word of these practices, activities and insights are proliferating on the internet, and being offered in books, and workshops or personal guidance by an array of skilled, innovative practitioners. They are opening the gateways to allow human sexuality to flow like water, beyond the reach of mainstream obstructions.
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There are two main pathways coming into view, leading into the farther realms of Eros. In many ways, they are polar opposites of each other. One is popularly called Sacred Sexuality, the other Fetish sexuality. Each can be personally meaningful, combined together or be pursued separately. The nature of these two poles of sexual expression – spiritual/soulful, sacred/profane, or refined/wild are what I consider the yin/yang of Eros. Both poles offer important considerations to clarify, in order to begin conscious, negotiated, consensual engagement of the deeper aspects of your personal Eros. Normal in all cases is personal to you, not what the mainstream political, psychological or religious view dictates, nor your partner(s) for that matter. For many, their deepest yearning may be to engage in the Eros of heart centered, love-making. This is towards the spiritual direction. The energy is tender, sweet, compassionate and building towards an ecstatic, out of body explosion of bliss and connection.
These can be essential practices to opening to your and your partners Erotic potentials, through grounding your exploration in intention, trust, intimacy, physical connection and emotional safety.
The drive of Eros in this direction is an ascent. The pleasures are refined. The intention is to transmute sexual energy from the root of the sex organs through the body to the crown of the head. This encourages one to journey out of the body, rise above personal desire and identity, aspire to the heavens, and merge with some sense of divine ecstatic universal love. This path is often called in contemporary terms neo-tantra or sacred sexuality. It includes practices of breathwork, ejaculation control or cycling, meditations and yoga postures drawn from ancient traditions such as Tantra, Taoism, and others. These can involve rigorous disciplines and devotion to techniques to shift one’s awareness towards spiritual enlightenment from the mundane or profane pleasures or entanglements of the lower realms. The rigor involved in such practices may be well-beyond most people’s intention or desire. Nonetheless, these Erotic arts do offer many practical techniques that are easy to develop and use to expand awareness, presence, embodiment, intention, deep-listening/observation and other valuable skills. These can be essential practices to open to your and your partners Erotic potentials in any direction you may journey, through grounding your exploration in intention, trust, intimacy, physical connection, and emotional/physical safety.
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These are often considered the taboo, forbidden realms of Eros by the culture at large, inhabited by dark, dangerous but alluring sexual figures. This is dropping down into the very personal realms of our sexual identity and out into the unpruned wilds of Eros.
The other major direction on the path of Eros is what I will call the Soulful path. This path of Eros is personal versus universal, primitive more than refined. This path of Eros is a descent, deeper down into the body, earthbound, pulsating, into the wild, instinctual aspects of our being. These are often considered the taboo, forbidden realms of Eros by the culture at large, inhabited by dark, dangerous but alluring sexual figures. This is dropping down into the very personal realms of our sexual identity and out into the unpruned wilds of Eros. These roots of Eros extend far into our evolutionary heritage of mammalian alpha/beta pecking order instincts, and deeper into predator/prey reptilian level instincts, along with their unconscious psychologies and physical symbolic communication gestures still programmed into the modern human psyche. These encompass aspects of our sexual expression related to power exchange, hot-blooded dominance and submission and cold-blooded sadist/masochist expressions.
This is the realm of Fetishsexuality. Here we find a rich archetypal symbolic mythos with stories and plots ranging across a pantheon of paired personas such as Mommy/son, Daddy/daughter, Teacher/student, Master-Mistress/slave and many more. These pairings of two or more may be further differentiated through an array of emerging gender identities. These mythic, often unconscious structures of our Erotic desire find their way to the surface in our fantasies, where they can drive one to orgasm or other deep erotic states. When engaged consciously and allowed to express authentically, these fierce explorations and the acceptance of our dark, wild instinctual edges can offer a profound sense of empowerment and acceptance, as well as a full-body, soulful, exquisitely spent bliss from either side of the power exchange.
If you have been living in the realm of friction sex only, then the bulk of your Erotic expression may still be beyond your conscious gaze. But if you have sensed a depth of erotic expression yet untapped then I encourage you to begin to explore this potential within you.
In this spirit of exploration, in my next article, I will share some ways to liberate your desire in a safe, healthy, conscious, considerate, consensual, negotiated, manner.
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Have a question about alternative sexuality, sexual authenticity or how to consciously express your sexual desires in a new or existing relationship? Send me an email and I will address select questions in a future column. Galen@GalenFous.com
Check out my previous articles here Is the Problem Sex/Porn Addiction or Sexual Dishonesty? and How to Welcome Your Male Sex Creature
Artwork by Samarel Erotic Art
The post Beyond Friction Sex: 2 Key Pleasure Pathways to Off the Charts Ecstasy appeared first on The Good Men Project.